secondary school | Page 6 of 8

1. You, going to the sick bay when you know your teacher is going to inspect your notes.

I cannot come and chop cane.
2. When you carry your friend that just vomited in class to the sick bay.

You will now stay there with them to dodge class.
3. How you run to the sick bay when you didn’t do your assignment:

It’s not me they will beat today.
4. You, looking at that girl that always faints when they are about to flog the class:

Oversabi.
5. How all the boys rush to carry the girl to sick bay when she faints:

See these ones.
6. When you stab class and lie that you were in the sick bay and the teacher wants to go and confirm.

Hay God!
7. How you feel when you successfully convince the nurse that you’re sick:

“and the Oscar goes to…”
8. You, when the nurse now gives you actual drugs to take.

Uhm. Actually…
9. When you go to the sick bay with a cough, a cut, a broken leg or heartbreak.

That’s all you people know.
10. How the sick bay nurse gives you your injection:

The worst.
11. You, using the sick bay to dodge manual labour like:

No cutting grass for me.
12. How boys go to the sick bay when the nurse is fine:

See these ashewos.
13. What the sick bay always looks like during evening prep:

You people should do and go, abeg.
14. How you sleep in the sick bay when you know they are flogging your classmates:

The best.
15. You, leaving the sick bay when the class you were stabbing is over:

WINNING!
1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

It’s not your fault sha.
2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

These ones will use to buy house.
3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

Because you have TV abi?
4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

On top cold water sha?
5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

It’s dining hall food that is causing it.
6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

Face your front, biko.
7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

See that one.
8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

Chai! See chow.
9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

Me that will be washing boxers.
10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

The worst.
11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

Calm down na.
12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

BE GOING TO YOUR HOUSE OH!
13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

It can pain sometimes sha.
1. When they asked you to choose between Food and Nutrition and Agric.

The one with food, abeg.
2. You, entering ‘Food and Nutrition’ class expecting constant chow:
My stomach is ready.
3. When you realize the ‘Food’ in ‘Food and Nutrition’ is silent until practicals.

Why are you teaching me about carbohydrates ehn?
4. Your Food and Nutrition note after just one term:

Just kill me oh.
5. You, looking at the Food and Nutrition exam questions like:

I did not agree for this one oh.
6. When your teacher tells you to bring money to buy apron and cap for practical.

Please don’t stress me, abeg.
7. How your classmates start famzing you days to the practical:

Better famz well.
8. Your friends, waiting for you to finish practical like:

See these ones.
9. When the whole school hears that Food and Nutrition practical is over:

You people have not seen food before?
10. How people dodge your food when you’re the only boy doing Food and Nutrition:

Ah! Is it like that?
11. You, when teachers sef are using style to beg for food.

Better beg with your chest.
12. When your food is so good it reaches Administrative block:

I sabi the work.
13. What your Food and Nutrition teacher allows you to take to your class after the practical:

What is this, abeg?
14. How your teacher shares the cake you baked:

Hay God!
15. When that oversabi’s food is so bad, the teacher lets her take everything home.

It can pain sha.
1. When mock exams are over

And you thought you did well.
2. Then mock results came out

My God. 20/100.
3. So you realize you cannot do this on your own

Na only me waka come?
4. You, looking for who has sure dubs

I cannot stay at home for one year abeg.
5. When your parents start telling you about having straight A’s

These ones want to kill me.
6. When you hear rumors about dubs being available

Where??? It’s lit!
7. You, with the person that is going to provide the whole class dubs for WAEC and NECO

Our lives are in his hands.
8. You and your squad when the teacher is doing final revision

Who revision don help.
9. And you know there are sure dubs waiting in the hostel that night

Winning.
10. 10PM and you hear the dubs are in the hostel ready to be shared

I cannot come and carry last.
11. Writing every single letter and question mark as someone is reading it out

About to win the award for most A’s.
12. So you stay up studying it

Because, last hope.
13. You, in the exam hall waiting for the paper to start

Let me kill this thing and move to objective.
14. When you hear someone shout “Jesus Christ”

It’s all over.
15. And you don’t see any of the questions in the supposed “sure dubs”

So this is how I become a dropout.
16. When WAEC results finally come out

You don’t even know how to tell yourself, talk less of your parents.
1. When you haven’t even started enjoying your holiday and your parents bring up summer lesson.

Kuku kill me.
2. This annoying struggle:

Hay God!
3. You, waking up for school while everyone else is sleeping in for the holiday:

Why me, Lord?
4. When you turn up on the first day in your Christmas clothes.

SLAY!
5. When you enter school for summer lesson and the whole place is empty.

Hian! Am I the only olodo?
6. How you walk into class with your phone so everyone can see it:

Gats show off.
7. When people you don’t normally talk to in school try to form familiarity.

Did you miss road?
8. This satisfyingly petty realization:

See your life outside.
9. Shy girls letting loose during summer lesson like:

Oh? Is it like that?
10. You, watching your friends have actual holiday fun:

Is it fair?
11. When the summer lesson teacher still gives you homework.

Is coming not enough?
12. How you look at the students from other schools that attend:

Who are these ones?
13. When you successfully stab a day of summer lesson:

Winning!
14. You, dumping your summer lesson bae on the last day like:

BYE! Lose my number.
15. When summer lesson finally ends and you just blink and school resumes.

Kai! Already? Co-written by Zikoko Contributor, Obeyaa Atta.
1. When a senior wants to punish you some minutes to dining time.

Don’t let the devil use you.
2. When your provisions have finished and you hear dining bell.

Can’t come and carry last.
3. When you can see them about to close the dining hall door.

God forbid.
4. When someone tries to jump the line to collect food.

Please just respect yourself.
5. When the dining hall prefect asks “who wants extra plantain?”

See question oh!
6. You, watching two seniors fight in the dining hall.

Are you not entertained?
7. How the dining hall looks when the food is jollof rice and chicken:

Who no like better thing?
8. When you get to the hall 5 minutes late and you hear food has finished.

Are you people animals?
9. The hall, when a senior declares “MASSACRE”:

Every man for himself.
10. How you eat when your guy gets chosen to be dining hall prefect:

WINNING!
11. When they take light in the hall and everyone starts shouting.

Are you people not Nigerians again?
12. When you’re hungry and that wicked senior tells you to bring your food.

Is it fair?
13. When someone brings milk to the hall on pap and akara day.

Our hero.
14. When the dining hall prefect calls for extra food.

We hail oh!
15. When they are serving beans and all the girls are forming.

Starve oh!
16. When you’re still eating and you hear “LEAVE THE DINING HALL”

EXCUZ MI?
1. When you wake up 5 minutes before morning prep.

Hay God!
2. When you hear the bell for prep and a senior starts counting “1…2…3…”

Run for your life.
3. When you and your guys are stabbing prep and you hear them searching.

Chai! Who sent me message?
4. What afternoon prep looks like:

Everyone just comes to finish their siesta.
5. When they cancel night prep because the generator is not working.

Turn up!
6. When a prep supervisor catches you sleeping and you start denying.

I was just meditating on what I read.
7. When you still have to go for prep on a public holiday.

WHY?
8. You, entering night prep when you get there late:

The struggle.
9. You, pretending to read when you see your principal.

Let me deceive myself.
10. When the class hears the sound of someone opening a food wrapper.

Share the love na.
11. When the prefect that asked for list of noisemakers doesn’t collect it.

Take that ela.
12. How boys surround girls when they take light during night prep:

Urgh no respect at all.
13. When you get back from prep and you see your locker open.

Just kill me.
1. THIS BOOK:

The stress was real.
2. You, halfway into every single Yoruba class:

No time.
3. When you see Yoruba class for double period on the timetable.

Who did we offend?
4. You, during Yoruba class pretending you understand what is happening.

Can this period end?
5. When the Yoruba teacher picks you to read a passage for the class.

Hay God!
6. When your Yoruba teacher tells you to translate a poem from English to Yoruba.

Do you mean me well?
7. When the invigilator gives you the question paper but you have already finished shading your obj sheet.

The power of guessing.
8. How the students who can’t speak Yoruba see the exam questions:

What is this?
9. When your teacher separates you from all your Yoruba friends.

Is it fair?
10. When someone asks for extra sheet during Yoruba exam.

Who is this one?
11. When you just write Yoruba song lyrics for your essay and submit.

“Gongo Aso kutupu awu…”
12. You, mixing Yoruba and English during your exam like:

I’ve tried, abeg.
13. When you managed to know the Yoruba word, but you still fail because of wrong intonation marks.

Are you not evil?
14. You, after every Yoruba exam:

You already know you have banged.
1. Every time somebody asked you what you wanted to be in life

Because everybody must be a doctor or engineer.

2. When you got to JSS 3 and your parents were now interested in your education

See these people.

3. When they ask you what class you want to be in

Do you want to be in science, or science class?

4. But they hear you whisper art or commercial

So who will now be a doctor in this house?

5. So you end up in science class for SS 1

God why?

6. First further math class

My God! As if Math wasn’t hard enough, they decided to further it.

7. Then your physics teacher is the worst person

What is my business with two cars accelerating? Who distance/time don epp?

8. When you can’t understand how the periodic table and elements will bring money

Can we just call it salt? What is NaCl?

9. With all your problems they decide to add technical drawing

Can you not?

10. The day your parents suggest you get a lesson teacher

At my age?

11. When you see your mates in commercial and art class having free periods

Do these ones have two heads?

12. When you hear that exam timetable is out

What do you mean the term is ending soon?

13. You, in the exam hall

What is everybody using french curve to draw?

14. When your parents ask you to show them your result

Let’s just be grateful for the gift of life.

15. When your parents finally let you go back to your true love

Hello commercial/art class. I have missed you.
1. When you finally see “Reproduction” in the syllabus.

YES!!!
2. When your Biology teacher enters the class and writes the topic on the board.

FINALLY!
3. When people that have never attended Biology class before start appearing.

Oh? So you know your way to class?
4. How the class looks for the whole three weeks of the topic:

We must learn this thing.
5. When the teacher starts talking about reproduction in plants.

Get to the good stuff.
6. When the interesting topic starts and the whole class is like this every 5 minutes:

Biology Teacher, every 5 minutes: “Will you keep quiet?”
7. Boys in the class, paying extra attention like:

Ah! No time.
8. All the glances people start throwing when the puberty topic comes up:

See their face.
9. How the whole class looks at you if puberty hasn’t come knocking on your door yet:

E pele.
10. The class, when the teacher is explaining the female reproductive system:

Ah! Chineke!
11. When the teacher talks about how long other animals stay pregnant for.

Elephants, 22 months ke?
12. When the teacher starts drawing the human reproductive organs on the board.

Oho? Is it like that?
13. When the teacher asks “any questions?”

It’s now you will have questions.
14. “Excuse me ma, when will we do practical?”

“Are you mad?”
15. When they ring the bell for end of class but everyone is like:

See these ones.

1. You, going to the sick bay when you know your teacher is going to inspect your notes.

2. When you carry your friend that just vomited in class to the sick bay.

3. How you run to the sick bay when you didn’t do your assignment:

4. You, looking at that girl that always faints when they are about to flog the class:

5. How all the boys rush to carry the girl to sick bay when she faints:

6. When you stab class and lie that you were in the sick bay and the teacher wants to go and confirm.

7. How you feel when you successfully convince the nurse that you’re sick:

8. You, when the nurse now gives you actual drugs to take.

9. When you go to the sick bay with a cough, a cut, a broken leg or heartbreak.

10. How the sick bay nurse gives you your injection:

11. You, using the sick bay to dodge manual labour like:

12. How boys go to the sick bay when the nurse is fine:

13. What the sick bay always looks like during evening prep:

14. How you sleep in the sick bay when you know they are flogging your classmates:

15. You, leaving the sick bay when the class you were stabbing is over:

1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

1. When they asked you to choose between Food and Nutrition and Agric.

2. You, entering ‘Food and Nutrition’ class expecting constant chow:

3. When you realize the ‘Food’ in ‘Food and Nutrition’ is silent until practicals.

4. Your Food and Nutrition note after just one term:

5. You, looking at the Food and Nutrition exam questions like:

6. When your teacher tells you to bring money to buy apron and cap for practical.

7. How your classmates start famzing you days to the practical:

8. Your friends, waiting for you to finish practical like:

9. When the whole school hears that Food and Nutrition practical is over:

10. How people dodge your food when you’re the only boy doing Food and Nutrition:

11. You, when teachers sef are using style to beg for food.

12. When your food is so good it reaches Administrative block:

13. What your Food and Nutrition teacher allows you to take to your class after the practical:

14. How your teacher shares the cake you baked:

15. When that oversabi’s food is so bad, the teacher lets her take everything home.

1. When mock exams are over

2. Then mock results came out

3. So you realize you cannot do this on your own

4. You, looking for who has sure dubs

5. When your parents start telling you about having straight A’s

6. When you hear rumors about dubs being available

7. You, with the person that is going to provide the whole class dubs for WAEC and NECO

8. You and your squad when the teacher is doing final revision

9. And you know there are sure dubs waiting in the hostel that night

10. 10PM and you hear the dubs are in the hostel ready to be shared

11. Writing every single letter and question mark as someone is reading it out

12. So you stay up studying it

13. You, in the exam hall waiting for the paper to start

14. When you hear someone shout “Jesus Christ”

15. And you don’t see any of the questions in the supposed “sure dubs”

16. When WAEC results finally come out

1. When you haven’t even started enjoying your holiday and your parents bring up summer lesson.

2. This annoying struggle:

3. You, waking up for school while everyone else is sleeping in for the holiday:

4. When you turn up on the first day in your Christmas clothes.

5. When you enter school for summer lesson and the whole place is empty.

6. How you walk into class with your phone so everyone can see it:

7. When people you don’t normally talk to in school try to form familiarity.

8. This satisfyingly petty realization:

9. Shy girls letting loose during summer lesson like:

10. You, watching your friends have actual holiday fun:

11. When the summer lesson teacher still gives you homework.

12. How you look at the students from other schools that attend:

13. When you successfully stab a day of summer lesson:

14. You, dumping your summer lesson bae on the last day like:

15. When summer lesson finally ends and you just blink and school resumes.

1. When a senior wants to punish you some minutes to dining time.

2. When your provisions have finished and you hear dining bell.

3. When you can see them about to close the dining hall door.

4. When someone tries to jump the line to collect food.

5. When the dining hall prefect asks “who wants extra plantain?”

6. You, watching two seniors fight in the dining hall.