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  • Things are falling apart in Nigeria and it’s not just the national grid. The recent nationwide blackout marks the fifth time the national grid has collapsed in 2024 alone- Six times if we’re adding the Labour strike that caused a nationwide blackout that lasted for hours in June. 

    In May, the Transmission Company of Nigeria (TCN) announced that it had successfully decreased grid disturbances and collapses in Nigeria by 76.47% but that information is hard to believe given the continued frequency of national grid collapses. While you continue to cross your heart and hope to find fuel, I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a rundown of all the other great “falls” you should be aware of. 

    Naira’s strength

    Naira’s spines are getting weaker than ever and the currency isn’t fighting its fall against the dollar anymore.

    At the close of business on Monday, October 14, the naira hit a new low and closed at ₦1,700/$. Nigeria’s currency has gone through a lot this year and despite the promises of things getting better soon by President Tinubu,  the naira is still fighting for its life. At the beginning of the year, the currency was traded at ₦907.11/$ and that’s still the strongest value it has had all year. I’m trying to be optimistic but it’s not looking good guys. 

    The purchasing power of Nigerians

    Tinubu’s economy has made the pocket of the average Nigerian drier than ever and it could get even worse in 2025 thanks to a bill the National Assembly is currently considering. If this becomes law, it will increase the Value Added Tax (VAT) paid by Nigerians from 7.5% to 10%. But that’s not even the crazy part — this increase to 10% is expected to be the first of three other increases spread across 5 years. The bill suggests raising the rate to 10% starting in 2025, and then increasing it again to 12.5% in 2026, which will stay in place until 2029. This VAT hike (if it happens) will be charged on every taxable item so everything, including essentials like electricity, food, appliances, etc, could get even more expensive than they currently are. 

    Nigerian drivers 

    ICYMI, there’s a chance that Nigerian drivers might start falling like flies soon because Nigerian lawmakers believe that the Federal Road Safety Commission(FRSC) should be equipped with guns to carry out their duties. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if this commission didn’t already have a track record of physically assaulting drivers, asking them for bribes, and getting away with it when they didn’t even have weapons. The commission’s list of atrocities could get even longer if they are armed with guns. Fortunately, this bill is yet to be passed so there’s still a chance that things could change. 

    Total number of nourished Nigerians

    At the risk of stating the obvious, there’s hunger in the land but World Bank’s recent data shows us how bad it really is. In September, the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) reported that Nigeria now has the highest number of people affected by food insecurity in the world, with 31.8 million people falling into this category. Barely a month later, the World Bank said 1 million other Nigerians have been added to the list. 

    What can you do?

    You can’t fix everything that’s not working in the country but there’s a chance that you can still stop the bill proposing that road safety officers should be allowed to carry guns by sending multiple emails to the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Tajudeen Abbas,  (tajudeenabbas@yahoo.com) who’s currently pushing for the bill, asking him to withdraw it for the safety of young Nigerians who are at the risk of being profiled and harassed by armed officers.

  • I kid you not, I’m writing this article with about 20% battery power left on my laptop. 

    For about a week now, the queues have resumed at petrol stations across Nigeria due to another fuel scarcity situation. To make it even worse, the power supply seems to have worsened. No light, no fuel. I asked some remote workers how they were coping because, to be honest, I wanted to steal hacks from them.

    “Work every time you see light” — Dotun, 28

    The truth is, even if you drop your laptop somewhere to charge, the battery will still go down when you pick it up and start working. So, if you don’t have money for a coworking space, carry your work with you wherever you see electricity.

    NEPA has been doing a thing where they bring light for 30 minutes around 2 a.m. Once I feel the breeze from the fan, I immediately stand up and do the work I can do. That way, I can save a full battery for when my actual workday starts.

    “Guard your fuel jealously” — Funmi, 26

    I divide my tasks according to how much time I think it’ll take to complete them, then I try to do as much as possible without using my devices. Of course, that doesn’t always work because I still need to turn on my generator.

    But I guard my fuel jealously. I only turn on the generator for 30 minutes at a time when it’s absolutely necessary. Even then, I only pour small fuel into the generator to somehow trick it into consuming less fuel. What kind of life is this?

    “Bribe someone to stand in fuel queues for you” — Josiah, 30

    I don’t have time to leave work and hustle for fuel, so I bribe my brother to stand in queues for me. I think he charges me five times more than what I should actually pay, but I’m happy to pay. He’s saving me stress and getting me fuel, which is heroic in these times.

    [ad]

    “Befriend your neighbours” — Toke, 24

    I’m the type who likes to keep to myself. I’ve lived in my compound for about a year and have never entered my neighbour’s house — at least until this recent scarcity started. They tend to turn on their generator more because they have kids and their apartment has become my second office. Thankfully, they’re nice about it but I try to only go there when absolutely necessary so I don’t take up too much of their space. 

    “Communicate with your employers” — Detola, 22

    I always tell my employers when I have to be unavoidably absent because I don’t have fuel or power. They can’t say they don’t understand because we’re all in this country together. I try to limit the instances when that happens, but will I turn myself into fuel?

    “Invest in an alternative source of power supply” — Fred, 27

    I had to angrily drop almost ₦1m to install a solar panel system last week when the fuel situation wanted to kill me. Of course, this was only possible because I had the money. But it was my emergency savings and I’m not happy about spending it on something that shouldn’t even be a problem. But I had no choice. My employers aren’t Nigerians and definitely wouldn’t understand. It was either that or losing my job.

    NEXT READ: 7 Nigerians on How Inflation Affects Their Relationships

    Get a free ticket to Strings Attached and enjoy a feel-good evening of music, dancing and games at Muri Okunola Park, Lagos on May 11, 2024.

  • Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    Zikoko walks into the ICU. National Grid is on the bed, hooked up to various machines. Nurses are walking in and out, connecting inverters and setting up oil IVs. A nurse tells Zikoko to sit down. 

    Zikoko: Sorry, when I was told to come for the interview, I didn’t know he’d be in the hospital. 

    Nurse: Yes, we hoped he’d be stable by this time, but his blood pressure suddenly spiked. 

    Zikoko: Do you think I should leave? I can come back later when he’s feeling better.

    Nurse: No, stay. He really wants to do this interview. When I informed him he needed rest, he threatened to make our hospital the only building without light. He just needs a little rest, and he’d be back up in no time. Just try not to stress him too much. I don’t want stress. 

    Zikoko: I’ll try my best. 

    Nurse: Okay then, we’d be leaving you here. *points to a red button by the bed* That button there leads straight to the nurses’ room. Please press the bell and let us know if you notice any unusual behaviour. 

    Zikoko: Absolutely. No problem.

    (Nurse leaves and Zikoko starts to binge YouTube videos while waiting for the National Grid to wake up)

    Two and a half hours later

    National Grid: W… w-water.

    Zikoko: (Rushes to give NG a glass of water) Are you okay? Need anything else?

    National Grid: You don’t look like the nurse.

    Zikoko: The only thing I nurse is heartbreaks, sis. My name is Zikoko. You said you wanted an interview and then gave me this address. I wouldn’t have agreed to come if I knew you were in intensive care. 

    National Grid: I had a feeling. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell you. 

    Zikoko: Hmm. What’s so important that you made me come to interview you in a hospital? 

    National Grid: Well, you are known for giving a voice to the voiceless. I have read your interview with Twitter, Nigeria’s Coat of Arms and the Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge. I know you have what it takes to tell my story. 

    Zikoko: Thank you for trusting us.

    National Grid: Thank you for coming to an unknown address without asking questions but what if I was a kidnapper?

    Zikoko: You’d have returned me back o. Do you want to buy market? 

    National Grid: Why am I not surpised? 

    Zikoko: Let’s be asking the right questions. I promised the nurse I’ll try not to stress you. Tell me why I’m here. 

    National Grid: I wish my bosses were as kind as you. Maybe if they were, I wouldn’t have as many problems as I currently have. Do you know that I’m growing grey hair already? I’m not old enough to have grey hair. 

    Zikoko: How old are you, let’s check.

    National Grid: Honestly, that’s not the point. Zikoko, I’m overworked like a Nigerian man named Kunle on the way to his fifth girlfriend in the week. But at least Kunle is enjoying something. What do I have? 

    Zikoko: Clearly not enough girlfriends.

    National Grid: (disappointed sigh) My job is to provide electricity for the nation. Since you’ve been alive, when have you had 24 hours of light? Yes, it’s a rhetorical question. There’s no light. Do you know what it’s like to be created with a purpose but be unable to actually fulfil it. My life’s dream is to have enough light to power a nation, but I can’t. I’m a failure! 

    Zikoko: So when Pheelz said electricity, vibes on a frequency, that was your sub?

    National Grid;  I thought you were nice…

    Zikoko: Sorry.

    National Grid: How am I supposed to show my face amongst my peers? My employers just keep demanding I work. They don’t care about my mental or physical state. The day before my last collapse, do you know I had not eaten? I even trekked to work that day because I didn’t have money for bus. 

    Zikoko: Sorry. Is that why you’ve been collapsing lately? Hunger? 

    National Grid: Yes! This is more than a 9-5 for me. It’s my whole life. It’s all I’ve known and all I’ll know, but I can’t keep trying to sustain based on what we currently have. If you try to provide electricity for about 200 million people, won’t you collapse? 

    Zikoko: I definitely will frequently be on vibes.

    National Grid: Zikoko… 

    Zikoko: Sorry…

    National Grid: High blood pressure, anxiety, depression, high cholesterol, diabetes and arthritis. Those are all the sicknesses I’ve been diagnosed with. I can barely do any work without collapsing. 

    Zikoko: With all due respect sir, you’re a machine

    National Grid: *starts vibrating offendedly* Even machines fail sometimes. This is Nigeria. 

    Zikoko: Don’t be angry. Have you tried telling your boss to hire assistants for you? Maybe go on leave? 

    National Grid: You, when last did you go on leave? 

    Zikoko: There’s no need for all this.

    National Grid: Why are you acting like you don’t know the kind of people my bosses are? I’ve been begging them for years. They mentioned hiring someone called Kanji Dam, but I haven’t seen nkankan. Where is she? One day I’ll collapse and won’t be able to wake up. I wonder what they’ll do then.

    Zikoko: Not wake up ke? We will suffer.

    National Grid: That’s actually not my problem. It’s not like there’s light when I’m not in the hospital. You’re used to the darkness. 

    Zikoko: But still. What is a country without its National Grid? 

    National Grid: I don’t know, but I’d be dead. So I won’t be able to find out. 

    Zikoko: So you brought me here to warn me about your death? Am I a lawyer? Shouldn’t you be drafting a will?

    National Grid: A lawyer means only my family will know. They might be planning to coverup my death. I brought you here to tell you that I don’t think I have much time left. I don’t want to die, but I’m prepared if it happens. 

    Zikoko: It’s giving the last supper.

    National Grid: Zikoko, I’m sick. Just make sure you go far and wide. Spread word of my physical state!. Tell them I will probably collapse a couple more times, so they better buy plenty of fuel. 

    Zikoko: Omo.

    Nurse walks in

    Nurse: Just here to check his vitals and make sure he’s doing okay.

    After vitals are done, National Grid falls asleep. Zikoko is left with the nurse

    Zikoko: Tell me, honestly, will he be able to make it? 

    Nurse: He’s stronger than he looks, but old age and stress are really telling on him. 

    Zikoko: Omo.

    Nurse: Let’s hope when he gets discharged, I wouldn’t have to see him here.

    READ ALSO: Interview With Vibrator: ”Please Go Outside and Touch Grass”

  • There’s nothing that screams witchcraft more than a group of people rejoicing over pulling the switch that puts millions of people into eternal darkness.

    Yet, that’s what happened when members of the National Union of Electricity Employees (NUEE) went on strike on August 17th 2022.

    Why?

    The NUEE’s strike was against the treatment of electricity workers by the government-owned Transmission Company of Nigeria (TCN).

    The strike commenced only days after the union released a circular for its members to stop working. 

    Their main goal was to show the government pepper and flex their muscles over the millions of Nigerians who depend on their services. 

    But what were the issues?

    The NUEE listed three key issues as the reasons why it was going to war with the government. 

    The most pressing one of those issues was regarding work promotions. A new directive by the TCN had mandated that some classes of staff will have to undergo a promotion interview before they can be promoted.

    Oh, the horror of interviews!

    The NUEE doesn’t like this basic requirement we all have to face at our jobs for two reasons: it wasn’t consulted and it’s against its union rules. That second reason is probably responsible for the first reason, but we move.

    The NUEE also listed the stigmatisation of its staff from the office of the Head of Service as another grievance to iron out. This stigmatisation manifests in the form of preventing union members from working in the other areas of the power sector. 

    The third issue was the government’s failure to ensure that over 2,000 former staff of the Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) are paid their severance packages. 

    These workers lost their jobs when the government privatised PHCN and the union has been campaigning for them to receive their dues for years. During one of NUEE’s strikes in the past, the government reached a December 2019 agreement to ensure the payment of the severance package, but that hasn’t happened. And the NUEE finally said:

    So the only reason a country of over 200 million people was held hostage with darkness was that a union couldn’t iron out its issues with the government in a civil manner. Hence, the strike.

    What happened to the strike?

    Once the protesting workers put Nigerians in darkness, the government moved at lightning speed to organise a reconciliation meeting. After hours of negotiations, the NUEE agreed to suspend the strike.

    And what’s a Nigerian problem that can’t be solved by setting up a committee? This committee is tasked with dealing with the issues and submitting a report in two weeks.

    What did the strike affect?

    It’s not like it needs any help, but the strike led to another collapse of the national grid. This collapse left many Nigerian businesses resorting to alternative power sources that are very costly to keep up with these days.

    The NUEE promised to restore power immediately after suspending the strike. But many parts of Nigeria are still left in darkness 24 hours later, proving once again that it’s easier to break something than fix it.

    What happens if issues aren’t resolved in two weeks?

    “Hello Darkness, my old friend.”

    ALSO READ: What Happens When the National Grid Collapses?

  • Nothing reminds you that you live in a third-world country quite like how frequently the national grid collapses. Nigeria’s electricity grid failed for the second time this year on March 14, 2022. And that’s already half of the four times it collapsed in 2021. 

    The national grid collapses regularly

    There are many reasons why the national grid collapses, including natural causes like the weather and man-made issues like Nigeria’s village people blowing too much air into the voodoo doll. The only people smiling to the bank during national grid blackouts of this nature are phone charging centres and filling station owners. 

    For the rest of us enduring another collapse of the national grid, these are the greatest annoyances:

    Generator concerts

    Generators shine when the national grid is down

    Generators have Grammy-winning performances during this period

    Since generators have become a national symbol in Nigeria, someone should put them on the coat of arms. Nigeria has an estimated 22 million gasoline generators scattered around the country. The collapse of the national grid means more generators are working around your neighbourhood, putting in more daily hours than Buhari does at the Presidential Villa. 

    Generators are lifesavers, unlike Buhari, but they are way too loud and bad for your personal health and the environment — just like Buhari. This means any time the national grid collapses is not the best time to be a Nigerian.

    Fuel queues get longer

    The latest collapse of the national grid has the worst timing. It’s happened right in the middle of a nationwide fuel scarcity that’s lasted over one month since someone slept on their job and allowed bad fuel into the country. To power your generator, you need fuel. This means more people are turning up at filling stations and the queues are getting longer. 

    The national grid will stress you every time

    ALSO READ: Fuel Scarcity Again? Here’s the Full NNPC Gist

    Cost of doing business rises

    Generators, fuel queues and all attendant issues that come with blackouts will stress your business and your life. If you run a small business in Nigeria, your profits just got smaller. No dorime for you this weekend.

    ALSO READ: Why Nigeria (Probably) Needs a 102-Year-Old President

    Productivity inside the mud

    It’s not that you don’t want to be productive o, but how can you function properly when you have to worry about how to get through all the special issues an electricity blackout creates? 

    There’s still that heat issue

    Yet another reason why the latest national grid collapse is mistimed is that it’s happening when it already feels like someone forgot Nigeria on a gas cooker. Dealing with heat is harder when there’s no electricity to power your cooling devices. Watch out for that heat rash.

    It never ends

    The most important lesson to learn from Nigerian history is it’ll always repeat itself. The national grid has collapsed more than 130 times in the past eight years. While in the middle of one, you’re already expecting the next. It’s not healthy for anyone, but that’s the price to pay for living in a third-world country where problems are recycled.

    The good news is a bill was passed by the National Assembly on March 1st, 2022 proposing to decentralise power generation, transmission and distribution and make them the responsibility of state governments. If the bill becomes law, it could mean the end of national grid failure. Until that happens, strap in for your quarterly national grid disaster.

    ALSO READ: Zikoko’s Responsible Voter Starter Kit for 2023 Elections