We’ve all heard how running errands is a huge part of being married to Nigerian women. But we had to look into the matter and make sure you’re getting the full story.
We asked the husbands, and for Wife Appreciation Day, they shared the sweetest things their significant others have done for them.
“She bought me a phone”
— Godwin, married for six years
My wife does lots of great things for me. I especially remember when she bought me a new phone for my birthday two years ago. My phone at the time was giving me issues, and I’d been planning to buy another, but she beat me to it.
“She gives me well-thought-out gifts every birthday”
— Chris*, married for nine months
My wife is easily the most reliable person I know. If she says yes, I can trust her words. It’s hard to choose one thing, but she’s made it a habit to always give me well-thought-out gifts every birthday. And because I’m not used to receiving gifts, this is really special to me.
“I had an exam, so she had to plan our wedding”
— Julius*, married for one year
My wife is very understanding. She came to care for me when I had COVID while we were still dating. And she took up the planning of our wedding because I had an exam that week. I practically just attended the wedding.
“Despite being swindled, she made sure she got me what I wanted”
— Adams*, married for 22 months
Last year, my wife surprised me with an acoustic guitar on my birthday. Even after the first dealer swindled her and sold her the wrong spec, she paid for another one for me. And it was even better than the one I wanted.
My love language is also words of affirmation, so the fact that she’s intentional about daily encouraging, reassuring and building me up with her words, means so much to me.
“She was ready to sacrifice her career”
— Daniel*, married for seven years
I got a career-defining job offer. But for my wife, it meant abandoning her career to come with me. Even without me trying to persuade her, she said yes.
Note that she was a few months from a promotion that would have her earn more than what my job was offering me.
I didn’t take the offer, but it said a lot that she would consider such a huge sacrifice.
“She took over the bills after my accident”
— Andrew, married for one year
Last October, I had an accident and had to do two surgeries. I wanted to go right back to work, but she refused because she was worried I could get hurt in the process. I had to stay home for over six months, from the accident to the post-surgery, and she was the only one taking care of the house.
“I have high standards because of her”
— John*, married for four years
I was used to downplaying my skills. Even when people saw me as a guru, I didn’t think I was that good. So I allowed myself to undercharge and overdeliver. But she completely changed my mentality and helped me set a higher standard for myself. In my opinion, that’s the most important gift anyone can give you.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Ighodalo* (61) and Esohe (59) met at the burial of Ambrose Alli in 1988. After refusing to date him because he drank and smoked, they moved to navigating a long-distance relationship with financial difficulties and fertility issues.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ighodalo: We met for the first time in 1988, at the burial of the former governor of Bendel state in Ekpoma, where I worked as a tax officer.
While at the burial to pay respects and be a part of history, I saw her. This woman was slim around the waistline with a big bumbum. Very fine shape. When I struck up a conversation with her, she found a way to bring everything back to God. I told her I wanted to date her. She refused, but we still kept in touch.
Esohe: It’s not that I didn’t find him interesting. He’s soft-spoken and tall, which is something I’ve always liked, but I wasn’t interested in a relationship then. I was too focused on school, family and God.
The next time I saw him was a couple of days later. I was looking for my school ID card so I went to his office to ask if I maybe left it with him. I didn’t, but it was nice to see him again.
Did you find the card?
Esohe: Yes. On a bus.
And did you see each other again?
Ighodalo: Yes, I found out where she lived.
Esohe: He was trailing me.
Ighodalo: At my office, we had a driver who took us around. She told me about the family she stayed with while she was in school, and I realised I went to school with some of her family members. The driver knew their house, and it wasn’t too far from the university, so I started visiting her once in a while.
Esohe: A few months after we met, I decided to start going out with him. He’s such a kindhearted and gentle man. Plus, my uncle in Benin kept talking about how I should give him a chance. The problem was he was into a lot of wicked things. He smoked, drank, slept around and was a cultist. But as we spent more time together, he willingly started to drop some of those habits.
Ighodalo: She was constantly preaching to me and trying to get me to change my ways. I started doing those things a lot less. She helped me see there was more to life than the things I was indulging in.
Esohe: Pretty smooth, actually. Well, save for when I went back to Lagos to I live with my brother and we didn’t see each other for six months.
In 1988, Babangida wanted to enact this economic policy called the Structural Adjustment Program (SAP), to tighten our belts while they kept having lavish events. People’s wages were brought down, and living conditions worsened, but government officials didn’t cut their own pay. Protests broke out because people were tired, and most of them were championed by university students. So, universities closed down. Mine was shut for six months.
Ighodalo: We kept writing to each other, but letters across states took an average of a week to get delivered. By the time my letter got to her, whatever I was talking about might’ve passed. It was tough, but we encouraged each other through the letters.
After the riot, whenever long holidays came around, she’d go back to her house in Lagos. Sometimes, I’d go see her there, and sometimes, she’d come see me. The roads weren’t so bad, and you could travel from Lagos to Benin in 3-4 hours.
How long did this courtship last?
Ighodalo: We dated for six years.
Esohe: We were on and off during that period because, sometimes, he’d do something to annoy me. When he did, I wouldn’t reply his letter. Eventually, his sister would beg me before I reply him.
Olden days ghosting. LMAO
Esohe: But also, we thought it was wise for me to finish school, NYSC and start working before getting married. At least, that way, we’d have a stable life and could both financially contribute to the relationship.
Ighodalo: We lived in two different states, and I wanted to marry her before someone who lived closer could. I proposed to her at a resort with two of my friends present. She said yes, and I was so overjoyed. We got married a year later.
What were you doing for one year?
Esohe: Planning. We didn’t have a lot of money, so we didn’t want something large. In fact, we wanted to get married on a Thursday. Something low-key and intimate, but my elder brother was not having it. He asked me if I was pregnant because he didn’t understand why I’d want to get married on a Thursday.
In July 1994, we did the registry and traditional marriage in Ekpoma, where my father lived. It was supposed to be in June, but one of my uncle’s wives died and the burial was in June. After that, I stayed back in Ekpoma for a bit. Before I knew what was happening, my brother had started making plans for the white wedding. He’d printed the IV, secured a venue, and his wife’s mother was to cater the event.
Ighodalo: He did so much, so I spent my money on outfits for the wedding. I remember the shoe I bought cost ₦3,500. To put into perspective just how much I had to save for it, I was earning ₦2,800 a month. But it was worth it. The sole was made in Spain and the top was designed in Italy. I still have that shoe today.
Esohe: We got married in August of 1994, and everything went great. It was small but very lovely.
Why so long between the traditional and white wedding?
Esohe: That’s how things were done then. People hardly did both in the same weekend.
Ighodalo: People could go up to a year between traditional and white weddings.
Esohe: After the wedding, I stayed back in Lagos, in the apartment I’d moved to while he went back to Benin to continue his job. I’d occasionally visit him, and he’d sometimes come here. During one of my visits, I saw a cultist regalia in his wardrobe. I was angry and confused because he’d told me he was no longer a cultist.
Ighodalo: And I wasn’t. I just never got around to getting rid of it. I’d lost interest in cultism when they started killing people.
When we started, we had ideologies and principles, and at a time, I headed the movement to spread across academic institutions. But then, the deaths began, and I washed my hands off of it. That’s why when she asked if she could burn it, I agreed.
How did it feel to be married from a distance?
Esohe: We did long distance while we dated, so for the first year of marriage, I thought we could cope. But it was hard.
After two years, I opened my gate one day to see him waiting for me with all his load. He told me he’d quit his job and moved Lagos. I was confused.
Ighodalo: She was earning over ₦3,000 a month, which was more than what I earned. I couldn’t ask her to quit her job and stay in Benin where she’d earn less. Especially because Lagos had more opportunities. I felt it’d be easier for me to find a job that paid well than if I’d stayed in Benin.
Esohe: I wish he’d discussed it with me, but there was nothing I could do at that point. I opened the door for him, and we started a new phase of our life together.
Did he get a new job?
Esohe: It actually took a while before he could. He tried his hands at various businesses, but hardly anything concrete came out of it. We needed to take care of ourselves and my salary wasn’t enough, so I started selling ankara, ties, shirts and all, just to make up for it. I was a secretary in a finance company, so I sold these things to my coworkers. My husband would help me market my business to some of his rich friends too. That’s how we were able to hold body.
We had this small white bucket in our room where we kept all the money we made. Whenever anyone needed money to go out or do anything, we’d just take from the bucket. There was a lot of transparency when it came to handling our finances.
Ighodalo: I didn’t like how we lived, and it frustrated me, but she was always so reassuring. Whenever one person struggled, the other picked it up.
Can’t imagine how stressful that must’ve been. Were there kids involved at this time?
Esohe: No. We didn’t have our first and only child till after seven years of marriage. We never wanted a large family. My mum had nine children, and his had eight. We knew what large families were like, so we weren’t interested.
Ighodalo: I was content with my wife and our apartment in Lagos, but she? She was worried.
Esohe: It’s not like his family members were mean to me. If anything, it was my own family that made weird comments. I remember one of my elder sisters came to Lagos and refused to visit me. When I asked why, she said she doesn’t visit women without children. It hurt, but what could I do except pray and cry?
Ighodalo: That was a very trying period for us, and she cried a lot. It broke my heart to see her this way, especially because she’s too kind. She always puts others above herself, and they took it as an opportunity to disrespect her. It made me angry.
What did you do about it?
Esohe: In 1997, we had a neighbour who always came to our house to collect oil, salt and other things. One day, she came as usual, and after I gave her the oil, she told me she doesn’t think I want children. That didn’t I read the way Hannah in the Bible cried to God? That I should beg God like that.
When she left, I started crying. He was in the room and knew our neighbour had come, but he didn’t know what she said to me. I refused to tell him so he wore his shoes and told me he was going to her house. She must explain to him what she said to make his wife cry.
I didn’t want a scene so I told him, and he forbade her from stepping foot in the house again. He always had my back and refused to let people use childbirth to stress me.
That’s so sweet. How did pregnancy eventually go?
Esohe: It was funny and a bit scary. Funny because he fussed a lot. I started living with my elder brother after the first trimester because I almost had a miscarriage in my third month. There were some things the doctor recommended I eat, and my sister-in-law was very happy to make them.
Ighodalo: The fifth month of her pregnancy, I came to carry her from their house. I wanted to be involved in the process of raising my child, even while it was still in the womb. I grew up in Edo state. Amala is not something we eat regularly, so my mother never taught me how to make it. But I learnt how to make Amala the way my wife liked it.
Esohe: I know I got on his nerves a lot while I was pregnant. In my eighth month, I wanted to buy clothes for the naming ceremony. I went with a friend of mine to Lagos Island, but I had told my husband I was in Yaba. If he knew I was going to Lagos Island, he wouldn’t have let me.
As we got to the bus stop closest to my house, on our way back from the market, my legs stopped working. I don’t even remember how I got home, but they dropped me off for my husband.
Ighodalo: I asked her what happened and she started crying. I just boiled water to help her massage her legs. She doesn’t listen.
LMAO. Y’all are so cute. And the baby?
Esohe: She took me almost a full day to deliver. I wanted a natural birth, but I had a fibroid operation two years prior that led to keloid growth.
Ighodalo: I wanted to be with her while she delivered, but when they mentioned surgery, I started crying. The doctor sent me out of the room.
Esohe: My husband might seem intimidating physically, but he’s an emotional baby. Anything makes him cry. When our daughter was going to boarding school, this man couldn’t follow us to drop her off because he kept crying. She was even the one consoling him.
Ighodalo: I’m sensitive. Plus, the women in my life are much stronger than I am.
Esohe: Eh hen, back to the birth. Once he signed the documents for the surgery, I was out in under an hour.
Ighodalo: I was so happy when I held our daughter in my arms. When I left the hospital to get some things, I was telling everyone on the road that my wife just had a baby.
What was marriage like after the child?
Esohe: I won’t say it was difficult, but it certainly wasn’t easy. He’d started a transportation business, and it was doing okay. I had quit my job, so I became a full-time entrepreneur. We struggled, but we had each other.
Ighodalo: Eventually, in 2011, I got a paid job and that made everything so much easier. My salary was expected income and we planned around it. Anything extra we made was for wants.
Esohe: It was from his salary we’d get feeding money, school fees and rent. The other not-so-important things came from our businesses.
Now, we’re in a better place financially than when we started. And I’m grateful that as things got better, he prioritised my ease and comfort. He bought me a car I liked, buys me expensive clothes and anything my heart desires.
Ighodalo: I made a promise to take care of her, and I’m happy I can finally do it the way I’d like. I don’t want my wife or daughter to ever lack anything.
Esohe: The only problem is with this new job, we’ve not lived together for up to a year. He only comes during the weekends and calls every day. I can’t wait for him to retire.
Ighodalo: Technology is really amazing because I get to talk to my wife every day even though we’re not physically together. My daughter even taught us how to do video calls, and we try when the network allows it. We even take selfies.
You people are too cute, please. Are there things your partner does you don’t like?
Esohe: When he got this job, he had to deal with people he shouted at a lot. Sometimes, he’d bring that spirit home. My daughter cleared him, but I was calmer about it. I told him I didn’t appreciate his tone, and he corrected himself. He’d shout sometimes because he’s so organised and time conscious, but I’m not really like that.
Ighodalo: She’s too kind. She constantly does things that cause her stress, but she doesn’t mind. As long as whoever she’s helping is happy, she’d break one of her legs. I keep begging her to be a bit more selfish. Also, she doesn’t like the cold. I do. Right now, she’s made me put off the fan because she’s cold.
Esohe: But the weather is cold, why do you need the fan on? It’s because he wants to freeze me and keep me in his house. That’s why my room doesn’t have an AC. So he won’t kill me.
LMAO. How’d you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Ighodalo: 9.5. Nothing is perfect, but she’s as close to perfect as I can get. If I could come to this life again, I’d marry her without thinking twice.
Esohe: A 9.5 here too. I’m grateful I married someone so kind and sweet to me.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Frank*, 56, and Enobong*, 51. They talk about dating for six years, navigating long-distance in a time without phones and being married for 23 years.
What’s your earliest memory of each other
Frank: I had an office in Ikeja beneath a computer school, and the day she came to register, she said hi to me. We went to the same university back in Calabar, so it was nice to see a familiar face.
Enobong: I was 22 and trying to be useful during holidays, so I enrolled at a computer class. The first day we had a conversation, I mentioned I was going to the market after computer classes. He told me to buy something for him from the market, and I did. I didn’t know what to buy, so I bought him a handkerchief.
Frank: I didn’t think she would buy it. I just said it to continue the conversation.
How did you realise you liked each other?
Enobong: Well, at that time, there was some other person I was talking to. But when I went to visit him one day, he did something that made me realise I didn’t want a relationship with him. I thought, “Frank wouldn’t hurt me like that.” That’s how I realised I genuinely liked him.
Frank: So I was a rebound?
Enobong: Something like that, yes.
Frank: Wow. Well, I realised I liked her when I tried to make her jealous. I had this female friend who came to write exams but was resting in my office. I told the friend to help me gauge Eno’s reaction when she sees me taking her to lunch. As I realised I cared about her reaction, I knew just how much I felt for her.
Enobong: Yes now. She was a very pretty girl, and I knew they were close friends. I thought he would go for her over me, but here we are.
Frank: I didn’t even know she was jealous because she never acted on it. She’s never been one for drama.
And how did that progress to dating?
Enobong: Honestly, I don’t remember. I know I started talking to him every day. Before or after the computer classes start, I’d pop into his office to talk.
Frank: Well, we would talk like that for the duration of the computer training period. Then one day, I told her I wanted us to be friends.
Enobong: I remember wondering what he meant. Weren’t we friends? We’d been talking almost every day for a year.
Frank: I liked her a lot and wanted us to be friends. I wanted to know where the feelings would take us.
What was dating like?
Enobong: Well, we saw each other as often as we could because, when the holiday ended, I went back to school in Calabar while he stayed in Lagos. There were no phones then, so we only wrote letters to one another.
Frank: Sometimes, she wouldn’t get my letters, so it was only the love I had for her that kept me going. I’m an architect, and sometimes, I’d get jobs in Calabar, so we’d hangout once or twice during the school year. But asides from that, nothing till the holidays.
How did you people cope?
Enobong: I was busy with school and church, so I didn’t even have the energy to entertain anything else.
Frank: When you love someone, it occupies your mind. My thoughts were filled with her, and I couldn’t think of anyone else. I knew I wanted to marry her, but she was still in school. We decided to wait until she was done with her NYSC.
Funny enough, I’d sworn I would never date anyone who’s still in school because they wouldn’t be faithful to me. But if I’d already broken one rule, waiting for her to finish was something else I could do.
After she was done with NYSC, which was about six years after we started dating, I proposed to her during a get-together at my cousin’s house. I told everyone I had an announcement to make, and I asked her to marry me.
Enobong: I was shocked because I didn’t know he’d planned it, but I’d made up my mind that if I looked for a job for a year and didn’t find one, I’d get married. I loved him enough to marry him immediately, but I wanted to find a job first. When I didn’t, I decided to go ahead with the wedding.
How was that like?
Enobong: My family liked him, but they initially thought I was rushing into it because they didn’t know we’d dated that long. Once I cleared the air with them, they were no longer worried about it. They also thought I should’ve gotten a job first.
Frank: The only problem we could’ve had was that she comes from a very rich family. Me, not so much. My dad had just died, and I was caring for my siblings.
I’m lucky she wasn’t one for extravagance, but I still took it as a challenge upon myself. I wanted to make her happy always. It might be with something small like coming back home with a gift for her, her favourite biscuits, but it’s important she’s happy.
God when? What was it like after the wedding?
Enobong: The year we got married, we had our first child. I don’t think anything about us changed. We were just a couple with a child.
Frank: We prayed a lot and knew this was the path God was leading us to, so we never deterred. Anything that came across as a challenge, we took it to God. We promised ourselves early on that we wouldn’t bring other people into our relationship. It was just us and God.
Enobong: We have three children we love very dearly.
Frank: Having children made us love each other more. These were the products of the love we shared.
Enobong: Children bind you to a person, and ours bound me to someone I love.
What’s something about marriage that you realised the older you got?
Frank: Marriage is about working on it. Nobody can say they have it 100%. You started out as strangers, and now, you’re making a life together. There’ll be bumps, but you’ve made the decision to stay together, so you must work on it. You navigate your differences and try to understand.
When we had our third child, there were some complications with the birth and we argued about it for a while. How much rest she was taking and how little she needed to work, but we worked it out.
Enobong: You may have a plan for yourself and the place you want to be at a certain point after being married, but you might not get there. That’s why love is important.
Also, living with someone is much different than dating them. I didn’t know this man was messy. He leaves nylons and food wrappers everywhere.
Frank: It’s not that bad. She’s exaggerating.
Any challenges?
Enobong: He’s messy.
Frank: She’s always saying, “I don’t know,” when I ask her questions. How can she not know? I want to make her happy all the time, but I don’t think I have the capacity for it. I try my best though.
Enobong: You do.
On a scale of 1-10, rate your love life
Frank: An 8. If it were a 10/10, it’ll no longer be a human relationship. We still have our shortcomings, but we care about each other greatly.
Enobong: 8.5 because we understand each other. We try our best.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Murphy, 25 and Susan, 22 have been together for almost five years. This week on Zikoko’s Love Life, they talk about dating by accident, breaking up at least three times, and getting engaged.
What’s your earliest memory of each other
Susan: We met in 2018 because of a friend. I was going through tough times emotionally and asked this friend if she knew anyone that’d be free to hang out during the school holidays.
She had a friend that was coming to Warri for an internship who needed a tour guide. I agreed and she gave him my number. When he texted me, I replied, “Hey stranger,” and he said, “I like you already”.
Murphy: A tour guide that doesn’t know work. When I asked for a tour guide, I just wanted someone to show me around. I heard there was a zoo in Warri ,and I wanted to see it. Would you believe I actually never saw the zoo? The only place she took me to was Shoprite.
Susan: My mummy didn’t let me go out.
Susan, you agreed to be a tour guide knowing your mother doesn’t let you go out? How were you going to do your work?
Susan: In my defence, I just wanted a friend to keep me company. At the time, my mum didn’t trust anyone with my safety, so I always had to be in the house by 6 p.m. There was no way I was going to take him to fun places and still be back home on time.
That’s why our first meeting happened at the mall.
Looking back at it, I could have been talking to a ghost or a serial killer becuase I didn’t even know what he looked like. I just trusted my friend to not put me in the hands of an evil person.
Murphy: She passed me, and when she came back, she asked if I was the person she was supposed to see. I just started laughing. I wasn’t sure it was her the first time. I thought if she was the one, she’d call my number.
After that time, I started hanging out with her almost every day after work.
Susan: It was every day o. Not almost.
Who is lying?
Murphy: Work would close by 5 p.m. and we’d hang out till her mum started calling her to come home. I enjoyed her company and I didn’t have a lot of friends, so I spent all my time with her.
See romance.
Susan: At the time, it wasn’t romance. We were not together and had only been talking for a month, but I knew he was someone I could rely on. He didn’t try to get information or be nosy. He would just be there.
I remember when I wanted to get a new phone and didn’t have enough money to pay for what I wanted. He was with me while I was trying to strike a deal with the person buying the phone for me.
That’s how he just sent me his salary for the month, which was the balance for me to buy the phone. He told me that if I wanted to pay back, I could. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t. To date, he hasn’t asked me for the money.
AH! In Buhari’s Nigeria? A whole one-month salary!?
Susan: I like to believe he did it because he’s a good person.
Murphy: Well, she needed the money, and I don’t think I thought too much about sending her ₦35k.
Susan: After he sent me the money, I carried him to meet my mother so that if anything happened to me, she could see the boy that gave me the money for the phone.
Murphy: So that’s why you took me to your house? I thought you just wanted to show me your place.
Susan: Ehn… anyhow.
So, when did you both realise you had feelings for each other?
Murphy: In September of 2018, which was three months after we met, I realised I liked her. Meanwhile, this babe was asking me to set her up with someone where I worked because I worked in Chevron. Women.
Anyways, one day while I was viewing her WhatsApp status, she posted a screenshot of a message of a guy trying to ask her out. The message wasn’t constructed well, and it just wasn’t looking great. I felt I could do better, so I reconstructed the message and sent it to her. She replied with a yes, so I was very happy.
Email Murphy sent to Susan
Susan: That yes was by accident o. I was having a conversation with my best friend and she asked me a yes or no question. As I wanted to reply her, his message came in and I ended up sending the yes to him.
Susan: I tried to delete it after, but he uses GBWhatsApp, so he saw the message. That’s how I entered the relationship.
Murphy: Just for me to wake up the next day to a breakup message.
You didn’t tell him it was an accident?
Susan: I didn’t. He was so happy, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But later that night, I realised I didn’t want to be in a relationship, so I sent him a breakup message. He didn’t talk to me for the whole day.
Murphy:I couldn’t do anything at work. I was distracted for the whole day. It was so bad even my boss noticed. ___
Susan: I missed him so much because he was the only friend I spoke to constantly, so in the evening, I called him and told him the breakup message was a prank and he shouldn’t be angry with me. That’s how I entered the relationship again.
Murphy: When she called me, I was happy because yes, I was going to be with this person I really liked. Behold, a couple of months later, she broke up with me again.
What did he do this time?
Murphy: Help me ask her because I don’t even understand how it happened. To make matters worse, she’d resumed school at the time and was ill, so I left Warri to Abraka to go and see her. Just for me to get broken up with.
Susan: It was evil spirit. But honestly, I felt bad. I didn’t think I was treating him well in our relationship because I was still struggling with the feelings I had in my previous relationship. He was with me a 100% and I felt I didn’t return the energy. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. When I told him we should break up, he said we should work it out and talk. By evening, we had gotten back together again.
Susan: The very last time I tried to break up with him in November of that same year. He had come to see me in school and seeing his face made me feel like I didn’t deserve him. He had been nothing but kind to me, but I felt scared to go through with it because the last relationship I had before him was a very toxic one. I felt I hadn’t healed enough. When I brought it up, he actually agreed we should breakup. He was tired of trying to convince me to be with him, and if I felt it wasn’t going to work, that’s it.
Murphy: A king that knows his worth.
Susan: He sha gave me a whole speech while a James Arthur’s song Naked was playing on MTV base. It felt like the whole song was about us.
Murphy: That song annoys me so much.
Susan: Every time we hear that song now, he gives me dirty looks. When he slept off, I started thinking about how much I actually loved him.
Murphy: Past tense?
Susan: Baby, love. How much I love this person and didn’t want a life without him in it. So, when he woke up, I started confessing all my feelings to him. I told him how I’d ask him out this time if he wanted me to and I’d go on dates and everything. He was now blushing.
LMAO. Murphy, did you love her?
Murphy: From the first month after we started dating. I’m someone that knows what I want unlike Susan.
Susan: Please, abeg o.
Murphy: So, I knew she was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She’s smart, ambitious, pretty, etc. Honestly, she’s everything I want in a woman. That’s why I kept trying. I wanted to have it in the back of my mind that I tried everything possible to make sure it worked out. I’m happy I tried and we’re where we are today.
So what was dating like after everyone’s head had calmed down?
Murphy: I was having a great time. We were friends before we started dating, and I think that greatly influenced how easy the relationship was after she calmed down.
Susan: I’m a smitten babe. I am in love with him completely. Dating him is the best decision of my life, and I am grateful every day I get to spend life with him. The only small issue we had was having to deal with different versions of long-distance for a while.
Explain
Murphy: After my internship, I moved back to Benin City while she was still in Delta state. So, seeing her was about a two-hour drive. I graduated in 2019, but she was still in school, so whenever I wanted to see her, I had to lie to my parents I had a job to do in Delta state.
Susan: I travelled to him a few times too, but because I was still a student, my schedule was less predictable. We could have impromptu tests or assignments to submit. I liked school and I liked to keep my grades up, so he travelled more.
Murphy: Then last year, 2021, I moved out of my parent’s house. When looking for a place to stay, I had a few things to consider. I didn’t want a place that would stress me as much as Benin did in terms of random police checkpoints and the likes, and I wanted a safe place.
Susan: He first wanted to go to Lagos but then I don’t like Lagos. It wasn’t a place I wanted to live. So he moved to Abuja.
Murphy: In August. And she joined me in November.
Susan: I moved once I graduated and started house hunting. It was my first time in this sort of committed relationship, and I didn’t want to encroach on his space. I stayed for like three months looking for a house when my mother just told me that I was deceiving myself house hunting.
Murphy: I was trying to help her look for the house even though I didn’t want to.
Susan: Whenever he stopped helping me look for a house, I’d make it a big deal. That he doesn’t want me to find my own place and all of that. Eventually, I too realised I was deceiving myself and it made no sense to live separately because I would’ve just been wasting money on rent.
Tell me about the proposal
Murphy: Well, I decided I was going to propose to her in May in Dubai. I’d told my friends and we’d booked our flights. After announcing to my friends, I realised I actually hadn’t told her parents I wanted to marry their daughter. So, we had to move our trip so we could see each other’s families.
The biggest issue with the proposal is that Susan is very nosy. She’s always asking what I’m doing and where I’m doing it. The day I was to get the ring and propose, we had to lie to her so she wouldn’t suspect anything. We thank God for a successful engagement.
Susan: I’m ashamed of myself because he outsmarted me. I had no clue what was going on. We travel regularly, so I just thought it was a regular trip. Plus, he told me he didn’t plan on getting married soon, so I forgot about it.
We had discussed marriage a couple of times and had even picked the name of our first daughter, but it’s not something I was in a hurry to do.
Congratulations. Now that you’re engaged, do you think anything has changed?
Susan: Nothing honestly. Right now, I feel loved.
M: You no dey feel loved before?
Susan: It has doubled. I don’t just find him as annoying anymore. Now, he’s just cute.
Murphy: Nothing has changed for me. At least, she can’t do me anyhow because she no fit komot again.
So, when do you think the wedding will be?
Murphy: I’d like to say a year from now. We wanted to do it January 2023, but we don’t think that’s enough time. We want to be able to plan it very well. One thing that’s shocked me is how many things there are to do. Ah ah.
Susan: Since the engagement, we’ve not actively planned anything and that’s why we want to move it.
Murphy: We don’t have a wedding planner because we heard they’re expensive. We believe in ourselves that we’re planners by heart.
I will come back to check if you’ve budged and gotten a wedding planner
Murphy: Hopefully we won’t o.
Susan: By the Grace of God, we’ll be fine. I’m not scared of anything happening because I don’t think there’s anything that can make me say I don’t want to go through with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how’d you rate your love life?
Murphy: It’s a 10 for me. I love her.
Susan: If someone checks all the boxes of something you need in a person, then it’s a 10. M checks all the boxes and then even brings some extra to it. Before him, I didn’t know someone could be so intentional about another person, but here he is. My walking bag of joy.
You may be ready for marriage and not even know it. As usual, we’re here to help you. The number of things you can relate to on this quiz will help you know if you’re ready for marriage.
I want to know:
Questions
This is a question
Tick all the things you can relate to:
You got #{score}/#{total}
Please, you’re not ready for marriage. Marriage is not even ready for you.
You got #{score}/#{total}
You’re almost ready for marriage, maybe in two years or in another country.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Nobody is more ready for marriage than you. In our mind you’ve already married. Please do the needful
Nigerian wedding parties are great — especially for the friends and neighbours that just came for the party jollof.
But have you ever wondered if some couples regret certain things from their big day, though? We asked these eight Nigerians, and here’s what they shared with us:
“Having a big wedding”
— Ola*, 25
I’ve wanted a small destination wedding for as long as I can remember, but I had no choice but to settle for a full-on Yoruba owambe-style wedding because of my husband and our families.
The whole wedding felt like a chore, and it’s still painful that no one listened to me, and I never got the excitement most people get before/during their wedding. It felt more like I was just there because I had to be the bride.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to sleep — I just couldn’t because I was too excited. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was extremely tired. I couldn’t enjoy the reception because I just wanted to find somewhere to sleep. And it didn’t help that everyone expected us to spend more time on the dance floor.
I still berate myself for printing invitation cards since most people just got the information from our wedding website. We printed about 200 cards and still had about 100 cards after the wedding. Such waste in this Buhari government.
“I worried about everything”
— Chioma*, 24
I must have been a bridezilla because I was everywhere in the days leading up to the wedding, trying to make sure that everything was perfect. On my wedding day, I kept fussing about different things: the bridesmaid’s dress that needed to be fixed, the makeup artist that came in late, the traffic on the way to the church, etc.
Looking back, I wish I’d just let things sort themselves out and just enjoyed my day. Worse, the pictures bear witness to how stressed I let myself be. Brides-to-be, take note, abeg.
“Not booking backup photographers”
— Demi*, 30
The painful part is that my wife and I promised each other that we wouldn’t be the couple complaining about wedding picture disappointments because we’d get like two backups. LMAO.
Expenses really took a toll on our budget during wedding preparations, and we constantly postponed reaching out to backup photographers until we eventually forgot. We had just one photographer at our wedding, and the pictures weren’t great. The photographer even took forever to share them.
“The decorations”
— Edna*, 29
I let a family friend handle the hall decorations because I was trying to “encourage” growing businesses — big mistake. My heart dropped into my stomach when I stepped into the hall the evening before my wedding to check out what was happening.
The designs were tacky, and they definitely weren’t what I asked for. I had to let my maid of honour tactfully remove some items and arrange for another decorator to assist because if I had said anything, I would’ve beaten somebody up.
“Having a traditional wedding”
— Chi*, 27
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for honouring traditions. But my traditional wedding (which took place in my hometown in the East) felt like a waste of money. I wish I had been more vocal in pleading with my family to reduce the items on the bridal list.
My husband had to spend so much money pleasing relatives I didn’t even know and buying stuff I didn’t even see — all for a one-day event. He didn’t complain to me, but I think he just didn’t want to come across as weak. I still wish I’d done something.
My mum attends MFM while I attend one of these modern pentecostal churches. As much as I tried, my parents kicked hard against getting married at my church. In their words, “What would our church people think?” They even threatened to be absent from the wedding if I didn’t concede to them.
Of course, I wanted my parents there, so I had to give in. I couldn’t wear the dress I wanted, and make-up was out of it. This thing about weddings being the “bride’s day” might be true everywhere else, but definitely not in Nigeria.
*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
There comes a time in man’s life where he must step up and take up the mantle as the head of a home. But to be a good head, you need to find the perfect neck. To all the Nigerian men looking to become husbands before the year runs out, this article is for you.
So where can you find the perfect Nigerian wife? We have answers.
In another man’s marriage
The only way to know if a woman will make a good wife is by confirming that she’s a good wife to someone else. This way, you can assess her CV in real time with minimal risk. After you gauge her wifely skills, steal her! After all, it’s always “women supporting women”, not men supporting men. Her husband will be alright.
Anywhere there is pasta
Nigerian women can smell good pasta from a mile away. This and being able to ignore red flags are one of their many gifts. If you want to find the perfect Nigerian wife (with good taste), go to the best pasta spot and wait. But, just so you know, women who like pasta rarely do broke boys. To be forewarned….
In church singing, “Carry me dey go my husband house,” at the top of her voice
For a woman to sing this song with her full bosom, omo, just know she’s serious about settling down. She’s literally asking God to carry her to her husband’s house, bro. So what are you waiting for? Visit your local spinster’s fellowship today to find your Mrs.
In heaven because the beautiful ones are not yet born
There’s no point looking for what’s not even in existence yet. You may just have to accept that the perfect Nigerian wife hasn’t been born, and manage whatever you’re seeing right now. After all, a bird in hand is worth more than five in the bushes or whatever Chiwetalu Agu says.
The perfect Nigerian wife is probably in an old Nollywood film wearing a boubou and praying that God sends her cheating husband (Tony Umez) back to her. A woman who will stand by you and blame your cheating on jazz? N’dorling, please inject it.
In your mother’s prayers
Your mother has the perfect woman for you. Problem is, this pretty damsel is only available in your mother’s visions. All you need to do now is find a way to manifest her into existence. Light your candles and begin.
In her father’s house turning semo
Why is a good woman outside? The perfect Nigerian wife should be in her father’s house preparing for her matrimonial home. If you find your wife on the streets, best believe you’ll lose her to the streets. Simple maths.
In the club shouting “Ameno Dorime”
If you know you want to marry and still go to the club every day, better just marry someone that can keep up with your liver and poco lee legwork.
In your imagination
You see that perfect wife you keep thinking of? Bro, she doesn’t exist. Know this and know peace.
Sex Lifeis an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old woman who didn’t have sex until her wedding night. She talks about how her relationship with God was why she waited till marriage, and how she married, to have sex.
Tell me about your first sexual experience
When I was 12, I had this neighbour who was a year older than me. We grew up together, so I used to go to his house daily. On one of such days, he played a CD that turned out to be porn. We watched for a bit, and then started making out. It happened three to four times over the span of a couple of months.
Did it ever progress past kissing?
It never did.
Why?
I’m a very religious Christian and waiting till marriage is my service to God. I wasn’t saving myself for a man; I was just doing what God wanted me to do.
In fact, in my university, people were taking a “covenant of purity”, but I didn’t because I thought it was unnecessary. Most of the people who were taking the covenant weren’t even serious about it. After they took the covenant, you could see them getting hot and heavy in corners. For me, waiting till marriage was about honouring God, and I knew I didn’t need a covenant to do that. I waited for the right time, but it wasn’t easy.
I tried to date only Christians, but I realised not every Christian was interested in saving themselves till marriage. When I dated those men and made out with them, I felt a little guilty, but the guilt was never overwhelming.
My relationship with God is a very loving one, so I spoke to Him a lot about the temptations I felt. I reminded myself of Christ’s work for me and how the life I live actually belongs to Him. I learnt about Jesus from the point of a Father, not just as a Lord and Master, even though He is.
So, did you stick to it?
Yes, I did! The first time I had sex was on my wedding night at 27. It almost didn’t even happen because we were both exhausted. Before then, many of my friends who had already gotten married shared stories about their wedding night with me. Some said they couldn’t have sex until months after, and I said it would not be me. I refuse!
But the wedding day came, and there was so much going on, we were so exhausted. It was so bad that we couldn’t even stay more than 30 minutes at the after-party our friends organised for us. When we got to the hotel, we just had our baths and dozed off. That’s when one strange breeze blew, and we were awake. Next thing, we were having sex.
Just like that? What was the sex like?
The sex was amazing. It was a bit painful because it was my first time, but he was gentle and soft. It made the experience incredibly intimate. He asked questions and I guided him on what worked and what didn’t.
Of course not. There was even a time I had to stop going to his house for three months because the temptation was choking us. Looking at each other and spending a lot of time together was making it harder.
However, it wasn’t as bad because we wanted the same things. Unlike me, he wasn’t a virgin, but he was celibate in his last relationship and wanted to wait with me in this one. We checked each other and knew when not to go too far and when not to be alone.
I like to joke that we got married so we could have sex. We were everything without the need for marriage. He was my companion and soulmate. The only thing missing was sex. That’s why after a year and ten months, we dragged ourselves to the altar.
Love it. How’s the sex now?
I’m having so many orgasms. There’s something so special about having sex with someone you love, someone who always wants you to be satisfied. It’s magic.
Do you ever wish you didn’t wait?
Not at all! I’m a very emotional person, and sex can be very vulnerable. I wouldn’t want to share that part of myself with just anyone.
So, on a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your Sex Life?
One million. I’m having the time of my life. I’ve been having sex with the same person for four years, but it feels like magic each time. I love it.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.This is Zikoko’s What She Said.
Today’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is Joy Ashiedu, a 36-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about her big-city dreams after moving from Owerri to Lagos, why she married her persistent lover from Facebook and the challenge of living with her in-laws before finding happiness.
What age did you enjoy the most?
Right now. When I was 28, I assumed marrying my first love would somehow make me happy, but after the first year and a half together, the bliss ended. I spent a lot of years fighting to fix things. Everything was about not ending up in a marriage like my parents. I eventually realised that was unresolved baggage I was carrying with me. I was fighting with myself.
What do you mean by “fighting with yourself?”
I had expectations of the way my life would turn out by 25. I’d never really anticipated marriage, but I’d hoped for something better than what I experienced growing up in Asaba (in my village, Issele-Mkpitime) with my parents. I’m the last of five children, and my older siblings had moved out of the house before I was even nine. So it was just my parents and I until I was 12. I went to secondary school in a completely different town in Delta.
My parents tried to give me the best with everything they had. My father was a farmer while my mum was a trader. The issue with growing up with them was seeing the problems they had in their marriage. They weren’t friends. Half the time, they weren’t even around because of their work, and when they were home, they barely spoke to each other. If they did speak, it was an argument or a physical fight. I saw my dad beat up my mum several times.
At the time, I didn’t realise how much it weighed on me to see my parents living like enemies. I also didn’t know how much their fights would affect my own marriage. I was only focused on getting out of the village and making something more for myself. But that didn’t happen for a long time.
What did you want?
I always wanted my own business. I loved being on the farm with my parents and siblings as a kid, but I wanted more than the isolating lifestyle of being in our village. I always wanted to end up in Lagos. My eldest brother lived there, so I lived with him for two years while I tried to get into university.
Before 2004, I’d only lived in the south. I moved back and forth between my village and Agbor, Delta for secondary school. In Lagos, there was so much going on, and everyone had some kind of hustle going on.
In 2007, I ended up going to school in Owerri because it was the only place I got admission. I took all the Lagos hustle and wanted to start a business there.
What kind of business exactly?
For someone who didn’t have a lot of money, I went back to the south trying to set up an organisation that taught people on campus to market their skills. On some occasions, I’d take my school fees to buy things they needed and get a commission when I connected them with clients. I really had a passion for personal development.
At some point, I was part of the radio outlet on campus. I’d go in to give talks about personal development and entrepreneurship. I was talking a lot more than I’d done in years. When you’re young, you have many dreams.
I was hoping to be somewhat like Fela Durotoye. I’d seen him give talks and wanted to somehow replicate that. I was on track. I went to school debates, won, and even started an NGO. But when I went for my IT in Lagos, I met my husband, Steve. It was 2012, and we ended up getting married immediately after my NYSC in 2014.
Why?
He was a persistent man. I’d never dated anyone before him because most of the men I met on Facebook didn’t last more than one or two chats. On my way to work, a random message came in from Steve, and we got talking. Before the end of the day, he asked for my number, but I wasn’t interested.
Two days later, a security man showed up in my office to tell me a man named Steve was outside looking for me. I’d updated my internship location on my profile months before, so it wasn’t hard to find me. That caught my attention. I couldn’t say no to that level of interest. I gave him my number.
Beyond the persistence he showed, I was convinced we were meant to be together.
LOL. Because?
Before I went back to Owerri to wrap up school and serve, I broke things off. When I went to work the next day, the bus driver dropped me off at the wrong bus stop. I didn’t know how I’d missed my junction. I stood confused on the roadside, trying to figure out my next move. And you won’t believe who I saw in a taxi that was slowing down in front of me. It was Steve. Of course, he told me to get in, and we got into the groove of talking again.
I was convinced that coincidence meant something. It wasn’t anything spiritual, but I just knew I would give the relationship a try again. The incident gave more room for friendship between us.
By the time I was done with school and preparing for service in Lagos, he proposed. It felt natural. A year later, we got married. I was 28, marrying my best friend and hopeful for my career.
What changed?
Steve got a job in Bayelsa, so we had to move to Asaba for proximity. He’d travel to Bayelsa every two weeks and go back and forth.
He went from being a banker to joining Shell as a contract staff. He was making way more money than I was, so it only made sense to move. Before we moved to Asaba, I tried setting up my youth empowerment program, but life as a graduate in Lagos was different. I was a married woman, so of course, I wasn’t getting any money from my parents. I also wasn’t getting enough from my husband. Eventually, I needed to get a real job.
I applied to several companies but never got any positive feedback. Then I got pregnant in 2015, and I knew owning a business would be easier. I wanted to be home with the kids. My husband didn’t like the idea. He expected me to work a corporate job like when we met. I didn’t know that was important to him, and he obviously didn’t know building a business was always something I wanted to do. It was one of the things we began to argue about down the line.
Our marriage just gradually fell apart. His mother and sister’s daughter moved in, and that’s when things really got worse. It’s not that my husband cheated or I hated my in-laws, but I wasn’t prepared for everything that came with them living with us. And for so long.
What were the expectations you had at first?
I expected that my marriage would be better than my parent’s marriage. I expected my husband to keep being my friend.
And what did you get instead?
Dealing with external people made it difficult to connect. It was only me, and I suddenly had three people on one side. I’d bicker about his sister, and he’d tell me I was being heady and stubborn rather than take my side.
His mother was ill, and I went from learning to take care of a baby to fully caring for her because he was away at work. At some point, he associated my complaints with me being jobless and idle at home. I felt horrible. By 2017, the whole marriage was practically gone. We’d had our second baby, and his family was still living with us in Asaba. I was exhausted from dealing with so many people.
But you seemed quite social in uni, you were running a whole NGO. What was the issue with handling people?
In uni, I was working towards a career. Now, I was just being choked up. I never knew how to handle those kinds of family issues. I didn’t have that kind of people skills, and that’s not something I learnt growing up with parents who argue all the time.
My breaking point was when I had a disagreement with his sister, and he kept taking her side. She forgot to pack my baby’s cloth from the line when it got windy, and I hated seeing them on the ground when I got back from the market. Of course, I shouted at her. He kept going on about how irrelevant it was, and it could wait to be addressed the following day. The next morning came, and he went on with the “you’re overreacting” line. That did it for me.
It may seem insignificant, but I was mad. That’s when I packed my things and took the kids to my parent’s house. I was done.
What happened next?
My father was late by then. My mother asked me to go back because she’d stayed in her marriage despite everything. There was no valid reason to pack out of my husband’s house, so I went back.
The bickering continued. I didn’t have a job, and the business I’d been trying to grow wasn’t working. Nothing was working. I felt lost.
So how did you get to your current point of happiness?
This is the part that’s hard to explain sometimes. In 2019, we had a fight about letting the kids do what they wanted. I always had to be the strict parent, and I went off on him for that.
I walked into the bathroom furious. I needed a shower, and I stood there thinking through how the years had gone by since I moved to Lagos in 2014. It seemed so far away then.
In the middle of all the thoughts, I heard a voice asking, “what if you are the problem”. Call it the Holy Spirit, the universe, my mind or a hallucination. Whatever you consider that type of moment, it happened.
Did you actually feel like the problem?
I never did. And that’s why I took it as a moment of epiphany. I’d always thought my parents’ marriage didn’t affect me, but it did, more than I cared to admit to myself. Maybe I should have taken more time to rethink my first love, but that didn’t matter.
I came into the marriage with expectations based on my parents. That was my baggage, and I blamed my husband for anything that didn’t fit the ideal standard of love I wanted. But loving myself first was more important.
What exactly have you changed about yourself now?
I’ve stopped expecting love from people, without first giving it. And it’s saved me so much stress. I had to pull back from the consistent fights with everyone.
I’d diverted from everything I wanted after uni to building and fixing a marriage. And that’s why it was falling apart. It’s not that my in-laws moved out, or my husband suddenly changed, my happiness is more about where my mindset is at right now.
Which is?
Conditioning my mind to take responsibility. I had a part to play in my marriage falling apart. A lot of people would be happier in life if they’d just accept they’re the issue. I started a blog to share my experience, and I’ve slowly rediscovered the driven entrepreneur I once was.
I’m finally earning my own money again. It’s not a lot, but I’ve gotten writing gigs on the side. It took me eight years to get here. I’m happier thinking that I have something to offer again, and that’s what I’m going to hold on to.
Is there anything besides the money that’s made you happier?
Keeping my marriage together. Steve’s mother still lives with us, but I’m a lot less bothered by that. She’s older and needs the company of her son and grandkids, I understand that now. Even when we have our disagreements, I focus on not getting as upset over those issues. When it comes to my husband, I just take away the things he loves.
He knows if he wants something from me when he’s back from work, he won’t get it until he apologises. I’ve just found better ways to get what I want. It’s entirely in the way I respond to the challenges and people around me that’s changed.
I know my happiness isn’t in the hands of someone else.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell us why
“I don’t want to depend on someone else for basic things.”
— Sandra*, 24
I have to earn at least ₦1m per month, that’s the least amount. I don’t want to start off struggling in my marriage. Life is hard, but money makes it easier. Also, I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to depend on someone else for basic things. No matter what men say, I think it leads to resentment. I’ve seen the older generation of women ask for money for things like gas and groceries, and I think it’s because they don’t earn enough. I just want a soft life, the bedrock of which is money, kudi, ego, you get me?
“I don’t think it’s okay to earn less than ₦500k because you’ll eventually bring children into this world.”
— Chiamaka*, 24
I have to earn at least ₦500k – ₦600k after taxes and deductions. There are women who earn less than this and get married, and I sincerely wish them the best, but I don’t think it’s okay to earn less than ₦500k because you’ll eventually bring children into this world, and they are expensive. You don’t want them to suffer. Also, the cost of living is high, and the country as a whole is hard. If you’re not earning enough, don’t get married.
“I should have ₦10m in savings, or the dollar equivalent.”
— Yinka*, 23
I don’t want to earn less than ₦500k. I’m not sure it’s realistic with the way Nigeria is today, but that’s what I’d like to earn before I get married, hopefully, in the next two years, and I know that on my career path as a lawyer, I won’t have achieved a senior role by that time, so that’s most likely what I’d be earning. I also want to have a side business to support my earnings. I should have ₦10m in savings, or the dollar equivalent — since it seems safer to save in foreign currency with the alarming inflation rate in the country. That amount in savings won’t be hard for me to get because I’ve been saving money since I was in secondary school. I’m sure I’ll even pass that amount by the time I’m ready to get married.
“I need to have enough money to take care of myself and my household too.”
— Tamara*, 33
I’m not suffering in my mother’s house, so I can’t go to my “marital home” to suffer. Monthly, I have to earn at least ₦400k – ₦500k, and my savings cannot be less than ₦5 – 6m.
The major reason why people divorce, apart from infidelity, is financial issues. Two people coming together as one means they should combine their efforts to build a family. I need to have enough money to take care of myself and my household too. Also, anything can happen. For example, my husband could lose his job (God forbid). There has to be another source of income to fall back on. I’d also want to send a regular allowance to our parents and live a soft girl life too.
“For the married life I’ve always envisioned, an upgrade to €70,000 and above will do it.”
— Kemi*, 25
I currently earn over €40,000 a year. For the married life I’ve always envisioned, an upgrade to €70,000 or above will do it. I want to live the softest possible life. Nothing extravagant or ridiculous, but the best we can both afford. I want to have a luxury apartment in a good neighbourhood, and a good car. Not necessarily luxury cars like Porsche or Benz, but not cars from 2002 either. I want to be able to afford the best possible life for our future kids as well.
“I’m a simple person. I don’t ask for much.”
— Mariam*, 25
I want to earn at least ₦250k – ₦300k monthly and have at least ₦1m in savings. I’m a simple person. I don’t ask for much, and I believe in growing with my partner financially. As long as my career grows and my salary increases over time, I’m good.
