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  • When Derin* married her campus fellowship friend-turned-love interest, politics was the last thing she saw in their future. She talks about why she decided to follow his lead, fearing for her children’s safety and other challenges when you’re in the public eye.

    This is Derin’s story, as told to Boluwatife

    Pexels

    When we met, Debo* was a mild-mannered church boy. We became close friends, and soon realised we had similar dreams, We were simple people who just wanted to do business and serve God with our finances.

    He proposed marriage to me soon after I graduated from Lagos State University in 2011. We’d actually met there, in the campus fellowship I joined in my second year. He was in his finals.

    We got married in 2012, and had two kids in succession. We didn’t lack anything. His real estate business was growing steadily, and I was into retailing female fashion items. We’re both quite entrepreneurial, so the long-term goal was to build a business empire. We’d own multiple businesses and support the church financially. And we were on track, until politics entered the picture.

    I should mention that all through our years of friendship and brief courtship before marriage, politics was never in the picture. No reaction to national issues or conversations gave the tiniest idea that he’d someday be interested in politics. Business and church had always been his priorities. We were — and still are — very religious, so we just focused on God guiding us through the way and blessing the works of our hands.

    Then in 2016 — four years into our marriage — people started coming to him to talk about politics. He had become quite successful in real estate, which meant he had access to an impressive network of people. They told him how much real impact he’d make if he were part of the people making decisions that affected the nation and even the business sector. He relayed their suggestions to me, and I wasn’t in support. 

    Everyone knows politics is a dirty and often violent game. I didn’t even think he was seriously considering it till he woke up one day and said he would become a card-carrying member of one of the popular parties. I kicked against it. This was a party known for thuggery and corruption, but he assured me he wasn’t actually running for office, he was only joining. According to him, there was no way to make light take the place of the darkness in our society if the light decided to cower away. I had to agree.

    He eventually became fairly active. He’d attend their meetings and conventions, which seemed to triple in frequency as election season drew closer. His weekends became filled with party activities. I hated it, but I could do nothing except pray for him and hope his interest would end with becoming a member. It didn’t. He came home one day in late 2018 and said he felt God was leading him to contest in the 2019 elections for a federal representative seat in his hometown.

    This was a big shock for two primary reasons. One, we weren’t in the habit of making significant decisions without agreeing as a family and seeking God’s approval together. Two, when did running for office enter the picture? We had extensive talks about it, and again, I agreed though I wasn’t so sure about it. He’s my husband, I have to follow his lead. Apart from the somehow-ness of politics, I’m also not a big fan of begging people to “Please, vote for me”. There’s this desperation attached to it that doesn’t sit well with me.

    He picked the form and started campaigning in earnest. The first hurdle to cross was the party primary elections. I think two people from his party were also seeking the party’s ticket. The campaigns meant he had to leave our home in Lagos a lot to oversee things in his hometown. I also tried to attend some of the campaign efforts.

    I wasn’t as involved in the campaigns as he was because it really wasn’t my thing, and less attention was placed on the spouses since it was still just the primaries.

    We had to start moving with armed police officers though, because joining politics automatically opens you up to more eyes. We also had to take down pictures of our children from social media just to be safe. Our finances really took a hit during this period because most of the campaign efforts were out of pocket. Most of which involved providing relief packages for his constituency, refurbishing a water distribution system, and all those small small monies here and there to community heads to boost popularity.

    RELATED: How Does Campaign Fundraising Work in Nigeria?

    These tactics seemed to work because he became something like a household name. According to his team on the ground, his campaign materials were everywhere and the people knew his name. He was like the people’s favourite to win the primaries.

    Then one day, the party leaders called him aside and suggested he entered into some sort of covenant with them so they’d be assured of his loyalty if he eventually got the party’s ticket and won the House of Representatives elections. It already sounded diabolical, and my husband refused. He assured them he had the party’s interests at heart and that they could take his word for it. They obviously weren’t pleased with that response because after he won the first primary election, they cancelled it due to some “irregularities” they noticed and slated a date for a re-run. 

    On the eve of the re-run, they came out to say they didn’t want an election again, stating that the party stakeholders had appointed someone to represent the party instead. That’s how my husband’s ambitions ended.

    I’m somewhat relieved, but it feels like it’s just the start of his political career. He didn’t run in the 2023 elections, but we’re already in the public eye. It means I can’t tweet anything I like or even go to the cinema alone for a late-night movie, and I’m still concerned for his and our children’s safety once in a while.  

    I know 2019 won’t be the last time he’ll try to run for office, because I sense how uneasy he feels about the state of the nation. His favourite line now is, “We need godly people in government.” He may not run now, but definitely when the political landscape changes for the better. For me, I’m just prepping myself to pray for and support him when the time comes.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: I Hate Spending My Own Money

  • We’ll know from your answer what you’re likely to do after your marriage. So take this quiz to find out.

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this Love Life are Blessing* and Tunde* who are both 30. They tell us about meeting through work, two failed proposal attempts and how Tunde pulled what he considers the “greatest scam of all time” by making sure they got married on their shared birthday.

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Zikoko Love Life

    Did you know you had the same birthday before you met?  

    Blessing: Well, I did. 

    Tunde: Because she was stalking me.

    Blessing: I was doing my job. On December 31st, 2018, my line manager told me to review the CV of a guy who came highly recommended. His birthday was on his CV, and it was the same as mine. So I checked his name on social media to see what he looked like. In his profile picture, he was wearing a waistcoat, looking like a good boy. 

    Tunde: I don’t even own a waistcoat. What are you saying?

    Blessing: I even forgot about it until February 2019 when he started working in the office. I remember the first day I saw him. He was wearing a blue shirt with grey pants, and I said to myself, “Who is this brother?” He looked like such a church boy. I smiled at him, and we had a chat. 

    Tunde: Abi, you fell in love at first sight? 

    Blessing: Lai lai. I did not at all. 

    Tunde: You won’t sweeten this story to make your life great? Anyways, now that you’ve said your own, let me say my own version. 

    Blessing: My version is the truth, and all you need to know. 

    Tunde: When you were talking, I didn’t interrupt you. So let me say my own o. 

    Oya, Tunde, speak your truth

    Tunde: They gave her my CV, and she was blown away so she decided to check me out online. When she saw I was a fine boy, she knew she had to work with me. That’s when she started recommending me to the manager. 

    Blessing: That’s a very big lie. 

    Tunde: But our coworker said you fought for me to join the team.

    Blessing: Your CV was impressive, and I did look for you on social media, but only because of the birthday thing. I didn’t give a shit if they hired you or not. I just needed to get the work done. 

    Tunde: We ended up working in the same team and reported to the same manager. Our manager told me you fought for me. 

    Blessing: You won’t talk about how you saw my big bumbum and became confused?

    Tunde: Who told you that one?
    Blessing: Your friends did. 

    Tunde: I remember seeing her for the first time in the office, dark-skinned with her big bum and tiny waist. I was like wow. When I got back home, I had to tell my friends the women in my new office had yansh. 

    What was working together like? 

    Blessing: We sat together at work, and I like to believe we were friendly towards each other. 

    Tunde: In the office, she’d act as if she cares, but when I travel to the North for work, she’d never text to check in on me. I even had a word with our manager about working in a team of people who don’t care about each other. Blessing never called to ask how my trip went even though she knew I had to travel to all these dangerous places. 

    It’s giving JSS 2. Why did you report her to the manager?

    Blessing: LMAO. He wanted me to talk to him, but instead of meeting me as a man, he went to report me to “Big Uncle” manager. 

    Tunde: It’s not like I reported her. I had a review of culture meeting with the manager in April. Because I typically travelled alone — the company couldn’t afford to send more people — I felt like the team didn’t really have my back. Hers was even more hurtful because we sat together in the office, and she was always tickling me. Then when I travelled, she wouldn’t even bother to find out if I was dead or alive. 

    Blessing: Sorry nau.

    Tunde: Can you imagine. Four years later is when you’re apologising. 

    Blessing: We weren’t that close then. He was a great seatmate, I won’t lie, but I just didn’t care so much. 

    How did you progress to being friends? 

    Blessing: After the manager told me what Tunde said, I started checking up on him. We worked more closely together, and he was fun.

    Tunde: And funny. I’m a funny guy. 

    Blessing: Somewhat funny. He thinks he’s very funny.

    Tunde: Not somewhat. No “I think”.

    Blessing: He’s a gbef, and it’s his gbefness that makes me laugh.

    Tunde: That’s being funny. Do you laugh? Exactly. The thing is that because I’m a funny and fun guy, she couldn’t get enough. She’d call me around 6 a.m. to find out if I was going to the office. 

    Blessing: That was later when I started liking your big head. Nonsense.

    Tunde: Same thing. 

    Blessing: Please, let’s stick to the questions. 

    And you both realised it was more than friendship when? 

    Blessing: After we’d built a solid foundation of friendship in June. We searched for places together while he was getting an apartment. We even used to visit each other on some weekends. It was easy for us to bond beyond the office environment. We also used to come to the office together with one of our colleagues. The three of us would meet at a designated point, so we were in each other’s faces a lot. I started to get these mosquito feeling in my stomach whenever I got a text from him or saw his face.

    Tunde: It’s me that’s mosquito feeling? 

    Blessing: Not you; the feelings. 

    Tunde: What happened to butterflies? Why mosquito? 

    Blessing: It started as mosquitos then moved to butterflies. Now, it’s elephants in my tummy. 

    Tunde: It’s not even cute animals you’re mentioning. 

    The feeling solidified in August 2019 when she started having issues with a lecturer we can’t really talk about. I didn’t want to see her hurt, so it really hit me that I wanted to take care of her. 

    RELATED: Love Life: Our Friendship Means More to Us Than Our Love

    When did you decide to do something about the mosquitoes in your tummy? 

    Blessing: I had a boyfriend at the time. We started dating a couple of days before Tunde joined the company, but along the line, we started having issues. The guy and I broke up in October 2019, then Tunde and I started having relationship-type conversations. 

    Tunde: After she broke up with her boyfriend, she started seeking for me. 

    Blessing: Oh God. 

    Tunde: One Saturday in November, I went to see her, and as I was about to leave, I just started gazing at her. 

    Blessing: I feel like if anyone had carried scissors to cut that tension, the scissors would’ve broken. 

    Tunde: I wanted to kiss her, but I didn’t want to do it first because I’m a bad guy. 

    Blessing: So I did it. 

    Tunde: She told me to come back and kissed me. I knew I would die there. We became kissing coworkers, or co-kissers, if you will. 

    Blessing: He’d come to the office and there’d be tension. We both knew if it weren’t an office, we’d tear each other apart. But we’re great work partners, so we put all our emotions aside to make sure we got work done. 

    Tunde: I want to believe the tension helped us with work. We’d want to finish as quickly as possible so we could focus on other matters. I asked her out twice, but she turned me down because she needed time to think after just coming out of a relationship. But when our office closed for the year on December 19, she came over to my place and we spent Detty December together. On the 29th, I asked her for the third time to go out with me. We were in bed together; she said yes. 

    Blessing: Changed my mind because Detty December made me realise I enjoyed spending so much time with him.

    Didn’t your office have a no-dating policy? 

    Tunde: If anything, our office encouraged it. Everybody dated everybody there. 

    Blessing: It even produced three married couples.

    Tunde: Twice, someone introduced a coworker to their friend or family member, and they got married. 

    Company or dating site? God, abeg 

    Blessing: Dating and working together was great because we got to spend a lot of time together. 

    Tunde: In January 2020, she returned to her place, but honestly, she spent more time at mine than hers. 

    In February, COVID-19 happened, and we spent the lockdown together at my house. I stayed in an estate in GRA at the time and we had 24/7 electricity. Her place in Somolu didn’t, so it made sense for her to work from my house. The first couple of weeks were really good. We didn’t have any problems, and it stayed that way until we found out her dad didn’t like me. Her parents were really attached to her ex-boyfriend. They thought he was a responsible guy who’d eventually marry their daughter. 

    Blessing: Then we broke up for no actual reason. And they thought Tunde was this bad boy who was turning my head. 

    Tunde: Her dad reached out to her in late March to find out how she was doing. She said she was spending the lockdown at home, but he found out his unmarried daughter was living with the same guy he already thought  was turning his daughter’s brain. That’s when all hell broke loose. He’s an influential man, so he started threatening to reach out to some top police officers. That’s how our life went from peace and quiet to chaos and confusion. 

    I was so scared, I had to call my dad and tell him about the girlfriend he didn’t know about. He told me I had to return Blessing to her place so I can get her father’s blessing for the relationship. But it was in the thick of the lockdown, so we had to walk all the way from Ogudu to Bariga before we could see a car to take us to Somolu. 

    Even Fitfam people don’t do like that 

    Blessing: When he dropped me off at my place, I had to let my parents know I was back so they could stop all the police talk. But I didn’t want to let him go, so he stayed with me for about a week. 

    Tunde: I loved he,r and she was really unhappy. I didn’t want to just leave her like that. 

    Blessing: When he left, he stayed alone for like a week before I went back to his place. 

    Does that mean you resolved the problem with Blessing’s dad? 

    Blessing: Not really. There was no light or water in my place, and I needed both to work. My parents live in Edo state, so it’s not like I could go there. They just weren’t seeing that the most sensible decision was to stay in his place and work from there. 

    Since they didn’t agree to see it that way, I just went back to his place and lied to them that I was still at mine. There was no way I’d endure the lockdown period without light, water and my man. We lived together for a couple of months till he had to move from the mainland to the island for his MBA. 

    Tunde: I resigned from the company to do my MBA in January 2021. It was a residency program, so I had to leave her at home and move. It was the first time we had to go long periods without seeing each other. So it was catastrophic initially. She was home alone while I was in school doing this high-intensity programme that sometimes had me studying until 3 a.m. I’ll be too tired to speak to her on the phone, and she couldn’t come visit, so we barely spoke. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Make it Work Despite the Distance

    How did you get through it? 

    Tunde: This is the part that made me believe our love was meant to be. A couple of weeks after I started the program, she got a job in an office really close to my postgraduate school. Sometimes, when they gave us lunch in school, I’d take some to her. But that wasn’t enough; we had to get creative. 

    Blessing: I started sneaking into his room sometimes.

    Ah? How? 

    Tunde: There were loopholes in the school’s rules, and we exploited that. I won’t go into specifics because I don’t want to give the current students expo. 

    Blessing: I’d sneak from his room to work and then slip back into his room. It was adorable. 

    Towards the end of 2020, he stylishly asked what I thought of getting married. I freaked out about it because I thought it was too soon. He wanted to meet my parents, and luckily for us, my younger sister was getting married to one of his best friends. They did their introduction in the village and he was part of the wedding party, so he used it as an opportunity to meet my dad. 

    Tunde: I always knew her dad would like me. The problem was just that he didn’t know me. So before I went to their place in Edo state to see him face-to-face, I wanted to have a conversation with him over the phone to tell him my mind. I told him I was a responsible man, doing my MBA, and was interested in marrying his daughter. After that conversation, we didn’t speak again until her sister’s introduction in May.

    How did the meeting go?

    Tunde: Do you want to tell them how scared you were? 

    Blessing: I was shaking. My parents can be quite strict, so I didn’t know what to expect. But he came with his friends, and it went well. He became their sweetheart, although it took my mum a bit longer to warm up to him. She was extremely careful because she didn’t want me to go into the wrong hands. It took Tunde, my dad, sisters and even me talking to my mum for her to warm up to him. Now, they’re besties. 

    RELATED: Love Life: I’m Scared to Tell My Parents About Him

    Let’s talk about the marriage proposal

    Tunde: I proposed a few weeks before the official introduction between our two families in August. The proposal was funny because I had to change the venue a couple of times. 

    The first proposal was to happen at the beach in July. I’d planned with my colleagues to use them as a decoy. I’d tell her my office was having a “bring your partner” beach event. That way, she’d have to dress up and gbam! Proposal. Blessing and I stayed in a small studio apartment, and we never hide things from each other. We take all our calls on speaker, and we know each other’s passwords. With my colleagues in on it, they’d know to slip the plan in so it would seem legit. 

    Unfortunately, the Saturday I’d planned to propose, I couldn’t get the logistics right, so I moved it to the next Saturday. However, I didn’t tell my colleagues. When they called during the week, they started asking how the proposal went. She was right there so the proposal couldn’t happen again. 

    Oya, proposal number two 

    Tunde: I was planning to propose to her during our annual office retreat. You were allowed to bring your partner and even kids for the week-long retreat. It was at a really nice hotel, and the aesthetics would’ve been perfect for a proposal. Unfortunately, our Chief of Staff changed the rules and said she couldn’t come because I hadn’t proposed yet. I couldn’t tell her I planned on proposing there because I’d just joined the company and didn’t want it to be weird. 

    The date for our introduction was getting closer, and I wanted to propose before then. But I knew it would be difficult to get her to dress up without looking for a ridiculous excuse, so I had to do the ridiculous. I reached out to a not-so-close friend of mine and got him to invite us to a fake event. Then, I told my neighbours I wanted to propose to her in their apartment. They were in love with the idea. They left their apartment for us so I could get it all set up. I called my friend’s sister to help me out with balloons and everything. 

    While all of this planning was going on, Blessing and I were arguing. Why? Because I kept having to take my calls outside so she couldn’t hear what was going on. While she was accusing me of talking to other women, I was planning her proposal. 

    LMAO

    Tunde: I got a lot of our friends and family involved. On the day of the “dinner” my friend invited us to, I told my neighbours to call me and ask me to come over. They’re a married couple with a two-year-old and were like a big brother and sister to us. So them calling one or both of us over wasn’t new. 

    When I got to the apartment, I called to tell her it was both of us they wanted to see, and she should get ready so we could go from there straight to the “event”. When she got there, I was on my knees with all our friends around and music playing. 

    Blessing: And I laughed so much. When my younger sister got proposed to, she laughed as well, and I was wondering what was wrong with her. It got to my turn, and there I was. Seeing him in his turtleneck, down on one knee with all the balloons, it just looked really funny. I’m not sure I heard anything he said. I just said yes, and he put the ring on my finger. 

    Did anything change once you got engaged? 

    Blessing: Not really. We still remained the cool and adventurous couple.

    Tunde: Maybe our mentality changed. We had to start saving for a house and planning a wedding, so we had all those things at the back of our mind. 

    What was the wedding planning like? 

    Blessing: It was actually cool, not as hectic as I thought it would be. Since my sister got married in August, we had a template to work with. 

    Tunde: We did elevate the template though because our wedding was the bomb. 

    Birthday wedding? 

    Tunde: Look, let me tell you. I’ve pulled the greatest scam in history. Now, instead of celebrating our birthday and anniversary separately, I can lump it together and give one gift. People will read about me. Children will write stories about me. I’m making history.

    Blessing: It’s not like I objected to the idea of getting married on our birthday. Plus, he’s making all this mouth about not buying gifts, but this man is a liar. Since we entered February 2023, he’s been buying me gifts every day. 

    We got married on our birthday because he just thought it was adorable. Now, it’s a story he tells everyone once they mistakenly ask. It doesn’t help that we have the same loc hairstyle. When people see us, they mistake us for siblings then he launches into the “born on the same day and married on the same day” speech. 

    What’s married life like? 

    Blessing: We’re a lot more conscious about building long-term wealth, not just for both of us, but our families are involved now. 

    Tunde: When you get married, you think you’re getting married to one person, but it’s actually a village. You now have to consider family members when doing certain things. We kept trying to figure things out individually, so we argued a lot at first. Like three months in, we realised how important talking to each other about things is. We’d sit up in the middle of the night and cry about stuff. 

    Something else that’s helped our relationship over time is the foundation of friendship. I may be upset with Blessing my babe, but Blessing my friend and I will sit down and talk. 

    On a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your love life? 

    Blessing: I’ll rate it a 9. The 1 is because of the possibility of us being more than this. There’s a lot of room for improvement. 

    Tunde: I disagree for the same reasons. Since she said there’s a lot of room for improvement, I’ll rate it a 1. Shebi it’s you that’s looking for room? The 1 means there’s plenty of room for you. 

    Blessing: That room you’re talking about, it’s like you’ll go and collect it outside o, because I don’t understand. 

    Tunde: But for real, I’ll say a 9 as well. We don’t fight, and it’s not because we don’t have growing tension about things, it’s just that we quickly communicate it. It’s been butterflies since we started dating. I feel pretty good about us. 

    RELATED: Love Life: I Found the Love of My Life on Tinder

  • If you’ve ever wondered what goes on in a Christian couples group chat, wonder no more. I’m only too happy to share. As the only member of the married geng at Zikoko, this was bound to happen sooner or later.

    These are eight things you’ll typically find in these group chats.

    Stories, many stories

    I don’t know who’s in charge of making up stories about other people’s relationships to use as case studies on these groups, but I have to say, they’re very creative. Of course, the stories are either forwarded or end with “copied”.

    Relationship advice

    It wouldn’t be a Christian couples group if someone didn’t send unsolicited advice — even confusing ones.

    Forwarded videos

    In case you didn’t take the time to read the stories and relationship advice, you might as well finish your data on the videos that say the exact same thing.

    The occasional shade throwing

    How do you acknowledge the sometimes problematic nature of the other gender in a somewhat respectful, church-approved way? You throw shade.

    BCs from all walks of life

    Did you think it’s only marriage matters they’d talk about there? LOL. And there I was thinking my Nigerian mother sends too many unrelated broadcast messages.

    Wedding anniversaries and birthdays

    I can’t share screenshots for obvious reasons, but best believe there’s someone celebrating something every other day.

    Daily prayers

    Because the devil walks around like a roaring lion, and prayer is needed to keep him at bay. And with how Nigeria is going, if there’s any time we need God’s intervention, it’s now. 

    Sweet gist

    I can’t even lie. The group chat is almost always popping with gist and funny Q/A sessions. Because if there’s one thing married people love, it’s gist. 

    NEXT READ: How to Find a Family That’ll Pay You to Break Up With Their Child

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    The subjects of this week’s Love Life, Musa* (61) and Abike* (52), are pastors who’ve been married for 24 years. They discuss being drawn to each other because of their service to the church and how he proposed before they even started dating. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Zikoko’s Love Life

    How did you two meet?

    Abike: We met in church. I joined in 1993, and he joined two years later. 

    Musa: She was a choir mistress at the time. I joined as a Sunday school teacher and interpreter for the church founder. We were both evangelists and were often paired for evangelical missions. 

    She was still a student when I joined, but I was done with school. Her school was in a different state, so we only saw each other when she came back for long holidays. 

    What made you decide to start dating? 

    Musa:  When I realised I was drawn to her, I decided to ask our pastor and his wife to join us in prayer. We didn’t start dating until I got the go-ahead from our pastor.

    We’ve been taught that when you pray for a life partner, God gives you a reading or shows you the person. You don’t meet the person directly. There’s a Yoruba adage that says, “What an elder sees while seated, the young ones cannot see even if they climbed a two-storey building”.

    After the prayer, the pastor and his wife told me I could propose to her. When I did, she asked for some time to pray about it. 

    Abike: Although I was done with school, I was worried about our financial situation because the money we were earning wasn’t a lot. But when I prayed about it, God led me to Psalm 37:19, and I got my confirmation. 

    Musa: A couple of weeks later, I asked her if she’s made a decision, she told me yes. 

    RELATED: Love Life: I Went to Her House Every Day for a Whole Year

    So you proposed marriage from the jump? 

    Musa: Yes. After I proposed, we dated for over a year before we got married in 1999. We were both very advanced in age. She was 29, and I was 37, so there was no need to waste time. Plus, we’re both committed to the work of God. I knew I couldn’t pursue anything with someone who isn’t as dedicated to God’s work as I am. 

    Our spiritual life was the major factor that really drew us together. The combined love for things of the kingdom was too strong to ignore. 

    Abike: He handled the things of God with a certain passion that really made me interested in him. 

    Musa: Our spiritual parents had a hand in our relationship from the very beginning. Even our brothers and sisters in the church didn’t object to the union. Our biological parents were also in support of us coming together as husband and wife. I honestly believe we are divine partners. That she is the will of the Lord in my life. 

    Abike: I think so too because there’s a certain peace that comes with him.  Not to say we never had issues, but when we did, we prayed on any and every mountain. 

    What kind of issues? 

    Musa: First, the money we were earning at our respective jobs wasn’t a lot, but we thank God for small provisions like bonuses and salary increases. 

    Abike: Another of such issues is that I’m not a very easy person to control. You can’t just tell me to sit there and obey without trying to convince me. Sometimes, he’d make a decision without discussing it with me and expect me to just go ahead with it. That’s not how I work. Now, he knows better than to just impose decisions on me. He’s also more gentle than me. When he’s annoyed, he may not say anything, but me? You’ll see it all over my face. 

    As time went on, we began to understand each other better. Now, if there are any issues, we settle them before we go to bed. If we can’t, we talk about it during our morning devotion.  

    RELATED: Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love

    And you’ve been doing this for 24 years? 

    Musa: Yes, we have, and it’s all been by the grace of God. God is the answer to every loving and peaceful home. Except the Lord builds the house, the labourers work in vain. The secret to being able to last this long in marital bliss is God. 

    Abike: There’s also the love we have for one another. It allows us to be patient and persevere. 

    On a scale of 1-10, how will you rate your love life? 

    Musa: An 8 because I believe we’ve just started. As long as we live it, it’ll continue to grow more and increase on a daily basis till eternity. 
    Abike: I agree. Every day, it keeps getting better by His grace.

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Out We Have Chemistry in a Chemistry Lab

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Peter (54) and Joy (47) have been married for 22 years. In this episode of Zikoko’s Love Life, they tell us what it’s like to fall in love at second sight, court a woman with a strict dad,  and how they dealt with their tribalistic fathers through prayer before getting married.

    Tell me about the first time you met

    Peter: In 1994, when sinking boreholes was not a popular thing back in Port Harcourt, I lived in a house where the tap always rushed. So I got an influx of people searching for water for their homes. 

    Joy: My sister and I, in our search for water, landed in his house. When we got in, we heard their dogs and ran out. He heard our shouting and came outside, so I asked him to please do something about the dogs. He did and I was able to fetch water. 

    Peter: After they finished fetching water, I allowed myself to look at them and when I laid my eyes on her, I was like, wow, this is a really beautiful woman. I asked her for her name and she told me her name was “Gold”. I later found out that wasn’t her real name. 

    Joy: I gave him a fake name because I had a very strict father who didn’t allow my sisters and me to talk to men like that. 

    How did you find out the name was fake? 

    Peter: I was determined to see her again. The following Sunday, I dressed and went to different streets looking for her. The people I asked on the way told me nobody called Gold lived close by, but based on my description, they thought I was referring to Joy and pointed me in the direction of her house. 

    She wasn’t around, but I knew I needed to see her, so I went to her house every day hoping I’d get a chance to. 

    Did you? 

    Peter: Yes. month after. It wasn’t easy and it took the help of her sisters, but I saw her. 

    What do you mean by the help of her sisters? 

    Peter: For the month I came to her house, she kept hiding from me. She’d send her sisters to tell me she wasn’t around. So, I got a chance to talk to her sisters. They thought I was funny and decided to help plan an avenue for us to meet. 

    The next time I came to her house, she was there. In fact, now that you’ve asked me about this, I feel like a young man again. Seeing her was so precious to me. We talked a lot about religion, life, and dreams. That’s how I ended up visiting her house every single day for a year. 

    How did you manage that? 

    Peter: Her house was about three streets away from mine, so I’d pass that route to work. On my way back from work, I’d go to her house before I went to mine. Seeing her became the highlight of my day. I was in love. 

    Joy: I knew I liked him, but whenever I wanted to engage in anything, I always asked God to direct me. He asked me out whenever he had the chance, but I knew I wouldn’t go out with him until I got confirmation from God. Unluckily for him, I didn’t get that answer from God until a year later. 

    Peter: I knew I would marry her from the time I spent with her because something drew me to her, but I decided I’d wait for whatever confirmation she needed. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

    What was dating like? 

    Peter: Amazing. There were no mobile phones so the only time we saw each other was when I visited her. She never came to mine because I was always at work. 

    Whenever she did choose to come and see me, we’d talk and talk for hours. We discussed our future, our lives, our plans, everything. When it was time for her to go home, I’d escort her to her house, and when we got to her house, she’d escort me to mine. After escorting like three times and it starts getting dark, we give up. At a point, the whole community knew us. 

    Peter: This was how it was for us throughout the six years of our relationship.

    Six years? Why so long? 

    Peter: While we were dating, I already knew I was going to marry her. . I remember randomly telling her “Girl, I’m going to marry you. Prepare.” I was serious about her.

    Joy: The main problem was our parents. My dad is not only strict, he was prejudiced against Delta or Benin men. He said they were fetish and didn’t want us to have anything to do with them. 

    Ah. How did that play out?? 

    Peter: In 2000, my elder brother got married. When I returned from the wedding, I told her that since my elder brother has gotten married, it was my turn next and she should talk to her dad.  

    Joy: I loved Peter, but I really didn’t know how I was going to approach my dad on the issue. 

    Peter: That’s when I told her to approach her stepmother first, so she’d help Joy talk to her dad. 

    Joy: I mentioned it to her, and she told me to pray, and she’d handle bringing it up with my father. 

    Two days after, she told me she had spoken to him, but he wasn’t sounding very convinced. I should keep praying. 

    One Wednesday evening during church service, while I was praying, a man walked up to me and told me there was something about my relationship that was bothering me. He said the man I was praying to God about was my husband, and if I didn’t marry him, I’ll look for a husband and have issues. 

    I went back to my stepmother to tell her of the revelation. Then I told my dad, and he gave his permission. 

    Peter: Unfortunately, we couldn’t still proceed with the marriage because my own parents had to agree as well. My father had warned all his children that he didn’t want to hear we were moving around with Igbo people. I knew it would be difficult to convince him. He even sent a word to me from the village in Delta state that he heard I was following a Port Harcourt girl around, and I should forget about it if I thought I would marry her. 

    My dad was a disciplinarian and nobody had ever dared to challenge him whenever he said something, but I knew I was going to marry her. I also knew it was not going to work out if God was not involved, so we fasted and prayed for this marriage to become a possibility. 

    When I finally convinced them, I told Joy about it and we got married. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones We Had Love

    Did you propose? 

    Peter: Well, if you mean did I do it the way the children do these days, where they go down on one knee and bring out a ring, I didn’t. I knew I wanted to marry her since the first month we started dating. We just needed to get past the fathers. When that was done, we got married in 2000. 

    I don’t think there was a need to propose because we’d had the conversations. We’d talked about the life we had and what we were going to live. It seemed unnecessary. 

    What’s being married like? 

    Peter: Amazing. Marriage has taught me about trust, love and forgiveness. I’ve been blessed with five beautiful children, and I love them very dearly. 

    Joy: Great. I think it’s so great because God is a very important factor in this marriage because we wouldn’t be here without him. 

    On a scale of 1-10, rate your love life 

    Peter: If I was to take a pencil and mark this assignment you’ve given to me, I’ll score myself a 9 and a half or even a full ten. It has been from Glory to Glory.


    Joy: I’ll start by saying I give God all the glory, honour and adoration to God. I’ll give it a 9 and a half over 10. This entire relationship has been by the wisdom, the mercy, the strength and the Grace of God. Right now, it’s awesome and I’m grateful to God for this.

    RELATED: Love Life: Our Future Is Uncertain

  • You know your babe has been making arrangements to go to her village for the festive season, but here are some signs to know that she’ll be coming back with a husband. 

    She’s Igbo

    We’re sorry to break it to you, but your Igbo girlfriend telling you she’s going “home” for Christmas might as well be your invitation to her wedding. 

    She’s engaging more with wedding content online

    You’ve noticed that she’s liking and retweeting more threads about marriage on Twitter, she can’t go a day without reposting cute wedding videos on her IG and WhatsApp, and you still haven’t figured it out? She’s obviously jotting down taking tips for when she’s ready, which is going to be two months from now.

    She’s spending more time with you 

    With all the traffic and stress in Nigeria, she insists on spending most of her time with you. Ah! My brother, she’s trying to get the most of the little time you have left before she weds her real husband-to-be.

    She’s not spending time with you 

    Whenever you suggest you spend a weekend together now, she always says she’s busy. Yes, she’s definitely busy trying to forget you and move on with her life.

    She doesn’t get upset easily 

    Nigerian women don’t like peace. So when you start going two days without any fight, there’s something wrong. Our advice? Start mentally moving on because your relationship is nearing its end.

    She gets upset easily

    Any small thing you do, she picks offence. You’re now having a minimum of at least three fights a day? Can’t you see that she’s fed up with all your shit and already has plans to marry someone else?

    You’ve been dating for more than two years

    Two years is enough time to know if you will spend the rest of your life with a Nigerian woman. And if you’ve not started planning to see her people, what’s the point? She’s made up her mind to find someone that’s serious.

    All her close friends are married

    She’s getting invites to weddings every other week, and you haven’t thought to ask her how she feels about getting married? Your breakfast is going to be served buffet-style.

    READ NEXT: 6 Nigerian Women Share The Best Thing About Being Married 

  • Relationships are full of surprises. But what if your boo has a boo that they’re getting married to and it’s not you? Check for these signs so they don’t catch you offside.

    They become sweeter than usual

    Once this starts to happen, it’s either they’re doing send-forth for you, or they’re trying to ease their guilt. Once they start being sweet in a way that’s out of character, jazz up.

    They’re buying you gifts more often

    It’s just consolation for the breakfast you’re about to receive. Think of them as your severance.

    They start ghosting you for extended periods of time

    Maybe they’re having some alone time with the love of their life. Or today’s their family introduction. Whichever one it is, you’re not in the picture.

    They don’t talk about marriage with you

    Obviously, they’re already planning to escape the relationship with somebody else. Open your eyes and ask for their hand in marriage straight up. They’ll probably serve you breakfast, but at least you won’t be caught off-guard.

    RELATED: 5 Nigerian Women Share Why They Regret Getting Married

    They talk about marriage all the time

    Let me just tell you; you’re their unofficial wedding planner. They’re basically using your ideas and imagination to plan their own wedding but you’re smiling at the thought of your opening dance. 

    They start getting strange calls

    Once they start getting calls from unknown numbers and the conversations sound serious, it’s obviously people calling them for stuff they need for their wedding. They’ll tell you it’s a work call but you should know better.

    Their friends start calling you “our wife” or “our husband”

    You’re definitely not their wife or husband. Pack your things and run, my friend. Because in two weeks, you’ll see these people on the internet posing as groomsmen or bridesmaids at your partner’s wedding and you won’t be there. Don’t lose guard.

    NEXT READ: 6 Nigerian Women Share The Best Thing About Being Married

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Olisa (29) and Sandra (27) started dating, got engaged and married within a year after meeting on Twitter. They tell us about how it happened, the stress of planning a wedding and their first pregnancy. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How do you meet someone on Twitter? 

    Sandra: Early 2021, I saw a tweet about how Taurus women are always lucky with men. I was very single at the time, and all the men who’d reached out to me were hellbent on hi-ing me to death. I replied to the tweet with “I beg to differ.” 

    Olisa: I saw that comment. It was funny and made me think she had a good sense of humour, so I replied. 

    Before I did, I went through her profile and saw her pictures. She was stunning, had such a gorgeous smile and looked approachable. I tried to get her attention by liking all her pictures. 

    Smooth

    Sandra: Seeing all the notifications made me curious about who was behind the account. I went through his media, and that’s when I tweeted, “You, liking all of my pictures, this is me telling you you’re cute AF”. He liked that tweet and sent me a DM. I was eventually going to text him, but he beat me to it. 

    Olisa: If I’d liked all her pictures and she hadn’t noticed me, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to text her. 

    I think I’m using my Twitter wrong

    Olisa: I wanted to see her in person as soon as possible, but I couldn’t at first. 

    Sandra: We were both very busy with work. Extremely tight schedules and booked weekends. That’s why when we met a week after we started talking, it was during my lunch break. It was a 30-minute break, but it was lovely. 

    Olisa: I saw her smile, and I knew I was a goner. There was no hope for me. 

    Sandra: During the date, my mum called and he spoke to her. 

    Olisa: I told her mum I was going to marry her. The next day, I asked her to be my girlfriend. 

    In a week? 

    Olisa: There’s something about her. I was so sure from the first picture I saw of her. I didn’t want to waste any time before someone else who saw what I saw would carry her away. 

    Sandra: When he mentioned marriage to my mother and me, I thought he was just spinning my head. You know how all these Lagos boys do? 

    Olisa: I wasn’t lying sha.

    Sandra: It was just that initial fear that you would break my heart.

    Olisa: I’d never. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Became Lovers by Accident

    God when. What was dating like? 

    Olisa: It was great. The problem was we were both extremely busy people. Between traffic, meetings and stress, seeing each other could’ve been labelled impossible, but we made sure we had dates every weekend, no matter what. 

    Sandra: It could be watching a movie or going out, but we must spend the weekend together. Throughout the five months we dated, he only missed two weekends because we weren’t in the same country. 

    Olisa: I’d just proposed, then I needed to be in America for two weeks. 

    Sandra: Imagine proposing and leaving your fiancée for two whole weeks. I thought he wouldn’t return.

    Olisa: LOL

    Tell me about the proposal 

    Olisa: I knew I wanted to marry her very early on. She’s kind and I knew she would make a fantastic mum. If she loves the child just half as much as she loves me, it’s enough. 

    When I proposed to her, it was on a Sunday after we got back from church. While on the bed, I told her to close her eyes and kiss me. Instead of kissing her, I put the ring on her lips. When she realised it was a ring, she said yes. 

    Sandra: He’s kind, communicates efficiently, is a good listener and even though the world is challenging and tiring, he makes me happy. Saying yes was a no-brainer. 

    Tell me about planning the wedding. How did that go? 

    Sandra: The engagement lasted five months because we kept trying to ensure everything went according to plan. The wedding was in Port Harcourt, where I grew up. I was in charge of everything because he didn’t know the location. 

    Olisa: The stress of the wedding was getting to her, but I tried my best to organise people, make payments on time and schedule movement. Everything from booking flights to dealing with the event centre manager caused us a great deal of stress, and we never want to go through that again. 

    RELATED: Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love

    That must’ve cost a lot too.

    Olisa: Can’t give an actual figure, but yes, it did. 

    Sandra: I didn’t want people travelling up and down for the wedding. I felt it wouldn’t be safe. So we decided our white and traditional weddings would be on the same day. A white wedding in the morning and the traditional wedding as the reception. 

    Olisa: We had to pay for the accommodation and transportation of our bridal party and family members. 

    Couple with their bridal party

    Sandra: Food, drinks, clothes, photographs, omo. It was a lot. 

    But it looked like you had fun 

    Sandra: We did. Now that that’s over, we’re looking forward to starting our family. I want to start my family traditions like taking Christmas pictures by our tree, going on vacations, etc. 

    Olisa: I’m so excited because I’ve always wanted to start a family. Knowing it’s happening with her makes it so much better. 

    Sandra: I want to have my two children before I turned 30. I’m about to pop now. So, one down, one more to go. 

    How’s pregnancy treating you? 

    Sandra: Great, except for the weird cravings and evening sickness. During my second trimester, I was in a constant state of craving eba. It could be with any soup. I just had to eat eba. 

    Olisa: I try to do my best, but I’m not the one carrying the baby. We had to adjust our outing schedule because she’s not as energetic as she used to be, but I know it’ll pass. 

    Sandra: There’s no easy part, but knowing I’m creating a human is a fantastic feeling. I’m currently on maternity leave, and it’s so dull. I started watching Grey’s Anatomy to keep me busy. 

    Rate your love life on a scale of 1-10

    Sandra: 10. This relationship is everything I’ve always wanted.

    Olisa: 10

    RELATED: Love Life: It Felt Natural to Call Each Other Boyfriend and Girlfriend

  • Who says the fun has to die in your relationship because you’re now married? Just spice things up with these Truth or Dare questions and you’ll be shocked at what you’d find.

    Disclaimer: If this causes fight, don’t come and drag us sha.

    Truth — Do you have a sugar baby?

    Let them tell you who your competitors are, please. So nobody can come and catch you offside.

    Dare — Let me go through your phone

    Just go straight to the archived chats on WhatsApp. But whatever you see there is your business sha.

    Truth — Would you marry me if I was an ant?

    You know the answer to this question, but you can still ask anyway if you like pain.

    Dare — Show me your Bolt/Uber ride history

    Have they been going to weird places at weird times? Why is Bolt showing that they went to Eko Hotels when they were supposed to go to the gym? These are the questions.

    Truth — Were you faking that orgasm?

    You need to know whether you’re as skilled as you think or you’re just doing rubbish.

    Dare — Recite the national pledge

    This is how you’ll know if your partner is an olodo in disguise.

    Truth — If you could sleep with one of my friends, who would it be?

    Our personal advice: if they ask you this question, lie. If you open your mouth to mention somebody, just be ready for World War 3.

    RELATED: Think Out of the Box With These Date Night “Truth or Dare” Questions

    Dare — Make a video of yourself dancing in my clothes

    Use the video to threaten them every once in a while when they want to fight you.

    Truth — Will you remarry if I die?

    A good retort would be, “Who says you have to die first?” But if you say this, you might actually die.

    Dare — Call my parents and tell them what you really think about them

    Sha don’t try this one if your parents are Yoruba. Your partner will sleep outside.

    Truth — Was he/she just a colleague?

    Look in their eyes as they answer this question. Don’t even bother with the words they’re saying. Unless your spouse can pass a polygraph, you’ll get your answer. 

    Dare — Send me all the money in your account

    Our personal favourite. Just blow small powder after daring them.

    Truth — Any extra children I should know about?

    You might be a stepmom or stepdad without even knowing. It’s surprises like these that really spice things up.

    Dare — Make a TikTok with me and post it

    Only do this if you want them to have small panic attacks while filming. Don’t post it sha because they might faint if you do.

    NEXT READ: Interview With Truth Or Dare: “Why Are Nigerian Men So Horny?”