“You want to specialize? When you haven’t found husband?”
Who husband epp?
“Aunty please help us call the main Doctor”
Please explain yourself
“Small girl like you, so you mean you are a doctor?”
Who are you calling small girl?
“Aunty Doctor, Aunty nurse”
It’s just Doctor, please
“Ehn I know you are not a nurse just help me call the male Doctor”
The level of disrespect
“Eh nurse wait stop talking let me talk to the main Doctor”
I’m confused he’s a medical student
“I’m not saying you don’t know your work o, just help me call your oga”
Look at me I’m the oga here
“You are a doctor? Your husband is trying o, hope you have time for him”
Is that what we are here for?
“You mean you are a doctor doctor? And you are a woman?”
And so what?
“Sister but you are too fine to be a doctor now”
Better face your front
In a Nigerian home, there’s a very fine line between being a child and being an adult. 21 might be the official legal age for most things like voting or drinking but if you think that’s when you come of age then you are a joker. To prevent your parents from calling a family meeting on your head, here’s how you really know you’ve come of age in a Nigerian home.
When your mum starts putting two pieces of meat on your rice.
Is this me
When they ask for your opinion during a family meeting.
You mean you want my opinion??
When you are still out at 7pm and your mother hasn’t called you ten times
I don’t understand what’s happening right now
When they start using style to ask you if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Is this a trick question?
When your parents stop sending you pocket money just because you got one small job like that
Am I not your child again?
When they start asking you what you are still doing in their house.
Is it not our house again?
When they bring NEPA bill and your parents ask how much you are going to contribute
But when did this one start?
When your mum starts asking you for grandchildren
Please ma stop this rough play
When you can go out without dropping 5 working days notice
Ehn sho mo age mi
When during family prayer your parents only prayer point for you is to get married and leave their house.
When did this one start?
When you tell your parents you have a boyfriend and they reply ‘Thank God o!’
Is it that serious?
But the surest way to know you’ve come of age is when they give you signs you’re ready to become a parent. Are you ready to have a child? Watch this video to find out what Nigerians have to say about parenthood.
In Nigeria being a single woman is very hard.
Sometimes even harder than you might imagine.
One minute you are a baby girl living your life, the next minute everyone is asking you ‘when will you marry?’
When did this happen?
In fact once you hit a certain age everyone from your gateman to your boss at work is advising you to go to Shiloh
But what is your business?
It doesn’t matter who you are and what you’ve achieved. The only important question is ‘why are you single?’
“Oh you just won a Nobel Prize? Husband nko?”
Before you know it all of your friends start to get married even the ones you thought were single pringles like you
What a betrayed
It doesn’t help that their married status seems to come with infinite wisdom and they take it upon themselves to cure the disease that is your singleness.
You better face your marriage
Nowhere is safe. You go to church to worship your Lord God and Saviour, and some church aunty will ambush you about attending singles fellowship
Did I say I was single and searching?
When you even try to date the men act like they are doing you a favour. “You don’t know you are old abi, I’m just trying to epp your life”
You are 40 and living with your parents epp your own life first.
What of living alone as a single woman?
You are living alone? And you are single? You must be an asewo
Before you know it everyone is trying to hook you up, including your Aunty Yejide who has had 7 husbands
Please don’t disturb me
You’ve not even found bae but everyone keeps asking you “children nko”?
Will they fall from heaven?
And it’s not even like you had a problem being single you were perfectly fine but now you can help but wonder…
Maybe I should go to the Shiloh
At the end of the day it’s your life don’t let anyone disturb your peace of mind
Enjoy your life
So the next time someone should ask you when are you getting into a relationship, tell them…
Please don’t let anybody stress your life.
Meanwhile what’s your spec?
1. When your parents start looking for your wedding venue the minute you start walking.
Can you just let me suck breast first?
2. When they buy toy car for your brother but buy you kitchen set.
I didn’t come to this life to cook plis
3. When they are sharing chores, this is your list while your brother’s list only has wash car on it.
4. This is the summary of the sex talk your mum gave you when you started your period
Just like that.
5. You can’t make any small mistake in your parents’ house without hearing is this how you’ll do it in your husband’s house.
Small mistake o
6. How your parents reacted when your brother managed to make noodles for the first time.
And it wasn’t even sweet sef
7. How they react when you make Jollof Rice, Asun, Fried Chicken but forget to fry Plantain to add
That’s how you’ll go and disgrace us in your husband’s house
8. How your parents reacted when your brother brought home a female friend
YOU’RE THE TRUE SON OF YOUR FATHER.
9. How they reacted the first time a boy just used side eye to look at you
If I see that boy again.
10. Once your mum noticed you were growing breasts these are the kind of clothes she started buying for you
You won’t disgrace me.
11. Meanwhile at school all the boys forgot where your eyes were located
Abi do you want Amadioha to punish you?
12. Going to buy bread down the street and before you even lock your gate one Emeka has come to profess his love to you.
I’m not interested please.
13. When a guy who was just toasting you starts abusing because you said you weren’t interested
So confused.
14. When you hear that a boy in school is telling everyone you slept with him because you shook his hand one time
But how?
15. When your parents spent your entire childhood chasing you away from boys now they’re asking you for husband.
As if they sell husband in the market.
16. When your parents’ reply to anything you do is ‘But when will you marry?’
Matriculation? When will you marry
Graduation? When will you marry?
NYSC? When will you marry?
It never really ends, does it?
17. Ever had the sex talk with your Nigerian parents? This is probably how it went.
While some of you were busy fighting on Twitter, sharp people have seized the bae off social media and are even happily married with kids.
We were jejely minding our business, when this Twitter user, Frank, shared the story of how he met his wife on Twitter. Just look at that suit.
Hope some of you are taking notes for this year’s Valentine’s Day o.
Dey dont know dat on our first valentine, we had home dinner in my small apartment by the candle light (becus I cudnt afford a generator) pic.twitter.com/PckoHdfYGW
12. When you forgot to break up with your girlfriend before your wedding:
Gbese!
13. You, when your side chic sends you congratulations text with your wedding pictures:
“Actually, it’s not really my wedding….”
1. Ladies, let’s be honest; a lot of us are single and searching.
2. Even though some of you like to pretend you’re in a relationship; but are you really your bae’s bae?
3. But it appears Nigerian girls are taking this search-for-bae game to another level!
4. Babes are now hooking up and getting married to rich and fine Uber drivers.
5. They say some Uber drivers are actually very rich, and just do the job because they’re bored.
6. First of all, we have to stop ordering normal Ubers; Uber Black is the way forward, so gather your savings.
7. And we can’t even order the Uber to places like clubs- it has to be church, mosque, weddings, schools and other responsible-looking places like that.
8. In fact, when the Uber arrives, you have to chook your pride in your pocket and sit in front so you can form conversation face to face.
9. Remember to check the driver’s hand for a ring; in short, if he has a ring, just cancel the stupid trip!
10. Let your home training shine brightly during the trip, so they know you’re wife material, 100 yards.
11. And when they try to prove stubborn by not asking for your number after the trip, make sure you run to give them.
12. By the time you order the 10th Uber, you would have met Prince Charming for sure!
13. And you can tell your village people to die, because their plans have failed!
Just visit Naija Single Girl for more advice. They are experts in this field.
1. When you clock 20 years and your relatives start asking of ‘your husband’
Which husband did you give me, please?
2. When everyone in your squad suddenly decides to get married
I thought we were in this together.
3. How your mom gives you side-eye when your friends bring their aso-ebi
“What are you still dong with your life?”
4. You, when your younger cousins now want to get married too
You people are not playing with this marriage thing sha.
5. You and all the people in your squad that are not planning to get married yet:
Just me!
6. When you go to a wedding and you see your uncles and aunties coming
Let them not bring their wahala here.
7. How your mom does night vigil for you everyday
“I cast and bind every spirit that is blocking my child’s marriage!”
8. When you now announce that you want to do your masters, your whole family is like
“Is it masters we asked you for?”
9. You, when nosy people ask ‘why aren’t you married yet?’
Mind your business!
10. You, when your friends arrange the hundredth blind date for you
What is all this nonsesnse?
11. When your mum starts talking about your ticking biological clock
Everything is now about ‘biological clock’!
12. When you do something wrong and your mom starts with ‘that’s why you’re not married’
Has it reached like that?
1. When they say you are their best friend ever.
2. When they say they wish they could date someone as nice as you or as kind as you.
3. When they say you would be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend … for someone one day.
4. When they come and ask you for relationship advice.
5. When you ask them out and they say they don’t want to ruin the friendship.
6. When they try to use you to make the person they really like jealous.
7. When you use all your bars on them and get “wow thanks” as a reply.
8. When you confess your love and they say “stop joking”.
1. When you’ve not been married for up to one week and people are already looking at your stomach.
2. When people start giving you rubbish advice about keeping a home.
3. When family members start thinking your house is their house too.
4. When people keep reminding you that your spouse will soon change.
5. When you are smiling and happy and people tell you to “enjoy it while it lasts”.
6. When people in your office start asking nosy questions, you’re like:
7. When you can now say “don’t you know I’m a married woman”?
8. The first time you have a fight with your new husband/wife, you’re like:
9. When people are already asking you for relationship advice, you’re like:
