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  • The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 32-year-old woman who is torn between her job and her family. She talks about how marriage and her first pregnancy affected her mind and body, and why she may have to leave work to have the number of kids she wants.

    Talk to me.

    Growing up was fun for me. I wasn’t told, “You can’t do this because you’re a girl.” I was the girl who was taught to wash cars and fix things in the house — sockets, DVD players, generator spark plug, you get the gist. I had an older brother, but my dad had me close by when he did these things and didn’t let me think it was for boys only.

    I was a fun-loving, confident girl, and my parents also trusted me. I was also allowed to do things I liked. I could go out, visit close friends. I just knew I had to be back home by 7 p.m. 

    By the time I got to university, I was still enjoying myself. I loved my own company, I was comfortable going out by myself and spending my money. My mum would say, “Once a month, take out a small sum and take yourself out.” And so I would. This time, my curfew was 10 p.m., but I could always call my parents to let them know if I’d be out longer.

    And then after school?

    I got a job, didn’t like it and left. Did a bit of banking, realised the banking life is not for me. Started my own thing, a bit of interior design and culinary services. Then I decided I’d like to have a 9 to 5, and I ended up in tech.

    And also marriage.

    Getting married was different. I got a rude awakening when I realised I had to be accountable to someone. I grew up the only girl in my family and my brother was five years older than I was. We didn’t click — we were almost never at the house at the same time. If I was at school, he was on holiday, If I was home, he was in school; we mostly saw each other during major holidays. And so I didn’t have an overbearing big brother breathing down my neck.

    With marriage, I realised I couldn’t just up and leave without telling my husband where I was going. I can’t just go and see a movie. I was accountable to someone, and If I was later than usual from work, that someone would be worried. I’d have to call and explain, “Oh I’ve been in traffic for two hours, so I’ll be late.” For someone that was used to running things my way, it was extra work mehn. It took a lot of getting used to.

    What helped?

    I got to a stage where I told my husband, “I love you, but you can’t tell me what to do,” and it was causing rubbish quarrels. After some time, I thought, “It’s not that bad.” I’m big on communication, so my husband and I decided to talk. “What’s the problem? Why is this a big deal? How can I help?” And it got better.

    And then pregnancy.

    Haha. Having a child was one of the most remarkable things to happen to me. No one prepares you for what it’s like — and it’s not just about the birthing process — it’s about becoming a mum, that big transition from being one person and suddenly you’re responsible for another human being. You have to figure out what this person is saying when it’s crying or rubbing its ears.

    It was another rude awakening. Nothing prepares you for the changes that happen to your body afterwards or the postpartum issues that come up. After my baby’s birth, I had issues keeping my concentration. I was always forgetting things — they call it mummy brain — and it stayed for a while. Till now, I still have flashes of that where I go, “Okay, what was I thinking a moment ago?” There was that feeling of losing my mind and also my self.

    I was a size 8 before I got pregnant. After pregnancy, my breast shape changed. They were not as perky as they used to be. My stomach wasn’t as firm as it used to be. My insecurities grew, and I thought I would never get myself back. I hated my body and my mind. I also dreaded going back to work — how would I fit into the workspace when I couldn’t even keep up with a conversation? 

    That’s heavy. I’m sorry. What happened when you did go back to work?

    The tech space is very fast-paced. You’re building new things, programmes — it’s a lot of brainwork. When I was on maternity leave, my biggest fear was I wasn’t going to fit into my work anymore, especially because I was losing my mind and couldn’t remember stuff. 

    My office has a lot of young people. I’ll be 33 this year, and I work with people in their early 20s who just want to live life and do amazing things, and I’d say getting married isn’t in their top ten things to do. Being pregnant was already a sandbag on my leg; something that was going to slow me down, then I was away from work for three months for maternity leave. I had a serious case of FOMO. I knew many new projects would have been completed by the time I got back.

    Before my leave, I had heard side comments that I was getting replaced, so I was already in a bad place. I wasn’t too excited about going back because I knew I was going to struggle. I wasn’t going to be able to stay for long hours, and I’d be treated like I had a disability. 

    Coming back to work as a new mum was difficult. I felt like I had to show I was still worth being retained as a staff. I was always waiting to be told, “Thank you for your services, we want to let you go.”

    I threw myself into work and tried to do things. It was like no days off for me. I was working from home and so I didn’t even have structures to help jig my mind back to form. My husband helped during this period. He kept telling me to remember it was a physiological thing as much as it was psychological, and I didn’t have to force it or put my brain under more pressure. 

    Did things get better at work?

    Yes. In retrospect, a lot of this was happening in my head. I don’t think anyone was feeling how I felt.

    Do you think you’ll try for another child?

    My husband is an only child, and I grew up as an only girl. While we were talking and planning out our lives, we understood we wanted to have three or four kids. After my first child, I just had cold feet. I wanted to take my time and get my body back to a state where I felt more comfortable with it. I didn’t want to lose my mind again. You know how they say no two pregnancies are the same? I asked myself what’s the guarantee it wouldn’t get worse?

    My husband and I agreed we would wait until our baby clocked two, then we’d start trying for another. But at the back of my head, I’ve been thinking, “Do I want to do this now? How would the guys at work take it?”

    The tech space can be unforgiving and treacherous. You have to come correct all the time and always prove yourself. I know for certain getting pregnant again would be seen as me not bringing my A-game. “This one has come again with pregnancy. She’s going to be away for another three months. Who is going to do her work?” I’d have those snide comments and side glances, and they wouldn’t understand. 

    I know I have to get pregnant because I want a family, but I am not looking forward to being pregnant while I still have this job. I’m at this point where it’s a constant battle. I don’t have all the time in the world. I can’t keep waiting forever, and while I used to bother about what people at work would feel about me, I could as well leave.

    Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I want to have a family and keep my job. I just feel like something has to give.

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here

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  • As told to Mariam

    In my first month at Zikoko, I put a call out for Nigerian women to tell me about their proposals. Cynthia* was one of the women that reached out to me. I thought it was interesting that she was a bisexual married woman, and I wanted to know how that worked so I asked a few more questions. Here’s what she told me: 

    I was ten when I first kissed a girl. She was a light-skinned girl like me and we lived in the same compound. She already had boobs, and it was fun to touch. When I was 13, I kissed a boy too, and I liked it. I didn’t put a name on my sexuality until I was 16. 

    I was doing my diploma in primary health care at the time. I met a lot of people and they taught me different things. There, I learned that I am bisexual. I learned about sex. I dated boys and girls throughout my university. Although I had to hide my relationships with women so no one reported us to the school authorities, I loved that I was able to express myself. 

    In 2015, I went to a friend’s wedding and I met Osi*. He was the groom’s best man. He was older than every other man I had dated and I found that sexy. He was easy to talk to, and he didn’t judge me. When I told him about my sexuality, he joked about the possibility of a threesome. We never got to it because we lived in different states. 

    After dating for about two years, he came with his dad to tell my dad that he was interested in getting married to me. I was 25. I told him he didn’t need to propose — he could just give me the darn ring and get it over with. He wanted it to be special. 

    In June 2016, we went for a weekend getaway. It was a lovely experience away from the Lagos noise. On the night before we returned, we were arguing when he tossed the ring box at me. I cried so much I didn’t hear the actual proposal. He was on one knee and all of that. I was just giddy. After I said yes, he asked if we could watch a movie. The television came on and it was videos of my family, friends and my colleagues saying congratulations to us. I emptied out my tear ducts that night.

    We got married in mid-2017. A few months into the marriage, I realised that my husband and I communicate differently. He could say A, I would say B and neither of us would comprehend what the other meant before making decisions. There was always an expectation that I would change my choices or plans to accommodate his own. We spent a lot of our time trying to prove we were right. By the time, I realised how far we’ve gone into our fights and tried to makeup, he would stop talking to me. 

    Marriage married woman

    He would ignore my questions and refuse to engage me on little things like how his day went. Eventually, I gave him space. The most frustrating thing for me was the lack of intimacy. He held back from sex and wouldn’t even touch me as punishment for whatever it is I did he wasn’t happy with. I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant but even that didn’t change his behaviour towards me. He continued treating me like I wasn’t living in the same house with him, carrying his child. 

    The pregnancy was a sensitive one so I spent most of the nine months either at my parents’ house or at the hospital. This only made us grow more distant. Things became worse after I gave birth to our daughter. We fought over everything. In a day, we would argue about three times and lose whatever progress we’d made.

    One time his mum came over. After spending a few days with us, she reported to him that I wasn’t sending her on errands. Osi was angry with me for not asking his mother for help, after all that’s why she was around. It didn’t make any sense to me to send a 70+ woman to boil my bathing water or make my food when I wasn’t paying her to work. He didn’t understand that I was respectful of her. We fought about it for months.

    I opened up to a friend and he encouraged me to open an anon account to express myself. So I created an Instagram account. I met another married woman with an anon account. We became friends — she encouraged me to open a Twitter account and I did. That’s how I met Isi*. I was immediately attracted to her. We would exchange messages for hours. Talking to her helped me see how bad my communication problem was. We met in person like a month after but we never had sex because the opportunity never came. What we had was more of an emotional connection than a sexual connection. 

    My husband became suspicious. Whenever I leave the room to talk to her, he would ask who I went to talk to. He always wanted to know who I was talking to and how I was talking to them. I would tell him I am talking to my friend and she wanted to talk privately. I could tell he knew there was more I wasn’t saying so I ended things with her. I went back to trying to make things work with him.  

    He was still distant, and I was tired of feeling alone in my marriage so I reported him to his sister. She and her husband decided to talk to him. I don’t know what they told him but he started to warm up to me again.  

    Before we got married, he was open to trying out new things with me. We were always playing with sex toys or trying to tick something off our sex bucket list but he changed after we got married. Sex became pretty much basic so I went back to my anon accounts. 

    This time, I resolved to keep it online. No physical contact — just sexts and nudes. Our daughter is going to be two in a few weeks, and I wonder if things between me and her father are ever going to change or if I made a big mistake marrying him. There is a lot of work to be done to make this marriage work but I don’t know how long I’m willing to commit to it. 

    QUIZ: What Kind Of Spouse Will You Be?

    Will you be romantic, unfaithful, reliable, detached or supportive? Take this quiz to find out.

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  • Should you or should you not tie wrapper in your matrimonial home?

    Some people will say you should and some will say you shouldn’t. But I have just come back from Instagram where women are waging serious war against wrappers, and the spirit told me to inform you about the spiritual implications of allowing wrapper into your matrimonial home.

    She who has an ear, let her follow Zikoko hear what the spirit is saying at her own peril.

    1. Your natural beauty will vanish.

    That wrapper will wrap your beauty until there is nothing left again.

    2. You will no longer be good in bed.

    Go and ask people. It’s just that they will not talk, because they won’t like to expose themselves.

    3. Your children will start running away from you.

    7 BTS ONESHOTS - Fake - Wattpad

    Because, really, who is this woman without natural beauty?

    4. Your husband will look at you and see his great-grandmother that fell into a well in 1954 and died of cough and catarrh.

    Naturally, he will burst into song. You know the song? Ancient of days, as old as you are…

    5. Of course, your husband will cheat.

    That’s how he will be begging the other woman who wears low-waist jeans and spaghetti top, or show-me-your-back and leggings.

    6. Even your children will call another woman Mummy.

    Where is the woman they know as Mummy? The one who sleeps and wakes up in high heels? The one who wears wig and lipstick to the bathroom? Who is this woman who ties wrapper like a rapper?

    7. Sis, your mates will refer to you as Mummy oh.

    They will even be afraid to invite you out sef, because what if you tie wrapper and call it fashion?

    8. Grey hair will start showing.

    Joke Silva Throwback Photos | FabWoman

    Mummy wa, may your days be long oh. Do you even remember the function of a bra?

    9. The Nigerian Association Of Witches will definitely recruit you.

    And because you are angry at how unfair you husband has been to you, his penis will be the first thing you will sacrifice.

    He left you because of wrapper, so you too will wrap his penis in shawarma bread and eat it. Ojoro cancel.

    10. And finally, your husband’s family will send you packing.

    Tying wrapper is the enemy of your marriage. It is the reason for all the problems in Nigeria today. It is the sole reason why men cheat. So, wear your bra to bed. Sleep in your waist-trainer and girdle. Jog in your high heels. Cook while wearing your bone-straight.

    Just boycott wrapper and save your marriage today. We have said our own.

  • What do you do when married people move to you? Do you cut them off, entertain them or cheat with them?

    This quiz knows the answer.



    QUIZ: Who Will You Marry?

    wrecked marriages | Zikoko!

    Take this quiz to find the love of your life.

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  • A lot of men are often invested in the idea of being the ‘Head of the House’. They treat it like it’s a do-or-die affair. And this is why you must collect that position from them.

    How do you do that? We have ideas!

    1. Start wearing trousers.

    NEW Kathmandu Flight Men's Stretch Travel Trousers | eBay

    He is wearing trousers, you are wearing trousers. What is the difference between both of you? NOTHING.

    2. During sex, stay on top.

    The moment you flip him over like pancake and climb on top of him, power has changed hands.

    3. Eat the head of the fish in the soup and give him the tail.

    Easy Fish Pepper Soup | Nigerian Lazy Chef

    That thing is symbolic if you don’t know. Eat the fish head consecutively for one week and see if you won’t feel a change in your energy. I doubt if the man will even allow it sef. He knows what he’s losing each time you eat a fish head.

    4. Serve yourself before you serve him.

    It shows you are putting yourself first. Isn’t that what some Nigerian men when they say they are the head of the family?

    5. Barb low cut.

    Now, you both have the same head. He’ll have no other choice but to come to you as a fellow man.

    6. Absolutely refuse to kneel down and greet him.

    Kneel wetin? Greet who? You are a head plis. Head no dey kneel for another head. If he cannot collect standing greeting, let him greet himself.

    7. If he says he needs money, give him.

    The moment you give him, he has relinquished the position of the head, biko. Man that is collecting money from his wife, is that one head?

    8. Eat and leave the plate on the table for him to carry.

    The moment he carries that plate like this, he ceases to become head.

    9. Buy clothes for him.

    Nigerian kaftan men | Etsy

    Man that you are buying clothes for, can he open mouth to say he is the head? Position that you have collected from him with material things.

    10. When you are going out, ask him to sit in the passenger seat while you drive.

    It means you have taken 100% control of the family, as per head that you are.

    11. Every time you go out, make sure you come back home with bread.

    Butterfield-sliced-bread

    That way, everyone can see that you are the breadwinner.

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 39-year-old heterosexual woman who left her husband after 10 months. She talks about how the end of her marriage and her return to Nigeria accelerated the course of her sex life. 

    What was your first memorable sexual experience?

    I think I was 16 or 17. I went out with a few friends in Central London, and we bumped into a couple of guys. One of them liked my friend, so I started talking to his friend. A few days later, we all ended up at my friend’s place.

    She had a bunk bed, so she was on the top bunk with her guy and I was on the bottom bunk with mine. We made out for a bit and then he went down on me. It was nice. 

    What happened after that? 

    A few months later, we started dating, and I had sex for the first time with him. The sex was fine — it wasn’t fantastic, but it also wasn’t bad. I had heard a lot of bad “first time” stories, but that wasn’t the case for me.

    Then shortly after we started dating, he brought up the idea of us having a threesome with his best friend — the guy my friend hooked up with. I agreed, and when we did it, I realised his friend was a better lover. 

    LMAO. Wow. Did you sleep with his friend again?

    Yeah. Once my relationship ended — it lasted about three or four months — I started having sex with him. It wasn’t that serious. It was just a friend with benefits situation that lasted for about a year.

    How did your ex react to that?

    He was cool about it. There was even a time I went back to sleep with him, and when I didn’t enjoy the sex as much as I had before, he joked that his friend’s bigger dick had made me stop appreciating his. 

    LMAO. What happened after you stopped sleeping with his friend?

    I got into a few more relationships. They were either very short or mostly about sex. Then when I was 23, I met the guy I ended up marrying. We didn’t have much in common, but sex with him was incredible. 

    We broke up for about a year, I dated other guys, and then we got back together. I used to do the whole body count thing before I realised it was stupid and stopped, but before we got married, I had definitely slept with a lot of guys. 

    How old were you when you got married?

    I was 26.

    How was married sex?

    It was lit. The only thing we had going for us throughout that relationship was great sex. By the time we actually got married, the relationship was already disintegrating. I found out that he was a compulsive cheater and liar. 

    We lived together as a married couple for about 10 months, but even when things were really bad between us, we still had sex. For me, it was like, if I needed to get my orgasm, I would. 

    LMAO. I stan. Can I ask why you married him though?

    At the time I met him, that was just what you did. I had finished university and was working, so it felt like the logical next step. I also got pregnant a few months after we got back together. 

    We started living together, but we broke up again months after we had our daughter because it became clear to me that he wasn’t serious. He came back to beg, and I forgave him. Then we got married pretty quickly after that due to family pressure. 

    So, what went wrong?

    I found out he was cheating on me with his ex, with whom he already has a child, so that derailed the marriage. After I left, I learnt he had gotten another woman pregnant while I was pregnant — my daughter has a stepbrother that’s four days younger.

    Then to top it all off, he got his ex pregnant again in the 10 months we were married. 

    Na wa. How was sex after married life?

    LMAO. That’s when the fun really started. I knew my marriage was officially over when I visited Lagos and ended up hooking up with one of my brother’s friends. That unlocked something in me because when I returned to England, I was wilding out. 

    I got back to sleeping with any guy I wanted to. Then I moved back to Lagos about a year and a half after the marriage ended, and it was insane. People always told me about Nigerians being shy about sex, but that was not my experience at all. 

    Before I came to Lagos, I never used to understand how a woman could get pregnant and not know who the father was. Then in one day, I had sex with a guy, got head from another and almost slept with a third. The last two happened at a sex party.

    LMAO. Wow. Did you have a steady partner during this time?

    For about five months, yes. I met him during my NYSC year. He had a girlfriend in a different state, but we really connected —  he was basically my soulmate, but he still had his girlfriend.

    Once, I decided to end things, and we ended up having goodbye sex for seven hours. But then things continued till I left Lagos.

    Damn. How long were you in Lagos?

    About two years. After my marriage, it’s not like I hated men, but I didn’t trust them. They were just a means to get my orgasms. Living in Lagos was also cathartic because no one knew me, so I didn’t have to answer questions about my marriage.

    It was also very easy to meet men. When I was in London, I only ever dated Black men, so being in Lagos and seeing only Black men made me feel like a kid on Christmas Day. Plus, unlike British men, Nigerian men were not shy about chatting me up.

    Even married men were always trying to get with me.

    Oh? Did you ever answer them?

    Initially, I was very black and white — I didn’t sleep with or date married men. Then on my 30th birthday, I made out with a married man. The attraction was palpable, and we would have had sex if either of us had protection that night.

    Then a few years later, I met one of my brother’s friends who I had made out with when I was 18. He was now married, but he didn’t seem happy in it. To be honest, I didn’t actually care whether he was happy or not. I slept with him because of our past connection.

    I think once I crossed that line on my 30th birthday, the lines got blurry. Now, I no longer believe in monogamy. If you’re married, that’s on you, it has nothing to do with me. The only thing I hate is when men lie about their marital status.

    Interesting. So, how different are things now that you’re in your 30s?

    I’ve mostly stopped giving a fuck. I’ve always attracted men, but in my 20s, I went out of my way not to draw too much attention to myself. I have a big ass, so I always tried to avoid dressing too provocatively. 

    Now, I’m just like, “This is the body God gave me. Deal with it.”

    Mad. What about sex? 

    After I came back from my sex spree in Nigeria, I decided to take a break and actually deal with the end of my marriage. So, I was celibate for about 18 months. By the end of it, I was gagging for sex. 

    It’s been a rollercoaster since then. For about four years, I went through a dip where I couldn’t find guys that could satisfy me sexually, but now, I’m with a guy who is my sexual match and then some. We’ve been together for a year.

    Are you sleeping with just him?

    Yes, but I think that’s mostly because of the pandemic. Sex with him is great, but I’m missing the emotional aspect of a relationship, so I’ve been curious about seeing other people once the world opens back up.

    Like at the same time?

    Yeah. I want to try polyamory. I know it will be hard to find willing men, but I want to. I also want to try more threesomes and finally have sex with a woman. I’ve found myself admiring women’s bodies a lot more, so I’m curious.

    How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    I’ll give it a 9. I’d have given it a 10, but every now and then, the lover shows his ass and reminds me that he is a man. That being said, I’m having the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. 

  • Is your spouse going to be romantic or will they be selfish? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.

  • Will you have a happy marriage, a passionate marriage or an open one?

    This quiz has the answer:

    QUIZ: Are You Marriage Material?

    Should you marry or not? Take this quiz.

  • A few months ago, I was on a group where people were talking about how the culture of kneeling to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage was very new in Nigeria. The first thing that came to my mind was, “I wonder how my dad asked my mum to marry him?”

    I picked up my phone and asked him, and after he told me his story, I decided to to ask other older men how they asked their wives to marry them.

    Black man kneeling and proposing Stock Photos - Page 1 : Masterfile

    1. Fatai

    I was in my early 30’s when I met my wife. For some reason, I couldn’t approach her, so I told my friend to tell her older sister about me. One day, her older sister called me and asked me what I wanted with her sister, and I said we were just friends. I couldn’t admit that I liked her, I hadn’t even spoken with her.

    After some time, I started writing letters. From time to time, I’d pass by her house, just to see her. We’d say hi, and I’d leave. Whenever my friends passed around her house and saw her, they’d find a way to send me the information and I’d in turn find my way there.

    After some time, I told my own older sister about her, and she somehow found a way to tell my wife’s older sister, who went, “Aha, I knew you liked my sister!”

    Her sister told her father, but he said she couldn’t get married to me because she had to finish her education. Shortly after, she dropped out and said she wanted to do business. Her father was so angry. He blamed me for making her drop out. and then strengthened his stance that I wouldn’t marry her.

    After some time, my sister found another person to beg her mother. Her mother was more receptive and begged her father to let her marry me. They did all the ìwádìí (Finding out about my family, and my lineage) and met my family and then agreed that she could marry me.

    It was at this point that we started talking.

    proposal - Capital Lifestyle

    2. Adesanya

    I met my wife in fellowship. We were in the drama unit and in the choir together. We weren’t particularly friends or anything. I had the same relationship with her that I had with everyone in the fellowship. When I was ready to get married, I prayed to God to show me who my wife is, and he told me it was her. I heard him clearly, I was sure it was going to be her. So I walked up to her and told her, “Hi, I love you and I want to marry you.” It took her three months to get back to me, but when she did, her answer was yes.

    We didn’t get married until after a while though. Her father didn’t want her to marry me because I wasn’t from their village. It took him five years to finally say I could marry her.

    3. Solomon

    My father died when I was a baby, so my mother was all I had. When I got older, she told me that she wanted to find a wife for me from her village and because I loved her, I agreed.

    The first woman she brought for me to marry secretly begged me to call off the marriage because she was already in love with another man, so I gave some flimsy excuse and called it off. My younger brother insisted that I couldn’t marry the second one because he was already dating her sister. My uncle said I couldn’t date the third one. He didn’t have any reason, he just said no. I didn’t like the fourth one.

    At that point, I decided to find a wife for myself. I was praying a lot about the type of woman I wanted to marry but I realised that even I wasn’t perfect, so I decided to spend one year making myself better, instead of looking for a wife.

    I’d always seen myself marrying a hardworking woman. I love hardworking women. I was at work one day when a beautiful young woman came looking for a job. She was 19. My God, she was so beautiful. The only opening we had was for a cleaner, and we offered her the job. She took it and did it so, so well. Funny thing, she was a graduate.

    Shortly after she started working there, I realised I’d fallen in love with her, so I found out if she was a Christian or not. She was, but she didn’t go to church often so I started taking her to church. When she became very active in church, I knew she was ready, so I walked up to her one day and said, “I don’t want to date you, I want to marry you.”

    We’ve built a good life together. She’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.

    8 African American Wedding Traditions

    4. James

    I got back from Italy in 1984. My plan was to stay in Nigeria for a short time before I moved to England, but I met my wife at a car park as my friend and I drove from Lagos to Ondo. I told my friend to slow down, and I approached her. Luckily, she was also going to Ondo. Her village and mine were very close.

    We got talking on the trip and even though I dropped her off at her village, I was there again the next day to meet her parents and tell them that I liked her. The next year we had out traditional wedding and moved to London together.

    A few years later, we had our normal wedding in London. Our children were there.

    5. Adeyemi

    I was sleeping at a Christmas party in the early 1980’s when someone woke me up to tell me that the babes were around. The first person I saw when I opened my eyes was my wife. She was so beautiful. I asked her to dance with me, and when Gary Moore’s “Falling in Love” came on, I started pointing at her as the I sang the song.

    In the next few weeks, I would go to her hostel from time to time to see her. Her friends loved me, so they made it easy for her to like me back. After I got back to Zaria for school, I started sending endless letters to her. She sent some too.

    When I got back to Lagos, I told her I wanted her to meet my parents and she agreed. I was scared because my parents had rejected the first woman I brought because she was Ijebu. My father pretty much interrogated her, and after some time, he accepted her.

    When I was in my third year in university, she got pregnant, and we just decided to get married then.

    70+ Wedding Dress for Pregnant Brides Ideas 54 | Pregnant wedding dress, Pregnant bride, Pregnant wedding

    QUIZ: When Will You Marry?


  • If your in-laws display any of these behaviours, you can be sure they will move mad and show you pepper when you marry their child. Escape now before it’s too late.

    1. The first time you visited them, they asked you to enter kitchen and cook.

    PLACE ORDER – we're at your door

    As per, “Let us taste the food of our son’s wife.” Okay nau. The Lord is your muscle.

    2. Or they are asking you not to visit them empty-handed.

    Prices of Foodstuffs in Nigeria (UPDATE) – Things To Know

    Corporate begging, but make it in-law style, yunno.

    3. His mother ‘jokes’ about coming to live with you after marriage.

    Come and live with you to do what, plis? Shebi their own house is no longer inhabitable, abi?

    4. They don’t agree with your union at first but after ‘convincing them’, they agreed.

    ‘We love you like our daughter oh, but we don’t want our son to marry an Igbo woman.’

    My dearest sister, gather your two slippers and flee. Even if they agree to the marriage, that convincing that they were convinced will wear off one day and you will not like yourself.

    5. They are concerned about your ‘choice of dressing.’

    You know what they mean about this. And they know too. They know.

    6. They want to know how you cope with such long nails.

    Wait until you marry and they ask you to cut it off or stop fixing nails.

    7. They are stylishly reminding you that your husband-to-be has younger ones that are older than you.

    Put two and two together, please. We cannot be telling you everything.

    8. They want you to stop pursuing education because of family.

    Of course, they won’t be so direct. But when they tell you to have children before Masters or something like that, you know what time it is.

    9. They want to have a say in the number of children you should have.

    You: We have decided on just 1 child.

    Them: Ehn? Make it 3 oh. 1 is too small. If you can even make it 4 sef, we don’t mind.

    10. They want you to be the assistant caterer during Ileya and Christmas, and other family celebrations.

    Pin on Cooking

    ‘Is it not just to peel Maggi and slice onions?‘ Until you are cooking an entire cooler of Jollof rice, frying beef and going house to house to serve them.

    11. The siblings are always stressing you all in the name of ‘our wife.’

    Our wife, our wife, until they drive you mad with frustration. Please dear, you better japa for your own sanity.

    QUIZ: What Kind Of In-Law Will You Be?