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  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    How long have you been with your partner?

    Ben and I met in 2017 and got married the following year. We’ve been together for eight years.

    How did you meet?

    Our parents are family friends. One day, my mum said, “Do you remember Mummy Ben? She’s looking for a wife for her son, and I think you should meet him. He’s a good boy.” 

    At 28, it wasn’t the first or fifteenth time my mum had tried to set me up with someone. I always found a way to ignore her matchmaking attempts. But this time, I was just tired. I’d just left a relationship after discovering my “boyfriend” was actually somebody’s husband. I was at the point where I didn’t even want to do love again. 

    If I were going to get married, someone would have to literally carry and put me inside the marriage because I didn’t have strength for boyfriend-girlfriend again. So, when my mum brought up Ben’s matter, I was just like, “Oya. Bring him.” 

    We met up, and surprisingly, I found him attractive and funny, so we just continued. I don’t think we ever actually said, “We’re dating now.” We just found ourselves in the relationship. 

    Do you have any idea why Ben was open to being matchmade?

    I later found out that he was planning to leave the country to join his brother, and his family wanted him to marry first so he wouldn’t bring a white girl home. 

    We started dating towards the end of 2017 and got married seven months later in 2018. Ben relocated a week after our wedding. I knew we’d have a long-distance marriage from the start, but I thought it’d be for a few months or at least a year until he settled my papers. But it’s 2025, and we still live in different countries. 

    Why’s that?

    It’s due to a couple of issues, but the summary I can share is that Ben hasn’t been able to sort out his papers, so he can’t legally bring me over. 

    Interesting. How do you both navigate a long-distance marriage?

    Ben visits once or twice a year and stays for a week or two. Then, we do a lot of texts and video calls. The calls involve careful planning because there’s a six-hour time difference, and finding a time that works for both of us is difficult. But we make sure to do video calls every Sunday and at least two other times during the week so the kids can see him — we have three now. 

    I sometimes struggle with this communication arrangement, though. There are times when I just want to gist with my husband or rant about my day, but I have to wait until midnight or the next day to talk to him because he’s at work. Also, my body is not firewood. Sometimes I wish he were close by. But what can I do? I just have to stay patient and pray that things will work out for our good soon.

    How about finances? How do you both make it work?

    Ben pays the children’s school fees and our house rent. He also sends us foodstuff in bulk through his mum (she’s a major supplier for most food items) every two months. Then sometimes, if I whine him enough, he sends me $50 or $100 to get myself things. But that only comes once in three or four months.

    I also try not to bill him too much because of his responsibilities. He still has to pay rent and other bills over there, including travel expenses when he comes around and the fees incurred from trying to sort my papers.

    I handle the other bills that come up, like electricity, fuel, children’s clothes, medicine, and any unexpected expenses from my salary. Sometimes I still have to buy food, because my children eat like no tomorrow, and the foodstuff my husband sends barely lasts two months. I also own a tailor shop in front of my house that brings me extra money. As soon as I finish work at school, I resume at my shop. I have an assistant, and she helps with some of the sewing. 

    What kind of money conversations do you and your husband have?

    Not much. In fact, besides communication, money might be another issue we have. Ben is very guarded about money. Like, he doesn’t trust me with it. I’m not asking him to tell me how much he earns or send me money every day, but at least I should have more access to his finances. 

    I’ve complained about how he prefers to send money to his mum to buy us foodstuff. Why not just send me the money? I also know the road to the market. If the issue is that he wants me to patronise his mum, all he needs to do is say so when he sends the money. I tell him that his decision to give his mum money makes me feel that he doesn’t trust me with money, but he thinks I overreact. 

    He also argues that he’s already started the habit of sending me foodstuff through his mum, and if he stops now, she might think it’s because of me. I see his point, so I try not to complain too much, but I’m not comfortable with it. 

    Hmmm 

    It’s quite frustrating. I already know there’s no hope of getting a monthly allowance or something like that. I think the fact that he hasn’t lived in Nigeria for so long might also play a part in this. He believes I should be fine as long as there’s food and the rent is paid. But those other “small” expenses add up and finish your money. I’m almost always broke before my salary enters.

    This money issue is a big reason I don’t want another child. I know Ben wants four children, and he’s already hinting at a lastborn, but me, I’ve closed shop. He doesn’t know I’m actively avoiding pregnancy. I’m already struggling to care for the ones I have. I can’t add another one, especially since he might not provide sufficient financial support. He’s trying o, but I can’t handle a fourth child if he continues like this.

    Right. How do his annual visits usually go? Do you get to do things together or plan for dates?

    He usually packs a lot into his schedule whenever he visits. It’s the only time he also gets to visit family and friends. So, we don’t go out like that, except when we go out with the kids to eateries and recreational centres. 

    Curious. Is there a potential timeline for you and the kids to join him abroad?

    The plan right now is for me to join him while the kids stay with my in-laws. We can’t afford to move three children at once. I hope we’ll have my papers sorted within the next two years, but it can even be much earlier. There’s nothing God cannot do.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

    I think it’s pretty clear: For us to afford to move our family to the same country.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: She’s the One but We’re Financially Incompatible

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  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    How long have you been with your partner?

    I’ve been married for 8 years, but Flora and I dated for two years before we got married. That’s 10 years altogether. 

    How did you and Flora meet?

    We met at the university in 2015. I was a final-year student, and Flora just got in through direct entry. We weren’t in the same department, but I noticed she attended the same all-night class with me. I thought she was pretty, so I drew close and became friends.

    After we became friends, she revealed the real reason she attended the all-night classes: she had no accommodation. I offered to let her squat with me and my roommate, and she agreed. A few weeks into the arrangement, feelings entered, and we started dating. 

    My roommate moved out when we graduated later that year, and Flora and I continued living together.

    What was cohabiting like so early in the relationship?

    It was quite smooth. I’m the eldest child and have six sisters, so I understand how to live with women and manage their small wahala. Flora doesn’t even have wahala like that. She’s always been an understanding woman. 

    She knew I didn’t have money, and we were happy with whatever I gave her to cook. When I had money to take her out, we went out — mostly to Chicken Republic, the beach or the cinema. When I didn’t have money, we stayed home and looked at each other. 

    Were the “no money” situations regular?

    In the beginning, yes. Flora didn’t earn anything; the expenses were on me. As a student, I made money by running errands for an older family friend. He worked with the federal government, and I wanted to get a government job through his connections, so I hung around his office. 

    I survived on the random ₦5k or ₦10k he gave me for errands, which included taking his car to the mechanic, sorting out hotel rooms for his girlfriends or driving them around at midnight. My hard work eventually paid off because I can trace my career path to the man’s help. 

    He connected me to the company where I did my NYSC, and I’ve worked with them since 2015. The job also contributed to us getting married in 2017.

    How so?

    Flora got pregnant, and her parents said their family members couldn’t have children out of wedlock. They wanted us to marry before she gave birth. If I didn’t have a job, I’d have pushed back because how would I even care for a family?

    But I was earning ₦55k/month, and I figured we’d make it work. So, we had a small traditional wedding. Our families also supported us, and after the wedding, we had enough to move out of my one-room student hostel into a ₦100k/year room and parlour apartment. 

    Flora was rounding up her final year, so I paid ₦60k for her to learn hairdressing to make money and support our home. There was no point looking for a job because it’d be difficult to juggle it with a child when she gave birth. My job often took me out of town, so she needed a flexible job. 

    Join 1,000+ Nigerians, finance experts and industry leaders at The Naira Life Conference by Zikoko for a day of real, raw conversations about money and financial freedom. Click here to buy a ticket and secure your spot at the money event of the year, where you’ll get the practical tools to 10x your income, network with the biggest players in your industry, and level up in your career and business.

    Did you both discuss how you’d split the home’s expenses?

    We did, but it wasn’t much of a split. She made small money here and there from braiding, which was enough to handle some personal needs like toiletries. I handled rent and feeding.

    We’ve maintained the same arrangement over the years. However, our dynamic changed slightly in 2023 when my company transferred me to Edo state. Flora stayed back in Asaba, so travel costs have joined our expenses. We travel to see each other at least twice a month. 

    Flora now has a hair salon, so she pays for food and her transportation when she visits. I send money for school fees and pay the ₦400k rent for our apartment in Asaba.

    Out of curiosity, is travelling back and forth cheaper than living together in the same city?

    It’s not. The thing is, my two youngest sisters live with me in Edo. In 2023, we lost our family house to some family issues, and since my company provided accommodation, I told my sisters to join me. The plan was for Flora to rent out her salon in a few months and move to join me, but when she heard my sisters had moved in, she refused to come.

    Why?

    She said she didn’t want to live with her in-laws. If there’s one thing Flora and I hardly agree on, it’s my sisters. Since I started earning a bit more money, I’ve been financially supporting my sisters, and Flora doesn’t like it. She can’t stop me, but she murmurs. 

    I’ve tried to explain that I can’t watch my sisters suffer without helping them, but I don’t think she understands. She says I shouldn’t always respond to their billing. Whichever way, it’s my money, and no one can dictate what I do with it. But I’m deliberately not pushing on this living-apart issue. 

    I understand my wife’s concerns about living with her in-laws, and I know it won’t be fair to force her to agree. But I can’t send my sisters packing or afford to rent an apartment for them. They’re almost done with uni, so I know they’ll leave sooner or later. 

    Right

    Also, I’m not paying for my apartment here, so we’re not incurring double expenses. I don’t give Flora food money because I’ve told her I can’t pay for food here and in Asaba. She can come here if she knows she can’t handle the bills alone. At least I pay school fees and rent. 

    I’m considering not paying this year’s rent because it’s a waste of money. Maybe I’ve been too understanding. It’s already been almost two years since we started living apart. I need to put my foot down and stop this child’s play we’re doing. 

    Hm. I hope that chat goes well. Speaking of, what kind of money conversations do you both have?

    They’re mostly about what our two children need or things to fix in the house. Sometimes, when her business isn’t good, we discuss it, and I support her financially. But that doesn’t happen all the time. 

    Flora knows how to manage, so money is not a big issue. She can even settle bills around the house without asking me. The only comma is when she complains about me giving my sisters money. But I think she’s learning to keep her concerns to herself.

    How do you both plan for romance while living apart?

    We don’t do that much anymore because of the distance, work, and the children. Sometimes, when the children are on holiday, we visit malls or playgrounds. I can’t remember the last time Flora and I went out alone. But sometimes, she calls and tells me she’s craving one kind of food, and I send her money if I have it. That’s usually around ₦10k.

    What about gifts for special occasions?

    We don’t do gifts. If I ask my wife what she wants for her birthday, she’ll say money, so I don’t bother to ask. I’ll just send her ₦15k or ₦20k or buy her data on her birthday or maybe Valentine’s Day. She does the same for me. 

    Do you both have safety nets?

    She’s a woman, so I know she’ll have savings. Women are always keeping money for one thing or another. Plus, my wife isn’t the spending type. She can manage for Africa, so I’m sure she has backup savings somewhere.

    I have so many responsibilities that there is no space for savings. I’m always broke by the middle of the month. Most times, loans from friends and loan apps take me through the month. I also gamble sometimes, and I make extra money here and there. 

    Also, I do small procurement runs under the table at work, which gives me around ₦150k extra monthly. I know I make money, but responsibilities carry everything.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

    We’d like to relocate. Another reason I want her to move in with me is so she can take advantage of my sisters’ presence to go to nursing school. At least they can watch the children while she focuses on school. Then we can work on her finding a nursing job abroad so we can all japa together.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: The Second Wife Who’s Pursuing Financial Independence on a ₦280k/Month Income

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  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

    How long have you been with your partner?

    My wife, Uloma, and I have been married for 10 years, but we started dating in 2006. So, we’ve been together for 19 years. 

    How did you both meet?

    We attended the same secondary school. Then, we reconnected during the 2006 census exercise. Movements were restricted, but I was a baseline technician with a telecoms company. 

    My job was to monitor the base station and manually restore the signal if the electricity went off so people still had service. That made me an essential worker, so I had a driver take me and my colleagues to and fro work during that period. 

    One day, the driver didn’t come on time, so I decided to walk. That’s how I passed by Uloma’s house and saw her sitting by the stairs. We were excited to see each other again and started talking regularly. Those were the days of MTN Xtracool. We’d talk all night till 6 a.m. I asked her out some days after, and she accepted. 

    What were the early days of the relationship like?

    Really good. Uloma was in her third year at uni, and I earned ₦48k/month — which was good money — but she never brought any financial burden to me. I appreciated that because I was also saving to pursue a university education. She was modest, and the only thing she asked of me was assurance that I wouldn’t waste her time and we’d end up married.

    I finally got into the university for a part-time program in 2008. By then, she was in her final year, and the pressure intensified. It was clear she wanted us to get married soon or at least get engaged. It scared me, to be honest. I loved her, but I wasn’t financially ready for marriage, and I didn’t see myself depending on anyone for money to provide for my home. 

    I wanted to finish school, work for a few years, and make enough to afford a comfortable life. Granted, I still made at least ₦35k/month working as a personal assistant to a public figure while in school and had up to ₦2m in my savings. But I didn’t think it was enough to start life. Still, I relented, and we got engaged in 2011 while I was still in school. But then another problem came.

    What problem was that?

    Uloma’s elder brother, who lived in the UK, started making plans for her to join him, and Uloma started pressuring me to do a traditional wedding so she wouldn’t go to the UK with empty promises. 

    Even after she travelled in 2012, she wanted me to visit her hometown and perform the traditional rites in her absence, but I wasn’t okay with that. She’d left on a visitor’s visa and couldn’t return until she had the proper documents. What if she stayed there for three more years? At some point, we broke up and got back together after a few months.

    On my own end, I began planning to leave the country for my master’s program. I left for Canada in 2013, and the whole thing cost c$10k (₦3m at the time). I took a loan and relied on an uncle’s goodwill to meet that amount.

    Why not the UK to meet Uloma, though?

    The UK denied my visa. It was Canada that worked out. After my program, I visited Nigeria in 2014. Thankfully, Uloma’s visa was renewed, so she also visited Nigeria, and we finally got married.

    After the wedding, I returned to Canada and applied for another UK visitor visa. They approved it this time, and I got to spend a few weeks with Uloma. But then I got a job with a pharmaceutical company in Germany and had to move again. The salary was €2300/month with free accommodation. It was too good an opportunity to pass up.

    Unfortunately, Uloma couldn’t come with me because of visa restrictions. So, we’ve lived in separate countries since 2014. 

    Ah. Isn’t that hard?

    The good thing about our arrangement is that the distance between our cities is like Lagos and Abuja — a 45-minute flight or a 10-hour drive. The flight costs less than €100, and I can travel to see my family — we have two kids now — every weekend if I want. We visit each other at least twice a month.

    At first, I did all the travelling because my blue card visa allowed me to enter the UK without a visa. But Uloma has been a British citizen since 2019, just like I’m a German citizen, and we can travel to visit each other freely. 

    Who pays for these trips?

    I do, most of the time. Since we got married, I’ve handled most of my wife’s financial needs, including rent. We have a house in the UK now, so I pay the £480/month mortgage. I also pay my €900/month rent here in Germany. 

    My wife works with the NHS and makes less than £3k/month, but she’s been very helpful financially. She takes up most of the bills without even mentioning them to me, especially if they are for our children.

    I don’t have a set allowance I send to her. She just says she needs money for something, and I send it. Most of my income goes to my wife and kids.

    How do you plan for romance stuff while living in different countries?

    We travel for vacations, and I plan these for when the kids are out of school. Germany is a very organised country, and they encourage workers to plan their holiday dates months in advance. By October 2024, I already knew when my holiday would fall in 2025. 

    This helps me plan trips and save on flight costs. I buy tickets in advance and take advantage of holiday packages. Most of our trips cost around €1k. The most expensive trip we’ve taken so far was to Turkey, which cost less than €6k. It cost that much because we stayed in an all-inclusive five-star hotel for a week. 

    Do you both plan to live in the same country someday?

    We’ve actually given each other until the end of the year to decide where to live so we can be together for the kids. I don’t like the UK, and I’d have loved for my wife to come here. But it’d be a struggle for her to learn German. So, it’s either I join my family in the UK or we go to another country together.

    Do you have a safety net for this potential move?

    My wife and I have a joint savings account where we each save a percentage of our income. I try to do €300/month; my wife sometimes does up to £600. We currently have about £29k in that account. But we’re not just saving for the move. When it gets to £100k, we’ll put 50% cash into purchasing another house and take out a mortgage for the remaining 50% balance. Then, we’ll rent out the house and use the income to pay the mortgage.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

    When we start living together, our expenses will reduce. I hope to invest the extra income in starting a business so that I don’t need to be employed by anyone and we can have income flexibility.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: This Social Worker Earning ₦110k/Month Expresses Her Love by Gifting

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  • Someone you know has left or is planning to leave. 1,000 Ways To Japa will speak to real people and explore the infinite number of reasons and paths they use to get to Japa.

    When Dubem and his wife moved to the UK three years ago, they had no idea that the “for better or worse” part of their vow would become literal. He talks about how he and his partner were able to survive a long-distance marriage, health issues, relocation and financial stress.

    When did you start considering japa as an option?

    Japa has never been a strange concept to me; It’s a normal thing in my family. All my siblings left the country on the student route, and I left Nigeria using the Spousal Support  Visa route. 

    I initially preferred Canada, but my wife got a job in the UK, so we had to move here instead. We made the decision because it felt like we were working hard and earning well in Nigeria but weren’t seeing any results. It just felt smarter to start over in a country with systems in place to make your life easier.

    How’s that going?

    So, we left the country with a ten-year plan. The idea was to return after ten years and set up our business. We planned to save up at least ₦100 million in capital.

    We’ve been here for two years and are about 20% close to our savings goal. But recently, we had to buy a car. We paid in cash because we were still holding on to the Nigerian mentality that you are better off saving than relying on the credit system, which is a working credit system here. I’m only just now starting to accept that it’s a better way to make big purchases. We also had a baby.

    Congratulations!

    Thank you. That gives you an idea of why we’re still at 20%. I’m confident that we’ll go harder soon. 

    When we first moved, we lived in two different towns about seven hours’ drive away from each other, but that allowed us to focus on working as much as we could and earning a lot of money.

    We used to travel to see each other once a month and spend a weekend together. Recently, though, things have changed, and we now live together. We now have other things taking our money, but we’re definitely still on track for that long-term goal.

    How long did you guys live apart?

    Almost a year. 11 months apart.

    How did that affect your relationship?

    We are not strangers to long-distance relationships. When I met my wife, I was schooling in the north, and she was transferred to work in Abuja. We decided to stay friends, but as time progressed, we started dating. When we started dating, I got a job in Abuja, and she got another job in Lagos. So doing long distance in the UK was no different.

    You mentioned that you left on a spousal support visa. What did the process of getting the visa look like?

    The UK’s National Health Services is one of the biggest employers of immigrants in the UK. My wife is a radiographer, so there were good job opportunities for her. We started the process before getting married, but COVID-19 forced us to deprioritise it.

    The first thing we did was to register with the licensing board here. To do that, you need to present specific certificates showing that your education in Nigeria is equivalent to the UK’s requirement. This stage would also require you to present a statement of result. In our case, getting that document wasted our time because Nigerian universities can be somehow.

    Once you can satisfy their requirements for that award, you get a license proving you have the right to practice in the UK. Once you pass that stage, you pay the registration fee and everything else.

    The next thing is to apply for jobs that offer sponsorship. Those are the kinds of jobs that can give you the documents you need to apply for your visa. In our case, relocating with this visa took almost 10 months because we had issues with our passports. We both decided to renew our passports before leaving, and even though we paid for the fast track, it took us about two months to get that passport. We also had to prove that we were married.

    We got our marriage certificate from a small court in my wife’s hometown, so we worried it wouldn’t be internationally acceptable. The court in question had no verifiable email or contact information, so a friend advised us to attach a PDF containing pictures of our wedding day, and that was what we did. 

    Another process that frustrated us was getting the tuberculosis test. You can only take the test in a UK-approved home centre. Getting a date for the test was hell; Something that should typically take weeks ended up lasting for about two months. We nearly lost the sponsorship from her employer because they thought she was unserious. Thankfully, everything worked out in the end.

    Thank God!

    Yeah. The final thing we needed was a police character certificate to prove that we were not criminally wanted in our country. Some parts of the application process for this certificate can be done online, but you have to go to the police station for your biometrics and other things. I remember my wife leaving the house around 8 am and getting back around 6 pm. That was because there was a long queue, and the process was unnecessarily stressful. She even had to pay a policeman about ₦2,000 to quicken the process.

    God abeg. So, what was it like settling into the UK?

    My wife’s employer had an apartment ready for her when she arrived in the UK, but there was a rule against me living there. She was living close to London while I  had to move to Newcastle.

    I was squatting with a friend whose apartment was big enough for two people. But getting a job wasn’t easy for me even though I was well educated and had a great portfolio. 

    After some rejections, I realised that they didn’t necessarily respect my Nigerian education. It wasn’t a question of competence because I wasn’t even getting interview invitations. Some Nigerians in the UK advised me to apply for factory or supermarket jobs, and that was what I did. I didn’t even last up to two weeks before I fainted at work–I had to do lots of heavy lifting while working from 6 am to 6 pm, and we weren’t allowed to sit at all during those 12 hours.

    At first, it was just a fall, but I picked myself up immediately then I fell again, and I was asked to go home. I was stuck at the bus stop for hours, and it was freezing. I hadn’t made enough money to buy a proper winter jacket. The one I had was the second-hand jacket I bought from Yaba. I can’t remember the details, but it was at the bus stop I ultimately passed out.

    I somehow ended up at my friend’s place, but  I insisted on not going to the hospital (as I was later told). I was unconscious for three days, and when I regained consciousness, the first thing I did was put in my resignation.

    So sorry about that experience. Did you get a better job after you quit?

    I got a customer care representative offer about a week after that experience. It felt like a big downgrade because I was the head of marketing in a company when I lived in Nigeria. I was about to sign the offer when I got led by the Holy Spirit to check the company review. Thank God I did because it was about two stars out of ten. So, I just emailed HR to inform them that I won’t be moving forward with the role.  I started applying again and eventually got a job by recommendation. The job would make me move to Kent, much closer to my wife’s location.

    I took the job, and I’ve been working there ever since. One of the reasons why I’m still there is because I have empathetic employers. My wife had a complicated pregnancy, and we used to be in and out of the hospital.

    At some point, the NHS stopped paying her because she had been sick for more than 60 days in nine months. But my employers were very understanding. I had to be in the hospital as much as my wife; we didn’t have anybody else to help, but my employer never complained about my absence. All they asked me to do was to take my laptop to the hospital, join a few meetings in the morning, get some tasks done, and that’s all. Then, they allowed me to take another one or two days off, and my income was never deducted based on all of this.  They are great people.

    Love that for you. Do you have any tips for couples that want to japa through the spousal support visa?

    This is more of an advice than a tip. Be open to not being physically together for a while. Go where the money is, even if it means maintaining a long-distance relationship. Other couples might be lucky enough to get a well-paying job in the exact location, but they should keep an open mind.

    Another thing you should do is work hard. You should both be working if you’re coming into the country as a couple. Nobody should sit around waiting for a dream job when other options exist to make money. But you should also make life easier for anybody with the sponsorship. For instance, I do the hospital runs for our baby while my wife focuses on not slacking at work because my job is more flexible.

    What happens if she slacks at work?

    If her employer isn’t satisfied with her performance, they can choose not to renew her visa. God forbid, but if that happens, she can apply for another job that comes with sponsorship before the visa expires. In the worst-case scenario that she doesn’t get a job, the UK government will give her about 60 or 80 days before declaring her an illegal immigrant.

    Interesting. What’s one thing you love most about living in the UK?

    It’s the constant access to power supply. As little as it may seem, that’s my favourite thing.

    How happy are you with your life in the UK?

    Oh, very happy. Things have fallen into place in the last three years. I love my job and my church.

    I have a strong community here–We watch each other’s kids, celebrate, and help each other in many ways. Since my wife gave birth, we’ve not had her mom or mine come for omugwo, but the mothers in our church haven’t given us a reason to feel their absence. My wife gave birth to our baby through cesarean section, but these women were so helpful during the healing process. They would bring both of us food and help with the baby. That’s to give you an idea of the kind of community we have.

     Want to to share your japa story? Please reach out to me here. 

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  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.

    Image Source: Unsplash (Actual subject is anonymous)

    Dinma* (27)  met her husband Nnamdi* (34) for the first time a few days before their court wedding in 2021. In this article, she tells us about Nnamdi asking her to marry him four months after they started talking, planning their wedding together online and how they manage the distance and time difference in their marriage now. 

    Occupation and location 

    Medical doctor living in Enugu

    Average monthly income 

    I earn ₦210k as a junior staff working at the hospital. 

    Relationship expenses

    Valentine gift: ₦50k

    Foodstuff: ₦20k

    Perfume: ₦33k

    Christmas gift: ₦50k

    How did you meet your husband? 

    In 2020, I had an online store while I was in med school. Sometime in December, I received a DM from a guy who wanted to get a wristwatch. He kept negotiating,  trying to bring the price down, and I sent him a voice note to ask him why he was pricing so much when he wasn’t even living in Nigeria. I knew this because I had checked his page. After nearly an hour of back-and-forth banter, we settled for ₦20k. 

    When I reached out to him the following day to ask for his delivery details, he told me to take the watch as my Christmas gift. We spoke briefly, and he asked some questions about me and what I did. 

    From there to love? 

    Oh no. The guy that texted me was the elder brother of the man that’d later become my husband. My husband texted the week after and said he’d gotten my handle from his brother. When I reached out to the brother, he confirmed it and said I didn’t have to continue the conversation if I wasn’t comfortable with it. But it wasn’t a big deal, so we started texting, gisting about life and making jokes — we really hit it off. 

    So you knew the brother was matchmaking you? 

    I’m an online vendor, so I try to be nice to people. It wasn’t the first time a customer had gifted me something, so I didn’t think much of it. 

    After texting for a couple of days, the trail went cold, and we didn’t talk for a week. The next time he reached out in January, it was to wish me a happy birthday. His birthday was two weeks after mine, but I forgot to text him. So he texted me again, and I felt bad for missing his birthday. After that, we decided to move to WhatsApp.

    Did that help? 

    Definitely. We started talking frequently because we enjoyed each other’s company; the time difference wasn’t even a problem because of my sleeping schedule — I picked up a habit of sleeping in the evenings and waking up at 2 a.m. in med school.  

    In the space of four months, things had gotten serious. We’d realised how much we had in common, and I’d even told my mum about him. He was sure he wanted to marry me, but I didn’t want to think of marriage until I graduated from med school. So I tried to keep things light. 

    Very valid 

    In April, he became more serious about his intention to marry me. He wanted his father to meet my parents since they lived in Awka. Although I agreed to this, I made it clear that I still needed to think about it and hadn’t committed to marrying him. After a month of thinking about it, I agreed to marry him but on one condition. 

    What was it? 

    I was going to be fresh out of med school and unemployed. I didn’t have any money to assist with the financial burden of the wedding. I needed him to understand what he was getting into, but he assured me he was sure about his decision and didn’t mind funding the wedding. 

    You didn’t mind the long distance?

    I’ve always been in long-distance relationships, so I honestly didn’t care about that. I knew he would visit, and I’d join him eventually. But in the meantime, video calls would have to do.

    Aww. How was the wedding preparation? 

    We did most of the planning over the internet, finding and vetting vendors together. My mum and sister did, the market runs. We spent about ₦6.5m on our wedding even though the initial budget was ₦4m. 

    It was an exhausting period because I was simultaneously planning for my final exams in November the whole time. My dad even called me one day to remind me I had never failed an exam before, so if I failed this, he’d know it was because of the wedding, and we’d cancel it. 

    Shame wouldn’t let me continue with the wedding if I failed because all my in-laws already called me  “doctor”. 

    LOL. Let’s thank God then 

    We had the court wedding in December 2021, a day before my induction. The traditional wedding and white wedding came three days and one week later. 

    Very interesting lineup 

    I also met my husband for the first time in November 2021.

    How did that go? 

    My mum called that day to ask me how I felt finally meeting him. If I needed her to come pick me up or if he was what I’d wanted because it wasn’t too late to call off the wedding. 

    Screaming

    I told her he was everything I had imagined and more. 

    God when. How did you guys spend time together? 

    We didn’t spend alone time together because we needed to prepare for the big day. He also had to return to Canada by January 2022, so we didn’t have much time. There’s really nothing to do in the city — just hotels, bars and lounges. So for my birthday, we went out for drinks with his friends. 

    What about gifts? 

    He’s typically not someone who buys gifts. So I usually have to tell him what I want, and he’ll send the money for me to get it. Also, his dad had passed a few days before my birthday, so it wasn’t the time for celebrations. 

    Do you buy him gifts? 

    I try to get him something whenever I’m shipping things to him. One time I bought and added snails to the foodstuff we were sending. This cost ₦20k. Another time, I got him perfume, which was ₦33k. 

    For Valentine’s in 2022, I reached out to his friend in Canada, who helped me buy a sweatshirt, a pair of shoes, jeans and a card. I selected the things I wanted via video call at the store and also sent him the message to be written on the card. Everything cost a little over ₦50k. And for Christmas last year, I made him an engraved cufflink with his name and a customised Igbo traditional fan; they cost around ₦50k. 

    So you never go on dates? 

    Not really. Whenever he’s around in December, he’s always trying to visit everyone, so we spend most of our time with others. Out of 10 dates, only two would be solo, and I’d always ask for us to stay indoors, eat and just gist because I don’t like being outside. 

    Fair enough. Do you have conversations about money? 

    We do. We even agreed to open a joint account that he’d be funding mostly till I got a better-paying job, but we didn’t have time to go to the bank the last time he was around. 

    He knows I earn a decent salary, and can comfortably take care of my feeding, electricity and fuel bills, he assists with the heavy bills like rent and car maintenance. So whenever he doesn’t have money or has other financial commitments, he tells me, so I can prepare to cut costs for that period.

    Wait, what car? 

    Oh, he got me a car in May 2022 because he said he wanted me to learn how to drive before joining him in Canada. 

    Oshey. Is that happening soon? 

    Very. I should be with him in less than two months now. 

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple? 

    Billionaire onye ji cash. We’re both hustlers, so apart from our careers, we’ll have a business bringing in money — maybe an importation business.  

    Do you have a financial safety net? 

    My husband’s money is our money, and my money is my money, so even though I enjoy spending his, I’m very prudent with money. I save ₦50k every month from my salary as an emergency fund. I’ve been working at the job for a year, so I have ₦600k in the account.

    ALSO READ: What She Said: I’ve Been in a Long-Distance Marriage for 11 Years

    If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.

    Yes, I want to share my story

  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.

    Image Source: Unsplash (Actual subjects are anonymous)

    Obi* is a 28-year-old product manager living in Berlin while his wife is in Lagos. In this week’s Love Currency, he talks about landing a first date because she thought he was someone else, proposing while surrounded by their favourite foods and choosing to work in Germany because of her.

    Occupation and location 

    Product manager living in Berlin, Germany. 

    Monthly income 

    My take-home salary is about $4k after tax. 

    Monthly and recurring relationship expenses 

    First date: ₦30k at a restaurant in VI

    Her birthday (2021): ₦10 – 20k restaurant date and ₦200k cash gift 

    Her birthday (2022): $1k cash gift

    Wedding ring: ₦500k

    Business loans: Nothing over ₦1m

    Miscellaneous: the occasional ₦100 – 200k

    How did you meet your wife? 

    I was scrolling through Instagram in January 2021 when I came across a reel of her redesigning a space; she’s an interior designer. I enjoyed watching videos of her work, and she was also pretty. So I followed her and started sending responses to her stories — a clapping emoji here, heart eyes there. 

    A few weeks later, I slid into her DMs to ask her name since it wasn’t on the page. She told me, I asked if we could grab lunch together, and we started discussing arrangements. At some point, she confessed that she only agreed because she’d mistaken my DM for someone else she’d been talking to on Instagram. 

    Did the date still happen? 

    Yes. We’d gone far into the planning, so why not? We agreed to have dinner at a restaurant in VI. We ended up talking through the night till the restaurant told us they wanted to close. Our food even ran cold. We’d ordered lamb, some seafood and drinks — everything cost around ₦30k. 

    I lived in Abuja at the time and was supposed to returnthe next day but postponed it because I wanted to see her again. 

    Did you?

    Yes, a few days later, she told me about a meeting near my house, and I asked her to meet me at a restaurant afterwards. We talked and played the “36 questions to fall in love” game, which left us feeling emotionally vulnerable. It was late, and the restaurant was closing, so we decided to walk the short distance back to my place.

    When we got there, she sat on my table because she didn’t like my couch. After trying unsuccessfully to get a ride, she decided to spend the night but insisted on staying in the living room. I brought out a mat I had, and she offered her password for us to watch Netflix movies. At some point, I tried to cuddle and kiss her, but she quickly shot that down, and we went back to watching movies till we fell asleep. After she left, we started talking regularly on WhatsApp, and she even visited me in Abuja. 

    How did that happen? 

    Towards the end of March 2021, she said she wished I was in Lagos to celebrate my birthday in April together. So I got her a ticket to Abuja which cost ₦20k – 30k, but Lagos traffic happened, and she missed the flight. The only other available flight that day was about ₦70k, and we both agreed it was a lot of money. I gave up on seeing her, but later that day, she showed up at my door to surprise me. She’d paid the remaining ₦40k for the ticket. That was the best part of my birthday that year. 

    How was her stay in Abuja?

    She stayed just over a week, and we went out two times; one was to a friend’s birthday party. The other times we left the house were when she accompanied me to the coffee shop I worked from or on our regular evening walks around my estate.  

    She prefers to cook her food or order online rather than eat out. She also doesn’t drink or enjoy the nightlife, so getting her to leave the house is always a struggle. I thought this was a good time to ask her to date me, but this babe said no.

    AH

    I can’t remember her reason, but I figured it was because I was younger by a year. She went back to Lagos, and things went back to normal until I decided to move back to Lagos.

    Sir, what about your job? 

    I was working remotely for an international agency that paid $7,500 – $8k a month, so I could afford to move around.

    Fair 

    I got to Lagos, and we went back to normal. She’d visit my place, and sometimes, I’d visit hers. During one of her weekend visits in June 2021, she saw me swiping on Bumble, and her countenance changed. We tried to talk about it because I didn’t understand why she was mad, and she said it was disrespectful. After she left, we didn’t talk for a whole week, but she reached out saying she was ready for a relationship.

    What was it like being in a relationship with her? 

    Not much changed. We tried to go out more, but she’d either look bored or talk about the decor. Sometimes, we’d even have to find an excuse to leave the restaurant after realising we didn’t like their menu. 

    We spent most of our time indoors at each other’s houses, talking and watching movies. 

    What about special occasions?

    We planned to go out for her birthday in September 2021, but the traffic was ridiculous. So we walked to a restaurant near her house and ate the best swallow. It was on the mainland, so it wasn’t expensive — like ₦10 – 20k. I also sent her ₦200k as her gift. 

    Do you gift each other regularly? 

    We buy things for each other sometimes, but we usually send money. For instance, for Christmas 2021, I got her shoes, sneakers, a leather bag and necklace. For her birthday the following year, I sent her $1k. Other times, I give her my card to pay for stuff, or send her the occasional ₦100k – ₦200k when she wants something. 

    What does she give you?

    She got me a cake, small chops and food from our favourite restaurants for my 2022 birthday. It’s hard to keep track, but sometimes, I could say I’m low on cash, and she’d send me ₦50k – ₦100k. She also made me a native and co-ord wear once.

    At what point did you decide to japa?

    After my contract with the foreign company ended, I started looking for something long-term. I was also thinking about the 2023 election. After the trauma of the #EndSARS protests, I didn’t want to be around for this election.

    She mentioned once that she’d learnt German during her NYSC, so I decided to look for job opportunities there. I applied to two places and got a job offer from one of them a few days later. This was in May, and because we’d already met each other’s families, and I wanted her to go with me, I decided to propose.

    How did that go? 

    I struggled to find the perfect ring. Over time, I asked her questions so I could figure out the particular ring she wanted. I contacted someone in Abuja who made custom rings, and he made one for ₦500k. It was supposed to be delivered on Friday, but it didn’t come till Saturday morning, and she wanted to go back home later that same day. 

    Omo 

    I quickly ordered food from all our favourite places to keep her from leaving. And as we sat gisting, surrounded by small chops, rice and abacha, I asked her, “Baby, do you wanna do life?”

    Aww 

    We had our court wedding in August 2022, and I travelled in September. 

    How has the long-distance marriage been? 

    We talk multiple times every  day. I also hoped to be back in Nigeria in March, 2023, but the election didn’t go as planned, so we’re back to preparing for her to join me. 

    Do you have conversations about money? 

    Yes. Sometimes, I lend her money for her decor business, nothing over ₦1m at once. And she keeps track of everything without me having to ask. She even makes me specify if it’s a loan or a gift whenever I send her money. 

    Do you have a financial safety net? 

    I have over $50k in stocks, cryptocurrency and USD savings.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple? 

    I want a mixture of investments and business that’ll bring in residual income. I want to work because I want to, not because I need to. My wife wants to get to a point where she can focus on interior design and make money for the year without adding furniture making.

    RELATED: An Open Relationship on a ₦73k Monthly Income

    If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.

    Yes, I want to share my story