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  • Yesterday was International Men’s Day, and while some guys might pretend not to care, we know accountability in friendships is a big deal. From calling each other out on bad behaviour to getting family members involved, these Nigerian men share how they keep their guys in check.

    Emeka*

    I’m the kind of friend who will call you out on your bullshit without sugarcoating. If I think you’re messing up, I’ll tell you straight. My guys know me as the one who isn’t afraid to speak the truth, even if it stings. Sometimes, we ignore each other for weeks, but when they cool off, they return and say, “Omo, you were right.” It’s tough love, but it works.

    Tunde*

    I have a method of holding my friends accountable that’s not exactly conventional. If someone in our circle is slipping—be it with work, relationships, or just generally acting out—I report them to family members they respect. Whether it’s a big brother or even their mum, these people have a way of speaking sense into them that I can’t. Some people would probably call it snitching, but I think it’s an act of caring.

    Dimeji*

    For me, accountability is about keeping the right energy in our circle. If someone is out here wilding, I organise an intervention. We all sit down, have a heart-to-heart, and make sure he knows we’re doing this out of love. We’ve managed to pull one of our boys back from a downward spiral using this method, and he’s still grateful to this day.

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    Chuka*

    I’m the youngest in my friend group, but I don’t let that stop me from speaking up. If I feel like one of my older friends is messing up, I’ll send a long voice note or text explaining my point. Sometimes they listen; sometimes they brush it off. But I never keep quiet when something feels off because real friends hold each other down.

    Kelechi*

    I think accountability is all about leading by example. If you want people to follow the right path, show them you’re also on the same path. And that’s how I move with my guys. If I want them to step up—whether it’s being better partners, taking their careers seriously, or just staying healthy—I make sure I’m doing the same. I don’t preach; I live it. And over time, they start following my lead.

    Femi*

    I’m not big on confrontations, so I prefer to use humour to hold my friends accountable. If one of them is being reckless, I’ll clown him in the group chat with jokes, memes, and sarcastic comments. It’s funny, but they know the message is real. It keeps things light, but the point hits home.

    Suleiman*

    I think with age comes a different perspective on accountability. When my friends are on a self-destructive path, I bring in a mentor figure we all trust—like an elder from our mosque or a respected uncle. These people have wisdom and can talk to them in a way that makes them reflect and change. Sometimes, we need that level of seriousness.

    Read this next: 13 Sweet Messages to Send Your Bro Without Making Things Weird

  • It’s another International Men’s Day celebration, which means you’ve got to show some love to the guys in your life. However, we know some Nigerian men would rather chew glass than freely express how they feel about their male friends because it feels awkward. 

    15 Sweet Messages for men to Send Your Bro Without Making Things Weird

    If you’re on this table, we’re judging you like mad. But we’ve also compiled 15 messages that get the job done while keeping things very cutesy and demure.

    1. “You still alive, or should I start auditioning for a new best man?”

    Because sometimes, all it takes is reminding them that being your friend means constant life check-ins.

    2. “Bro, you sef go gym today?”

    A nice way to check if he’s keeping fit or needs a little pep talk to get back into routine.

    3. “Man, how’s life treating you? You know I’m here if you ever need to vent or laugh about how crazy things are.”

    This heartfelt message allows him to open up or share an unhinged gist.

    4. “Still chasing your dreams or have you settled for being my personal hype man?”

    Encouraging, with just the right amount of banter. If he’s going through something, this might give him a push to talk to you.

    5. “Drop location. Let’s eat.”

    Food solves everything. And if he’s going through something, a heavy plate of semo and seafood egusi with his bro might be what he needs.

    6. “You dey owe me gist. What’s going on?”

    Make it about him owing you instead of you worrying. It’s a win-win: he shares, and you hear all the tea.

    7. “How’s that thing we don’t talk about going?”

    He knows what you mean. And if he wants to talk about it, this message makes it easier.

    8. “Remember to be a bad bitch today, baby boy.”

    Sometimes, hyping your boy up is the ultimate form of support. Everybody needs a reminder now and then.

    9. “When was the last time you took a break and treated yourself, big man? You deserve it.”

    Guys often forget to prioritise self-care. You’re just here to remind him that YOLO.

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    11. “Just wanted to say you’re doing great, even if life isn’t giving you gold stars right now.”

    The type of message that’ll warm his heart, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

    11. “How’s your mental health, bro? Like, for real. No pretending to be a gangster today.”

    Straight to the point, but with a layer of care. It’s okay to not always be strong.

    12. “You still owe me that PS5 match.”

    Use his love of gaming to check-in. The possibility of getting beat might be the push he needs to open up.

    13. “You know you can text me at any hour, right? Just don’t call me before 9 a.m., I’ll still be asleep.”

    Your guy will feel better knowing you’re there for him, even with boundaries.

    Enjoyed this piece about sweet messages for men? Read this next: An Old and Forgotten Friend Made My Japa Dreams Come True

  • For a day dedicated to supporting men and boys, it makes sense to look at the actual structures that hold men together. The real support systems. Their communities. Their friends. 

    The starting point is simple: men aren’t allergic to support. So this year, we asked five men: where does your support come from?

     Their responses map out what that support looks like through communities formed through shared history, chosen families built in adulthood, and groups where vulnerability isn’t punished. The kind if safety every boy should grow into. 

    Nimi*, 32

    On a random day in June 2020, I shuffled through my Google Drive and noticed that the same faces had appeared in my photos since 2014. So I thought if these people can be in my pictures every year, they must be my tribe. I was right, and I’ve been good since. 

    It’s tricky to quantify the amount work went into building this community, and the support that’s come from them. The most challenging part for me was the amount of voluntary disclosures I had to give and receive, and that’s still ongoing. The WhatsApp chats and the FaceTime calls never end, and I also walkie-talkie my friends to keep in touch.

    My community is my top priority, and I treat them accordingly. I know I will always find all the love and support I need in them. They are always there and will answer me when needed. As a result, there has never been a time when I was scared that I’d wake up and not see my people again. 

    About a year ago, I was forced offline due to a severe power outage in my area. By the second day of the blackout, these people, at different times, stormed my house to confirm I was good. One of them burst into tears when they saw that I was alive and well. This deep level of love? I can’t take it for granted.

    That same evening, they dragged me out of the house, and my friend entered a dance competition so she could win a power bank and hand it over to me: she didn’t want me to ever go off the grid again.  

    They’ll always have my back. Life has been fair to me because of these people. Money can’t buy that. 

    Dami, 30

    I have two communities, each serving different purposes. One is a group of three people I’ve been friends with since uni. They’re my closest friends, and it’s easy because we grew up together in a way. 

    The second is a group of 12 boys, and they’re there for more serious matters — the personal and intimate matters I can’t discuss without being judged. It’s interesting how this works because I met them recently. However, I warmed up to them the more I spent time with them and saw how freely everyone interacted with one another. 

    Each group support me the way they can, and it works for me.

    It’s great I have these two groups in my corner; having them around helps me figure stuff out. In 2018, the 3-man group helped me navigate my most serious heartbreak. They’d met my ex several times and knew how I felt about her, so they got what I was going through. They checked in multiple times, and one even reached out to her to fix things. The same group swooped me and supported me through the next heartbreak. 

    They’re also a solid sounding board and are the first people I tell things to when they happen. There’s no other way to say it — they are my safe space. 

    Ayo, 31

    I’m a people person, so I have different friend groups. I grew up with some and met others through school, work, or other friends. But in all these groups, a close bond has been formed. 

    I’m not going to lie; it took some work to get there, from the serious stuff like showing up when they needed me to everyday things like celebrating their wins. But it was all worth it because now I know they’ll always have my back. It makes living more pleasant. 

    I’ve been homeless twice, and I wasn’t bothered. I knew I wouldn’t sleep under a bridge; I just needed to reach out to some of my people and let them know I was in a fix. On both occasions, two of my guys took me in. The first was free, and the second let me pay the rent at my convenience. It doesn’t get better than that. 

    Oluwatosin, 28

    For years, I didn’t think I needed a community of friends. Most people form strong friendships or communities in university, but I was a lone ranger. It’s not like I didn’t have friends, but I didn’t see the need to create or nurture a community that would be my safe space. 

    This thinking only changed about three years ago. I’m not sure how, but I’m glad it did, and I should have given it a chance much earlier.

    The first step in finding these folks was to identify what we had in common, which formed the basis of our bond. Now that I have them, they support me emotionally and financially. A while back, I felt the weight of family and work pressure crushing me, and these people got me through it. Also, I know who I can ask for the urgent ₦2k and the significant loans. We prioritise refunds. This keeps the relationship healthy.

    I’ve learned that I can always be vulnerable with them, and they’ll make me feel safe. There’s no high-pressure situation they can’t get me out of. It’s reassuring.

    David, 26

    My siblings are my support group, and they’ve always been. In secondary school, I’d hear people talk about the not-very-nice experiences they had with members of my family, and I was always like, “Wait, what? My family is so chill.”

    This outcome is primarily driven by my parents’ efforts to make us a close-knit group — I’m grateful for it. The primary thing I feel with them is love, which is excellent for my quality of life.

    Two of my close friends also recently left the country, so my siblings have become an even more integral part of my community. We talk every day, I’m close with their kids, and I even live with one of them. They make me feel incredibly lucky. 

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