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  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    Nneoma* (29) had a job, a car, and her own two-bedroom apartment in Enugu. She was saving up to open a school, but instead chose to use the money to pursue a Master’s degree abroad. In this story, she shares her experience of betrayal, heartbreak, and homelessness in the UK.

    This model is not affiliated with the story in any way

    Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

    I live in the UK, and I left Nigeria in 2023.

    What inspired you to leave?

    I had completed two degrees in Nigeria and was looking to open a preschool or crèche. I had always wanted to work in the educational sector. I had saved up a little money for it, but my market survey showed it wasn’t enough capital for what I wanted to do.

    So, I decided to go abroad for a Master’s degree. I planned to work there for a few years, and then save enough to return to Nigeria and open the school.

    Did you get a scholarship?

    No. I paid my tuition and all other expenses.

    I initially wanted to travel to Denmark, but a friend who lived in the UK told me it was cheaper there than in Denmark, so I chose the UK. But I ended up in a really dark place.

    What happened?

    I was paying for all my travel expenses and tuition myself so I didn’t have enough money for rent and I didn’t know anyone in the UK. I shared these concerns with  my friend, Betty*, who encouraged me to choose the UK, and she offered to house me.

    She said I could stay for three months so I would have time to find a job and then rent my own place. That was what really spurred me to leave Nigeria.

    When I got there, she welcomed me really well. But I only stayed with her for about a week before her attitude towards me changed. It was really bad.

    She told me she was married, which I hadn’t known before. She also said her husband would be coming to join her in the UK in two weeks’ time, so I needed to leave her house.

    I was shocked. She hadn’t told me any of this when I was in Nigeria. I wouldn’t have even made the mistake of leaving Nigeria for the UK, where I didn’t know anybody except her.

    She didn’t kick me out or tell me directly to leave, but the attitude she gave me made it clear.

    What did you do?

    I reached out to friends and family. My dad hadn’t supported my decision to leave Nigeria, so he wasn’t helping me financially. But my mum and a friend in Nigeria sent me ₦300,000 each, which I used to rent an apartment. But I still had an accommodation problem.

    What was the problem?

    My school and Betty’s apartment were in two different cities. While I was staying with Betty, I applied for jobs in her city and got a job as a carer. But I rented an apartment near my school with the money my mum and friend sent me.

    The apartment was an eight-bedroom shared flat. We were all Nigerians and Ghanaians living there. But the town was actually more like a village, so there weren’t really any jobs there.

    I had already used Betty’s postcode on my job application. I really needed the job because I needed money, so I didn’t tell them I no longer had accommodation in their city.

    The job I got is what they call “domiciliary care.” That means instead of working in a care home, you go to the patients’ own houses to care for them.

    It was really difficult jumping buses all day, and when the buses came late or I missed them, I had to walk or run. I also got a second job as a mail sorter. I worked the night shift there, sorting mail.

    How did you manage going back and forth between the cities?

    It was very difficult. The transportation costs were too expensive for my financial situation at the time. So I didn’t return to my apartment on the days I worked.

    While I attended lectures, I stayed at my apartment from Monday to Thursday. On Thursday morning, after lectures, I made the journey to the city where I worked to start my caring shift at 2:00 p.m. I finished at 9:00 p.m., then headed to my second job as a mail sorter to start my shift there at 10:00 p.m.

    My shift ended at 6:00 a.m., so I would run to the bus station to use the restroom there. I wash my armpits and my face, then rush to resume my caring shift at 7:00 a.m.

    On the nights I didn’t have a night shift at my sorting job, I slept outside.

    I’m so sorry to hear that! How did that happen?

    There were many of us who did this. After work, we would go to the bus station and sleep on the long benches there. The sleep was barely enough, though, because the bus station closes at 12:00 a.m. and we were expected to leave by 11:50.

    So we would all leave the bus station and head to this open space where people could set up tents and sleep. That was how we did it.

    That must have been really difficult. You had no one to assist you?

    Through some other Nigerians I met, I was introduced to Kola*. He lived in a different town, but it was only about a 25-minute drive from my work and he agreed to let me stay with him on the days I was working. 

    I only stayed with him for two days. The second day was a very horrible experience.

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    What happened?

    He started pressuring me to have sex with him, saying he was giving me free shelter and I needed to pay him back. He said it was the least I could do to repay his kindness.

    I refused, and he left the apartment that night to go to work. He had a night shift.

    Around 2:00 a.m., he called my phone. By the time I got up to answer, it had stopped ringing. But then he sent me a text message. It read:

    “I know you’re looking forward to something like this. Please take all your belongings and leave my apartment. You have been ungrateful to me. You can leave before I come back, or you can wait for me to drop you off at either bus or train station. I will not slave myself for someone who doesn’t have sympathy. Actually, just pack your stuff and leave right now. I do not want to see you in my house again.”

    So I left his house to go sleep outside while it was snowing.

    I’m sorry you had to go through that.

    I was in a really dark place mentally. I felt alone and my ex-boyfriend only made things worse.

    Oh! You were in a relationship?

    Yes. I had a boyfriend, Peter*.

    When we were living in Nigeria, he travelled often on business to places like Turkey, Indonesia, and other Asian countries. But he had never been to the UK. When I told him about my plan to travel, he said he would like to come with me.

    Our relationship was pretty serious. My parents knew about us, and we had the whole thing planned out—how our lives would be in the UK. But his attitude changed almost instantly.

    My visa came out first, so I went ahead. On the day I arrived in the UK, when I got to Betty’s place, I immediately went to have a shower. I missed his call while I was in the shower, but when I came out, I called him back straight away.

    When he answered, he said, “Oh, you neva even reach UK, you don dey buga. How many times should I call you before you pick up my call?”

    I was shocked, but I tried not to think too much of it. That was how the whole issue started, and I think it just escalated into hatred. I tried to understand that he was frustrated because his visa was denied and he had to reapply.

    He started misbehaving—talking to me rudely, transferring his aggression—and I wasn’t really having it. I was already getting attitude from Betty, and now I was getting it from him too. It really affected our communication.

    It was a hard time for me. I felt alone, still trying to adjust to this new environment in the UK. I didn’t have any emotional support. It was mentally draining. And I was asthmatic, so I kept having episodes. I had to go to the hospital.

    I told my mum to let him know I was in the hospital. She did. He promised her he would call me back, but he didn’t. I told my mum to tell him that if he didn’t call me back, I would kill myself. It was that bad.

    And even after hearing that, he didn’t call me.

    Wow.

    He knew I was sleeping outdoors. I told him about my situation and how the guys who offered help were asking for sexual favours. I didn’t directly ask him for money, but I dropped hints.

    There was a time he said he would send me money for an Airbnb, but he never did. I’m a very shy person when it comes to things like that, so I couldn’t bring myself to remind him about the money he’d promised.

    For about three months, we had no contact. Then, out of the blue, he called to say he’d finally gotten his visa and was coming to the UK.

    When he arrived, we met. He apologised and offered to get an apartment for us. I told him I had already moved past waiting for his help. I said I would rather sleep outdoors in my tent. I told him I didn’t hold any ill will towards him, that I wished him well, but I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore.

    He went back to Nigeria about three months later. He said the UK didn’t suit him.

    Could you compare your life in the UK with your life in Nigeria? 

    In Nigeria, I had a two-bedroom apartment, a car, and a job as a marketing manager for a real estate company in Enugu. My life wasn’t perfect, but it was okay. I had my friends around me, and I had a really stable, happy life.

    And then when I got here, I started chasing after buses and sleeping outside. It really made me sad.

    But at the moment, I feel my life here in the UK is better.

    In next week’s episode of Abroad Life, we’ll find out how things turned around for the better for Nneoma.
    Read the rest of Nneoma’s story here.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).

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  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

    How long have you been with your partner?

    We’ve been together for four years and married for two.

    How did you meet?

    We met in the comments section of an Instagram Live during the COVID lockdown. The IG Live was a competition—I can’t even remember the reward—but I noticed Lydia kept trying to win. I checked out her profile, liked what I saw, and DM’ed her. 

    Lydia also recognised my username from the comments, so she responded. We had a good conversation that day, which subsequently became regular. After a few months of talking, we met at a mall. I brought her flowers and asked her to be my girlfriend. She accepted.

    Smooth!

    To be honest, I had the confidence to ask her out because I’d just gotten a job. After my NYSC, I was jobless between 2019 and the first few months of 2020, surviving on my parents’ goodwill and the small design gigs I got here and there. 

    But COVID brought remote work, and I landed a $200/week brand design gig on a freelancing site. I felt financially ready for a relationship. 

    What was Lydia’s financial situation?

    She was still a corps member, but her PPA paid well. Her salary plus the NYSC allowance brought her income to about ₦133k. 

    Lydia is a big saver, too. She used to complain about jumping buses to work in the morning, but when I suggested she take a cab, she’d be like, “With which money?” That babe could stretch ₦5k for a week and have ₦100k chilling in her account. She sort of infected me with her saving habits, too. 

    For instance, when we went on cinema dates, she’d insist we shared a pack of popcorn rather than buying two. I was the one paying, but she hated what she termed “unnecessary spending”. 

    Lydia would ask me to outline my expenses every week so we could track my spending and find out if I was overspending on certain things. We really worked well financially. That, among other reasons, made it clear that I had to marry her. We got married in 2022. 

    But I lost my job shortly after my wedding. 

    Damn. What happened?

    The startup I worked at folded three months after I started working with them. I joined after the agency I worked with on the freelance site didn’t need my services anymore. It seemed like a blessing in disguise because the new job paid ₦600k. I’d just moved my family to a ₦1.2m/year apartment when my employers asked me to go home. 

    I thought it was a bad dream. Like, we were just two weeks into the new apartment. I’d spent all my savings on the wedding and relocating to the new house. We had no bed frames or chairs in the sitting room — we gave away the old set in my old apartment because we thought we’d buy a new one. To top it all, Lydia had resigned from her job when they refused to give her time off for wedding preparations.

    Yikes. How did you both manage?

    We got about ₦300k in money gifts from the wedding and managed that for a while. My mother-in-law also sent us plenty of foodstuffs after the wedding, so we used that to see road. We got plastic chairs for the sitting room and slept on a mattress on the floor for months. Our friends thought we didn’t want them to visit because we were honeymooning. In reality, it was because we were crazy broke.

    We were also job hunting like mad but with little success. I should note something here: Lydia hardly nagged me. Of course, she wasn’t happy about our situation, but it was more like both of us complaining about our financial crisis rather than fighting each other. We approached the problem from an “all hands on deck” standpoint. 

    We knew we couldn’t afford unnecessary expenses like a Netflix subscription, eating out, or even eating chicken with every meal. We began a Sunday tradition of visiting our parents to eat dinner and take foodstuff home. I even pretended to prefer drinking garri at night so we could stretch meals for longer. We were in this situation for about seven months before Lydia got a job in 2023. Her salary was just ₦150k, but it was a lifesaver.

    Phew. How was your job search going?

    I applied to and interviewed at countless places but got nothing. I even abandoned the job search for a while and focused on getting freelance design gigs. But it was tougher to get foreign clients because no one trusted Nigerians. I got a few local design gigs that brought ₦15k or ₦20k occasionally.

    At one point, I thought I was being attacked spiritually. I knew several designers making serious money even as freelancers, but I was just stuck. I started taking prayers seriously. The whole situation affected my self-esteem and led to arguments between me and Lydia. 

    What kind of arguments?

    I constantly carried a “woe is me” expression, which affected our communication. I didn’t want to talk or joke because I didn’t find anything funny, but Lydia wasn’t having that. She was like, “We’re working out this money thing together, and I’m not complaining. Why are you letting it affect our relationship? Is it money you want or this marriage?” 

    I tried to explain that I didn’t feel comfortable without an income as the man of the house, but Lydia never accepted that as a valid reason. She also didn’t understand why I complained when she transferred money to my account to handle my personal needs — she knew I wouldn’t ask for money. I felt useless, and she thought I was too proud. 

    Our relationship really changed a lot. We went from talking about everything to sitting in silence for hours. It’s just funny because when people hear that a wife is feeding the husband, they expect the arguments will be about the woman feeling frustrated about taking care of the bills. In our case, our arguments were primarily due to my feeling sad for myself and allowing it to affect our communication. 

    My moodiness worsened when the time came to pay rent, and I couldn’t find any means to loan money to augment the ₦400k my wife had managed to save. We had to move to my brother’s boys’ quarter apartment. 

    Depression and shame almost killed me.

    I’m sorry you went through all that

    Thank you. For the rest of 2023, we survived on my wife’s salary and my brother’s kindness. We also had to get on birth control after having a pregnancy scare. Imagine giving birth while squatting in someone’s house. 

    Thankfully, things changed in May 2024. My brother helped me get my current job and gave us ₦400k to add to the ₦500k my wife had saved to get our own apartment. The house is still mostly empty, but we’re slowly getting the necessary furniture. I’m just glad that things are finally looking up.

    I’m happy about that as well. I hope your relationship is getting better too?

    Gradually. We aren’t as close as we used to, but I’m trying to make up for it by communicating more. At least, I can now afford to take us out to eat once a week. I couldn’t afford to buy her a Valentine’s gift this year — even though she swears she loves the love notes I gave her — and I look forward to finally being able to afford to buy her gifts next year. 

    What does your relationship budget look like now?

    The weekly dates don’t cost more than ₦10k. Besides that, I’ve told my wife I’ll handle all the household bills from now on. She can just save her salary for emergencies or do whatever she wants with it. Knowing her, she’ll probably just save it. 

    Have you considered planning for a safety net?

    Oh yes. I know better than just relying on one job now. I save at least ₦40k monthly for rent, and I’m actively looking for another job on the side. With another income source, I can look at investment options.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

    I really want us to own our house one day soon. Rent is such a huge expense, and once that’s out of the picture, I believe we can look at achieving other things.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: This Abuja Teacher Doesn’t Believe in Girlfriend Allowance

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