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  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    Chika (24) had a pretty sweet life and solid friends in Nigeria, so when his parents told him they had processed his visa to the UK, he rebelled against it, but later, he came around. In this Abroad Life episode, Chika talks about leaving for the UK a day after his NYSC and finding his footing in the country.

    Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

    I live in England, and I left Nigeria in October 2023, a day after my National Youth Service Corpe (NYSC) Passing Out Parade (POP)

    How did you leave?

    I left on a student visa; I’m here for my master’s.

    Is there a reason you chose that route and the part of England you stay in?

    There’s no particular reason. When I arrived, I stayed in London for a bit with my sister, but she got a job in this city, so I had to move with her. It wasn’t easy to manoeuvre school, but I did it because I had no choice. I had just arrived, and I had no job or money to get my own place.

    I’m also not the kind of person to burden anyone, so I had to just stay with my sister and find my way to school. But I didn’t go every time I had lectures. Sometimes I did it the Nigerian way and asked someone to sign my attendance for me.

    Was there a reason you moved immediately after your NYSC?

     Trust me, it wasn’t planned. I guess it was just God’s plan.

    You must have been working towards it at some point. How did that happen?

    My parents instigated it, and I was against it. I didn’t want to travel, so I rebelled against the idea. I was enjoying my time with my boys, doing drive-throughs and stuff. 

     Nigeria was really fun for me, and I was doing just fine.  There were already signs I was going to be retained at the company I worked at so I saw no reason to travel.

    That said, I accepted my parent’s plans later on.  I felt like it was going to work if God wanted it to, so I gave it a shot.  People thought it was something I had been planning for a very long time, but the whole thing took about three months or so.

    Can you walk me through the process?

    My parents and my uncle had already started working on the process before I was in the loop.

    I usually dropped my important documents like my NECO, WAEC, and testimonials with my dad. My uncle also works in my secondary school, so it was pretty easy to start the admission process without me. It was when they needed other documents (my transcript certificate) that they involved me. Like I said, I initially rebelled, but I ultimately gave them everything they needed. After that, all he told me was I needed to go for my interview, biometrics, and all that. Everything happened so fast. That’s how I knew God actually wanted it to happen, so I just gave in as much as I could.

    Did your parents process the whole thing themselves because they already knew you wouldn’t want to leave?

    Not really. I think my parents have always sought an easy way for their kids because they sort of foresaw the way Nigeria would turn out.

    That’s really nice and thoughtful. So, did they pick your course of study?

    My dad and I had tons of conversations about masters prior to this, so he already knew my choice.

    That makes a lot of sense. So, how has life been since you got to the UK?

    I can’t say it’s good. I can’t say it’s bad.

    Oh, okay. Please tell me more.

    It’s mostly because I was only able to make a friend about eight months after I moved here.

    Ah, your first friend? 

    Yeah. He’s Nigerian, and I connected with him through TikTok. But before then, I had already bumped into him twice on my way to work.

    That’s very interesting. I’m curious about why it took you that long to make your first friend

    All I do is go to school, come back home, shop for groceries, come back home, go to work, come back home, or go on a stroll and come back home.

    So, have you tried expanding your community?

    Not really. I feel like another reason why I’ve found it hard doing that is because making new friends online is okay for me, but I’m not really so keen on making new friends physically because I feel like the devil I know is even better than the one I don’t. 

    Once, I tried making friends with someone I met on the bus. We live ten minutes away from each other, but after we met like twice and I walked her home, we haven’t seen each other again. I mostly just talk to my friends online and make TikToks. That’s my life here, but I’m willing to expand.

    Would you consider living in England lonely compared to the life you had in Nigeria? 

    It’s not like it’s lonely. I’m normally a very social person, but I haven’t really been able to be that person here because of the things I’ve had to do. Also, I don’t just make friends with just anybody. I like creating strong and proper connections. And I actually have friends in the UK, only that they live so far away. My social life will definitely change once I’m done with my master’s.

    How so, though?

    First, I’m going to move out of my sister’s house. When I stay on my own, my friends can come over, and I can go over to my friends. I can also explore other lifestyles, going into fashion content and modelling and stuff. I want to get serious with things I used to do in Nigeria that I just had to put on hold because of my master’s.

    Let’s talk a bit more about you living with your sister. What is it like?

    It’s just like living with family, which has always been normal and fun. It’s just like leaving home for home.

    Would you say that living with your sibling limited your social freedom in a way?

    Not really. In fact, I can actually say it was me who limited myself because they know I’m an adult who can decide things for myself. It’s not like they can stop me from going out if I want to. The least they can do is tell me to be careful and stay safe.

    You said earlier that you didn’t want to leave Nigeria because you had fun with your boys. What was so special about that life?

    It was the bond and the fact that we all shared the same life and interests. They were people I could relate to. We like the same things. I love cars, and they do, too. It’s so easy that we never planned our outings; they just happened.

    One can’t have everything, but I had the things that I could. Having real and sincere friends is one of the best things in this life. Friendship is not something that is just so easy to get and I had mine for six years and over.

    So, what is the most interesting part about living in the UK for you?

    One of the good things about living in the UK is that your eyes will be opened to things that you didn’t know before. Another thing is that it exposes you to things that can actually help you make a more profitable life for yourself. I also like creating content on TikTok, and the UK makes that easier.

    Have you witnessed any culture shocks since moving to the UK?

    Quite a lot. There are many sexy cars here that aren’t in Nigeria. I’m sorry, the first time I’m talking about is a car, but I can’t help it.

    The laws are also a culture shock, but they make sense because they keep us safe. In Nigeria, many people are scared of walking in the night because of the risks, but you can literally walk in the UK at 1 a.m., or 2 a.m. without fear. I think it depends on the city, though, but it’s generally safe.

    The weather is another shocker, too. UK weather is bi-polar. I always say that I can’t be friends or even date someone who is as bipolar as the weather here.

    Speaking of dating. I mean, if you took it this long to find a friend, I’m wondering if anything has happened to your dating life since you moved to the UK. 

    I’ve not been in any relationship since I’ve been in the UK. My previous relationship became tough months before I left Nigeria, so we broke up. I think it’s also one of the reasons why I gave the UK a chance. I just wanted to get a breath of fresh air because I was mentally and emotionally messed up. It really affected me.

    Do you mind telling me why it affected you enough to influence your move?

    I had an emotional and mental breakdown. Everything around me revolved around her. She was a part of me already. My family knew already, too; we dated for about three years and were on our way to the fourth.

    On a scale of one to 10, how happy would you say you are with your life in the UK?

    I’m not sure, but I’ll say 8.5. It’s good, but things could be better. I had a breakdown a few months ago because of school stress. It’s not fully great, but it’s still really good.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT). 

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  • I live for romantic K-dramas even though all they do is make me moan, “God when?” Nothing comes close to their found family/best friend trope, though. 

    Warning: Watching any of the movies with our favourite K-drama friend groups will have you calling all your friends at 3 a.m. to tell them how much you love and miss them. 

    The gang from Reply 1988

    I wasn’t even born in 1988, nor do I live in South Korea. Still, this series made me nostalgic for the age when kids used walkmans, rocked denim on denim and used dial phones. 

    In Reply 1988, the gang of four guys and one girl all lived and grew up in the same neighbourhood watching movies together, listening to songs and looking after each other. Even though they sometimes argue, their quarrels never got in the way of their love for each other. 

    The Reply series is goated and deserves all the love it gets. If you need a good laugh or cry and want to learn what it means to be a good friend, watch this series because these guys understand friendship. 

    RELATED: If You Have Any of These 8 Habits, You’re a K-drama Addict

    Our favourite five from Twenty Five, Twenty One

    One thing K-drama will do is give you a new interest in sports that you never bothered with before. Twenty Five, Twenty One follows the life of Na Hee Doo, who wants to be the world’s best fencer. She meets Baek Yi Jin, a former rich kid whose family went bankrupt, forcing the family to live apart. Hee Doo and Yi Jun become friends and find joy in making the other happy. 

    How the rest of the squad comes together is messy. But still, things take up shape so beautifully as these kids struggle with their chaotic personalities, financial backgrounds, school and relationship drama, and still find time to show up for each other. The five have such an excellent on-screen connection you’ll find yourself tearing up more often than you’d like. 

    The doctor squad from Hospital Playlist

    If hospital dramas are not your thing, these guys are about to change that. The series follows a group of doctors who have been friends since medical school and somehow end up working in the same hospital. The series follows their friendship, relationship with their patients, romantic lives and, of course, the fact that they’re in a band. Best in time management, innit? 

    These guys will make you laugh with their easy banter. They always make time out of their busy days to check on each other, also making sure to hang out often enough to have us all in our feels. If there’s any friend group I’m most jealous of, It’s this one. 

    RELATED: These 7 Medical K-Dramas Will Wreck You Emotionally

    The Swag Squad from Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

    You know a friend group is real when they bond over food. This trio are weightlifters in their university, and while their love for food is the only thing they have in common, the friendship still works. Every time they do something they find cool, they say, “swegg!” simultaneously. They fight for each other and always take each other’s side, whether wrong or right. 

    The girls from Hello, My Twenties

    At first, these girls don’t seem like they’ll be good friends because of their different personalities. But,  you can’t have six university girls living in a house without butting heads on their road to friendship. 

    This series did a good job showing what female friendships look like: the stupid dating advice they give each other, their struggles being in school while working part-time jobs, living with slobs and dealing with a stalker, etc. These girls went through it, and all you’ll want to do is give them hugs, but at least they had each other, so you know they can face anything together. 

    The plaza crew from Vincenzo

    This bunch of weirdos are still the most heartwarming found family/ friend groups I’ve seen in K-drama. The plaza crew consists of13  clowns who bonded over their disdain for anyone that tried to buy them out of the plaza that housed all their very different businesses. Until they met Vincenzo Cassano, a Korean-born Italian lawyer and Mafia consigliere who, unknown to them, was the actual owner of the plaza. 

    At first, they didn’t trust him when he said he didn’t want to break down the plaza because so many people had tried to deceive them. Unknown to them, baba had gold under the building, and that’s all he came for. 

    This chaotic gang of misfits sha ended up loving Vincenzo and would do anything for him, including acting as zombies to mess with the mind of a witness just to help Vicenzo with his case. The best part is that they get a happy ending and remain friends even after Vincenzo left.

    ALSO READ: How to Write the Perfect Romantic K-drama Series

  • We bring to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.

    From: A friend scorned by Jesus

    To: Diana*, the friend who chose faith over friendship

    Dear Diana,

    I know you won’t like this, but I’m not writing this for you — I actually hope you don’t see this because too much time has passed to fix our friendship. Writing this letter is my way of finally letting go.

    I want to start from the parts that were my fault because I blame myself for everything. When we met at university in 2013, things weren’t great at home. I didn’t know it then, but I was too emotionally dependent on everyone around me, to the point where I’d expect them to act in roles they didn’t sign for, as if they were my family members. So when we met, I placed those expectations on you. I wanted you to be the friend that made me feel safe. Someone I could call to escape the fights at home. 

    I never knew how to articulate my feelings in our friendship. Anytime you didn’t show up the way that I wanted, it felt like you didn’t love me. Like when our other friends talked over me because they were much older.  If I could go back to 2013, I’d explain how I felt to you. I wished you stood up for me more. 

    RELATED: 14 Types Of People You’ll Meet In a Nigerian

    When you found God a year later, everything changed between us. We didn’t even meet up for lunch anymore. If I could go back, I’d tell you you didn’t need to cut everyone off, especially me. I found God too, you know? But when you stopped hanging out with me, it hurt me badly. Like, didn’t you remember I was also Christian? 

    You created an entirely new world that didn’t include me — or other friends we had — and I never stopped thinking, “Me too?” I thought you’d find a way to hold on to me. I thought I was special, considering how much time we’d spent together. But I wasn’t. You had new Christian friends.

    I didn’t even realise you were dating someone at the time. For whatever reason, you hid him from us, and I’m not even sure for how long. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I tried to show up for you. I understand “setting yourself apart” when you wanted to get serious with your faith, but I think you could’ve found a balance. 

    RELATED: Faith Is a Concept That Evades Me

    I can’t remember a lot after uni, but graduating helped our friendship. We didn’t have to see each other, so it was easier to ignore how absent you really were. At least, over the phone, we seemed to be fine. 

    It’s crazy how much hope I had that we’d go back to being real friends. Because of you, I joined a Christian group — I didn’t just want to be part of a Christian community; I wanted you to be in it. I took over when your friends bailed on your bridal shower though my invite had been a formality. I was too happy I’d gotten an invite to care about that. 

    But I couldn’t continue chasing you. I needed to free myself from the leash I’d wound around my neck and handed to you.

    RELATED: I’m Tired of Being Your Supportive Friend, I Want More

    After seven years of trying to make things, I accepted we needed to be on very different paths. But it wasn’t like flipping a light switch. You randomly called me in 2021 and before picking up, I found myself hoping it was for some kind of reconciliation. But of course, it was for work. 

    The fact that you only visited my apartment five times throughout our friendship should’ve been a sign that we were better off not being friends. Especially since you once lived only seven minutes away. And I never stopped visiting you. There was a lot more I wanted to say on that call,  but there was no point. 

    I don’t know if you felt the way I felt on the other side of that phone. But if you’re reading this, know that I’m praying for you, always.

    All my love, 

    Temi

    ALSO READ: I Can’t Believe You Let a Boy Get Between Us

  • Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here. This is Zikoko’s What She Said.

    Today’s subject on #ZikokoWhatSheSaid is Onyeche Ebie, a 53-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about the different phases of friendships in her life. From her first real friend to her first betrayal as an adult, Onyeche shares the moments that led up to her believing that life is better without a lot of friends.

    What’s an advice 20-year-old you needed?

    You don’t need too many friends in life. 

    Why?

    At 28, I locked up on the idea of friendships. I’d just gotten my first job ever at a bank and got close to one of my colleagues. She’d already been in my department for two years, so it made sense to learn from her. I thought we’d become friends.

    A few months later, she placed a complaint with our branch manager. She accused me of trying to defraud the company with a customer I’d become friends with. It probably wasn’t alright, but as my friend, she should have spoken to me first. I got off with only a warning because one of our senior colleagues told her she needed more proof. Other than that, the branch manager would’ve fired me. 

    So, that was the end of chasing friendships. I never understood why she did it, but I didn’t ask. 

    Wow. Did you have any close friends before this experience?

    Not exactly. I’d never been the type of person to open up to people. I just didn’t enjoy talking. So I didn’t make any real friends until university.

    The first was Mfon. We were in the same department, but we didn’t notice each other until our second year. Our department needed girls to represent them at Nigerian University Games Association (NUGA), and we were picked for the badminton tournament. 

    During the game, we talked between sets. She wasn’t as reserved as me, but I didn’t mind. I found out she’d grown up with busy parents like me and moved around often. So there was a lot to talk about. By the end of the game, we were friends.

    That’s so cute. Who were the others?

    My only other friend was Patience. We were from the same state, so it was easy to click at first. Things ended because she liked a guy that wanted to date me in 200 level. 

    Oop—

    Mfon became my closest friend. My best friend actually. I loved how she made me try new things. I remember she got me my first lipstick. It was special because that was the first time I’d gotten a gift from anyone. 

    So what changed?

    She had an extra year in school. So I’d say distance changed things. In 1991, mobile phones weren’t a thing. Keeping in touch after my graduation was almost impossible. Doing my NYSC in Kaduna also didn’t help. By the time I moved to Lagos a year later, I still hadn’t heard from Mfon. 

    I also had a part to play in the silence. I didn’t have time to stay in touch because I was trying to get a job. I was living away from home for the first time and squatting with my extended family in Lagos. There was no time for friends. 

    Five years went by, and I didn’t speak with Mfon. I was forced to search for her when I heard she’d died. I decided to track down a cousin whom Mfon had mentioned lived in Lagos when we were in uni. It turned out she’d been in an accident and was in recovery. I felt so guilty for not reaching out sooner.

    I’m sorry that happened. Were you able to reconnect?

    Yes, but a few months later, she moved to Zaria. We’ve stayed in contact, but it wasn’t like back in uni. She never came back to Lagos. 

    A year later, I started having kids, so I wasn’t focused on how to keep in touch.

    So you never connected with anyone like your uni bestie?

    No one knew me like Mfon. At least that version of myself. Adulthood took away that woman that loved badminton. The most important thing became survival.

    The next friend I made was a few months after the fraud incident at the bank. And it was completely unintentional. My manager decided it was best to be in a different office, so I was moved to a new office. There, I met Aisha. Aisha shared my new office with me — I couldn’t ignore someone I had to see every day. Eventually, I warmed up.

    What was different about Aisha?

    We only got close because she talked about herself a lot more. She opened up about being AS and her husband also being AS. Being willing to share details about her family made me slightly less guarded. 

    The challenge came when it was time for me to talk about myself. Mfon always had a way to get me talking, but Aisha didn’t stress. And to an extent, I liked that. 

    When I had my first kid, she knew basic things like how much my child threw tantrums. I talked about the transition from being alone to having a child that was so expressive and chatty — the complete opposite of me. So yes, there were parts Aisha knew.

    But when I had my second child in 2001, I didn’t talk about him for two years. I avoided the conversation.

    Why?

    He was born with down syndrome. That wasn’t an experience I wanted to share with anyone. I didn’t want any pity.

    I didn’t even notice he was different from my first child until after three months. When I went to the hospital and got the diagnosis, even the doctor wasn’t sure about the next steps to take. There was nothing he could do. So what was the point of talking to Aisha? I had to find a solution myself.

    For a long time, I didn’t meet mothers with a child like mine. Even when I found a foundation that helped parents like me, they were focused on just the money. There was nothing like a community for parents to talk about how they coped. 

    I’m sorry about that.

    Thanks. It was difficult running around Lagos trying to find specialists to help, but I wanted my child to survive. Aisha wasn’t in the loop until about two years later. And like our friendship, it wasn’t intentional. She’d just lost a baby and talked about how she felt. In the middle of that, I opened up about my son. It made us a bit closer.

    Even when I moved to Abuja in 2004, Aisha and I maintained contact. She eventually relocated to Abuja too.

    So what made you decide life is better without friends?

    I lost my job five years after moving to Abuja and the friends I made. 

    There were two women in particular I thought were my friends. We’d visit each other and go to weddings together. But when I lost my job, I felt like a plague. They dismissed me quickly anytime I checked in. 

    Did you reach out to them about this feeling?

    No. I felt they thought I was hanging around for money.  I decided it was best to keep to myself.

    And Aisha?

    The best she could do was refer customers to me when I started a business. Other than that, we were occupied with our own lives. 

    It sounds kind of lonely…

    LOL. Life is lonely, with or without friends. It was impossible to be in the same place with Mfon or Aisha. Or try to keep up with each other’s lives when they moved at a different pace. 

    With my second child, no one could share that experience with me. I had to do it alone. And losing my job? I also had to figure that out alone. No matter how many friends I had, the only constant thing in each phase was me. 

    I hear you. How did starting a business go?

    Most of my customers were people I’d randomly met at the bank. Some were customers I ran accounts for while others were colleagues. They weren’t people I’d ever consider friends. At that point, I realised there was no point in labelling people as friends. Acquaintances seemed more beneficial.

    Are you still close to Mfon and Aisha?

    They’re still a part of my life. We’re just fine with not seeing each other for months. The one time I saw Mfon after 1997 was 2021. She was in Abuja for chemotherapy, and I stayed by her side for the six months she was around. Time didn’t take away the fact that she was my best friend. It just changed how much I bothered myself with the “friendship” label. 

    Two or three friends are enough to get by in life.

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here