• Holidays are supposed to be about bonding, love, and laughter. It’s that time when you reflect on pulling through a year filled with highs and lows. But if we’re being honest, a typical Nigerian family spending more than one or two days together is the perfect recipe for disaster. From endless arguments to unearthing long-forgotten beef, these Nigerians share the chaotic holidays that nearly tore their families apart.

    Tunde*

    My dad thought it was a brilliant idea to move all of us—immediate family, uncles, aunties, and cousins—into the family house in the village to ride out the lockdown together. At first, it was manageable. Everyone kept to themselves, and we only saw each other during meals. But after the first month, things began to unravel.

    Old grudges between my uncles surfaced—one hadn’t forgiven the other for borrowing money and not paying it back. My aunties were arguing over who was using all the gas in the kitchen. But the height was when my uncle accused one of my cousins of stealing his expensive wristwatch.

    The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My cousin swore he didn’t take it, but my uncle didn’t believe him and threatened to call the police. We found the wristwatch under my uncle’s mattress two days later—he’d forgotten he kept it there. Did he apologise? Of course not. No one was on speaking terms when we left the village. That was the last time we tried a big family gathering.

    Temi*

    My family moved to the UK when I was 10, so I didn’t spend much time with my cousins in Nigeria. When we finally visited for Christmas, I was so excited. I imagined we’d pick up right where we left off as kids.

    From the moment we arrived, though, things felt off. My cousins kept mocking me and my siblings for our British accents, saying we sounded like “oyinbo children.” I laughed it off at first, thinking they were joking. But things escalated when they started making racist jokes about my Black friends back in the UK.

    When I told them it wasn’t funny, they called me too sensitive and said I’d become “too westernised.” My parents tried to mediate, but I was done. I haven’t visited ever since.

    Bolaji*

    My cousin decided it would be “fun” to combine Christmas and her wedding, thinking it would save money and ensure everyone could attend. Instead, it became a disaster.

    The elders weren’t happy about the short notice, especially my uncle, who had been footing most of the bills. He felt disrespected and threatened to pull his support. Then, there was drama between my cousin and her sister, who accused her of stealing the spotlight by announcing her pregnancy during the wedding prep.

    On the day itself, my mum and another aunt got into a fight over how traditional the ceremony should be, and guests had to pick sides. By the time the wedding was over, half the family wasn’t speaking to each other. To this day, that Christmas is a sore spot in the family.

    Anita*

    My family has always been a mix—Catholics, Pentecostals, and people who don’t “do religion.” Every year, we’d all attend crossover service together, even if some of us weren’t big on church.

    That year, my atheist cousin refused to come, and my aunt lost it. She called him a disgrace and said he was disrespecting the family. Then she decided it was the perfect time to accuse my mum of not raising us to be “proper Christians.”

    By the time service ended, everyone was furious. My mum was angry, my cousin stormed off, and my uncle refused to speak to anyone. Since then, I don’t think we’ve done crossover service as a family.

    [ad]

    Yemi*

    My mum and her sister have always been competitive about their cooking. I thought hosting Christmas at my house would ease the tension, but it only worsened it.

    Both insisted on cooking the jollof rice, which became a battle of egos. My mum went heavy on the pepper, and my aunt added too much oil. When one of my cousins joked that both batches tasted off, they took it personally and started yelling at each other in front of everyone.

    They both left in anger, and I was stuck with two pots of Jollof no one wanted to eat. That was the first and last time I hosted Christmas dinner.

    Chinedu*

    My mum loves hosting, so when some relatives said they wanted to spend Christmas with us, she happily agreed, even though we didn’t have enough space. She told my siblings and me to sleep on the floor so they could have the beds.

    At first, it wasn’t a big deal. We all thought it was just for a night or two. But by the third day, it was clear they weren’t leaving anytime soon. I was tired of waking up with back pain and sharing cramped sleeping spaces. My younger brother got fed up and said, “If I sleep on this cold floor one more night, I’m moving to my friend’s place.”

    Things got worse when one of our visitors overheard us complaining and told my mum they didn’t feel welcome. My mum scolded us for being ungrateful, but we were too frustrated to care. The relatives eventually left after a week, but not before making us feel like villains in our home.

    Uche*

    In our family, knockouts and fireworks are a Christmas Eve tradition. The kids love it, and the adults sit back and watch with amusement. But one year, things went wrong.

    My cousin Chuka* and his younger brother were lighting knockouts when one of them exploded too soon. Chuka’s hand got burnt, and his brother got hit by a stray spark. It was chaos. The kids screamed, the adults panicked, and my aunt blamed my dad for not supervising them properly.

    To make matters worse, Chuka’s mum insisted on taking them to a private hospital immediately, even though my dad said the burns weren’t severe. She claimed we were negligent and accused us of not caring about her kids. It turned into a huge argument, with my mum yelling that my aunt was overreacting.

    The tension ruined the rest of the holiday. My cousins left the next morning, and we haven’t done fireworks since. Even now, we avoid talking about that Christmas because it brings up too many bad memories.

    Lara*

    My family loves doing Secret Santa during Christmas. It’s usually a lot of fun, but my uncle ruined it one year. The idea is to buy thoughtful gifts within a budget, but my uncle gave his Secret Santa a leftover corporate souvenir—a water bottle with a company logo on it.

    The recipient, my cousin, was so offended that she called him out in front of everyone, saying he was lazy and cheap. My uncle clapped back, saying the family was full of ungrateful people who didn’t appreciate free gifts.

    It escalated into a full-blown argument, with my cousin storming off and my uncle refusing to participate in any more family activities that year. The drama was so intense that we didn’t do Secret Santa the following Christmas. Till today, my uncle insists he did nothing wrong, and my cousin refuses to speak to him. That was the end of “fun family traditions” in our house.

    Read this next: What’s The Wildest Thing You Did For Love in 2024? — Family Edition

  • Vol 7 | 05-12-2022

    Brought to you by

    Christmas is almost here.

    I know you’re wondering why I’m rushing you, but honestly, there’s no better time than now to get into the Christmas spirit of giving and, of course, receiving.

    Today’s Love Currency had me thinking about the true cost of a long-distance relationship. Apart from all the money that will be spent to make the distance not so long, there’s also the part where it’s emotionally draining.

    If you’ve ever been in one of these, I’d like to know what some hidden costs you didn’t expect were.

    Without any more ado. Let’s get into today’s edition.

    In this letter:

    • The #NairaLife of a Housekeeper Tired of Suffering
    • The Love Currency: Long Distance, $4k/m between London and Lagos
    • Money Meanings: “Capital”
    • Game: #HowMuchLast
    • Where The Money At?!

    The #NairaLife of a Housekeeper Tired of Suffering

    Today’s subject on #NairaLife finished secondary school in 1997 and couldn’t get into university. After that, she moved from Ibadan to Lagos to get a chance at a better life.

    From housekeeping to tailoring, she worked several jobs, and now at 45, she’s still hoping the good things of life locate her.

    Read her story

    The Love Currency: Long Distance between London & Lagos on $4k per month

    I love that our subjects for this story have a deep understanding of what they both want out of life and are making serious moves to get there.

    But you see that distance? That’s what I have an issue with because long distance is the actual ghetto.

    An excerpt: “Earlier in the year [2022], I told her I’d always prioritise helping her reach a point where she can afford to get herself whatever she wanted instead of buying it for her. For instance, I can’t buy a wig of ₦1m, but when she needed about ₦1.4m to go to culinary school in October 2021, I assisted with ₦800k — ₦500k first, then ₦300k.

    Read More Of This Story

    Some other great money articles you should read:

    Money Meanings

    Game: #HowMuchLast

    #HowMuchLast is a game where we show you an item and you tell us (and the world) the highest amount you’d pay for it.

    Some weeks will be Okin biscuit, some others will be SUVs.

    This week, we’re kicking off the Christmas shenanigans. #HowMuchLast for a Christmas Tree?

    What’s the most you’d pay? Tweet at us here.

    Where The Money At?!

    We can’t say we’re about the money and not actually help you find the money.

    So we’ve compiled a list of job opportunities for you. Make sure you share this with anyone who might need it because in this community, we look out for each other.

    Again, don’t mention. We gatchu.

    Share this newsletter

    All good things must come to an end. But not this good thing. We’ll be back next week.

    In the
    meantime, keep reading Zikoko’s articles and be sure to share the love.

    Till next week…

    Yours cashly,

    Dwin

    The Other Mr Money

    Did someone awesome send this to you?

    Subscribe to this Newsletter

    18, Nnobi Street, Surulere, Lagos,
    Nigeria

  • It’s the holiday season again. While we all love spending time with loved ones and not having to work or attend classes, there’s something we can all as a society agree we hate about the holidays. Traffic. Traffic is always horrible this season, and with traffic comes increased cab prices. Our tired is tired. That’s why we’re here with some concrete tips to help you beat the traffic this holiday season.

    1) Stay in your house

    There’s no traffic if you stay in your house. Why are you going out all the time anyways? Is Christmas your own birthday? Why not take time to sit and reflect on the reason for the season. Traffic can’t stress you in you stay in your house.

    2) Reindeer

    If someone can fly a reindeer and visit all the houses on Christmas night, don’t you think it’s worth investing in? Flying reindeer is a sure way for you to beat traffic this holiday season.

    3) Teleportation

    Look at your mirror, tap your chest three times, shout Zikoko and you’d find yourself at whatever location you desire. Please note that if the teleportation doesn’t work for you, then it’s not Zikoko’s fault. You’re just bad vibes.

    4) Flying broom

    If reindeer is too hard for you to find, why not try a flying broom? Just place a call to a witch near you and ask for them to share their secrets. Haven’t you noticed that witches never complain about traffic?

    5) Climb your Christmas chicken

    Have you seen the speed at which chickens run and dash? Well, a simple way to beat traffic this holidays is to mount your Christmas chicken and let it carry you to your destination. Since they’re small animals, they can pass tight corners.

    6) Take to the skies

    Traffic is limited to the roads, so why not try flying? It doesn’t matter if you have wings or not. Work with faith.

    7) Kidnap Santa Claus

    When you kidnap him, tell him that his condition for release is to grant you one wish, and that’s a Christmas free holidays.

    8) Nigerian coat of arms horse

    The Nigerian horses on the coat of arms once complained that they need a new job to do. Why not borrow them this Christmas season. At least when you go to the beach and they want to charge you for a horse ride, you’d say you came with your own.

    [donation]

  • Are you going to be spending Christmas all by yourself or with your church people? Take this quiz to find out.



  • Everyone deserves a Christmas gift. What should yours be? Take this quiz to find out:

  • If you can unscramble these Christmas terms, you deserve a Christmas gift. Take the quiz:

    Father Christmas

    Songs and hymns

    Cold and dust

    Jesus was born in a…

    Birthplace of Jesus

    A day after Christmas

    Christmas month

    Another name for gifts

    Another name for birth

    Christmas makes you spend time with…

    Jingle…

    Revamp

    No hint needed