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  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    Adeola (21), the subject of this week’s Abroad Life, has never had a boyfriend. She assumed her luck would change when she moved to Australia, but it’s been two years, and she still can’t figure out where the single men are. She discusses why she prefers male friends and doesn’t think dating apps or Nigerian men are for her. 

    Where do you live now, and how long have you been away from Nigeria?

    I currently live in Queensland, Australia, and I left Nigeria in November 2022

    What was the motivation behind your move?

    There wasn’t any real motivation. My dad lives here, and he wanted me to join him.

    How has life been since you moved?

    Life has been good compared to when I was living in Nigeria. I couldn’t work in Nigeria, but I earn reasonably good money here. The only thing I don’t understand yet is where to find single men in Australia.

    How come?

    It’s not even just single men. I can’t find any Nigerian my age here. For the single guy’s thing, I’m not the only person that’s worried about it. All my immigrant friends can’t seem to find boyfriends, too, and I’m like, “What’s going on here?” It’s a problem for me—I don’t like clubbing or partying, so that might explain why I’m still single. But I’ve not seen any Nigerian person my age here. 

    How old are you?

    I’m 21.

    Interesting. Let’s talk a bit about your life in Nigeria. What did that look like, exactly?

    It was pretty chill. I’m an only child, so there wasn’t much to it.  I just wake up and sleep. Sometimes, I’ll go out with my mom or go to her shop. I was at a public university but didn’t get to do much there either because an ASUU strike started after I resumed. 

    Would you say you had more friends in Nigeria than you do now?

    Oh, definitely. I had a good number of male friends. I met most of my male friends at the university. I didn’t have many friends in secondary school, so it was actually nice to connect with people at university. Leaving those friends I had managed to make was one of the saddest parts of relocating to Australia. They didn’t even know I was leaving them because I didn’t tell them I moved until a month later. You know how you’re not supposed to expose some things because of your village people. 

    Please share why telling your friends you were relocating could have jinxed it.

    Ten years ago, I had the opportunity to travel. My mom and I told so many people, but it ended badly. When I was applying to move to Australia, our pastor told us not to tell anyone, so we didn’t. Australia is a hard place to get into, and even though we didn’t tell anyone, it was still hard to get in.

    I’m glad it worked out for you.  Were you in a relationship before you left Nigeria?

    No, I wasn’t in. I believed in focusing on my studies, so I didn’t date anyone in Nigeria.

    So, what changed when you moved to Australia?

    The culture here encourages young people to date. I’m talking about starting from 15—or 14-year-olds. Everybody kind of expects you to have a boyfriend. Even my colleagues at work always ask if I’m dating.

    What’s the reason why you haven’t found someone?

    In Nigeria, people can approach and woo you anywhere, but they don’t do that here. They mostly use dating apps.  Sometimes, you meet people in the club, but I don’t go to clubs. My white friends found their boyfriends in high school, and that’s not exactly a method I can recreate.

    Have you tried using the dating apps?

    I have tried dating apps, but I still don’t get them. I don’t even know what to write on my bio because it feels like I’m begging someone to date me. And I’m not like all those model-pretty girls you’ll see their profile pictures and go, “Oh, my God, she’s so pretty; let me ask for her number.” I always end up uninstalling the apps.

    Is being in a relationship a priority to you?

    Low key, I don’t want a relationship. What I’m looking for is male friends.  I have a lot of female friends now, which is something I’m grateful for, but  I’m not used to it. I’m just used to having male friends. Also, my female friends are not Nigerians, so it makes it easier to miss my friends back home.

    So what you’re looking for is Nigerian friends?

    I want someone who I can speak  Yoruba or English to without faking an accent. I’m tired of putting on this accent. I want to crack jokes without explaining what the joke means, and that’s why I want a relationship.

    What kind of man are you looking for?

    I don’t want a Nigerian man.

    I thought you said you were looking for people you can relate with

    Yes, but not necessarily a Nigerian. I like BTS, so I’m more into Asian guys. I also don’t mind an Australian guy, but he must be at least six feet tall. I’m a bit tall, so I want someone taller. He must also be God-fearing and shouldn’t be a fan of clubbing. I also don’t want to date someone who likes dogs or is irreligious.

    I’m curious: why don’t you want a Nigerian boyfriend?

    I haven’t really met a Nigerian man who’s a good example of what a boyfriend should be. My male friends back home were great, but I don’t know what they are like in relationships. A lot of Nigerian men want to be respected just because they are men. But if I find a Nigerian man who thinks like a good person, I will give it a chance.

    Thank you for sharing that. You mentioned moving to Australia to be with your dad; how’s that going?

    We are not living together because he’s hard-headed, and I didn’t feel like putting up with it. He’s probably somewhere in the country, but I don’t know where he is precisely. He might be going through a midlife crisis. I  lived with him and my stepfamily for about a year, but that didn’t work out for everybody because they wanted me to cook every day. I got tired of it and moved out. 

    What was his reaction to you moving out?

     At first, my dad didn’t agree with me moving out, but I was keen on it. When I lived with him, he could walk into my room, find me sleeping, and ask me why I was asleep. These were things that even my mom didn’t use to do.

    When I first talked about moving out, he said I’d only be allowed to leave whenever I get married. One day, he changed his mind for reasons I didn’t know and allowed me to move out. My dad is a very complicated human being, and he’s probably traumatized. 

    Do you mind explaining?

    He was hospitalized and almost died; I think that messed with him. He’s been up and about since then, and I cannot be chasing after an adult. I’m sure he’s fine wherever he is.

    Have you tried reaching out?

    I’ve reached out to him. We even agreed to meet up for dinner but this man stood me up. Since then, I’ve allowed him to do whatever he wants. It’s not his first time leaving anyway—I didn’t know he was until I was 10, then he came back and left again for years,  came back again with tears, talking about how he wanted to know his daughter because he was getting old. I didn’t trust him anyway.

    When I came here, I thought everything would be chill, but he wanted to be forming big man, which made no sense because I didn’t ask him to bring me here. We clashed regularly because of it. I wouldn’t sit down and let him talk to me anyhow. That’s one of the reasons why I moved out; I needed that space. The distance is good for us because we can’t live under the same roof. It just won’t work.

    I’m sorry to hear that. Is your mom still in Nigeria? 

    Yes. My relocation was a bit hard for her to process. She’s very introverted, so I was her go-to person—when I got here, she used to call me too often. We ended up fighting about it, but things are better now. I’ve been trying to explore options to help her move here. It might not happen anytime soon, though, but she’s looking forward to it.

    I hope it works out. What are some culture shocks you’ve experienced in Australia?

    Kids talk back at their parents here. The way people dress is also shocking; I am all about body positivity, but there’s a need to dress appropriately when you’re going out.

    Another culture shock would be the fact that children date here. For example, 14-year-old kids who don’t know what life is yet are allowed to date. 

    You mentioned that your friends are not Nigerians; how do these friendships work?

    I have to code-switch now and then. If I’m talking to my Australian friends, I talk a certain way. If I’m talking to my Indian friends, I can speak casually. My best friend is Australian, and she’s a charming person.

    Do you have any plans to move back to Nigeria in the future?

    I don’t want to move back, but I want to visit. I’m very hungry for Nigerian food; I’m tired of eating bland white people’s food. If I had the money, I would come back home just for the food, even if it’s just for one day.

    On a scale of one to 10, how happy would you say you are in Australia?

    9.5. I’m happy to be here.  I don’t have to stress about somebody kidnapping me when I’m going to another state. It’s a chill place.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT). 

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  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

    The only thing Daniel (27) loves more than Ibadan is his South Sudanese girlfriend. But this love comes with a $10,000 bride price which is making him contemplate elopement. In this Abroad Life episode, Daniel talks about moving out of Nigeria and restarting his life in Australia to beat Nepo Baby allegations.

    When did you first decide to move abroad?

    I first considered it sometime in 2019, and I left Nigeria in October 2019. I currently live in Queensland, Australia.

    Why Australia?

    I chose Australia because there weren’t so many Nigerians there. When I checked the population of Nigerians in Australia at the time, they were around 15,000 or 20,000. I saw the figures, and I was like, “Yeah, this is my country.”  

    There was no real reason for me to leave Nigeria because I was living a pretty comfortable life; I was the last child of the family, so money came from everywhere. But something just changed in me after a while, and I  told my dad that I  wanted to move to Australia to get a master’s degree. He was so surprised because it wasn’t something I often talked about.

    You said you chose Australia because there weren’t many Nigerians there; why was that important to you?

    I was just tired of Nigerians. I was craving something new and unfamiliar. I lived in Ibadan before I left Nigeria, and I loved how chill the city was, but I couldn’t shake the urge to chase a new life. I was tired of seeing Nigerian faces everywhere.

    LMAO. What faces did you want to see?

    It wasn’t really about the faces. The funniest thing is that the friends I’ve made since I moved are still Nigerians. It’s only my girlfriend, who is South Sudanese. 

    So what was it about Nigerians living in Nigeria that made you move? 

    It was the hustle mentality and the fact that people were so quick to discredit people who have it easier in life. I mentioned that I was very comfortable in Nigeria; People quickly dismissed my hard work because they thought my father’s money was responsible for all my achievements.

    It just got tiring to hear people always talk about my father’s money with the intention of discrediting me. It was almost as if people wanted me to struggle for everything in life and got pissed at the fact that I didn’t necessarily have to. Here in Australia, people see my hard work, not my father’s money.

    So you left Nigeria to find your own identity?

    You can put it that way. I was trying to prove a point to myself and everyone.  The funniest thing is that we didn’t even have the money people thought we had. I went to a private university, and we lived in a nice house, but my monthly allowance in 2019 was ₦5000.

    I also got an allowance from my siblings, but it wasn’t like I had a bag of money in my house. I just wanted to prove to people that I could make my own money and do my thing. To be fair, my dad is actually rich, but people are always too quick to assume that a rich father immediately translates to a rich son. My dad is very money-conscious and financially smart, so if it is not a need, he won’t pour his money into it.

    You said you wanted to get a master’s degree in Australia. How did that go?

    It went well. I finished in 2020. But during my first three months as a student, I wanted to return to Nigeria. I had no job then, so I still had to rely on my dad. He was paying my rent, but to get money for other things, I used to hike the rent fee and keep the extra change. Thankfully, I later got a job at a warehouse but balancing the new job and school was even harder, though things got better the next semester.

    What changed?

    I got used to how things work in Australia, and I made new friends. It was easier to make Nigerian friends in Australia because people see you as an individual, not your family’s money.

    Another thing that made that semester easier was getting a new job. Then COVID-19 happened, and I ended up spending most of my university days indoors. We switched to online learning, and that felt like the best thing after sliced bread.

    LOL. How?

    I didn’t have to worry about waking up early to catch the bus. I could wake up at 8:50 am. to attend a 9 am class. I also got to save money, so I don’t hate the lockdown at all. The online classes lasted until I finished university.

    So what has life looked like since you completed your master’s? 

    Life has been great. I’m working in tech now, and that’s one of the things that I’ve always wanted to do. I have a girlfriend now, and she’s the love of my life. I also have great friends around me, but I’m not going to lie; sometimes I miss Nigeria. I don’t miss the people, but I miss Ibadan. One of my favourite things is watching YouTube videos of okada men riding their motorcycles around Ibadan. I miss my city so much; It’s obvious that they call me Mr Ibadan in my church here. 

    Have you visited Ibadan since you left?

    Nope. But I talk to my family on WhatsApp. If I miss my family, I can always pick up the phone and talk to them. For now, I have no real reason to visit Nigeria–My whole life is here but when I get married,  I want to go to Obudu cattle ranch for my honeymoon. I might even end up going to Ibadan.

    Honeymoon in Ibadan? Please don’t kill me.

    I’m being so serious. Ibadan is the best place in Nigeria.

    What makes Ibadan so special to you?

    The rustic view of the city and the sound of Okada—you can’t find that anywhere else. The serenity and peace you’ll find in the city is also unmatched. I’m a proud ambassador of Ibadan.

    I’m screaming. Let’s talk about the South Sudanese woman who’s dating an Ibadan ambassador. How did that happen?

    We met on Instagram. Around December 2021, I posted something about how I would be one of the people wearing matching PJs the following year, and she commented, “lol,” but we didn’t start exchanging DMs until February 2022, when she posted something about men mistreating good women and me as the defender of my gender, I  decided to do an explainer in her DM. That’s how we started talking, and we’ve been dating for over two years now.

    Have you managed to change her mind about men?

    Yes o. I’ve been representing Nigerian men well. If you ask her, she’d say the same thing. 

    Is this your first non-Nigerian relationship?

    I would say this is my first serious relationship in Australia. The other ones were just vibes.

    What does “vibes” mean?

    We were just lying to each other and passing time with mutual consent.  But this is serious; we know where it’s ending. 

    Love that. What’s the most interesting thing about being in a non-Nigerian relationship?

    I moved to Australia as an adult, but she’s been here since she was eight. The difference in how we were raised is quite obvious, so we’ve had to compromise on some things. For example, if I say something in pidgin or Yoruba, I have to explain what I’m saying to her. I’ve also had to adjust to her culture–One of the most interesting parts about her culture is the bride price. 

    How so?

    If she were getting married in South Sudan, I’d have had to buy about 80 cows. But since we’re in Australia, I would have to pay between $10,000 and $30,000. It depends on how much the bride has achieved in life. If she has a master’s degree, you’ll be asked to pay more.

    Are you allowed to bargain?

    Oh, you can bargain but they say if you value their daughter, you won’t try to lower the price. 

    You seem to have accepted your fate.

    Let’s just thank God for life. When that day comes, whatever I have, I’ll pay. As long as my girlfriend is happy, everybody else will be okay. The funniest part is that she won’t even get one dime from this bride price.

    Have you started saving, or are you waiting till you propose?

    I’m not saving. I will pay whatever I have. If they don’t give me my bride, we will elope together.

    Ah!

    Yes, please. When my sister got married, her bride price was ₦1,500.

    It is well. Has she met your parents?

    She has spoken to my mom, but I don’t want my dad to know now. I’m currently 27, but my dad still believes that I’m not old enough to have a girlfriend. Everybody else in my family knows her. I know he’s going to be shocked that I’m not marrying a Nigerian, but my mom has accepted her. 

    How do you think your dad will react when he finds out that she’s South Sudanese?

    He’ll probably want to know what happened to all the Nigerians in Australia. Whenever my friends are getting married, my dad always asks if their partners are Nigerians. He already knows that I’m a bit of a rebel, so he has no choice but to accept her.

    I’m rooting for you guys

    Thank you. I’ll send the GoFundMe link when it’s time.

    For what?

    To contribute towards the brideprice.

    I’ll be praying for you. What’s your favourite thing about living in Australia?

    If you’re not lazy, you’ll live a decent life. But my girlfriend is Australia’s best gift to me. 

    Are you aware that this isn’t Love Life?

    You should probably feature us on Love Life. But since this is Abroad Life, I’ll say my favourite things about Australia are the friends and community I have here.

    So how did you find your community?

    My best friend is a Nigerian, whom I met in university. The other friends I’ve made are from church—you’ll find lots of Nigerians in my church. My three closest friends are from university, and others are from church.

    You can’t run away from Nigerians, I guess.

    You really can’t.

    Is there any plan to move back to Nigeria in the future?

    Oh, 100%. I’m going to move back to Ibadan and become the chairman of one LGA. The long-term plan is to shuffle between Ibadan and Australia.

    But is your girlfriend aware that you have plans to go back to Ibadan?

    She’ll be shocked when I tell her, but I don’t want to tell her yet. She knows how much I love Ibadan. She even made me a hoodie with an Ibadan-inspired design.

    Jesus, this is serious!

    It is o. She’s actually open to relocating to Nigeria. From the conversations we’ve had, I’m pretty sure she’s open to it.  She has told me that she’s getting tired of living in Australia because she’s been here her whole life.

    Love that for you. On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you with your abroad life?

    7.5. I have a good life, an amazing girlfriend, good friends and YouTube videos of Ibadan. It’s only going to get better from here.

    Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT). 

  • There’s a new type of Nigerian Pride in the air.

    Israel Adesanya

    You may have caught it at a party, dancing like it owns grime and afro-swing from the UK. If you listen closely, it sneaks foreign slang from around the world into every sentence it speaks.

    On social media, it tweets in support for artists from different countries.

    For some reason, it has given Nigerian nicknames to relative outsiders.

    In its latest iteration though, it’s claiming someone as its own. He’s a Mixed Martial Artist called Israel Adesanya.

    At 29 years of age, the lean, muscular fighting machine is the UFC’s latest darling.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp8K8OHgX_b/

    He moved to the UFC from New Zealand in 2018 and has remained unbeaten since. He’s managed those 19 fights by teasing opponents and punching their lights out.

    For 25 years, the United Fighting Championship has entertained fans with gladiator-style brawls between mixed martial artists in what is now the fastest growing sport in the world.

    There must have been a few Nigerian UFC fans before Adesanya.

    Whether the style-bender has inspired a new frenzied fanbase in the country of his birth is a different question.

    Last weekend, before his main event fight, Nigerian rapper, Wale, tweeted a highlight reel of Adesanya with the words “We wit you@laststylebender”.

    All over the internet, Nigerians, from news outlets to your favourite actor, waited. There could be only one outcome.

    The Naija boy had to beat this unknown opponent and continue his run.

    Some say Adesanya fights like a Nigerian.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp8if2dgbgY/

    Hard, quick and flamboyant. During the fight, he paused after delivering a combo of punches, put his left arm behind his back and invited his opponent for more.

    Of course, he’d be silly to do this if he couldn’t handle himself.

    He can hit with all his limbs, which basically means sleep can come upon an opponent from anywhere.

    But most are drawn to his pride in Nigeria.

    Adesanya first came under the public radar on the night of UFC 221. He grabbed a mic and promised Nigerians he would always make them proud in his native Yoruba.

    Ask around and you may well be told that the 70s and 80s are Nigeria’s golden age. But while we were reacting to the first fruits of independence, an undercovered exodus was ongoing. It hasn’t ended since.

    Either for fear of living in a military dictatorship, pre-emptive efforts to avoid the impending crises that would define Nigeria in the 1990s – or just a good old search for greener pastures, many Nigerians began to emigrate to English-speaking countries across the world.

    Most of them settled in Europe, particularly in England. Others, like the Adesanya’s, covered more miles and ended up in New Zealand.

    What happened after is untold history.

    Skepta Nigerian Chief

    The children of these immigrants lived like Nigerians among their families and immigrant communities. But they also had access to opportunities, more than they would have had here, and new cultures – in food, music, fashion and ends. A generation of foreign nationals, weaned on the West, but with strong ties to Home.

    Some of them were born in conditions that birth art like Skepta in London’s Meridian Walk Estates, or like Sade Adu, from a market town in Essex. Some like Israel chased their fancy from New Zealand to China.

    I saw Isreal fight Anderson Silva, a Brazilian “future Hall of Famer” as he was described, at my brother’s flat in Ajah.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_Fsg3m1p0I

    Adesanya’s fighting background is most Oriental. In the UFC’s Octagon though, Silva is one of his heroes. So he showed respect against a formidable opponent and tired him out with quick blows and kicks to his knee.

    It’s horrid stuff at times like that, but then the fight ended and Israel and Silva bowed before each other.

    The boy with the ‘BROKEN NATIVE’ chest tattoo began to cry.

    My brother’s friend Seun whispered “Naija gats dey thankful to the UK”.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Btrfrqdnh2-/

    So, I’m fiercely anti-every-focken-colonial-power-that-still-exists-because-Nigeria-Congo-etc-etc, but it made sense.

    The UK has been the bridge between Nigerian pop culture and the world. A conveyor belt, from the first sprinklings of 70s fashion to the gleeful rhythms of Afrobeats. Ojuelegba stayed in London’s Meridian Walk Estate before the 6God took it to a global level. It’s where most of this Nigerian Pride has come from.

    Chief Joseph Junior Adenuga, the Amuludun of Odo-Aje, or Skepta as you probably know him is the best example. Skepta has single-handedly has strengthened a cultural connection between Lagos and London.

    And there are many more like him. There may have been a time when their ‘Nigerian-ness’ would be questioned but things are different now

    Israel is a real Nigerian boy too, or at least, what we’re often depicted to be.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Btpujd9nq4-/

    He’s probably the only Naruto fanboy from Nigeria who got to do the real thing. Like most of us, he’ll make sure you know he’s running things – like in this Instagram post hours before the fight. He drives a Range Rover and wears a thick gold chain because, contrast.

    There’s a bit of Melancholy about it though.

    Before he shut down London’s O2 Arena, Davido offered a sobering lens on our adoption of pop culture when he told the UK’s Channel 4, “Back home in Nigeria, entertainment is one of the few things we have to be happy about”.

    It’s not far from the truth.

    It’s easy to see why then – while things go sour at home and Nigerians face a decision between the devil and the deep blue sea, we enjoy these spatial moments of delight coming from the abroad.

    We may draw up a hundred and one reasons why we love his fighting but there’s a sense that all Israel Adesanya had to do was be Nigerian.

    As long as Jack keeps Twitter free and we are still allowed to take pride in our own, we won’t let anyone forget it.

  • An Apple store in Melbourne, Australia is being accused of racially profiling a group of black students of African descent.

    The teenage boys,  Abdulahi, Gereng,  Ose (Ésë), Mabior, Mohamed, and Petrieaged said they were approached by Apple store employees in Maribyrnong, Melbourne where they were asked to leave out of fear that they might ‘steal something’.

    So being black in a store means you’re looking to steal?? You can’t just be there to maybe PURCHASE something? Or window shop?

    The teenage boys who are students of Maribyrnong College moved to Australia as children from Sudan, Somalia, Nigeria, Eritrea and Egypt. They were denied entry to the store by a staff member and two security guards.

    Video footage of the incident was captured by one of the students, Francis Ose (Ésë) and has been viewed over 70,000 times.

    https://www.facebook.com/eseose.oseghale/videos/759395487523343/ In the footage the Apple store employee can be heard saying “These guys are just a bit worried about your presence in the store. They are just worried you might steal something”. To which one of the boys replies “Why would we steal something?”. “Guys, end of discussion” the employee cuts off.

    Many people are understandably outraged.

    One of the boys, Mohammed Semra, also commented on the incident on Facebook.

    https://www.facebook.com/mohamed.semra/posts/904419809649061?pnref=story
    Clearly the #BlackLivesMatter movement needs to spread to other parts of the western world.

    The boys have received a lot of press in Australia due to this incident.

    Speaking to 9NEWS in Australia, one of the boys, Abdulahi Haji Ali said, “Because we were a group of black males – teenagers – and teenagers do a lot of stupid stuff but you still can’t give black people that stereotype”.

    Apple has since apologised and said everyone is welcome in its stores.

    And ironically, one of Apple’s CEO Tim Cook’s beliefs on diversity and inclusion, was quoted by the Apple spokesperson: “We want every person who joins our team, every customer visiting our stores or calling for support to feel welcome. We believe in equality for everyone, regardless of race, age, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation. That applies throughout our company, around the world with no exceptions”.

    So tell us, what are your thoughts on this story?

    [zkk_poll post=10123 poll=content_block_standard_format_8]