Trigger warning: Animal cruelty
Relationships are made up of choices, and not all of them are easy or fair. Sometimes actions go unquestioned, even when they leave a mark.
In this story, six Nigerians open up about the decisions they got away with and how those choices impacted their relationships.
“I kept matching with other men on dating apps” — Mabel*, 33
To protect herself, Mabel* decided to keep her options open longer than she admits she should have.
“After a long-term relationship ended badly, I promised myself I’d never put all my eggs in one basket again. I became cautious about committing fully. So after I met Kola on Bumble in 2024, I still talked to other people. We went on a few dates and eventually got into a relationship, but I wasn’t completely satisfied because we had different goals around marriage.
Five months into the relationship, I started talking to someone else. I never deleted my dating apps, and surprisingly, Kola never questioned it. As I got to know the new guy, I realised we were better aligned and that I preferred him.
I eventually made up an excuse to end things with Kola and started dating the new guy. He never found out that I’d been seeing someone else while we were together. I know it wasn’t fair, but I’ve learnt that love can be a selfish game.”
“I blocked her for several months” — Dubem*, 26
To avoid being the villain, Dubem* chose ghosting as his way out of his dying relationship.
“I started dating Pearl* in 2017 when I was in 100 level. By 300 level, I was already tired of the relationship, but I didn’t want to end it because I didn’t want to be the bad guy. Instead of honesty, I slowly checked out emotionally.
When we left school for the COVID-19 lockdown, she still made an effort to talk to me every day, but I became even more uninterested. By May, I blocked her everywhere, hoping my silence would end the relationship naturally.
When school resumed in November, and we eventually ran into each other, she was deeply hurt. I lied and told her I’d been very sick and was going through a lot emotionally. She felt bad for assuming otherwise and ended up apologising to me. We moved on from it and got back together, until a few weeks later when I finally gathered the courage to tell her I wanted us to break up.”
“I killed his pet” — Aliyah*, 22
Aliyah made a decision about her partner’s pet that became a secret weighing heavily on her.
“My boyfriend had a cat he adored, but my discomfort around cats, especially because of spiritual beliefs, made living with it difficult. The cat later developed an injury that limited its movements, and my boyfriend became even more protective of it.
In June last year, he had to travel and left me to feed and look after the cat. I slowly grew tired of the responsibility and felt overwhelmed by how much attention it needed. I also convinced myself that the cat was already suffering and that my boyfriend’s attachment to it was unhealthy. I decided to mix Sniper in its food.
When it died, I was overwhelmed with guilt and panic. I didn’t know how to tell him, so I disposed of the body. I lied that the cat went missing when I came back from work and I didn’t see it. When he probed further, I insisted that I had left a window open and that the cat had probably escaped.
I don’t think he ever fully believed me. He searched for the cat for a long time, and even now, he still talks about it. This happened last year, and I’ve never found the courage to confess. I still feel deeply guilty about it.”
“I lied about being sober” — Razaq*, 29
Razaq gaslighted his partner, hiding a habit he knew could end the relationship.
“In 2022, I dated Ara*, whose biggest deal breaker was smoking. At the time, I smoked a lot, but I didn’t see myself as an addict, so I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal and never told her.
She eventually found out through a mutual friend and got extremely upset. I promised I’d stop, but I didn’t. I just got better at hiding it. I kept lying and pretending I’d changed, and for a long time, she believed me.
Whenever Ara visited and found cigarette packs, she confronted me. I always stuck to the same explanation. I told her I only smoked when I had anxiety attacks after losing someone close to me and that it was a coping mechanism. That part was true, but I also leaned on it because I knew it would calm her down and because I knew she wanted to believe me.
We stayed together until I eventually moved away and distance affected the relationship. Looking back now, I know I broke her trust and manipulated the situation, even if I didn’t fully realise it at the time.”
“I kicked her out in a strange city” — Tayo*, 41
Tayo’s anger pushed him to make a decision he still can’t believe his partner forgave.
“When my fiancée, who is now my wife, and I first started dating in 2019, we had a terrible fight. It started over how she frequently left used plates around. I was already upset and lashed out, saying some very hurtful things. In the heat of the moment, I told her to leave my house.
She had come to visit me and didn’t know Lagos at all. It was late, and she begged that she didn’t know where to go, but I still insisted she leave. She cried and walked out, and I didn’t check on her or call her afterwards.
By the next morning, guilt had set in. When I finally called her, I was sure the relationship was over. To my surprise, she came back. She apologised for the things she said, and I apologised too. We talked it through and managed to move past it. Even now, I’m still shocked our relationship survived that moment because it easily could have ended everything .”
“I took back my ex” — Tamara*, 24
Fresh out of heartbreak, Tamara* jumped into a new relationship while still emotionally tied to her past.
“I was looking for a rebound when I met Oche* at the start of 2025. I’d just come out of a painful situation with an ex who ended our relationship because he was dealing with mental health issues. I was still hurt and trying to move on when I met Oche. I liked him, but I didn’t love him. However, I convinced myself that dating him would help me finally get over my ex.
Oche treated me well and showed up for me. But just weeks into our relationship, my ex came back to apologise. Part of me enjoyed having the upper hand this time, so I let things continue. We started hooking up again, even though I was still dating Oche. He had no idea.
A few months later, my ex disappeared for good. After that, I decided to just focus on my relationship. Over time, I worked through my issues and genuinely fell in love.”
