Society often sells love to women as something to endure, but more women are unlearning the idea that love should feel like suffering. Instead, they’re drawing clearer lines around what they will and won’t tolerate, even when walking away hurts more than staying.

In this story, these Nigerian women get candid about the boundaries they refuse to cross in the name of love, from emotional neglect to financial responsibility and infidelity.

“Cheating is a deal-breaker, no matter the excuse” — Teni*, 29, straight

Teni changed her mind about tolerating cheating after watching her best friend wilt while staying in a relationship where her partner lacked remorse.

“I used to think forgiving a cheating partner was a sign of a strong or mature woman, but now, it’s my ultimate deal breaker. From older women to my peers, people have tried to sell cheating partners as an unavoidable part of relationships.

My best friend left a long-term relationship in 2025 because her ex was an unrepentant cheat. I saw how his constant embarrassments drained her energy and trampled on her heart. Every time she came crying about how he hurt her, I made up my mind that I would never let a guy treat me that way. If I get even a hint of an untrustworthy partner, I’m leaving. I don’t care if it was a ‘mistake’.

I used to think I could forgive cheating if the apology was good enough or the tears felt real. But I realised I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m constantly wondering who you’re texting, why you’re suddenly private, or whether I’m about to discover something that’ll ruin my week. That kind of love doesn’t feel safe, and I won’t manage it, no matter how much I love the person.”

“I’ll never bankroll a man because I’m in love” — Debby*, 23, Straight

For Debby, sponsoring a man because of love feels like a far-fetched concept she has no interest in.

“I know I would never sponsor a man or give up an opportunity I’ve worked hard for because I’m in love. I would also never pick a man over my friends or do something that goes against my personal values to please him.

I’m a strict babe, so I haven’t had a lot of experiences where men tried to cross my boundaries. My closest shave happened when I was 18. I dated a guy who always asked for money.

He also tried to coerce me into being intimate even after I told him I wasn’t ready. I eventually ended things with him. It feels like such a lifetime ago, I can’t imagine someone even suggesting something like that to me now.”

“I’m not going to manage mixed signals in the name of love” — Timilehin*, 27, Straight

Timilehin has zero tolerance for infidelity or mixed signals and stands on her principles regardless of whether she’s in love or not.

“A few years ago, I was in a talking stage with a guy I met online. We planned a date to get to know each other better and spent weeks preparing.

When the day drew closer, I had to reschedule. He acted like he was fine with it at first, but then he ghosted me for weeks. It felt like he wanted me to beg for his attention, so instead of falling for it, I focused on my work. 

After three weeks, he called me on WhatsApp, trying to pick up where we left off, and I ignored his call. I sent him a text to let him know I wasn’t upset with him, but I also don’t entertain mixed signals. I ended things there and then. I love myself too much to be mixed up in that kind of confusion. It’s not always the easiest choice, but I’ll always stand on business.”

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”I’m not up for a threesome” — Beth*, 32, Bicurious

Beth’s hard line in love is a threesome. She shares a past experience where she realised she could never go through with one.

“I would never have a threesome, no matter how much I love my partner. The day someone even suggests it is the day I leave. I’m a jealous lover, and I would hate to share my lover’s attention with someone else.

A past partner once suggested it, and because I loved him so much, I initially agreed. On the day we were supposed to meet, I was shocked when I saw the woman meant to be our third. She was so hot and beautiful that I immediately started feeling insecure. Then I thought to myself, ‘What if my boyfriend leaves me for her because she was hotter than me?’ I backed out and left. After that, I decided I would never try a threesome again.”

“I’m never auditioning to prove myself as wife material” — Osas*,19, Pansexual

After a brief brush with someone who tried to manipulate her into proving she was “wife material”, Osas decided she would never do that for love. 

“I’m never altering my physical appearance for love or trying to fit into the wife material stereotype. 

I was in a talking stage with someone I met online, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something felt off. I’m very vocal about my feminist stance, and I noticed we disagreed about the roles women should play, but I ignored those red flags, thinking we’d find common ground later. 

One afternoon, he called me, and I mentioned I had woken up about 20 minutes earlier. He immediately launched into a lecture about how, as a woman, I needed to improve my time management, sleep early and wake up early, and cultivate ‘motherly’ attributes for when I have children. He went on to say offensive things about my body, and I didn’t hesitate to let him know how much I hated it. 

He apologised, but I knew from that moment that nothing would come out of it. It was my first encounter with an older man trying to groom me into being the wife he wanted, and I’m glad I stood my ground.”

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