Parenting in Nigeria is hard enough with two parents doing their best. When you’re doing it alone, it’s a harder job with higher stakes. For many Nigerian women, being raised by a single mother was both a lesson in resilience and a peek into the realities of womanhood.
These women share what it was like growing up with a single mum and the lessons they learned from that experience.
“I learned to be independent” — Efe*, 25
Efe shares how her mum’s resistance to external pressure taught her how to adapt to different situations and be independent.
“My mum and my dad split up before I was born. Her family pressured her to remarry and settle with me and my older siblings, but she never did. I saw her fight against stigma, erasure and disrespect from family members and random strangers.
This isn’t to say it was easy. At 12, I learned to cook and clean while keeping up with schoolwork because my mum worked at a bank and often came home late. I feel like I grew up a bit faster than most of my friends, but now I see that independence as one of my biggest strengths. There’s no situation I can’t adapt to and thrive in, and that’s all thanks to my mum.”
“My mother showed me that hard work will take you anywhere” — Morewa*, 54
Morewa’s dad died when she was young, leaving her mum to care for six children. She shares the major lesson she learned from watching her mum tackle their new reality.
“My father died when I was seven, and his death changed everything. My mum had to raise me and my five siblings alone, and we went from being very comfortable to rationing food every day. It was tough for a while, but my mum did her best; feeding and sending six kids to school was no small feat. She started a small farm and combined it with a teaching job at a school near the house.
She worked tirelessly to make sure we had most of our needs met. She passed away when I was only 17, but her legacy of hard work and tenacity lives with me to this day. Those lessons helped me keep my head above water when my family hit a rough patch financially in 2011. I went from being a stay-at-home mum to taking on two jobs as a mobile hairdresser and sachet water supplier. It was hard, but it saved my family until my husband got back on his feet in 2016. ”
“She taught me to be resilient” — Ladi*, 29
Ladi’s mum took a risk by leaving her dad and choosing to raise her alone. She shares how her mum’s choices showed her the benefits of being resilient.
“My mum was in a physically abusive relationship with my dad for the first few years of my life. They weren’t married, but they lived together. I remember we left when I was seven. That day, my father had beaten my mum and then turned his anger on me. My mum flared up after that. She said he could do anything he wanted to her, but no one was going to maltreat her child. She packed a few clothes for us, and we left his house that night.
Things were hard for a long time after that. We squatted at her friends’ homes or with family members while she worked multiple jobs to get me through school. She eventually started a hair salon when I was 15, and that business kept our home together till I started working. Seeing her run side hustles from morning till night taught me never to be afraid of hard work, because she wasn’t. Watching her also taught me resilience and the fact that the tool you need to leave a bad situation is courage.”
“She taught me to never judge another person till I’ve walked in their shoes” — Amarachi*, 43
Amarachi watched her mum face nasty rumours and stigma because of her single-parent status. Regardless, her mum taught her to fight against prejudice and show more kindness.
“I was born outside wedlock. People — especially church members — treated my mum like trouble because she was a single parent. They constantly spread rumours about her and steered their kids away from me, but she didn’t fold under the pressure. She remained open, kind and courteous. While I was growing up, she constantly told me that if I didn’t know how another person’s shoes were pinching them, I shouldn’t judge them.
It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn because I used to be judgmental. As a teenager, I even resented her for being a single mum.. I feel bad looking back at those times because she really tried. As I’ve gotten older, I see what she meant. Life can be very volatile and crazy; you never know who you’re helping by being kind instead of writing them off because of their status or circumstances.”
“My mum taught me to be excellent” — Daniella*, 30
Daniella shares how her mum’s lessons about giving your best in everything have shaped her life today.
“My father left when I was six. I don’t remember much about him from when we lived together. My memory of family has always been my mum, my two siblings and I.
Since I was young, one thing I remember my mum teaching us was the importance of being excellent. She rewarded us with gifts and extra cash if we did our chores really well and excelled in school. She always made a point to reward good efforts.
We had a lot of friction when I was a teen because I thought she was too strict and obsessed with results. But her insistence on excellence still helps me today. Thanks to her, I know that the best way to stand out positively is by being great at what you do, and I appreciate her for planting those seeds in me.”
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