What do you do when you find out your man has a side chick? Do you confront him, pack your bags and leave, or quietly handle the babe yourself? For some Nigerian women, keeping their homes intact means dealing with the other woman behind the scenes without their partners ever knowing.
We spoke to a few women who shared the unexpected (and sometimes wild) ways they’ve handled their husband’s or boyfriend’s side chick.
“My prophet told me first, then I went to find her” — Grace*, 41
Grace says she didn’t find out about her husband’s cheating through suspicion or snooping. It started in church.
“I was in my white garment church when my prophet revealed that my husband had been distracted by another woman. He said she’d wrapped him in her hands and was diverting his attention from his family. The prophet didn’t mention who the woman was, so I had to do my own work.
I started monitoring my husband closely, watching how he moved and who he called more than usual. I eventually discovered she was a single mum who worked with him at the local government office.
Like my prophet advised, I didn’t confront my husband. Instead, I traced the lady down to her house and cornered her. At first, she denied it. But she went silent when I laid out the evidence I’d gathered. I told her plainly: This is a warning. If she didn’t desist, she would face spiritual consequences. She was stunned and barely said a word.
In the following weeks, my husband suddenly started putting up an attitude. Anytime I asked what was wrong, he wouldn’t say. I knew what the problem was, but because the prophet warned me not to poke, I kept quiet. The woman eventually stopped seeing him. Till today, my husband has no idea I was the one who handled it.”
“I stalked his side chick until she realised it wasn’t a coincidence” — Teni*, 33
Teni had been dating her boyfriend for years and was already discussing marriage. So when she found out about his side chick, she chose not to fight him directly but went after the babe instead.
“My guy had just come into money, and he was very handsome, so I knew women would flock to him. What annoyed me was that the side chick knew me and even followed me on Instagram.
I did my digging and got her details. Then I started showing up in her spaces: her salon, church, and even one of the restaurants my boyfriend used to take her to. She probably thought it was a coincidence the first time we saw each other. The second time, maybe still. But by the third time, she definitely knew I was stalking her.
After those encounters, I noticed she must have reported back to my boyfriend. He started acting restless around me, but never had the courage to ask if I was stalking her. I didn’t stop or explain myself. I just made sure she understood she was being watched.
It worked. The babe backed off and disappeared. My boyfriend never brought it up, and I never confessed. But she got the message.”
“I involved her own mother” — Kafayat*, 52
Some women fight the side chick directly. Kafayat chose a quieter but far more brutal route; she went through family.
“My husband’s side chick was much younger, barely 25. I wasn’t even angry at first; I was disgusted. When I saw her messages pop up on his phone, I knew her surname and tracked her family through Facebook. That’s how I found her mother’s number. I initially wanted to send messages but didn’t want to leave any trail.
So, I called her mum one evening and calmly introduced myself as the wife of the man her daughter was sleeping with. I didn’t shout, I just laid out the evidence and said, ‘Please warn your daughter, because she’s about to scatter a family.’
I could tell the woman was shocked and wasn’t the kind of parent who condoned such. She thanked me for telling her and even prayed for my family. A week later, the girl herself called me apologising. She didn’t sound like she meant it, but I’m sure the mother must have put her up to it. She begged me not to escalate the matter further and said she had broken things off with my husband.
I didn’t need to say anything further. The shame did the work for me. My husband just thought the girl disappeared on her own. He never knew I went through her family to cut her off.”
“I became the side chick too” — Oby*, 29
Most women would try to confront their partner or warn the other woman off. Oby decided if her boyfriend’s babe wanted to play side chick games, she could play them even better.
“I was dating this IJGB guy during NYSC. To be honest, many girls always threw themselves around him, and I felt lucky that I was the chosen one. He was always going on and on about how he was in Nigeria for NYSC and for a wife he could take back to the states. Lowkey, I thought he was going to be my japa ticket.
About six months into the relationship, I found out he was seeing this other babe. I didn’t know how serious it was, but my friends said they’d seen them together at the club on different occasions. I was mad and wanted to confront him, but I didn’t want to ruin my chances of relocation, so I decided to play the girl’s game. Instead of confronting her, I went directly to her man. Yes, she had a serious boyfriend, but I guess she also thought my man was the better option.
I got his handle from her socials and started sliding into his DMs. At first, it was just a friendly chat, then flirting. Within weeks, he was the one asking me out. I didn’t need to say much; I just dropped subtle hints about how his babe was moving mad, and he started suspecting her.
She completely backed off from my boyfriend when she realised what was happening. She couldn’t juggle two men without exposure. Did I feel guilty? A little. But I wasn’t about to lose months of investment to one random babe.
My boyfriend never knew. Till today, he thinks she just got bored and disappeared. Meanwhile, I made sure she understood that if she touched my relationship, hers would collapse twice as fast.”
“I actually fought for a man in uni” — Tinu*, 30
Years after ganging up on a schoolmate who messed with her boyfriend, Tinu still cringes at her actions.
“I can’t believe I once gathered my friends and beat up another woman over a man. Even saying it now makes me cringe. But that’s what happened back in university.
My boyfriend at the time was fine and popular, and I knew girls liked him, but I always felt like I had him on lock. Until I found out he was cheating with a babe who was two levels ahead of me. I remember shaking with anger. I couldn’t sit still.
Later that week, I mobilised three of my closest girlfriends, and we marched to her hostel. My heart was racing the whole time, but my pride wouldn’t let me turn back. We confronted her in front of her blockmates. I didn’t even wait for explanations before things got physical. We beat her, tore some of her clothes and scattered her room. The adrenaline was mad. In that moment, I felt powerful, like I’d defended my relationship.
But when the dust settled, reality set in. My boyfriend wasn’t even around; he’d travelled. Somehow, he heard what happened because it was the trending gist in school. He ignored my calls for weeks and ignored all my messages. When he finally returned, he was cold. He told me he’d end things if I ever pulled something like that again. Funny enough, we still dated for a few more months, but by then the relationship was already headed to its end.
Years later, I can’t believe I ever stooped so low. Whenever I remember that day, I feel deep shame not just for what I did to another woman, but for the way I let a man push me into madness. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell her, ‘You’ll leave him anyway, save your energy.’”
“I catfished his side chick with a burner SIM” — Sade*, 29
Sade used her undercover agent skills when she found out about her boyfriend’s side chick. She admits now that it sounds wild, but at the time, she thought she was being smart.
“I was snooping through my boyfriend’s phone one night when I stumbled on chats with another babe. Not just ordinary chats, full-on sexting. Voice notes, raunchy pictures, everything. I remember being so mad, but I kept my cool long enough to screenshot everything and quietly forward them to myself.
For a week, I sat on the evidence. Every time I looked at him, I saw those pictures in my mind. I didn’t want to confront him because I knew he’d deny or twist it. So, I hatched a plan. I went out, bought a brand-new SIM card, and texted the girl anonymously. I sent her some of the screenshots along with her nudes and typed a short message: ‘I know what you’re doing.’
She freaked out immediately. She kept asking, ‘Who is this? How did you get these?’ I didn’t reply. I destroyed the SIM card the same night. The silence was intentional; I wanted her unsettled.
I rechecked my boyfriend’s phone a few days later and noticed the chats were gone. He’d wiped everything clean. Even when I searched for her name, nothing came up. But I wasn’t convinced, so I pulled the same stunt again. I bought another SIM card and sent more screenshots, but this time with stronger words: ‘If you don’t stop, you’ll regret it.’
She said she wasn’t with him anymore, and whoever I was should leave her alone. I can’t explain the relief I felt reading that message.
Till today, my boyfriend has no idea what I did. Sometimes I wonder if he still cheats, but he’s more careful now. The craziest part is I don’t even know if my messages ended it, but a part of me believes it worked. And honestly? I don’t regret it.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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