Irete* (24) and Tinu*(25) met at a mutual friend’s birthday party and went from polite small talk to a full blown friendship in a short while.
But, when feelings blurred the lines between friendship and romance, it complicated their new friendship in ways neither of them expected.
This is Irete’s story, as told to Betty:
On a rainy Tuesday morning, a WhatsApp notification dinged on my phone as I struggled to get out of bed. Tinu’s name sat on my screen. But instead of the excitement I felt at the start of our friendship, or the butterflies I felt when we got even closer, all I felt was anxiety.
Communicating with Tinu* wasn’t always that difficult. There was a time I told her everything. But as I stared at her message that morning, I had nothing to say. I only felt a deep wave of regret as I reflected on what used to be the good days of our friendship.
***
When Tinu walked into the room at my friend’s party in July 2021, I almost felt time slow down. She was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen in my life.
I’d come across her social media profile many times, but this party was the first time we met in person. She was far better looking than any photos she had posted online.
She oozed charisma in her flower-patterned dress as she made small talk here and there with other guests. Her arms jingled when she moved with the weight of the bracelets and bangles that adorned them. Her braids were long and colourful, making it impossible to simply ignore her presence. When she walked up to me and introduced herself, our conversation flowed so easily, it was surprising that we hadn’t met before.
During our talk, we realised we had so much in common — we loved pink, sappy Korean dramas and colourful accessories. By the end of the night, we realised we followed each other on social media and so began our friendship. Like I said, talking to Tinu was easy. Something about her made me feel safe about having hard conversations, sharing the most intimate parts of myself with no holds barred.
So, in August, when I saw some disturbing, sad posts on her profile, I felt obliged to ask if all was well.
Tinu shared that she was going through a terrible heartbreak. Her last relationship had ended suddenly and left her struggling to hold on. I felt her pain as if it were mine, and I was determined to cheer her up.
I made it a point to check on her, tried to make her laugh, and even bought her little presents when I could. What I didn’t catch fast enough was that Tinu was getting under my skin. With every laugh, call and touch we shared, my heart was getting entangled in her magic, blurring the lines between a platonic sisterhood and deep feelings.
***
One evening in September 2021, while doomscrolling the internet on the couch, I came across an ad for a dress. It had a gorgeous floral pattern, and I immediately thought of buying it as a gift for Tinu. In that quiet moment of making an unplanned purchase, I caught myself smiling as I thought about Tinu’s jokes, her kindness and her beauty. That was when it hit me: I had feelings for Tinu.
I tried to keep my feelings a secret at first. As much as my heart yearned for something more, I wasn’t going to lose our friendship. But my feelings didn’t go unnoticed.
Tinu noticed everything, the way my emotions betrayed my facial expressions and the messages that carried deeper meanings than intended. One Saturday, during a call, she confronted me with a question that seemed so simple yet unrattling: “Why have you been acting weird?” As soon as I heard the question, I felt cold sweat run down my back and the sides of my face. But my fear didn’t stop me from blurting out the words before I had time to consider them.
“I think I like you. No, I’m sure I have a crush on you,” I said.
I expected an awkward silence, anger even, but she just laughed. Then almost immediately, she said she liked me too. Relief washed over me. At least whatever I felt wasn’t one-sided.
But while Tinu and I shared a lot in common, it wasn’t just the good things. We also shared the same bad habits: fear of commitment, poor communication and messy emotional patterns..
After we talked about our feelings, we decided we didn’t want to ruin our friendship by getting into a relationship. So instead of dating, we became friends with benefits, who still blurred the lines between emotional attachment.
***
Two months in, Tinu confessed her love for me for the first time.
We were alone in a quiet, dimly lit room. Tinu’s confession made my heart sing. I loved her company, the sound of her laughter and the way I felt around her. It was easy to say it back because I was also in love.
Despite confessing our love for each other, we couldn’t make it official. Beyond the butterflies in our tummies and the glaring truth that we were deeply in love, neither of us could nurture a full-blown relationship, so our arrangement stayed the same.
But things began to fall apart in November 2022, almost a year after I first found the courage to pursue what we shared.
I fell in love with someone else.
I’m polyamorous, and Tinu always knew. Still, she was taken aback when she found out I was dating another person. She couldn’t get past the fact that after almost a year together, we’d never defined our relationship, yet I gave someone else the “girlfriend” label in months. I tried to reassure her that she meant more, but she didn’t see things from my point of view. Slowly, our connection struggled, and after a while, we lost the easy click that defined the beginning of our friendship.
We eventually agreed to make up and return to being friends, but nothing felt the same.
I no longer felt the same giddiness when her name popped up on my phone; we went days without speaking. It was heartbreaking to watch our friendship wither away the way it did. I regret everything and I miss the things that once pulled us together. The easy conversations, her laughter when I shared a dumb joke, the way we gushed at K-dramas. If I had known that my feelings would ruin our friendship, I’d have hidden them better.
I’ve tried to rekindle our friendship, but it just isn’t the same. It feels like an invisible wall is holding us back from where we used to be.
Through it all, I miss Tinu and what we once shared.
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