Weddings are meant to be about love, joy and new beginnings. But sometimes, if you look closely enough, the cracks show early in small moments, weird behaviour, or drama that no amount of food, music and gyrating can drown out.
These Nigerians didn’t marry the couples in question, but as guests, they witnessed moments that made them quietly wonder how long the marriages would survive.
“The fight over a fine changed the whole wedding” — Funke*, 34
Funke attended her distant cousin’s wedding expecting the usual mix of ceremony and good food. Instead, a loud disagreement between the groom’s father and the alaga ìdúró set the tone for the rest of the day and made her start questioning the marriage.
I attended my distant cousin’s wedding in 2021, and at first, everything felt normal. The venue was nicely decorated, the bride looked stunning, and the atmosphere was filled with high spirits. But things got weird the moment the groom’s family arrived late.
The alaga ìdúró insisted they had to pay a fine for coming late, which is pretty standard. But the groom’s father did not take it lightly at all. He started shouting, arguing that it was unnecessary and embarrassing. The situation escalated so badly that other guests had to step in to calm things down. You could feel the tension ripple through the hall.
After that incident, the wedding never really recovered. The atmosphere became awkward, and the seating arrangement only made things worse. The bride’s family and the groom’s family sat on opposite sides, and it was obvious they weren’t extending food, gifts or warmth to each other. Everyone could see it.
I remember sitting there, quietly asking myself why my cousin married into a family like that. Of course, I kept those thoughts to myself. Three years later, she left the marriage. She never shared details, but I’ve always believed the groom’s family played a major role in the breakdown.
“The traditions were a warning sign” — Bola*, 52
Bola attended her friend’s wedding, hopeful that this second chance at marriage would finally bring her peace. Instead, what she witnessed at the ceremony planted a seed of doubt in her mind.
My friend had been married before, so this wedding felt like a fresh start for her. She met this man whom everyone kept referring to as a crown prince, and he seemed charming and reassuring. On the wedding day itself, nothing was obviously wrong, but I couldn’t shake the discomfort I felt.
There were so many traditional rites, and the people in attendance made it even more intense. At some point, I could tell my friend was genuinely surprised by what she was being asked to do. You could see it on her face. This wasn’t something she had mentally prepared for. She’s a very strong, practising Christian, and I know for a fact that if she had been told about some of those rites beforehand, she would not have agreed to them.
As I sat there, I kept asking myself if she would really be able to survive in that marriage. There was no way her husband wouldn’t expect her to fully participate in those traditions going forward.
About six months after the wedding, we finally sat down to talk. She was already exhausted. She told me that her husband had promised her before they got married that she wouldn’t be forced to do certain things, but once the marriage took place, everything changed. He started insisting, and it became clear that he had lied just to get her to marry him.
Two years later, she left the marriage. She told me she couldn’t keep compromising her faith to please a family and a culture she hadn’t signed up for. When I think back to that wedding, I realise the signs were already there.”
“He threatened the alaga ìdúró with the microphone” — Tade*, 31
Tade had always worried that his best friend was marrying out of pressure, but it wasn’t until her wedding day that his concerns felt unavoidable. From the groom’s foul mood to his public outburst during the engagement ceremony, the celebration left Tade convinced that something was very wrong.
My female best friend got married after years of pressure from age, family expectations and the fact that her husband was wealthy and took care of her family. From the outside, everything looked fine, but I always felt she ignored too many red flags.
Her husband was about eight years older, and even on the wedding day, he was in a terrible mood. He barely smiled and snapped at people constantly. It was uncomfortable to watch. But the moment that sealed it for me happened during the engagement ceremony.
He picked up the microphone and threatened to have the alaga ìdúró thrown out if they exceeded the allocated time. The hall went quiet. People laughed nervously, but it wasn’t funny. It felt controlling and aggressive.
My friend didn’t look radiant that day. She looked tense, like someone bracing herself. But it wasn’t my place to interfere. They stayed married for over six years, until he impregnated another woman and tried to force her to accept the situation. She eventually left the marriage and relocated. Honestly, none of it surprised me.
“The groom could barely stand” — Ibrahim*, 29
Ibrahim tagged along with a friend to what he assumed would be a regular wedding. What he didn’t expect was a groom who arrived visibly drunk while everyone else tried to pretend nothing was happening.
I once tagged along with a friend to a wedding, and it’s still one of the craziest ceremonies I’ve ever attended. The groom was visibly drunk. You could smell alcohol and weed from where people were seated.
During his entry dance, he stumbled badly and stayed on the floor longer than normal. The groomsmen had to help him up and practically guide him back to his seat. Everyone saw it, but they all tried to ignore the elephant in the room.
The disappointment was written all over the bride’s face. She didn’t look happy; she looked embarrassed and defeated. It felt like the happiest day of her life had been ruined by the person she was meant to build a future with.
I don’t know the state of their marriage today, but I wouldn’t be shocked if they’re no longer together.
“I’m not sure the bride even wanted the marriage” — Taoreed*, 34
When Taoreed’s father announced he was marrying a third wife, the family weren’t in support. From the start, the circumstances surrounding the marriage made it hard for anyone to believe it would last, and the wedding itself only confirmed what many of them already suspected.
“My dad already had two wives, so when he said he wanted to marry a third woman, none of us understood the point. The only reason he gave was that he had impregnated her and wanted to do the ‘right thing’ by marrying her.
Among my older siblings, there was a strong feeling that the woman didn’t actually love my dad. He’s much older, and it was obvious that money played a significant role in her decision. My siblings were so against it that none of them attended the wedding. My mum, who is his first wife, also refused to go. They didn’t support the marriage at all.
I still attended because he’s my father, and I felt like I should at least show up for him. But even at the wedding, I struggled to sit through everything. It was very clear that the bride wasn’t into him. She avoided touching him, barely stood close, and looked uncomfortable the entire time. At some point, people had to beg and cajole her just to stand near her husband or do basic things that couples normally do without thinking.
I kept telling myself maybe it was because she was pregnant and uncomfortable. Maybe that was why she seemed so distant and irritated. But deep down, I knew this marriage wasn’t going to last. Nothing about their interaction felt natural or warm.
About a year later, she left the marriage. What shocked all of us was that she left her child behind. Now my dad is old and raising a toddler on his own. Every time I think about it, I feel sad because the signs were there from the very beginning.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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