On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
Praise* (31) spent years investing her money in a relationship she believed in, only to find herself starting over after it ended in heartbreak. In this story, she shares how trust influenced her choices and what she’s learned from mixing pleasure with business.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single. I didn’t expect to be here at this stage of my life, but it’s my reality. I’m trying not to blame myself for everything that went wrong.
How did things go wrong? Can you walk me through your dating history?
I spent most of my 20s in an on-and-off long-term relationship with a man I met at NYSC camp in 2017.
Hamid* was my platoon leader, and he noticed me first. During a rehearsal, when we were assigning roles for a play, he joked that I should play the queen because I was very beautiful. I laughed it off, but the compliment caught my attention.
I wasn’t used to attention, especially from men. I’ve always been a quiet person. I lost my parents when I was very young and grew up with relatives, so I became withdrawn.
From that moment, Hamid and I became friends. He would go out of his way to check on me and buy me food. Gradually, we got closer. I didn’t even want camp to end because I thought that would be the end of what we had.
But after camp, he kept in touch and helped me secure a Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) and continued showing up for me. Eventually, he told me he liked me, and we started dating officially.
Sounds cute. What was the relationship like?
At first, it felt new and exciting. I’d never really had someone fully in my corner before, so I fell for him deeply.
The only issue was religion. We were from different backgrounds, and he told me his parents wouldn’t approve. But he kept reassuring me that we’d make it work. I believed him.
We didn’t have many issues until after service year. He moved back to Lagos to go into real estate. Suddenly, he became distant and our communication reduced. It frustrated me, and we started having arguments. After a few months, he asked if we could take a break. He said I was overwhelming him.
When I asked how long the break would last, he didn’t give a clear answer. That was how the relationship ended. It hurt deeply because I didn’t see it coming. I made the difficult decision to delete his number so I wouldn’t go back to him.
How did you cope after that?
It was painful, but I focused on myself. Earlier that year, I received some money my uncles had kept for me from my parents’ business. I was 24 and didn’t know how to manage that kind of money.
I took my relatives’ advice and decided to build something practical. I quit my 9-to-5 job and started a frozen food and ice block business. It did very well, and within months, I made as much as ₦400,000 in a week. I saved a lot and became financially stable.
Nice. Did you move on romantically as well?
Not really. I was still hung up on Hamid.
My cousin introduced me to Segun* in 2020. He was kind and gentle, but I didn’t like his smoking. We talked for a while, but I never got the chance to explore anything serious with him because Hamid came back into my life.
How did that happen?
He reached out after the pandemic, saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me and wanted us to try again. His business hadn’t worked out, and he was moving back to Ibadan. I ignored him at first, but he was persistent. I still loved him, so I agreed to give it another chance, hoping things would be better.
But this second phase of the relationship was very different.
How so?
We became financially entangled. I opened up to him about how well my business was doing, and he persuaded me to invest my savings, especially in real estate in Lagos. He said he still had connections from his time in that line of work and offered to help.
The first time I gave him money was in 2021. It was a lump sum of ₦6 million from my savings that he used to buy land in Ajah. After that, I kept giving him money in bits from my business profits for more investments he claimed he was making in crypto and stocks.
He would also buy me expensive gifts like the latest iPhone and even a deep freezer for my business, so I trusted that he was investing properly.
I gave him full control because I believed we would eventually get married, so I saw the money as ours.
Hmm. What happened next?
Our relationship went smoothly until July 2023, when he made a long trip to Lagos because his father was very ill. He had been diagnosed with hypertension.
When he returned in September, he told me his family had introduced him to a girl from their community and that he needed to “pretend” to date her to make his father happy.
What? Did you believe him?
I did. He convinced me it wasn’t real. He said he had told her he was already in a committed relationship and that they had agreed to keep up the pretence for a while for their families.
I refused at first. We separated briefly because I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told his family about me. It felt like the situation could have been avoided. But I loved him, and I convinced myself it was temporary. So we got back together after a few weeks.
Did that arrangement eventually work out?
Not at all. Although she lived in Lagos and he was mostly in Ibadan with me, I was never comfortable with it.
To reassure me, he met my family and spoke to my uncles about his plans to marry me. But he still called and stayed in touch with the girl, which didn’t make sense to me.
This went on for months. I would feel uneasy whenever he travelled to Lagos. I kept asking when he would finally tell his family about me, but his answers remained vague. One day in February 2024, I decided to check his phone.
What did you find?
Everything he told me was a lie. As I suspected, their relationship was real, and they had met months before he told me. I found out they were sleeping together and saw messages where they confessed their love for each other and discussed future plans. I was completely devastated.
I was too shaken to confront him immediately, so I confided in my cousin. She suggested we reach out to the girl because from the chats, it didn’t seem like she knew about me.
When we spoke to her, we found out she had no idea I existed. She told me a completely different story. They had met in March 2023, and he was the one who pursued her. She had never met his family, let alone been pressured into anything.
She was just as angry and ended things with him within days. After that, I invited him over and confronted him.
How did he respond?
He turned it on me, called me obsessive for reaching out to her, and refused to take responsibility. Then he left in the middle of the argument and blocked me everywhere.
I tried reaching out by going to his place a few times, but he avoided me. His neighbours would say he wasn’t around. Eventually, I heard he had moved out of town.
What about the money you gave him?
That was the worst part. I made a big mistake by not keeping proper records. The only document I ever saw was for the first piece of land, which he still has.
I never had any formal agreement after that because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. When I asked him to account for the rest towards the end of the relationship, he said he had invested in things like stocks that would take time to yield returns.
My cousin suggested going to the police, but I didn’t have enough evidence to build a case, and even pursuing it would require more money. Eventually, I decided to let it go.
That money I trusted him with was part of my parents’ legacy, and losing it still hurts me to this day.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. How has your love life been since then?
For a while, I couldn’t bring myself to date. I felt like I was starting over at an age where I thought I would already be settled.
But last year, I met a guy on Facebook. We went on a few dates, but he had a very archaic mindset. When I told him about my business, he dismissed it as “crass”. I didn’t even like him that much, so I blocked him immediately.
Right now, I’m talking to someone I met at church, but we’re still getting to know each other.
So, how have your experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?
I’ve learned to love with my head, not just my heart. I made emotional and financial decisions based on trust, and it cost me a lot.
Now I’m more careful. I don’t mix money with relationships, and I don’t share details about my finances easily.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’d give it a 4/10. I’m not where I thought I’d be at this age in my love life, but I’m moving forward with this new connection, and I believe things can still work out.
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