How did you and Janet meet?
We met virtually on a music community group on Telegram in 2017. I was looking for new rap music, but I was unsure where to start. I shared my ask on the group, and she enthusiastically offered to send me a few songs she thought I’d like. Our friendship grew from there.
What was your friendship like?
Great. At first, we only talked about music and the songs we enjoyed. Then we started to share stories about our families, our personal struggles and more. We found out about our shared love for photography and the hustle for a better life, deepening our bond.
Although she lived in the US and I in Nigeria, the distance had no effect on our friendship. We spoke every single day and had conversations across apps. Within a year, she became one of my closest friends and confidants.
When she visited Nigeria in 2019, we went to all the Detty December concerts together. It was all going quite well until I couldn’t reach her anymore in August 2021.
What happened?
If you ask me, na who I go ask? She sent me a birthday gift — an Instax camera — earlier in the month, and I absolutely loved it. Then we talked for hours on the phone as usual, and she mentioned she was going through a tough time because she was moving apartments and had lost a memory card she needed. We said goodbye after I had encouraged her and assured her I was there to support her.
The next day, I texted to check up on her and see if she was feeling better than the day before.
No answer.
I didn’t think much of it because we often missed texts or calls due to the time difference or busy schedules. A few days later, I sent her another text; still nothing. Like a bad joke, thirteen more days passed, and I started to get worried.
I’d spoken to Janet virtually every day since 2018, and she was not prone to disappearing for long periods without saying anything. I also knew she had some mental health struggles as well, so I was scared something had happened and things had gotten worse.
On the 27th of August 2021, I sent her a text telling her I was worried and that I missed her. I wanted to hear her voice on the phone again, but I still got no response.
It was so jarring.
Then, on the 7th of September, I tried to video call her, but she didn’t pick up. Two days later, I sent a WhatsApp sticker; no response. On the 22nd of September, I left her another message, but she didn’t reply.
Then, on November 16th, I sent another message. I said something like, “I don’t know why you haven’t been responsive, but I really hope that you’re alright and you’re hanging in there.”
I had no idea what had happened, if she had heard something or if I had done something. She just never spoke to me again.
I have her birthday on my Google calendar, and I was so upset when I got a notification for her birthday in 2022. Almost a whole year had passed, and she said nothing.
That’s awful. Did you send any more messages to her after that?
I was tempted to wish her a happy birthday,but I thought to myself, ‘Does this make any sense?’ and I decided against it. I still get reminded of it every year but I refuse to contact her again. This person did not say a single word to me. No explanation, nothing. Why should I reach out to her again?
Do you want to know something crazy? We have a mutual friend. On this friend’s birthday in 2022, I video-called to give well wishes, and Janet was at her house. I saw her in the background, laughing like nothing was wrong. I asked my friend if Janet seemed okay and she was like, “She’s doing great.” That’s when I completely released the whole thing from my mind. She asked if I wanted to send Janet my regards, and I said no. The disrespect was enough.
That’s crazy o
I can’t believe it sometimes. Earlier in 2021, I was in an awful relationship where I got ghosted, and Janet was my rock that entire period. She knew how abandonment was a trigger for me, and she did it anyway.
How did you navigate this radio silence?
I spent the first year thinking I was a bad person and had done something wrong. But when I saw her at our mutual friend’s house, I accepted that I’m not a bad person; she’s just crazy and disrespectful of my feelings. I told myself I deserved better and moved on with my life. I sought solace in my other friends instead. I still thought about it for a long time afterwards, even after I stopped blaming myself. It was such a weird experience
Did your mutual friend ever try to mediate the situation?
No, but I don’t begrudge her because I’m sure that’s not what she signed up for. Last year, she called me and told me Janet ghosted her, too. I found it genuinely funny. So this national cake can reach all of us?
Seeing that she did it to another friend made me feel a lot better, I won’t lie. What’s crazier is that she’s still on all my social media, and she likes my photos or stories when I post.
Ah, isn’t that what people call a monitoring spirit these days?
I don’t care. The fact that she sees my posts and likes them but doesn’t reach out is telling enough. People tell me to block her, but I refuse. She will watch my success from that same phone screen.
Would you give her a chance if she ever tried to rekindle the friendship?
No, not at all. I’d hear her out, though, because a small part of me still wants to hear an explanation. But if I never get it, I’m okay, too. I don’t need that sort of drama in my life.