Mayowa* (26) thought Dolapo* (26) was her closest friend and that they told each other everything. That was until a mutual friend revealed a secret that made her question everything she believed about their friendship.
In this story, she shares how they became close, the discovery that changed things, and how it reshaped her view of their friendship.
What was the moment that made you begin to question your friendship with Dolapo?
In May 2025, a work colleague, who is also a good friend of mine and a mutual friend of Dolapo, told me a huge secret, but asked me to keep it quiet. When I heard what she had to say, I began to see that my friendship with Dolapo wasn’t as strong as I thought.
How did you meet and become friends?
We met in 2017 in my first year of university. We were classmates, but we weren’t close. I remember our first interaction was during a passionate argument. We exchanged opinions, and even though we didn’t agree, that moment began our friendship.
Was there a moment that made you guys close?
I can’t pinpoint exactly what made us close. At the beginning of our relationship, we weren’t very close.
How so?
We’re both Christians, but I wasn’t as dedicated to my faith at the time. We didn’t go to the same events or hang out at the same spots, so we were cordial, but just acquaintances.
So what changed?
I became born again in 2018 and started attending church regularly. Coincidentally, Dolapo also attended the same church. So being in the same class and participating in the same church activities brought us closer and made us bosom friends. We spent time together in church and told each other everything. Or so I thought.
Were there any big fights or cracks in your friendship with her?
No. I’m not the kind of person to keep quiet when a friend offends me. I prefer to speak up to avoid any lingering resentments, so there was no issue we had that we didn’t eventually resolve.
Did your friendship continue after you finished school?
Yes, we stayed close even after school. In 2021, we even started planning to relocate to the UK at the same time. In 2022, Dolapo successfully relocated, leaving behind her boyfriend and me.
Why didn’t you relocate as well?
I lost interest because of the cost of relocation and other factors. It’s a decision I regret, but at the time, I just didn’t have the motivation to do it.
Did her relocation affect your friendship?
Not really, we were still very close. There’s only an hour’s time difference between Nigeria and the UK, so we didn’t have to make any huge adjustments to maintain our communication. We’d have the occasional virtual hangout and talk about what was going on in our lives.
So, when did you first notice something was wrong?
In 2025, my colleague at work, who is a mutual friend of Dolapo and me, told me she wanted to ask me something, but I had to promise to keep it a secret.
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What did she say?
She asked me if I knew that Dolapo was getting married in October that year.
Ah, how did you react?
I didn’t believe it. I had just spoken to Dolapo the night before, and she didn’t mention anything about a wedding or even an engagement. I told her as much but my friend showed me proof. She and a bunch of our other friends were in a group chat for planning the aso ebi and other bridal events. But being excluded wasn’t even the worst part.
What was?
She told everyone in the group chat to specifically keep the wedding a secret from me.
Ah. That was wild. Did you know about her relationship?
Of course. I was even one of the stakeholders in their union. Since they started dating in 2019, I have been there to give her advice when she needed it or when she just wanted to talk about her relationship with him. When we had discussed her future plans before her move, she mentioned that they’d planned a 2026 wedding when she’d be more settled in the UK. I remember being excited for her and telling her I couldn’t wait to celebrate with her.
How did your exclusion make you feel?
I felt so bad. I started looking back on our friendship, wondering if I had missed something. Did I offend her or say something that would make her do something like this?
Did you confront her about it?
No, the friend who told me made me promise not to mention it. If I did, it would have been obvious she was the one who spilled the secret since she worked with me and saw me every work day.
So you pretended like nothing happened?
Yes, and Dolapo was the same. We kept talking as we usually did, and even as her wedding day drew closer, she didn’t mention a single thing about it to me. It made me feel terrible.
What happened next?
October rolled around, and the wedding went smoothly. My friend who worked with me gave me all the gist about the wedding and sent me photos. Funny enough, the day of the wedding, I texted Dolapo and asked if she was up for our usual video call. She declined, saying she was busy with work and that her supervisor was on her neck about a deliverable. I just laughed.
Wow, that must have felt awful.
It did, o. Even after the day passed, she didn’t mention it. In December 2025, I decided this wasn’t a secret I wanted to carry into the new year. So I sent her a message telling her I wanted to ask her an important question. She told me to go ahead, and I asked, “Why did you tell our friends not to tell me about your wedding?”
What did she say?
She went offline immediately. I’m sure she blocked me for the next few days because she didn’t reply, and I didn’t see her online. When she eventually came back, she started giving me excuses. She said it was impromptu and that they planned it in a rush.
What did you say to that?
I told her those excuses weren’t sufficient. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded it if she told me she was getting married and couldn’t invite me for whatever reason. But telling our friends to exclude me, to bring them into her lies, was just too much. We’re adults and, above al,l Christians; lying so blatantly should be against our principles. It was disappointing.
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What did she say to that?
She said they were doing a big celebration in 2026 and she would make sure I was one of the aso ebi ladies, but I told her I wasn’t interested. Mentally, I resigned from the friendship and started keeping my distance.
Did any of your other friends try to intervene?
Yes. After a while, a few of them started reaching out and urging me to forgive Dolapo. I believe that she sent them, which was irritating, but I assured them I had forgiven her. I just wasn’t interested in being her friend anymore. She clearly didn’t think we were that close. If I hadn’t confronted her in December, she would probably never have mentioned it.
Has she tried to reach out to you since then?
She sends me a text every once in a while, and sometimes I respond. But there is now a significant distance between us. I sent her some well-wishes for her birthday in early January 2026, but that’s the extent of our communication now.
Do you think you’d be open to reconciliation if she showed she was sorry and had changed?
No, I think our friendship has run its course. If she couldn’t be upfront about something so big and even bring our other friends into the deception, what more could she hide from me? There’s no way I can trust her the same way I used to.
Has this experience affected your other friendships?
No, I think everyone should be judged by their own individual actions. Just because one person behaved badly doesn’t mean everyone else I meet will do the same. I will always remain open to building amazing connections.
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