Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Tolulope*(24) met Solomon*(25) at a paramilitary training scheme at school, and soon they started a loving relationship that was heading somewhere serious. One year into their relationship, cracks began to appear. One break and a tough conversation later, Tolulope is left alone and missing what she and Solomon once had.
How did you and Solomon meet?
We met during paramilitary training at our university in Ilorin. He was my superior from another unit. We crossed paths one day, and our attraction was instant. By November 2023, we had started dating.
What was your relationship with him like?
It was amazing. He was so loving and caring, and loved to tell everyone I was his girlfriend. In fact, he took me to his hometown for Ileya in 2024 to introduce me to his family members. It’s funny because I was initially sceptical about our relationship, but after a few months, I was locked in. I cared for him deeply.
Looks like you were going strong. Why did things scatter?
Our issues started after he graduated from the paramilitary training program. I didn’t like that he was unemployed and wasn’t doing much about it because his parents still supported him. It seemed like he was comfortable coasting through life, and I needed him to take things more seriously.
Did you talk to him about it?
I did. But he either dismissed me or made promises he never followed through on. Eventually, I started putting up a bad attitude, acting like I was hardly in the mood to talk to him when we spoke.
Wow, did he change when he noticed the change in your attitude?
He told me he wanted to pursue a printing business after graduation. He claimed he had to stop learning the business to focus on school.
But when he moved back home, he didn’t go back to continue learning. Four months of excuses later, I was fed up. So I broke up with him.
I see you stood on business. How did he take it?
I stood on business, but not for long. After two months apart, I missed him so much that I reached out to him, and we got back together. I thought he needed some space to think about what he wanted. It’s not like we went radio silent during the break, but I missed my person. Things changed after we got back together, though.
How so?
He became withdrawn and distant. He stopped engaging with me as much as he used to. That meant delayed text responses and no calls. He and my younger sister were close before we broke up, but he maintained a cool distance after we got back together. It was very upsetting.
Did you raise this new issue with him?
Of course. In fact, I complained almost every single day. One day, he texted me that he wanted to be alone, and we have been apart since then. I missed him so much, but he didn’t seem to want to fight for our relationship the way I did.
I’m so sorry about that. Would you get back together with him if he tried to fix things?
Absolutely. I still have a lot of love for him. I wish I could go back in time and reverse our initial breakup. Maybe we’d still be together if I were more patient with him. Even now, I think we can still work things out.
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