When Tola* (26) took a dress and a pair of shoes from her older sister, Dami* (29), without asking, she didn’t think it would cause a serious problem. But when Dami found out she’d taken the items, she was furious because they were the same ones she had planned to wear to a wedding.

At the end of this story, you’ll get to decide: did Tola fuck up or not?

This is Tola’s dilemma as told to Betty:

My older sister and I have always been close, and I consider her one of my best friends. Even though we don’t live together, I used to visit her regularly. We’re also comfortable sharing things, so whenever  I saw something I liked at her place, I would ask for it or “borrow” it. 

A few months ago, I visited her before a trip and spotted a beautiful dress with a matching pair of shoes. I thought they’d be perfect for a dinner outing on my trip, so I took them with me. I didn’t ask because I assumed she wouldn’t mind. We’re sisters, and I didn’t think borrowing a few clothes would be a big deal. I also planned to return them as soon as  I got back.

While I was away, I posted a photo of myself wearing the dress at dinner. As soon as she saw it, she called me, and I could immediately tell she was upset. The dress was new, and she’d planned to wear it to a wedding.

I apologised and explained that I hadn’t realised that she needed the outfit. I promised to return everything as soon as I got back to Lagos. Thankfully, I was returning on the day of the wedding, so I assured her she’d have her outfit in time. 

I kept my promise, dry-cleaned the dress and returned it along with the shoes when I got back. I thought that would be the end of the issue. I hadn’t damaged anything or refused to return them, and I’d apologised for taking them. But my sister wasn’t satisfied.

Since then, she’s acted like she wants nothing to do with me. I’ve tried visiting a few times, but she keeps making excuses to avoid seeing me. I had hoped she would cool off after a while, but she’s continued to keep her distance.

In June, I decided to surprise her with a gift because I wanted us to move past the incident. I hoped it would show her that I cared and wasn’t trying to disrespect her. But when I got to her place, she came outside to meet me and refused to let me in.

It hurt. I couldn’t believe my own sister would hold a grudge over borrowing clothes. I know I should have asked before taking her things, and I understand why she was upset. But I don’t think I deserve to be treated this way forever. I’ve tried to make peace, and now it feels like she’s deliberately punishing me. 

She said I don’t respect her boundaries, and that she won’t let me visit her or have access to her space until I do better. I don’t want us to become sisters who can’t visit each other or have a normal relationship because of one incident.

At the same time, I’m beginning to wonder if I underestimated how much my actions upset her. Maybe returning the clothes wasn’t enough to make things right.

I spoke to our mum about it, and she agrees that Dami is overreacting. 

Am I wrong for thinking she’s overreacting, or is she justified in keeping her distance?

You decide: Did Tola F—up or not?

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