Sex Life: Reclaiming My Power By Dominating Men

October 31, 2020

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old bisexual woman who was sexually assaulted multiple times while growing up. Now, she’s reclaiming her power by dominating men in bed with strap-ons and bondage play.

What was your first sexual experience?

I was eight or nine. Teenagers in my estate would gather all the kids my age, pair us up and force us to make out in front of them. I knew it was weird, but it wasn’t until I got older that I realised it was sexual abuse.

That’s awful. How long did that go on for?

A few months. One of the younger kids told their parents and that’s why it stopped. It’s funny that you called it “awful” because it didn’t feel that way at the time. Now that I think about it, it definitely affected the way I look at sex.

A lot of my sexual experiences following that were also not under my control. 

How do you mean?

My first-ever boyfriend raped me, and before that, I was sexually assaulted in secondary school — a senior took me behind one of the classes and groped me. By the time I was in university, I just wanted to know what consensual sex actually felt like.

I’m so sorry. What was the first consensual experience like?

It was with a friend-turned-boyfriend. I initially didn’t want to date him because I knew he was a hoe. He used to tell me stories about all his sexual conquests, and I was sure he’d just fuck and leave me. 

I eventually agreed to date him, and we started having sex. While I appreciate that he helped awaken my body to sex, he was never able to make me come. I was always faking it. The only way I could come was through masturbation. 

When did you first get to orgasm from sex?

I was 23 and my ex had just ghosted me. So I started having a bunch of one-night stands to help get over him. I wasn’t having orgasms with them, but I was enjoying the thrill of being with new people.

After a series of guys, I eventually had a one-night stand with someone who seemed to know my body better than even I did. He gave me head, and I had my first proper orgasm with a man. That’s when I finally understood all the hype around sex.

If you didn’t get the hype up until that point, why did you keep having it?

I’ve always been interested in the act of sex. That interest was what propelled me to continue sleeping with different men even though I wasn’t enjoying it. I held on to the hope that I would eventually figure it out. Thankfully, I did.

That’s great. What’s your sex life like now?

It’s really interesting. About a year ago, I realised I’m very into being a Dom (dominant) in bed. I love having that control and power. It turns me on to tie men up, blindfold them and use their body for my will. 

At the start of this year, I pegged my first guy. Like, I actually used a strap-on to fuck him. It was great. I think I just decided that if I’m going to continue having sex, it has to be the kind of sex I want. 

Interesting. What made you decide that?

Last year, I dated someone who was a complete asshole. He crushed my spirit. When it ended, instead of just sleeping around to get over him, I actually sat down and asked myself what I really wanted from sexual and romantic relationships.

That was the catalyst for me deciding to get my power back. I knew I no longer wanted vanilla sex. I was ready to do all the things that had always been at the back of my mind.

Is it easy to find Nigerian men who want to be dominated by a woman?

Yes and no. No, because a lot of Nigerian men subscribe to that I-am-the-head bullshit. Thankfully, social media has helped me find the type of men who are open to exploring. 

I have a burner account on Twitter where I share all the thoughts in my head, and I’ve gathered a little following of interested people. I even get approached by men abroad who are looking to be dominated. 

What exactly do you tweet with that account?

Anything from pictures of the strap-ons I’ve used, to all the nasty things I want to do to men. 

How many guys have you met off Twitter?

About 10. I’ve pegged three out of the 10 guys, and two of them are now repeat clients. The last guy I pegged is coming back for more, and he plans to pay even more money. He really enjoyed our last session.

Oh? You charge the men?

It depends on what we’re doing. If we are just chatting on Twitter, I won’t charge for that. If it’s an in-person session, then I charge for that. Getting paid to fuck a guy in the ass just adds an extra layer of domination that I love. 

I don’t charge everyone the same amount. I know Nigeria is tough, so I pity some people. I generally charge based on what I think the person can afford. I think I’ve even had a session where I didn’t charge at all.

Interesting. Do you still do romantic relationships?

Yeah. I’m currently sleeping with a man I’ll call my main submissive. We met organically and developed a romantic relationship. When we started sleeping with each other and talking about sex, I realised he was the sub I’d been looking for.

So, right now, we are in a Dom/sub relationship, as well a romantic one. 

What’s the difference?

A Dom/sub relationship is defined by the power dynamics. The Dom, me in this case, always takes the lead. Even outside the bedroom, I’m in control. For example, when we go on dates, I decide where we go and also order food for both of us.

That’s just one of the many ways we’ve infused the Dom/sub relationship into our romantic one.

Does he mind that you hook up with other men?

Nope. He actually gets turned on by it. It’s a very interesting relationship.

How is sex with him?

It’s so much fun. Before him, my main sexual partner was a fellow Dom. We both kept trying to outdo each other in bed, and that was interesting in its own way. With my current partner, it’s more fulfilling.

He always wanted to do kinky things, but he never had the opportunity until now. I’m basically his teacher. Right now, we are preparing him for his first-ever peg session. I’ve never pegged a newbie, so I want to make sure he’s ready.

That’s sweet. Is there anything else you’d like to try in bed?

I’d like to finally sleep with a woman. I came out as bisexual a year ago, but I’ve never had sex with a woman. I just know I’ve always been into women. Even when I watch porn, I’m always focused on the women.

I’ve made out with a few girls, but I’ve never gone all the way.

Why not?

Honestly, I’m scared that I’ll be bad at it. I know how to sleep with men, that’s pretty easy, but with women, it’s more complicated. That being said, there is a woman I’m currently talking to. I’m really interested in her, and I’m excited to see where that leads.

How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

I would rate it a solid 9. I’m really enjoying my sex life right now, especially getting to explore my kinks with my partner. When I finally get to be with a woman, it’ll definitely be a 10.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 17, 2022

Breadcrumbing is the unfair practice of giving just enough attention and affection to someone who cares about you to keep them interested. We rounded up a list of things to look out for in a potential love interest to avoid being breadcrumbed.

December 14, 2019

Today’s subject is a 24-year-old bisexual Muslim woman. She takes us from Paris to Lagos and Abuja, through her search for girls in a homophobic community and her experiences with boys who refuse to follow instructions. When did you first get curious about sex? The first memory that comes to mind right now is when […]


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

More from Ships

September 22, 2022

The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Jaymes*(23) and Seyi*(20), a polyamorous couple who got together five days after they started talking. Since then, they’ve had to deal with one of them being outed as queer, navigating multiple relationships and the jealousy it comes with. 

September 20, 2022

If your partner spent so much time in your home that it felt like they lived there, moving on can be tougher. So what happens when you can’t afford to move out to move on from the memories of your partner? 7 Nigerians who’ve been heartbroken shared their experience.


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.