Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Angela*, 28, thought moving back to the same city as her boyfriend would seal their bond. Instead, it exposed cracks she couldn’t ignore. Nothing prepared her for his ambush proposal in front of his family and the choice she needs to make about the future of their relationship.
This is Angela’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
When I moved back to Port Harcourt* after working in Lagos, I was excited about finally being close to my boyfriend, Mike*. We had dated long-distance for almost two years, and I thought living in the same city would bring us closer.
At first, it felt good. We no longer had those rushed weekend visits and long goodbyes at the airport. He could come over for the weekend, and I could do the same. But four months in, I realised I missed the distance. The thrill of looking forward to seeing him was gone.
Now, spending more time together has made me notice things I hadn’t before. Mike is messy. He leaves clothes scattered on the floor, dishes piled up for days, and other small habits I find irritating. On their own, they weren’t huge problems, but because I like order and neatness, I couldn’t ignore them. They started to turn me off and made me question if I could actually build a life with him.
Mike noticed that I seemed a little more distant after I moved back, but he assumed it was due to the stress of adjusting. Meanwhile, he kept bringing up our future. From the start, he’d been clear about wanting marriage, and before I moved back, I thought I wanted the same. But when he asked recently, I couldn’t give a direct answer. I wasn’t sure if I still wanted us.
Three weeks ago, things escalated when he invited me to his mum’s 10th-year memorial. We had planned to go together, but on the day of the event, he told me he wanted to help with errands and sent me a ride. I was annoyed, but didn’t want to disappoint him on such an important day.
I thought it would be a simple family gathering, but as soon as I walked in, everyone started chanting, “Say yes, say yes.” His cousins had their phones out, recording. Then I saw Mike on one knee with a ring.
I froze. He never hinted at a proposal, and it felt like a complete ambush in front of his entire family. My emotions hit me all at once: shock, anger, and embarrassment. I didn’t even hear half of what he was saying. When he tried to take my hand, I pulled back and shouted no. Then I walked out and went home. Staying there felt unbearable. I ignored all the texts I got that night.
Later, Mike confronted me. He was furious that I had “humiliated” him in front of his family and ruined such a special day. He said I made him look stupid, especially since his aunt and cousins had helped plan everything. His family elders also felt disrespected because the proposal tied into his mum’s remembrance. He explained that he’d noticed my recent distance and proposed to reassure me of his seriousness.
My friends have had mixed opinions so far. Some think I should have handled it differently; said yes in public and rescinded privately to save face. But that felt dishonest. In that moment, I didn’t want to say yes, and pretending would have only made everything worse.
Now, I feel torn. On one hand, I feel guilty for embarrassing him like that. On the other hand, I can’t ignore that he tried to corner me into marriage, knowing I had never given him a clear answer. Even if he wanted to propose, why did it have to be in front of his entire family without asking me how I wanted it?
Mike’s family is still upset, and Mike himself keeps asking if I really want to throw away our relationship. The truth is, I don’t. He’s a good man; thoughtful, kind, and genuinely cares for me. I’m not just ready for marriage, and I don’t know if I can overlook the small things about him that already bother me. Sometimes, I wonder if those “little” things will only grow bigger if we actually get married.
Everyone I’ve told this story to seems amused, but I don’t think it’s funny. I feel stuck, wondering if I messed up by saying no the way I did.
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