Trigger Warning: This article makes mention/reference to instances of self-harm and mental health struggles
Some friendships shift the entire direction of your life. They are the friends who arrive at the exact moment you’re falling apart and manage to catch you.
For this story, Zikoko speaks with people about the friendships that saved their lives at their lowest point.
From providing emotional support after heartbreak to offering free accommodation, these friends came through when they were ready to throw in the towel.
“Our friendship has become my salvation” — Vincent*,26, M
Vincent met his closest friend this year because their mutual friends insisted they’d get along. When they finally connected, they hit it off instantly, and their friendship has brought him back from the edge countless times.
“Dami* and I actually met because our mutual friends consistently kept recommending us to each other. I was initially sceptical, but one of us eventually reached out — I can’t even remember who. Our first conversation turned into a passionate two-hour debate about cinema and literature. When we finally met in person last year, it was as if we had always been friends.
They’re still saving my life. I’ve been dealing with a lot: family issues, money problems, and some very dark moments, and they’ve pulled me back from the edge more times than I can count. I can’t pinpoint a moment that stands out because they have been instrumental in saving me from myself more times than I can count.
There were times this year when they could tell I was about to harm myself. They preempted it and dragged me out of the darkness each time. It might not sound dramatic enough, but to me, that’s what salvation looks like.”
“Every time I feel like the world is against me, she reminds me I’m not alone” — Eghosa*, 25, F
Eghosa met Timi, a friend of her crush, and what began as a tepid relationship blossomed into a friendship that has anchored her through tough times.
“We met on Twitter in 2018 through my crush. They were friends, and she constantly spoke about Timi, so I thought it might be good to know her.
My crush and I didn’t work out in the end, but you see Timi and me? We’re locked in for life. In the beginning, I thought she didn’t like me because she hardly replied to my texts, but we got over that hump, and I realised she’s my platonic soul mate.
In 2020, after my first relationship with a woman ended, I thought I was going to die. The heartbreak was almost too much to bear, but she called me every day and talked me down during those worst moments. Every time I felt like the whole world was against me, there she was, ready to show me it wasn’t true
When I started my business last year and was scared that nobody would support me, she was my very first customer. She spent almost ₦100k so I could believe in myself. She wasn’t even in Nigeria at the time. Each time I felt like giving up, she’d place an order or send a message reminding me I’m supported.
She’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. One time, someone asked why I didn’t move to her since we’re both lesbians. But what I feel for her is kind of spiritual; romantic love isn’t enough. My life isn’t enough. Loving her saved me and kept me alive. I don’t know where I’d be without her.”
“She housed me for eleven months when I first moved to Lagos” — Romade*, 23, F
From an online connection to a real-life friendship, Romade shares how her friend’s intervention in her life helped set her on a positive path toward her goals.
“We met on Twitter in 2022 and quickly became close friends.
At the end of 2023, I was battling post-uni exhaustion, depression and the absolute torture that was my NYSC year. My friend, whom I had never met in person, knew that I had big plans, and I just couldn’t move the needle on them. She single-handedly built me a CV from scratch and sent me opportunities from companies that offered roles I was interested in.
When I first moved to Lagos and was finding my feet, she housed me for 11 months. These things she did without flinching are a big part of why my life has taken a positive turn. I’m so honoured to be friends with her, and I would give her the world if I could.”
“They created a safe space within their community for me to heal and thrive” — Cynthia*, 27, F
Cynthia was very vulnerable after finding herself trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and low on funds, but meeting her friend, Ayo, changed everything for the better.
“I first connected with them on Twitter, through a random comment. Our conversations quickly blossomed into dates, allowing us to get to know each other. This past year has been incredibly challenging for me. I faced severe financial struggles and found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship that felt impossible to escape without a strategic plan.
During this difficult period, they stepped in and offered me both financial and emotional support. They created a safe space within their community where I could share my experiences and speak my truth. As a loner, I couldn’t have fathomed how I would’ve managed to navigate such a tough time if I didn’t have their support. Their kindness and friendship have been a lifeline when I needed it most, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
“My friend group is my lifeline in the middle of mental crises” — Tiolu*, 24, F
Tiolu shares how her friends’ intentionality about her mental health saved her from being consumed by her condition.
“I find myself in a quartet I call my small constellation. In 2021, after a painful fallout with my old friend group, I found myself completely alone.
That same year, I was fighting a long-standing battle with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. They almost swallowed me whole. I cried every day, questioned my existence, and self-harmed because it felt like the only release I had. I had even started thinking of creative ways to unalive myself. I felt alone and like I had no one to talk to.
But quietly, they came into my life.
We began as a study group, with one person meeting once a week to review class material. Then it became random visits to my room and walks to class together. One person joined, then another. I honestly couldn’t tell you when the third person joined in. One day, I looked around and realised it was the four of us together.
They’ve shown up for me so gently and consistently that I didn’t even realise I was loving being alive again. I found myself looking forward to their visits, texts, and study group to do assignments.
Throughout that year, I was in and out of the psychiatrist’s office, exhausted from fighting and losing the fight over my own mind. On the days I couldn’t speak, they sat with me in silence. We cried together, laughed together and made very dark jokes about going together. They never got tired and never made me feel bad for being myself.
It was the first time in a long time that I felt safe. It might’ve seemed small to them, but our silly little games kept me together. I would tell myself, ‘I promised them I’d show up, so I can’t die today.’
I love them with all my being, every last corner of it. They became my reason to live that year, and they still are today.”
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