6 Nigerians on Finding Out Their Fathers Were Jealous of Them

Share

We grow up believing our fathers should be our biggest cheerleaders, the people who want us to have the opportunities they never had. But sometimes, the person you expect to celebrate your wins is the one making them harder to achieve.

We asked these Nigerians to share the moments they realised their fathers were jealous of them. From fathers who saw their children’s success as a threat to those who turned every achievement into a competition, these are their stories.

“My father thought I was taking his place” — Tayo, 27, M

My father had a good-paying job until his employer laid him off. Everything changed after that. My mother was equally unemployed because he insisted on being the provider, so when he lost his job, we started living on scraps.

Thankfully, I found a well-paying online job and started contributing to the family. I bought food, paid bills, helped my mother start the clothing business she’d always wanted, supported my father when I could, and even helped my brother find work.

Then my father called a family meeting and demanded that I quit my job. He said he was still the man of the house and, while he was alive, no one would do his job for him. When I refused, he stopped speaking to me, refused food, and eventually told me to leave our home.

“My dad couldn’t stand my mum’s affection for me”— Somto, 24, M

My dad and mum fought a lot when I was growing up. He’d raise his voice, and before you knew it, my mother had already tied her wrapper, ready for anything. Whenever they fought, she made food only for herself and me. Eventually, my dad started making their fights about me. He couldn’t stand that even when my mum was angry with him, she still cared for me. He started calling me “mummy’s boy” whenever he could.

My mum never told us anything about their fights or said a word against him. But I wasn’t blind. I noticed how jealous he became of the affection she showed me, especially when he wasn’t getting any himself. Even after they reconciled, his disdain for me remained.

“My father hated that I always found a way around his obstacles”— Bukky, 31, F

I’d heard of mothers being jealous of their daughters, but I’d never heard of a father being jealous of his own child until it happened to me. My father had a hard life, so I thought he’d want me to have an easier one. Instead, he hated that I could adapt and make a way around problems he put in front of me.

He sent me ₦5k a month for school, and always reminded me that he received less in his time. When I got a café job and started writing, he disliked that too. He refused to buy us a washing machine because he never had one. I simply started using dry cleaners. I always found a way, and he hated that I wasn’t struggling the way he had at my age. One day, he admitted that he hated how I kept overcoming every obstacle he created.

“My father slut-shamed me for keeping our family afloat”— Zee, 27, F

My father is a strict police officer. One day, after an argument with my mum, he travelled without leaving money or foodstuff for the family.

I had a good job, but I’d never told my parents my salary. I told my father I earned ₦30k even though I earned over ₦250k. When he left, my mother panicked about how she’d take care of my siblings, so I stepped in. Two months later, my father returned and was shocked by how well we were doing. I’ve even fixed a few things around the house. When he discovered I was responsible, his expression changed. He began calling me a prostitute and questioning where I got money. It felt like jealousy because his family no longer depended on him.

“My dad turned my wins into a competition”— Chidi, 23, M

I love my father, but he has a habit of jealousy. Once, he took me to a bar, and the woman serving us was smitten with me. She kept calling me a “”ine boy”” and even gave me extra nkwobi for free. When she refused to give my father any, he went quiet for almost the entire night; it was clear he was angry.

Another time, he was arguing with two friends, and I pointed out that they were wrong and backed it up with facts. His friends praised me, but afterwards, my dad said that I was trying to prove I was smarter than him. Eventually, it became a pattern. Whenever I did something well, he found a way to turn it into a competition.

“He couldn’t understand why I could show up for everyone else, but not for him”— Njideka, 37, F

My father left when I was young and started another family. Years later, he came back expecting me to welcome him with open arms and take care of him because I was his daughter. The thing is, I’d spent years learning how to care for everyone without him. I helped my mother, supported my siblings, showed up for friends and even went out of my way for people who he knew.

But when he asked me for the same care, I refused. He became bitter whenever he saw me helping someone else. He’d rant about how I thought I was bigger than him, and remind me that he was once where I was before. He’d say things like, “Our money will finish.” I think what hurt him most was knowing I was capable of being generous, just not to him.