In Nigeria, being disowned isn’t just about losing contact, it often means losing your safety net, your sense of identity, and your community.
Whether it’s for getting pregnant too young, leaving a religion, or simply making choices that clash with family expectations, many Nigerians have found themselves cut off from the very people who were meant to love them unconditionally.
In this piece, six Nigerians share the deeply personal, painful reasons they were disowned by their families.
“I got pregnant when I was 15 years old.” — Nike*, (28), F
Nike got disowned by her family after she found out she was pregnant while in secondary school. It has been a struggle since then.
“I got pregnant in 2012, when I was 15. My boyfriend and I only had sex twice, but we didn’t know what protection was, so of course, I got pregnant. It was one of the worst years of my life. When I confessed after being unable to explain why I hadn’t gotten my period in three months, my mum beat me till I fainted, and my dad rained curses on me.
I was sent away to live with an older church member. The day my parents dropped me off at her house was the last time either of them spoke to me. I wasn’t allowed to contact my younger siblings either because, according to my parents, I was going to lead them astray.
I still have a relationship with my siblings, but it’s a secret we keep from our parents because I don’t want to get them in trouble. It has been really hard raising my child alone, but I hope he gets to meet his grandparents one day and they show him the love they didn’t show me.”
“I switched religions and my family wasn’t having it.” — Muyiwa*, 63, M
Muyiwa experienced a religious awakening and converted to Christianity, and this decision completely alienated him from his family.
“I was raised in a Muslim household. My ancestral line on my father’s side has been staunch Muslims for several generations, so it’s a religion deeply woven into the fabric of my family. I wasn’t a perfect Muslim, but I went through the motions because it was ‘normal’ to me.
In 1999, I followed a friend to his church for a service before we went to the bar and had an awakening. I converted that day, and I’ve remained a Christian since. When I shared this news with my family, I was met with harsh backlash and threats. My father said I should walk away from his house and never come back, and that was the last day I saw him.
I still speak to my cousins every now and again because they’re a bit more relaxed, but I haven’t spoken to any of my immediate family members in more than twenty years.”
“I joined a gang in school and my adoptive father disowned me.” — Benjamin*, 41, M
Benjamin got cut off by his adoptive father after joining a cult in university and getting tangled up in fraud. Even though he swears he has changed, his father wants nothing to do with him.
“My parents passed away when I was very young, leaving me, their only child, alone. My father’s best friend took me in and raised me as his own. I saw, loved and respected him as my father, and considered his children to be my siblings.
In university, I was a first-class student, but I was also in a cult. That fateful year, some of the cult members wanted to make some money fraudulently. Being the tech-savvy guy, I helped create a fake website, fake identities and the other online materials they used in the fraud deal.
Unfortunately, we got apprehended by the police. My father was so disappointed in me, but he helped me, so my charges were reduced. Because of his help, I only spent a few years in prison. When I got out, he gave me some money to rent an apartment and told me he was not going to be a father to a thief.
It cut me deep. I promised that I had learned my lesson and was back on the straight and narrow, but he was firm in his decision. I still send him monthly messages, birthday messages and holiday messages, but he has never replied. One day, I hope he can forgive me.”
“I changed religious denominations and my parents stopped talking to me.” — Jumoke*, 36, F
Jumoke’s parents disowned her after she left the Jehovah’s Witness community to join a Pentecostal church.
“I told my parents I was no longer a Jehovah’s Witness during a visit for the holidays in 2022, and they made it clear they would not be interacting with me after that. I didn’t think they were going to actually do it at first because my mum and I are very close. But I haven’t had any contact with them in almost three years.
Sometimes, I consider re-joining the denomination just because of how much I miss my family. They don’t accept any gifts I send and don’t answer my calls or reply to my messages. It’s a very painful thing to live with.”
“I got disowned after being accused of witchcraft.” — Temi*, 30, F
Temi was shocked to find herself on the streets of Ibadan after a travelling prophet told her father she was a witch sent to destroy his family.
“It is one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever had. A so-called prophet visited our house to pray in 2004 and ‘saw a vision’ that I was a witch sent to destroy my family. I said I wasn’t a witch, but the prophet insisted and told my father the lives of everyone were in jeopardy if I continued to live under their roof. The next day, my parents packed me a bag and asked me to leave their house.
I was so afraid and lost. I roamed for hours before I decided to walk to my aunt’s shop, almost an hour away from my neighbourhood. She cried bitterly when I told her what happened. She and my other siblings arranged for me to be sent to an older family member in a different state, and that was who I grew up with.
I haven’t spoken to my parents since 2004. Part of me is angry at them for what they did, but a small part of me is also still afraid that they wouldn’t be happy to hear from me even after all these years. I just push it to the back of my mind on most days.”
“My family disowned me after I was outed” — Tunde*, 35, M
Tunde had been married to his wife for a few years when he was outed, and everything changed overnight.
“I always knew I was gay, but I tried to live a ‘normal’ life. I loved my wife in my own way, but I was never truly myself. I’m still not sure how my wife found out, but when she did, she was understandably shocked and felt betrayed. I guess that’s why she immediately told my parents and siblings. My family was devastated and stopped speaking to me altogether. I felt completely alone and struggled with depression, even contemplating taking my own life.
Thankfully, the friends I had made in the queer community supported me and helped me find my footing again. I eventually moved to Canada, where I could live openly as a gay man. I still hope that one day, my family will accept me for who I am, but for now, I’m focusing on living my truth and finding happiness.”
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