We often talk about the love that binds siblings together — the inside jokes, shared childhood memories, and the unspoken loyalty. But what happens when shared blood can’t bridge resentment, difference, or emotional distance?
In this story, we spoke to people who love their siblings but struggle to connect with them as individuals. From clashing values to years of emotional neglect, they talk about learning to coexist with people they love but don’t always like.
“Patriarchal norms have ruined my relationship with my brothers” — Nafeesat*, 21, F
Being raised along strict gender lines has left a chasm between Nafeesat and her brothers.
“Growing up, my family’s dynamics were heavily influenced by patriarchal views. My dad believed women did domestic chores while men provided. Beyond the chores, it robbed my brothers of empathy. They see women as weaker vessels, and as a feminist, it grinds my gears.
It’s affected how I interact with them. Where I feel solidarity or understanding with my sisters, I’m short-tempered with my brothers. I often have to remind myself that I love them even though our ideals are worlds apart
I’ve tried to bridge the gap over the years with little success. I’m learning to accept that people grow and change differently. It’s not always easy navigating my relationship with them, but I’m learning to set stronger boundaries and prioritise my wellbeing.”
“I love my older brother, but I don’t think I’ve ever liked him” — Lolade*, 26, F
Lolade has always felt isolated from her older brother because he never had her back. As long as she doesn’t hear bad news, she’s fine with their estrangement.
“I don’t remember ever liking my older brother as a person. Since childhood, I never felt like he had my back in the ways other people’s siblings did. He had a “sort yourself out” mentality; even his friends bullied me.
Now that we’re grown, we’re even more distant. I can go months without seeing or speaking to him and feel nothing. It’s so bad that I’m pleasantly surprised when he’s kind to me because it’s not typical of him. My mum worries about our dynamics and often asks me to call him more often, but I can’t force what isn’t there. I want to believe it’s his personality, not that he’s a bad person.
As long as my mum doesn’t have any bad news about him, I’m okay. I don’t feel the need to try to fix our relationship.”
“My brother’s obsession with religion has strained our relationship” — Misan*, 31, M
Misan’s brother puts church above everything, leaving him to shoulder family responsibilities alone.
“When my brother suddenly got religious, I didn’t have an issue with it. But soon, he started choosing church above everyone and everything. These days, I’m left to handle our family issues and wahala alone. Whenever I try to speak to him, he hides behind “God’s will” and “just pray about it”.
I wish he’d focus on his career and become everything our parents sent him abroad to be, but he’s obsessed with church.
I pretend everything’s fine so the family doesn’t worry, but he frustrates me. I’ve accepted he won’t change. I once imagined us working together in the same field and achieving great things, but now I’ve let that dream go. I can’t keep waiting for him.”
“My brothers’ alcohol addiction makes him hard to like” — Zach*, 26, M
Age and addiction have created a rift between Zach and his brothers. And it breaks his heart.
“There wasn’t one defining event that made me start disliking my brothers — it just happened over time. They’re both much older, and over time, I’ve watched them turn into the conservative, myopic men they once swore they’d never become.
It’s even worse because my oldest brother has sickle cell, so I constantly feel the weight of his mortality. Every interaction feels like a high-stakes one.
It also makes me question myself: do I actually like him, or am I just trying to be my brother’s keeper?
I have more in common with my other brother, but he’s an alcoholic and a domestic abuser. It makes me wonder how much I’m allowed to love him when he has traits I despise. I’ve distanced myself from him, and even though my extended family keeps trying to get me to forgive him, I pay them no mind. They weren’t there when I heard the muffled cries of his wife or when he physically abused me.
For me, being related to an abuser is already hard enough. I don’t need to hold his hands and sing kumbaya with him.”
“I hide my opinions to maintain my relationship with my siblings” — Rayo*, 29, F
Rayo loves her siblings, but their conservative opinions often put them at odds.
“My relationship with my siblings is complicated. I’m the last child, and the age gap between us is wide. We have a family group chat, and every time we talk about world politics or societal issues, I realise we’re on opposite sides of the spectrum.
I decided early on to keep my liberal opinions to myself. I know if I ever share them, I’ll probably get banished from the family.
It’s a bit odd being among people I love but don’t agree with — especially when it comes to their views on women, gender, politics and more. Still, I love them enough to stay quiet for as long as I can to maintain our relationship.”
“My sister the most difficult difficult person to deal with” — Godwin*, 24, M
Godwin loves his sister, but her short temper and unwillingness to help with simple favours have put a permanent strain on their relationship.
“I’m not perfect, but my sister is one of the most difficult people I’ve ever come across. I don’t remember ever being fond of her because she has a terrible temper and, as a result, a bad character.
For instance, I can’t joke with her the way people joke with their siblings. She can play pranks on me, but the moment I return the energy, she blows up.
She also hates doing favours. Once, I needed N16,500 to buy something and promised to pay it back that same night. Instead of just sending it, she got irritated and nagged a lot before agreeing.
If she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, she makes it everyone’s problem. Honestly, if we weren’t siblings, we’d just be acquaintances. I’ve accepted our relationship for what it is, but I know we’ll grow even more distant as we get older.”
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