In a society where womanhood is often tied to motherhood, choosing to be child-free as a Nigerian woman is a radical choice. Everyone from family members to strangers on the street suddenly becomes an expert on your womb and your interests. For some women, simply saying “I don’t want kids.” opens the floodgates to unsolicited advice and hilarious attempts at emotional manipulation.
We spoke to five Nigerian women who have chosen to live child-free and they share the funniest responses and comments they have heard for their choice.
“Some people immediately question my sexuality because of this” — Sharon*, (28)
For Sharon, the funny reactions she gets for wanting to remain childfree are no longer surprising. Here are the more memorable comments she has received.
“I’ve gotten some really funny responses when I share that I don’t want kids. Sometimes people say, “Something must be wrong with you!” Some people immediately question my sexuality because of this and ask, “Are you a lesbian?”
I think the funniest responses I’ve gotten are still, “How will your mum feel?” or “Will your husband be okay with it?” First what’s my mum’s own? Also, why would I marry someone who doesn’t want the same things I want? People are just funny.”
“Someone once told me I’m ‘just wasting space’” — Biola*, (25)
Biola laughed at the idea she’ll regret her decision when she’s older, but that’s not the only weird comment she’s gotten for choosing not to have kids.
“I have heard so many, I’m not sure what the wildest response is. But if I had to choose, it would definitely be “You’re just wasting space”. I’ve also been told that I’ll regret my decision in my old age. Another one is “What if your husband wants children?” That last one is rather funny, because would he really be my husband if he wanted children?”
“My mum said I should be mindful of the power of the tongue” — Tolani*, (28)
Tolani’s mum is hoping that the fewer times she mentions it, the higher the chance of her changing her mind and having kids.
“I thought I’d hear the wildest things from romantic partners because of my choice but no one has gagged me like my mum. The funniest response she’s given me when the topic came up was, “Don’t say that. There is power in the tongue.” I thought it was hilarious, what does the power of the tongue have to do with me not wanting kids?”
“People assume that the only emotion for you to experience if you don’t have children is loneliness ” — Chinasa*, (24)
Chinasa plans to live her life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of it but people think she can’t do that if she doesn’t have children.
“The wildest response I’ve heard came from one of my closest friends. It hurt me deeply when they said, “You won’t find anyone to marry you because the average man wants children. This means you’ll most likely become lonely when you are in your 40s or 50s. Hopefully, you don’t wake up one day feeling depressed, full of regret.”
I felt so unseen. I don’t understand why people assume that the only emotions left for you to experience if you don’t have children are loneliness or depression. I plan to live a very happy and fulfilled life.”
“Why not? Children are your crowning glory.” — Tofunmi*, (29)
Tofunmi’s mum doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want kids but Tofunmi just wants to be free of obligations that could hold her back.
“When I told my mum I didn’t want to have kids, she looked at me like I sprouted a second head. She said, “Why not? Children are your crowning glory.” I just thought about our dysfunctional family dynamic with my badly behaved brothers, and I wonder why she would think that’s the kind of crowning glory I’m looking for. Me? I don’t want to be held down by any obligations I can avoid.”
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