Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Marriage is often seen as a lifelong journey of love and compromise, but what happens when the changes one partner makes to feel better about themselves begin to push the other away?
For Terry* (43), his wife’s obsession with skin-lightening treatments and cosmetic procedures has left him questioning whether honesty in marriage sometimes does more harm than good.
At the end, you’ll get to decide: Did he fuck up or not?
This is Terry’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
My wife, Lara*, and I have been married for almost eight years, and we have three kids together. When we first got married, she was caramel-skinned and very beautiful. I loved her exactly the way she was.
In the past few years, though, she has become obsessed with her skin tone and often says she wishes she were fairer. I always reassured her that I liked her as she was, but she never believed me. She started paying for instant bleaching baths and other whitening treatments.
At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now her skin is noticeably lighter, with green veins popping out and dark spots appearing. To me, she looks older than her 41 years.
She also got semi-permanent eyebrows that look like they were drawn on with a marker. Whenever I say I don’t like these things, she reminds me that it is her body, her choice, and that she never asks me for money to pay for them.
The truth is, I no longer find her as attractive as I once did. It has even affected our sex life because I rarely feel the desire to initiate. On top of that, I’ve noticed an odd odour, and the fragile look of her skin makes me uncomfortable.
Things came to a head recently when she tried to kiss me, and I flinched. She got angry right away and accused me of cheating. I swore I wasn’t. I hardly even have the time in between working long hours at the bank. But when she pushed, I admitted I don’t like the bleaching and the procedures. Instead of hearing me out, she got defensive, saying I was trying to control her and reminding me again that she makes her own money and pays for everything herself.
What hurt me most was when she reminded me that I wasn’t the same either. Back when we first met, I used to work out, but now I’ve gained weight and developed a potbelly. She implied that if I had stopped caring about my own body, then she had every right to change hers however she wanted. She even mentioned that Botox was next on her list.
In the heat of the moment, I lost my temper and shouted that she looked ugly and I no longer found her attractive. She broke down crying, moved into the guest room that night, and the next day, she left for her father’s house. Since then, her family members have bombarded me with insults, painting me as the villain.
Now our marriage feels strained. I promised for better or worse, but I’m not sure I can handle this version of worse. I don’t want a divorce because of the kids, and also because it would make me look even worse. Still, her looks no longer appeal to me. If she keeps changing herself like this, I won’t be able to cope. I’m afraid it might push me into temptations I don’t want.
Marriage is supposed to be about unconditional love, but I feel myself slipping out of love with her. I just wish she would consider my feelings, too. Now, I’m stuck wondering if being honest has only made things worse between us.
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