Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Deji*, 32, came back to Lagos from Canada for Detty December expecting nothing more than good music, old friends and a good time. However, when a road trip with a close friend ended in an unexpected expense and an awkward fallout, he found himself questioning the line between generosity and entitlement.
When you’re done reading, you get to decide: did he fuck up, or not?
This is Deji’s Dilemma, as shared with Adeyinka
I came back to Lagos for Detty December expecting a good time. I wanted to rest, enjoy myself and reconnect with people I hadn’t seen in a long time. I didn’t plan for anything stressful; I just wanted the trip to feel easy.
Tade* is one of my closest friends. We’ve known each other for years, and I’ve always seen him as someone I can move with without overthinking. Since I landed, we’ve been hanging out almost every day. We’ve gone for raves, two concerts and have a few more shows lined up. From the beginning, we agreed to split bills. Everyone paid their way, and it never felt like an issue. That was why I didn’t expect a road trip to Ibadan to change the dynamic between us.
I had a wedding to attend in Ibadan and didn’t want to go alone. More than that, I needed someone to drive. I don’t have a car in Lagos, and I wasn’t keen on navigating a December road trip with a random driver. Tade was the obvious choice.
When I asked him, he wasn’t enthusiastic. He talked about the long drive, traffic and stress. I understood his hesitation, so I didn’t push. Eventually, he agreed, but only on the condition that I would fuel his car to Ibadan and back. I was surprised by the request, but I didn’t argue. I agreed and told myself it wasn’t worth turning into a back-and-forth.
The trip to Ibadan went smoothly. The wedding was nice, we ate well and joked through most of it. I was genuinely glad I didn’t travel alone. On our way back to Lagos, the car started acting up somewhere along the road. We pulled over, called a mechanic, and after checking it, he said we needed to fix it immediately if we wanted to continue our trip. The cost was a bit over ₦100,000.
Before I fully processed what he’d said, Tade turned to me and asked me to pay for it. I was taken aback.
In my head, a lot of things were happening at once. I’d already paid for fuel both ways. I’d covered feeding during the trip. Beyond this particular outing, I’d also brought him clothes from Canada, two pairs of sneakers and a designer perfume. I didn’t bring those things as leverage, and I hadn’t thought of them as something to count, but they were very present in my mind in that moment.
I told him I couldn’t pay for the repairs. It was his car. We had agreed on fuel, not maintenance or repairs. If something had happened to my phone or my luggage during the trip, I wouldn’t have expected him to pay for it. I felt like I had already held up my end of what we discussed.
Tade didn’t argue with me or raise his voice. He paid for the repairs himself and got back into the car. From that point on, his mood changed completely.
The rest of the journey to Lagos felt uncomfortable. He barely spoke. When I tried to make conversation, his responses were short and flat. By the time we got back, it was obvious something had shifted between us. Since then, he’s been distant.
He still replies to messages, but there’s a noticeable change. He takes longer to respond and doesn’t initiate plans the way he did before. We had already talked about more Detty December outings, but now I’m not sure if he’ll show up or not.
From my perspective, I didn’t abandon him or leave him stranded. I paid for fuel as agreed. I covered food. I showed up as a friend in ways that weren’t transactional. I didn’t start listing those things to him because I didn’t want to sound petty, but I can’t pretend they don’t exist.
At the same time, I keep wondering if I missed something obvious. Perhaps from his perspective, it felt like I had used his car and time, and then refused to step up when things went wrong. Or maybe he assumed that, since I was visiting from abroad, unexpected expenses would naturally fall on me.
If he had said from the start that I would be responsible for any damage to the car, I would have thought more carefully about taking the trip. I might have still agreed, or I might have made a different plan. What unsettled me was the assumption that I should automatically take on that cost.
Now I find myself replaying everything. Should I have just paid and moved on, especially since money wasn’t much of an issue? Or was I right to draw a line and refuse responsibility for something we never discussed?
What makes this harder is that I value our friendship. Detty December is meant to be chill, but I’ve spent part of it navigating guilt. I don’t want this to be the incident that ruins our relationship. At the same time, I don’t want to apologise for something I don’t fully believe was wrong.
I’ve been present and generous. And yet, here I am, questioning myself.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
