Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.

Frank* (54) believed a decision he made years before meeting his wife would stay in the past until an accidental discovery brought it to light. Now, the truth about his real age has shaken his marriage and left him wondering whether keeping the secret was a betrayal or if the reaction has become bigger than the mistake itself.

This is Frank’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa

I’ve always believed  age is just a number. But my wife, Lucy*, thinks otherwise , and I’m still struggling to understand why.

I finished school in 2000, but spent years job hunting. Despite being a graduate, I survived on menial work that left me frustrated. In 2005, a friend connected me to a promising job opportunity, but it came with the strict condition that applicants couldn’t be older than 26.

At the time, I was already 32. Passing on the offer because of age restrictions was out of the question, so I took a chance. I altered my official documents and reduced my age by seven years. I pushed hard through the process and eventually secured the job. That decision changed my life. I worked there for a while before moving into a banking role in 2014.

I met Lucy at that workplace when she joined the office towards the end of 2015. I liked her immediately. Lucy was beautiful and had a sharp personality. By then, I was ready to settle down, and I pursued her for almost a year before she agreed to date me.

On paper, I appeared about six years older than Lucy, even though the real gap was 12 years. I considered telling her the truth but decided against it. I didn’t want anything jeopardising my chances, and if things didn’t work out, that information could have complicated my professional life. As time passed, I stopped seeing the need to revisit the issue.

We got married in 2017 and now have two children. Our marriage was peaceful, and my real age never came up. I don’t celebrate birthdays extravagantly or talk much about my personal history. I was orphaned young and don’t have close relationships with most of my siblings, so there were few situations where the subject would naturally arise.

That changed last month when my youngest sibling asked to stay with us for a week. She was ill and had been referred for a scan at the National Hospital in our city. Lucy offered to help her with registration and directions since she was familiar with the facility.

I later learned that during the process, Lucy saw my sister’s age listed as 49. She questioned it because, based on what she believed, I was 48. To her knowledge, two siblings stood between us, so the numbers didn’t make sense. My sister explained our actual age gaps, and Lucy quickly put everything together.

When I got home that evening, Lucy was in a bad mood. She confronted me with what she’d discovered. At first, I tried to downplay the situation, but when she pressed, I admitted I was older than she believed. I told her I didn’t think it changed anything about our life together.

Lucy was furious. She raised her voice and said I’d lied throughout our marriage. The argument happened in front of our children, which bothered me, but she didn’t seem concerned. She repeatedly called me a liar and said she felt deceived.

What hurt most was when she said she now understood why she wanted more children but couldn’t have them because she was “stuck with an old man”. That comment cut deeply, and we both started shouting. To prevent the situation  from escalating further, I walked away and locked myself in our bedroom.

Since that night, the situation has only worsened. Lucy has linked this issue to other complaints. She has accused me of being secretive and pointed to how I don’t share certain work information with her. We still work in the same organisation, and I hold a management position, so I’m careful about confidentiality. Lucy is naturally talkative, and I worry sensitive information could spread unintentionally, but she interprets my caution differently.

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She also told her family members. Her mother later called me and questioned how I could hide something so significant. She suggested that if I could conceal this, it meant I was capable of hiding worse secrets. I’ve tried to explain my reasoning, but it feels like no one is willing to listen.

From my perspective, the situation has been blown out of proportion. I didn’t change my age to deceive Lucy. That decision happened years before I met her, and I don’t regret it because I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t made that choice.

I’m upset about how Lucy handled the confrontation and the things she said, especially in front of our children. I’ve always tried to be a good husband. I take care of myself, stay fit, and provide for my family. My age never affected our relationship, and she never expressed concerns before discovering the truth.

Weeks have now passed, and the tension hasn’t eased. Lucy believes I owe her a serious apology, but refuses to see that I also deserve one for how she spoke to me and for involving others in an issue that should’ve remained between us.

I’ve grown increasingly  frustrated. I keep asking myself whether what I did was truly bad enough to cause this level of conflict in our marriage. I never intended to hurt her, and I struggle to understand why something that doesn’t affect our daily life has become a huge crisis.

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