Love has a way of transforming people. Sometimes the effect is subtle, through quiet shifts in daily habits, and other times, in bold, life-defining ways.
Zikoko spoke to six Nigerian men who opened up about some of the things they’ve learned from the women in their lives, and how it’s impacted them. Here’s what they said.
“I’ve learned the value of staying connected.” — Fidelis*(28)
Over the course of being with my babe, I’ve learned the true value of staying connected. If it were up to me, I’d just do one phone call a day and a few text exchanges, but because of her, we stay in touch throughout the day. We text a lot too; just updates, exchanging banter, sending reels, and it doesn’t affect either person’s productivity.
There was never really any conversation about taking our communication more seriously. I just noticed that she’d respond to my texts quickly, and I wanted to match her energy. Usually, I let texts linger because I want to appear busy. She’s probably busier than I am, but she goes the extra mile because she wants to stay connected with me. It taught me that I had to learn to embrace and reciprocate it accordingly.
“I learned to be more understanding of people’s differences” — Alade*(26)
Being with my girlfriend has taught me how to be more patient with people and how to be more accommodating of other people’s differences. Before I got with my girlfriend, I was unknowingly judgmental and dismissive of other people if they didn’t fit into my preconceived notions of how they should behave. Seeing how my babe approaches situations and people has actually changed how I interact with them as well. I think it’s made me a better person overall.
“She’s taught me to heal my faith wound” — Samuel*(36)
I stopped going to church when I was 21 years old after a bad experience and stayed away for a long time. My girlfriend completely turned that around in just two years of us being together. It’s not like she forced me to attend church again or gave me an ultimatum; it was just the way she lived her life that made me want to give religion a shot again. She doesn’t lord it over me either; she’s patient and accommodates my shaky steps. She’s been with me every step of the way as I tried to find my way to God again. I want to learn at her feet forever.
“I’ve learned the art of diplomacy.” — Ayo*(52)
One thing I’ve learned from my wife is diplomacy. I used to approach every disagreement with the mindset of winning with blunt honesty and my perspective. This mindset probably made me unpopular at every family meeting when I was single.
My wife’s style of resolving conflicts is completely different. She never tries to make you defensive. Instead, she’ll try to understand your point of view and make a suggestion or a compromise. I noticed she almost always got her way, and people were more willing to give her ground than me.
So, I gradually learnt her approach, and now, I follow her method to a tee. I hardly raise my voice in arguments; even if I think I’m correct, I let the other person say their piece. It has really changed how people respond to and interact with me at work and even with my extended family. She’s taught me a lot more, but this is the biggest one.
“I’m learning to open up more.” — Tunde*(32)
My babe has taught me how to be more expressive. I didn’t grow up in a household where we spoke about our feelings. Whether good or bad, you kept your feelings to yourself and dealt with them. When I met my babe, she constantly wanted me to share how I felt. “Is it a good feeling? Share it with me! Is it a bad feeling? Tell me. I want to help.”
Honestly, I was initially uncomfortable with it. I thought she was smothering me, but I slowly learned that vulnerability wasn’t a punishable offence. Now, I feel lighthearted because I have a place to be soft without consequence. I can tell my babe anything. It’s helped me improve my relationship with my younger siblings because I can connect with them now that I don’t have so many walls up.
“I have learned to be unapologetically myself.” — Lanre*(31)
The greatest thing I’ve learned from my wife is how to be myself. I’m a very flamboyant extrovert, and I suppressed a lot of my personality not to be seen as “too much” or “extra”. But her love has given me a place to be my whole self. Extra? She loves it. I no longer wonder what people will say or think about me. As long as my wife likes it, I like it too. I’ve become so comfortable with who I am, and I chalk it up to her unending support.
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