Marriage doesn’t stop people from finding others attractive, but there’s often a considerable difference between having a harmless crush and acting on it.

These Nigerian married women share the crushes that almost became affairs, how close they came to crossing the line, and what ultimately kept them from doing so.

“I had a crush on my daughter’s swimming instructor” — Ronke*, 39

My daughter started swimming lessons during the long holiday in 2022, and I developed a crush on her instructor almost immediately. He was younger, fit and extremely charming. He always complimented me, but I assumed he was just being friendly until he started messaging me about things that had nothing to do with my daughter’s lessons. Nothing explicit; he’d check on me and ask about my day.

My marriage was going through a rough patch at the time. My husband and I hadn’t had sex in months, and every attempt to talk about it met a dead end. So when this instructor started giving me attention, it felt electric. 

One day, he invited me to swim with him and my daughter that weekend. I spent the entire week wondering if I should go.

In the end, I held back for my daughter. I imagined her finding out someday that I’d used her swimming lessons as an opportunity to cheat on her father. I couldn’t live with that shame. So I kept my hands and body to myself until my daughter completed her lessons. The crush disappeared once I stopped seeing him every weekend. More importantly, the experience forced me to admit that my marriage needed serious help.

“I almost slept with my ex before my anniversary” — Jomiloju*, 48

I ran into my ex while struggling with my toddler in a supermarket some years ago. We’d only broken up because he had to relocate, and back then, before social media, we had no way to keep in touch.

We hadn’t spoken in years, but once we started talking, it felt like no time had passed. He told me he’d moved back to Nigeria and asked to spend time with me. I agreed to lunch without telling my husband. 

At lunch, he admitted he still had feelings for me and asked if I was truly happy in my marriage. He said seeing my son made him sad because that could have been his child. He even offered to adopt him if I agreed to leave my husband.

I was conflicted. My husband and I had been fighting constantly, and I felt like I’d married someone who no longer understood me. When my ex invited me to his apartment after lunch, I almost went with him, but I told him to give me some time to think about it.

That evening, my husband asked that we leave our son with his grandparents and travel for our anniversary. He said he could feel us growing distant and wanted us to reconnect.

He had no idea where I‘d been or what I was considering. His trust made me feel terrible, and I decided to turn down my ex. I never told my husband what happened, but I knew how close I’d come to betraying him. It taught me that loving your partner doesn’t make you immune to temptation.

 “Seeing my husband with our newborn stopped me” — Ifeoma*, 39

I had a difficult pregnancy and felt completely disconnected from my body. My husband tried to be supportive, but I no longer felt attracted to him. 

During that period, I reconnected with an old university friend who had always liked me. He constantly told me I was beautiful and joked that he’d marry me if my husband ever misbehaved.

After I gave birth, the conversations became more intense. He wanted us to meet privately, and I agreed. I even told my husband I was going to see a female friend. But on the day of, I walked into the bedroom and saw my husband asleep with our baby on his chest. He’d stayed awake most of the night so I could rest.

That sight made me remorseful. I couldn’t betray someone who was also struggling and still trying to show up for me. I then told my husband I needed more affection and reassurance. I didn’t confess how close I came to cheating, but I stopped pretending I didn’t need him.

“I thought my husband cheated first” — Temitayo*, 47

My husband and I used to work in the same office. Shortly after welcoming our first child, I noticed he was getting closer to a young lady who had just joined the team.

We usually ate lunch together, but suddenly, he started eating with her. He’d claim they had ‘private talks’ and promise to tell me later, but he never did. I soon became convinced he was cheating on me and plotted to get back at him.

I started entertaining an older man who had been toasting me despite knowing I was married. He arranged for us to go to Abuja for an overnight trip, and I lied to my husband that I was travelling for a night vigil. 

The day before the trip, my husband came to me crying. He claimed the lady at the office was his half-sister. They had only discovered the connection after she saw his last name and asked about his father. He’d spent the last few months getting to know her and verifying the truth. I felt terrible for thinking he would cheat on me. I told the older man I was no longer interested, and I haven’t tried to start anything with anyone since.

“He made me feel so interesting” — Cynthia*, 50

In 2011, my husband took in a young man from his village to live and work with us. He was in his late 20s, handsome and very eager to help. Before he left for my husband’s shop in the mornings, he’d make breakfast for the kids, clean the house and even drop them off. 

In the evenings, he’d assist me in the kitchen, and we’d talk until bedtime. He was intelligent, funny and very attentive. 

My husband is a good man, but after two decades of marriage and three children, most of our conversations had become about bills, school runs and what we were eating for dinner. This young man made me feel alive again.

At first, our conversations were innocent. Then I caught myself wishing my husband wasn’t home so I could talk to him longer. I also noticed the way the young man looked at me had changed, and I was tempted to make a move.

Then I imagined my husband doing the same thing with another woman. I knew it would devastate me. So I convinced my husband to get the young man an apartment close to the shop.

That distance saved my marriage.

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