Christiana* (37) didn’t grow up imagining marriage as something she would one day step into. Much of her life was shaped by illness, hospital visits and the quiet work of surviving. While her peers were thinking about romance and relationships, she was only focused on staying alive.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, she talks about marrying despite her fears, learning to accept care without guilt, and finding hope in a life she never planned for.

This is a look into Christiana’s marriage diary.

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I didn’t think about marriage because I was busy trying to stay alive

I was a very sick child growing up, and that sickness followed me through my teenage years and even while I was in university. I spent a lot of my life in and out of hospitals. Between fighting for my life and trying to stay stable, marriage wasn’t something I gave any thought to.

While other people were thinking about boys and relationships, I was thinking about how to stay alive. I genuinely didn’t believe love was meant for me. Whenever I watched romantic movies, read love stories or saw couples I admired, my mind always went to the same place. I kept asking myself which man would willingly stay with someone who was always sick. At some point, I stopped imagining relationships altogether. I honestly just wanted to live.

I avoided relationships because I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden

Even after my health stabilised after NYSC, I still wasn’t interested in relationships. I didn’t want friendships with men, let alone romance. Everywhere I went, I kept things neutral. No emotional closeness or room for anything to grow.

Deep down, I was afraid of being a burden. I didn’t want anyone to feel like they were doing me a favour by loving me. I had already convinced myself that relationships would eventually come with disappointment, either for me or for whoever chose me.

My mum knew all of this. She knew how much I had gone through and how guarded I was. Because of my health history, she was very particular about who I would end up with. She wanted someone who could care for me the way she had.

That’s how I met my husband. He was a family friend, and we were matched with marriage in mind. We didn’t date for long. We courted for about two months and moved straight into marriage.

Sometimes I’m still surprised I have my own husband

One of the biggest surprises of marriage for me is simply the fact that I have a husband. And not just any husband, but a man who is genuinely caring and very different from what I imagined marriage would look like.

In our home, my husband does most of the cooking and market runs. He doesn’t place heavy demands on me and rarely disturbs my peace. He is extremely attentive to my health. Any small cough or cold and he’s already taking steps to make sure I’m okay. He doesn’t joke with my well-being at all.

Sometimes, that’s why waiting for a child hurts me more than I admit. We’ve been trusting God for about four years now. My husband doesn’t pressure me, and there’s no pressure from his family either, but I sometimes feel like the best way to reward how good he’s been to me would be to give him a child. I didn’t expect waiting to be part of my marriage story, but we’re trusting God.

My health made me doubt I could ever be a good wife

For a long time, my health made me question if I was prepared for marriage at all. I knew I didn’t have the energy to be the typical traditional wife. Cooking, cleaning, managing a home and still meeting a man’s sexual needs felt like too much to imagine when I was already in and out of hospitals.

I kept wondering what would happen if marriage demanded more from me than I could give. That fear was one of the reasons I avoided relationships completely. So when my mum came to me and said, “This is the person you’re marrying,” I didn’t argue. I accepted it in good faith, even though I didn’t feel fully ready.

At the time, I just trusted that if this was happening, then maybe God knew something about me that I didn’t yet believe.

Navigating extended family life was harder than I expected

One thing no one really prepared me for was family dynamics. Even though my husband was a family friend, we weren’t close before marriage. I knew his parents, but not the rest of the family. Suddenly, I had to relate, show up and participate.

I struggled with not wanting to be seen as the sickly wife who couldn’t attend family events or always needed rest. That adjustment was overwhelming at first. Thankfully, my husband has been very vocal about my limits. He explains when stress is too much for me, and because of that, I don’t feel the pressure to constantly show up anymore.

We also don’t really argue much. Both of us are very easy-going, and I actively avoid stress because I know how badly it affects my health. When emotions are high, we sometimes go quiet, but it never lasts long. We always find our way back to each other.

Marriage gave me permission to hope again

Marriage has changed how I see myself and how I see life. I’m more optimistic now. Hospitals are no longer the centre of my existence. My husband insists on dates and small outings like going to the cinema. He’s helped me come out of my shell and reminded me that life can still be enjoyed.

Waiting for a child used to make me deeply sad, especially in the first two years. Now, I feel calmer. My husband constantly speaks positively about our future and our family, and that optimism has rubbed off on me. I believe it now.

If I could give my unmarried self advice, I’d tell her not to shut herself off completely from relationships. I wish I’d had more time to learn romance, intimacy and even the bedroom side of marriage. Going from no experience straight into marriage was difficult in the early years.

As for love, for me, love has been enough. When I look at how my husband treats me, I see that everything he does comes from a place of deep care. As long as that love remains, I believe our marriage will keep working.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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