This Love Life couple talk about how emotional trauma led to two breakups in one month, and why they got married regardless.
*Jessy (20) and *Goodness (20) started talking in 2022 after a mutual friend connected them for forex lessons.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about starting a relationship built on half-truths, surviving infidelity and emotional immaturity, and how their chaotic start eventually turned into one of the most committed things they’ve ever done.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Jessy: It was when we met through a mutual friend in April 2022. She wanted to learn forex, and I was an instructor.
Goodness: I’d asked friends if they knew anyone who could teach me forex. One of them mentioned Jessy and shared his WhatsApp contact with him. I messaged him, and that was how we hit it off.
Jessy: Our first conversation wasn’t deep. I just wanted to confirm she was serious about learning, since I was offering the class for free. I’d had unserious students in the past, so I asked her to send her picture and some other information. We started classes the next day.
Curious. What did you need her pictures for, Jessy?
Jessy: Honestly, I wanted to see if she was fine. Not that I wouldn’t have taught her, but I was curious.
Goodness: He started flirting with me almost immediately. After he saw my pictures, he asked if I was a model and then if I had a boyfriend. I didn’t really care about why he asked; I just wanted to learn. If flirting with him was the way in, I didn’t mind playing along.
Right. So, how did the learning period go?
Goodness: He sent me stuff to read that first week, and I tried to get into it.
Also, he created a group chat with other students, shared learning resources, and recommended apps for us to download. I’d also send him private messages when I didn’t understand something.
Let’s just say he eventually started tutoring me on something else. He’d check in with private messages and call me “babe.” Like I said earlier, I played along because I knew what I wanted. But until today, I’ve still not learnt forex; I have zero knowledge about how to trade.
Jessy: It’s hard to remember all the details now, but I ended the class. I got frustrated because people weren’t taking it seriously. But I kept in touch with Goodness. I messaged her often to check in and just talk.
What did you talk about outside of forex?
Goodness: A bunch of random conversations about different things, really. One time, I noticed a woman on his WhatsApp display picture and asked who she was. He said she was his sister. This led to conversations about his family, and I told him about mine. I also mentioned that I was doing A-levels and learning how to make hair.
Jessy: Everything she said. Just regular, everyday conversation about everything and nothing.
Did the feelings conversation come up at any point in time?
Jessy: Oh yes. I hinted at liking her in that very first week, but it was obviously not true. I barely even knew her at the time. I’d say it was more of a muscle memory thing — that was how I used to interact with women back then.
Goodness: I think I rolled my eyes the first time he mentioned liking me. In my head, I was like, “That’s not why I’m texting you, bro.” But I kept playing along. I remember him sending me a TikTok that said, “When you’re trying to learn, and your tutor starts flirting with you”. I told him that wasn’t our reality. I didn’t want to scare him off because I was still focused on learning. Plus, I was seeing someone else, so I took whatever he said with a pinch of salt.
But you kept playing along. Curious, how did that work?
Goodness: I strung him along for a while until I realised the class wasn’t going anywhere. Around June, I told him we weren’t on the same page and suggested we end things. He didn’t argue and said it was fine.
But later that month, I saw a video of him on WhatsApp—it was the first time I saw him properly since we started talking. When I saw the video, I thought, “He’s actually a fine boy.” I messaged him again out of boredom, and we started talking. I told him we could try things again, and he was down.
Did you know you were being strung along earlier on, Jessy?
Jessy: I knew. I mentioned earlier that moving to a babe was something of a muscle memory for me. So it wasn’t something I considered in all seriousness. Goodness was just like another babe, and I didn’t attach strong emotional feelings to whatever I said to her.
But after she finally saw what I looked like, we started talking more. I thought, why not get serious and see if something meaningful could come from it? We started dating officially in July. I wasn’t in love yet, but I found her interesting. She reminded me of my sister.
Goodness, you mentioned being in a relationship. How did that end?
Goodness: My boyfriend was just a placeholder. Things weren’t great between us, but I didn’t want to break up, so I dated both Jessy and him until August, when I finally left the relationship and committed to Jessy.
Why didn’t you just end things before moving to Jessy?
Goodness: It was greed. Even though the relationship was rocky and full of fights, I didn’t want to let it go. I wanted to keep him on the side and still have Jessy to myself.
Were you aware, Jessy?
Jessy: I’m just finding out something like that ever happened. But water under the bridge, I guess.
Right. Let’s talk about the early days of your relationship. What were they like?
Goodness: WWE. We were constantly fighting. Neither one of us wanted to be caught showing too much affection. He sucked at communication, and he was extremely petty.
Jessy: She was quite obnoxious.
Sounds like a rocky start.
Goodness: If I got angry at him for something and ignored him for a day, he’d never come to check on me or try to find out what happened. When I eventually reached out, he’d take another two days to ignore me, and I’d pay him back in his own coin. It was a cycle.
Jessy: It wasn’t as she described. She hardly reached out. There was just silence. I don’t find our early days interesting. I didn’t see the need to communicate daily because I didn’t think she was important then. I had other important things going on — forex, school, helping my dad’s business. She wasn’t top priority.
Were there good days? Particularly, how were you convinced you liked each other?
Goodness: There were some. I enjoyed listening to him talk about his sisters and how much he adored them. I remember visiting his sister’s nail salon once; she had good things to say about him. It made me feel good. I liked that Jessy was ambitious and had big dreams. His face lit up when he talked about his future.
I didn’t particularly love him yet, but I knew I could grow into it.
Jessy: I felt the same way about Goodness. It wasn’t love, but I really liked her.
Goodness: I honestly didn’t care and wasn’t convinced that his feelings for me were genuine. But it was never an issue for me because even though Jessy was my “main,” I was dating someone else. I met her in my first year in university in Osun state, towards the end of 2022.
Wait, what?
Jessy: She cheated on me with a girl.
Goodness: I didn’t feel we were fully committed to the relationship. I’d sleep off on him during calls, and he’d get really angry. There were so many issues.
Jessy, did you consider seeing someone else? And did her sexuality bother you?
Jessy: I didn’t make it to the point of entering a full-blown relationship with someone else. But I was having sex with other girls. As for her sexuality, I wasn’t fazed. I just felt like I had double competition. She eventually left the girl and came back to me.
Wild. You’ve both said the early days were toxic. Why didn’t you just break up?
Goodness: He actually broke up with me in December. Our fights had gotten worse and he said I was hurting him so he he needed a break. I was shocked. I read his message, and in my head, I was like, “WTF does this guy think he is?”
I wanted to react with an emoji and keep it moving, but I got really emotional and started crying. It was worse because it happened the night before my visa interview. I was dealing with lots of physical and emotional stress. Later, I poured out my emotions and went on a lengthy rant.
Jessy: At that point, I realised the entire relationship was built on so much toxicity, and I’d had enough. I wanted out. I remember reading her messages and fighting the urge to ignore them. I didn’t want to acknowledge any of what she said, but I impulsively said something along the lines of “I’ve heard,” and it was hard to take my words back. I also felt bad that she was crying. We temporarily made up that night and agreed to give it another shot.
But did it make sense to give it another shot, Goodness? Were you scared of loneliness?
Goodness: I never would’ve been alone if we broke up — I still had something going on with the babe from school. But despite all the ups and downs, I saw Jessy as my best friend. I knew if we broke up, that would be it. He’s always said he doesn’t keep in touch with exes, so I was sure it would mean cutting me off completely. That wasn’t just a breakup; it was losing my person. And that’s what made me fight to fix things.
Jessy: I still think part of it was because I’m fine.
Goodness: He definitely enjoys his fine boy privileges.
I bet. How did you guys fix things when you got back together?
Goodness: The communication got better. I left Nigeria on December 31st, 2022, and we doubled down on being intentional with staying in touch. I dropped the “hard guy” act and allowed myself to be more vulnerable with Jessy. If something upset me or I felt a certain way, I’d talk about it. It wasn’t like when I was still in Nigeria. Back then, we glossed over issues a lot. Whenever there was a fight, someone would drop a half-arsed “I’m sorry”, and we’d move on without actually figuring out what happened, why it happened, or how to prevent it from happening again.
Jessy: This time, making up felt genuine. If something bothered me, I’d raise it, and we’d have a proper conversation and come to a resolution. I used to avoid talking about things, but that had to change. We agreed not to move past any issue until we’d both poured everything out and properly addressed it.
Like she said, she dropped the hard guy act. She used to be unnecessarily harsh and thought being romantic or expressive was cringe. I’ve always been big on words of affirmation. I’d say sweet things to her, but she never reciprocated. That attitude made her come off as stubborn for no reason, which drove me mad. But after she relocated, she relaxed, and all those things changed. It made our relationship much easier.
Goodness: If I like or love someone, I show it; I don’t feel the need to say it out loud. I knew my parents loved me, but they didn’t use those words. They’d buy gifts, show care, and have conversations—those were their expressions of love. So, for a long time, I saw being all lovey-dovey as unnecessary.
And that stubbornness Jessy talked about? A lot of it stemmed from my feminist beliefs. I didn’t want to ever be seen as a fool for a man. But eventually, I let my guard down. And that really helped us.
How did you feel about her relocation?
Jessy: She left when we were in a good place, so I believed we could make it work. I also knew she was still cheating with the babe from school, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for me. I wasn’t happy about it, though.
Right. How have the last two years been? Particularly, how have you maintained trust and kept the relationship going?
Goodness: It’s been really good. The distance forced us to communicate better and be more intentional with how we show up for each other. Talking everyday has been our lifeline.
Jessy: 2023 was great. We really got serious about getting to know each other. We became more vulnerable and emotionally invested.
Goodness: I remember when I first moved abroad, and I barely knew anyone. Jessy wrote me a poem — it was the sweetest thing — and in that moment, I knew I still had someone back home I could lean on. He felt like a familiar place.
Jessy: But 2024 wasn’t great for me. I had serious financial setbacks, which affected the relationship. I needed extra love and care, but I didn’t feel like I was getting it from her. I tried to talk to her about how I felt, but I think I came off as too clingy. She didn’t know how to handle that, and I tried to break up with her again.
Given her cheating history, did you ever worry that she wasn’t fully committed now that she was abroad?
Jessy: I didn’t trust her completely, no. But I had that “what will be will be” mindset. The one thing I knew was that I was fully committed. I loved Goodness, and cheating on her didn’t seem like an option. It just seemed pointless.
Goodness: I projected a lot. I thought he might be cheating on me. Even though I trusted him, I still asked for screenshots of his call logs and his social media passwords. He never pushed back. He gave me access to everything. That’s when I realised he wasn’t doing anything shady — he wasn’t even retaliating — and it helped me relax.
At the same time, Jessy started feeling like he wasn’t doing enough for me financially. But that wasn’t the case. We’re both young, and I knew he was trying his best. I was just trying to settle into a new country and do more for myself. But he took my emotional distance as dissatisfaction. We ultimately talked about it, and I reassured him I was okay with us.
Still, 2024 wasn’t a great year. He called himself clingy, but I felt he wasn’t present enough. It was one misunderstanding after another. A fight with a friend made me reflect and realise I might be the one with deeper issues.
He sent a sweet message on my birthday, but I brushed it off. I remember thinking, “Who is this one? Please get out,” when I got his message. That caused another fight. Eventually, I got therapy, and it helped. I’m more intentional now, open to talking, resolving issues, and showing up for us.
Jessy, you said you wanted to end things. Why didn’t you?
Jessy: I could see most of our issues were rooted in her personal struggles, so it was great when she got help. Also, I felt like I’d invested so much into the relationship. After everything, it didn’t feel right to just walk away.
Goodness: For me, it was partly about proving people wrong. Some folks said we wouldn’t survive a long-distance relationship. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of being right. But away from that, Jessy was my person. I wanted us to keep trying.
Right. How would you say being with each other has changed you?
Jessy: Most of our growth has been individual, but it was shaped by each other. She’s quite intelligent, and there’s a lot to learn from her. Thanks to her, I dress better, read more, learn about women and feminism, and write more. My ex criticised my writing a lot, but Goodness encourages me.
Goodness: I think communication is the biggest shift for me. We’ve both learnt to be more open about our feelings. Secondly, I’ve gotten more confident. Jessy says I used to put up the “hard guy” stance, but I mostly faked it. For example, I hated my voice, but he thinks I have the sweetest voice. That made me open up more and speak to people more.
Another thing I love is how much he embraces my quirks. I like adding food colouring to my food just for fun, and instead of asking “Why would you do that?”, Jessy’s more like, “So what colour are we eating today?” It might sound small, but it means everything — knowing he doesn’t just tolerate me, but genuinely enjoys the things that make me different.
Speaking of acceptance, how do you both see the future of this relationship?
Goodness: He will come and pluck flowers in my daddy’s garden.
Jessy: I’d say things are looking good. We’ve created systems that help this relationship work. Not like a strict rulebook, but we know the important things now — how to talk, how not to hide things, and most importantly, how to stay faithful.
How easy has it been keeping to the “no cheating” rule, Goodness?
Goodness: I cheated in the past because I was insecure and was scared I’d mess up and be the one at loss. I also thought it was fun to play with people. Now, I like him a lot. When I feel tempted, I remind myself that he has everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. That reminder keeps me grounded.
Fair enough. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Jessy: I’ll give us a 10. If distance hasn’t been able to break us, what else could?
Goodness: It’s a 9.9 for me until he admits I’m funnier.
Jessy: Can’t tell lies to the love of my life.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
