Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
When a friend’s secret pulled Joe* (46) into the heart of a marital crisis, he believed silence was the safest choice. He was wrong. His silence cost him the trust of everyone involved.
I met both Esther* and Moses* in university. Esther was my coursemate, and we became close after being paired together on an assignment. Her hostel was near mine, so we visited each other often.
In my third year, around 2004, I introduced her to my roommate, Moses. He saw her during a visit to mine and immediately said he liked her. Before long, they started dating, and in 2009, they got married.
After school, we all ended up in the same city, so our friendship continued naturally. Esther’s career took off quickly. We both studied finance, but she rose rapidly through the ranks and became the head accountant in a top firm.
Moses didn’t have the same luck. He never moved past his teaching job and struggled with the reality of being financially dependent on Esther. From what I observed, she tried not to make him feel less than. When she bought a car for his parents, she let him present it to protect his pride. However, despite this, he often confided in me, saying that Esther made him feel small, and she refused to support him when he tried to start a business. He believed she wanted him to remain reliant on her.
I’d try to talk him out of those thoughts, reminding him of the many ways Esther helped him. But by early 2023, he became more vocal about wanting to “feel like a man again.” Then he started seeing Faith*, a young girl in her early twenties. They were in the same church unit.
When he confessed to me that he was sleeping with her, I was shocked. I couldn’t understand what he saw in Faith when he had a wife like Esther. However, he was an adult, and I didn’t encourage him or try to get involved. I simply stayed out of it.
Things got more complicated when he introduced Faith to Esther as his mentee. Because they were from the same hometown, Esther didn’t suspect anything. Moses even convinced Esther to help Faith secure a land deal that earned her a commission. It didn’t sit well with me, but I ignored all of it because it wasn’t my place to interfere.
Esther hardly had time for anything outside work, and Moses claimed she’d never notice his movements. But by March of this year, she began to notice small things that didn’t add up. One day, she came to me and asked if Moses was cheating on her. She said she had strong suspicions and had already caught him in a lie about his whereabouts.
I told her I didn’t think so. I knew how explosive she could be when she felt betrayed, and I believed I was choosing the least destructive option. I didn’t want to be the one to scatter their marriage. I was also thinking of their four innocent children in the mix.
Unknown to me, Esther didn’t drop it. She began investigating with her sister. They went through his phone, tracked his movements, and pieced everything together slowly. That was how she discovered that Moses had gotten Faith an apartment, furnished it, and gave her an allowance — all with the money coming from Esther.
A few weeks ago, she and her sister trailed him to the apartment. When Faith opened the door, Esther pushed her out of the way. They found Moses in the bedroom wearing only his boxers. What made it worse were the framed photos of him and Faith all over the walls, like they were a married couple.
Esther lost it. She slapped Faith repeatedly and tore her clothes. Then she and her sister turned on Moses. Faith managed to alert her neighbours and call the police, and they took Esther and her sister to the station.
Clueless about what to do, Moses called me. I rushed over, helped him with the police statement, and made sure Esther and her sister were released on bail with the condition that they wouldn’t threaten Faith again. That same day, Esther told him to move out, and he’s been begging to save the marriage ever since.
Afterwards, Esther confronted me. She wanted to know why I didn’t warn her. She said I let her walk into humiliation. I kept pretending I didn’t know anything, but at that point, it was obvious Moses had already involved me. She has refused to speak to me ever since.
Now my own wife is on her side. She went through my phone recently because she doesn’t trust that I’m not doing the same thing. She believes I covered for Moses because I’m also hiding something. It’s like everyone has decided I’m the villain in a story that has nothing to do with me.
I’m stuck, wondering if I made a mistake by staying loyal to my friend and trying to protect their marriage. Now, my decision has cost me more than I expected.
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