Not every breakup is unexpected. Sometimes, a single moment makes it clear that a relationship is doomed to fail. 

From mismatched effort to emotional incompatibility and strange jokes, these Nigerians share their past relationship dynamics and the exact moment they knew it wasn’t going to last forever.

“My landlord’s insult made me ask for a separation” — Pemi*, 51, F

For Pemi, the cracks in her marriage became impossible to ignore after a humiliating encounter with her landlord.

“In 2020, I realised my marriage of over two decades was on shaky legs. My husband had fallen behind on rent for over six months, and our landlord had grown impatient. One afternoon, he came to the house while my husband was away and demanded his money. When I tried to explain our situation, he began insulting me. Before he left, he mocked me for quitting my job at my husband’s request to become a stay-at-home wife, implying that my lack of income made me just as useless as my husband.

That encounter stayed with me. Out of anger and frustration, I decided to start working again. When I told my husband, he strongly opposed the idea. He said it would make him look incapable of providing for his family. I told him I was tired of constantly owing rent and struggling to survive. Despite his objections, I applied for jobs and, three months later, started teaching at a private school. With help from one of my older siblings, I moved into a single room shortly after. Our families have tried to mediate and encourage reconciliation, but I’m no longer interested. The humiliation from the landlord and my husband’s refusal to let me regain my independence made it clear that the marriage was already over long before I packed my bags.”

“He told me he found my bestie sexy” – Temilayo*, 29, F

Temilayo shares how she started planning her exit when her ex started making inappropriate jokes about her best friend.

“I knew my relationship was doomed to end in 2025 after my ex said he found my best friend sexy. We had gone out together, and she looked amazing that day. I’m not an insecure person, so while I found the comment odd, I wasn’t offended at first. 

The problem started when he kept bringing it up every time I mentioned her. He’d say things like, “You’re going to meet your sexy bestie again. Just thank God I didn’t meet her before I met you.” At first, it was mildly annoying, but I quickly got tired of it. I tried to tell him how uncomfortable it made me, but he got defensive about his ‘joke’ and told me to chill. 

I stopped complaining about it, but mentally, I started counting down to the end of our relationship. I broke things off a few weeks later, and I’m happier for it. I don’t know what game he was trying to play, and I wasn’t interested in finding out.”

“She grabbed the steering wheel in a fight” — Adeoluwa*, 38, M

 Adeoluwa knew that he and his ex had reached their stop after she put them in a dangerous situation during an argument.

“My ex and I were very passionate about each other, but we also fought a lot. Heated arguments that could go on for days. It wasn’t ideal, but I thought I could make it work with her, especially since we always made up after a while.

Three years into our relationship, we were driving from Ibadan to Ilorin for a wedding when we started arguing. I got so upset that I stopped responding to her and focused on the road. My silence annoyed her so much that she grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it towards her, making me lose control of the car. 

My heart jumped into my throat. I thought we were going to crash. Thankfully, I regained control of the car, but I was terribly shaken. I knew in that moment that the relationship had to end before one of us got badly hurt. She apologised when we arrived at our destination, but I couldn’t look at her the same again. I broke up with her a week later. ”

“He kept asking me to lend him money” — Kemi*, 26, F

At first, Kemi thought she was just supporting her partner through a rough patch, but after a while, his constant borrowing started to feel like a pattern.

“When we started dating, my ex told me he wasn’t earning much, and I didn’t mind. He was sweet, and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. I occasionally helped with money for Uber or cooked food for him, and it didn’t feel like a big deal. 

Over time, I noticed that every plan we made came with a request attached: money for data, food, or ‘small support’ to get through the week. His game play became evident one evening when he called after not speaking to me all day. He didn’t ask how I was or check on me. He just wanted to borrow money so he could contribute to rent a shortlet with his friends. 

I  laughed it off on the phone, but after we hung up, I realised I felt more like a microfinance bank than a girlfriend. I ended the relationship shortly after that because I knew it couldn’t last.”

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“She brought her mum to settle our argument” — Folarin*, 32, M

Folarin knew his last relationship wouldn’t last long because his ex always put her family first.

“We had only been dating for a few months, but I already knew she was very close to her family, especially her mum. At first, I thought it was cute. She talked about her a lot, asked her for advice, and treated her like a best friend. 

 However, I knew our relationship was bound to fail after our first proper argument. Instead of communicating with me,   she reported me to her mum. I didn’t even know she showed up at my place with her mum beside her. When I asked why she had to involve a third party in our relationship, she said her mum wanted to help us settle it properly.”

In that moment, I realised I wasn’t just dating her, I was dating her family. I knew that if we stayed together, she would always bring them into issues that should stay between the two of us.  I broke up with her shortly after. I still laugh whenever I remember it.”

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