Choosing to stay with a cheating partner is never easy. Some people see it as the ultimate betrayal, while others believe love, time, or circumstance can make room for second chances. But what shapes those beliefs?
Each generation seems to view infidelity through its own lens, so we asked Nigerians across age groups where they stand.
Gen X (40s-50s)
“Young people emphasise trivial things” — Kemi*, 52
I’ve been married for 25 years, and believe cheating is forgivable. To me, it’s a lesser evil than many other things that can ruin a relationship. Weeks after my wedding, my husband cheated. It was devastating at first. I cried and struggled to move on. But over time, I realised marriages aren’t built on love alone.
Younger people put too much emphasis on minor issues, and that’s why their marriages collapse easily. What truly sustains a marriage is partnership, understanding, and shared goals. My husband and I had that, and it kept me grounded. Eventually, I learned to find happiness in my children, work, and personal achievements.
Cheating became one of those things I learned to overlook unless it threatened my family’s safety or peace. Ironically, as he grew older, he stopped. We’ve built a beautiful family together, and now we’re even closer. For me, cheating was never a deal breaker.
“We should normalise taking fidelity oaths again” — Chuks*, 49
Infidelity in marriage shouldn’t even be up for discussion. I think our deviation from cultural roots has made us too permissive. In my culture, before marriage, the women — and sometimes the men — take an oath of fidelity as a spiritual and moral commitment.
Breaking that oath came with consequences. So people thought twice before cheating. My parents took it, but I didn’t. Still, I believe the practice helped people stay accountable. Unfortunately, society has watered down those values, and infidelity feels like a normal part of relationships. Maybe it’s time we brought that practice back.
Millenials (30s-Early 40s)
“It depends on who does it” — David*, 41
Infidelity isn’t completely unforgivable; it depends on the context and the person involved. From my experience, women don’t know how to cheat. They struggle to separate emotions from the act. So when they cheat, it usually means you’ve lost them.
Men are different. We can compartmentalise, cheat, and still come home to our families without losing focus on what matters. I saw this difference when my ex started cheating. It was painfully obvious and affected every other part of our relationship. Now that I’m married, I’ve stepped out a few times, but it hasn’t affected my home because I know how to set boundaries and maintain balance.
“It’s not worth the anxiety” — Mariam*, 30
It depends on the context, but I wouldn’t endure it. I used to think cheating wasn’t a big deal, but even when the reason seems trivial, the effect is always damaging. It messes with your mind and your sense of self.
I once dated someone who cheated on me, and that experience changed everything. I couldn’t trust him anymore. Whenever he said he was going out, I’d keep calling to make sure he wasn’t with another woman. It got so bad that when we talked about marriage, I found myself wondering if I could even trust him enough to bring female relatives or domestic staff into the house.
It drained me. He eventually ended the relationship, but I was left with all the anxiety and insecurity it caused. That’s why I believe cheating doesn’t help anyone. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and once that breaks, there’s nothing left.
Maybe cheating can happen accidentally in rare cases, but I’d rather not deal with it at all.
“It depends on how far the relationship has come” — Mubarak, 31
I’m open-minded about cheating. It really depends on the relationship and circumstances. I think it can be forgivable, especially outside marriage. Dating is a stage for exploring and figuring things out, so if cheating happens early, it shouldn’t always be a deal-breaker.
But if you’ve been together for years or you’re married, it hits differently. There’s a deeper level of commitment, so betrayal carries more weight. I’ve been in that situation before, where both of us cheated at different times. We sat down, talked through it, and decided to stay together.
If it’s an emotional affair where your partner is deeply invested, that’s unforgivable. But if it’s a mistake, there’s room for understanding and healing.
Gen Z (20s)
“Cheating means your heart is somewhere else” — Amina*, 22
I wouldn’t accept cheating. I’ve cheated before, and each time, it happened because I wasn’t completely satisfied with the person I was with. Either they weren’t emotionally available, sexually compatible, or I’d simply lost interest and didn’t want to admit it.
For me, cheating means you never truly wanted to be with that person. That’s why it’s a deal breaker. If I ever find someone I truly want to be with, I know I wouldn’t cheat.
“Staying loyal is the bare minimum” — Prosper*, 25
Cheating is a total deal breaker for me. If you’ve committed to me, then stay committed. Once your attention starts to wander, it means you were never serious. I should be ready to walk away.
I’ve seen too many people destroy long-term relationships because they couldn’t stay faithful. That’s why I’m sceptical about relationships in general. I’d rather be in an open relationship than in a committed one where cheating is acceptable. At least that way, I keep my dignity.
Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I don’t see myself getting married. If someone can’t meet the bare minimum of loyalty, everything else in the relationship falls apart.
“Cheating is a spirit” — Faith*, 23
Cheating is a total deal breaker for me. I’ve seen firsthand how damaging it can be, and it’s not worth it. It destroys peace and leaves deep emotional scars. When cheating happens, it should be addressed immediately. I believe it manifests like a spirit that takes over and spirals out of control.
I can understand emotional cheating to an extent when someone grows too close to another person because they crave attention or connection. But physical cheating is where I draw the line.
People can change, but change must come with accountability. When cheating happens, especially in marriage, there has to be a period of separation. The person who cheated must take responsibility, get help, and work on themselves before reconciliation can even be considered.
“It’s a forgivable deal breaker” —Thomas*, 27
I grew up in an environment where cheating was normalised, so I’d say it’s a forgivable dealbreaker. You can move on from it, but things will never go back to how they were. You might forgive, but the trust is gone. If I rated you a hundred before, that drops to fifty. If I had expectations, they disappear, and I start planning my exit.
I’ve seen how it plays out: you never truly recover from cheating. I call it “forgivable” only because when you love someone, it’s hard to let go. But that doesn’t always mean staying is the right decision.
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