When Benita* (25) said yes to her boyfriend, Fred*’s (33), marriage proposal, she thought she was on a journey that would last a lifetime. However, her first meeting with his parents left much to be desired.
In this story, Benita shares their shaky beginnings, what ended their relationship and how she’s dealing with it.
This is Benita’s story As Told To Betty:
In March 2025, when I feared my relationship was falling apart, I ran to my would-be in-laws for help. I thought they could talk to Fred*, my fiancé. Instead, his mother, a woman I’d started to imagine as my mum, told me she believed we were only good friends, not romantic partners. Her words shattered my heart in ways that made no sound. I kept replaying them as my mind drifted back to where it all began.
***
Fred and I met in 2020. We both worked at the same school. He was a teacher while I was the school secretary, and towards the end of the year, after the COVID lockdown was lifted, we fell into the habit of talking to each other. Soon, feelings came into the picture, and colleagues noticed we were closer than usual.
I remember when Fred asked me out officially. He threw the question at me casually after work, and I said I’d think about it. He got very upset with me. He said he already knew I liked him, so I didn’t need to think about anything.
I accepted when he said that, and we became a couple.
Looking back, we weren’t compatible. We had different views, and Fred made me change a lot of things about myself. For instance, he was very introverted and didn’t like that I went out often. He said a respectable young lady shouldn’t go out as much as I did. So I reduced my outings.
He also complained about my dresses and said they weren’t modest enough. Again, I toned down my style and abandoned accessories that always complemented my looks. Our relationship was marked by lots of fighting and compromise on my part. It’s not that I couldn’t speak up or challenge him; I just thought the many changes were little sacrifices I could make for our relationship to work. He wasn’t willing to do the same, though. I thought it was all normal. Which couple doesn’t have ups and downs?
As if the other things weren’t enough, Fred refused to introduce me to his family. He claimed that his ex was too close to his mum, and after they split up, she kept disturbing them. His explanation made sense to me at the time, so I respected his boundary.
Whenever we talked about a future together, we couldn’t agree on what we wanted. I was raised Catholic, but was willing to switch to his Pentecostal denomination. I only asked that we be married in my home church before I started attending his church permanently. Fred disagreed. He said he disliked the way Catholic wedding ceremonies were carried out and had no desire for his wedding to be officiated that way.
Despite our many fights and constant disagreements, Fred proposed to me in December 2024. By this time, he had gotten a better-paying job.
I still remember the proposal; it happened on his birthday.
He came to pick me up after work, said a few heartwarming words and handed me a ring. It wasn’t a cute or romantic proposal, but I was blinded by my love for him, so I said yes.
I was excited because I thought it meant I would finally meet his family and we would start our lives together. Fred promised to introduce me to his family and tell them about our engagement during the Christmas celebration. But on that day, I got held up with my own family’s celebration. Fred got really upset and left their house before I got there. When I arrived, it was incredibly awkward. His parents had heard of me, but didn’t know who I was. So I just greeted them and dropped off the gift I brought along.
When I called him to express my displeasure, he said he hated it when he gave me instructions, and I went off to “do my own thing”. He never took me for an official visit with his parents after that. I asked him several times for another visit, but he refused. He said I wasn’t ready when he was, and he wasn’t interested in scheduling another visit.
My family had their own reservations about Fred. My mother especially disliked that he didn’t ask for their blessings before proposing. But I dismissed her concerns as an old fashioned tradition and assumed things would work themselves out when we got married.
By February 2025, I started pressing Fred about our future and the timeline for our wedding. My family and friends were asking about our plans and tentative dates, and I had no answers for them.
Fred’s response blew me away. He said he only proposed so that I would know he was serious about me. He said we would see how the engagement panned out in 2025 and then maybe set a date for 2026. After he said that, I suggested I stop wearing the engagement ring until we had a wedding date. I just wanted to be able to have answers when people asked about the wedding plans, but Fred hated that suggestion. He took the ring back while I was asleep.
When I asked about the ring, he refused to return it. He accused me of wanting to attract other men, and all of my explanations fell on deaf ears.
Then he called off the engagement. I thought he was joking, but I never saw that ring again until the end of our relationship.
***
Weeks passed, months passed, and the distance between us only grew. By April 2025, I knew I needed to do something if I still wanted what we shared. So, I took another trip to Fred’s parents. I needed them to help us find a resolution. If only I knew what I was in for. Fred’s parents said they thought I was just a good friend of his. Friends? What did they even mean by that?
Convinced that there had to be a mix-up, I proceeded to explain the ring situation. Both mum and dad insisted that I had to stay patient. They said their son had always been that way, and at this point, I needed a prophet to rescue our relationship. According to them, it was possible that Fred and I weren’t meant to be together.
Their advice made me feel weird. Why would I need a vision to confirm a relationship I’d invested in for almost four years?
When I told Fred what his parents said, he encouraged me to pray about it and assured me that he was also praying for clarity.
Weeks passed, and I did as I was told. I prayed until I felt God had shown me we could still make it work. I asked for his own conclusions. I wanted to know if we were still dating, if the engagement was still on, and if his parents had spoken to him. So much of our relationship had been left in limbo since the start of the year, and I hoped our conversation would set everything straight.
But I got another shocker.
Fred said his parents lied about not knowing about our relationship. He said his mother took our pictures to a prophet to pray over our relationship. The prophet warned that if we married, Fred would die young. This was why he had been pulling back and trying to frustrate me out of the relationship. His parents told him to shut it down, and he obeyed.
I was gutted. The relationship that I had poured so much of myself into crumbled not because of anything I did, but because of a “vision”.
When I told my family, they were more relieved than angry. They already had their reservations because of the issues we had in our relationship.
***
Moving on has been slow.
I’ve become afraid of how quickly someone who claims to love you can switch up overnight and set you aside on a whim. I shudder to think about what would have happened if we had gotten married and a vision like this had come up three years into our marriage. Would Fred have divorced me? Maltreated me? I can’t say for sure, and that scares me.
I’m grateful to my friends and family. They’ve supported me through this tough time.
Some people who don’t know the engagement is off still ask after Fred, and it hurts to remember we’re over, but I’m setting my sights on my future.
I still believe in love and am open to finding another connection soon enough. But for now, I’m caring for my healing heart.
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