When people hear “incest,” they either think of abuse or something so taboo it can’t even be talked about. But there’s a murky middle no one really unpacks, where young cousins grow up together, share rooms, sleep side by side, and slowly blur the line between family closeness and something else.
For these four Nigerians, crossing the intimacy line with their cousins wasn’t planned; it just happened. They share how teenage curiosity, proximity, and silence pushed them into intimate moments with their blood relations, and the lasting confusion those experiences left behind.
“My cousin awakened something in me” — *Fareeda, 25
*Fareeda isn’t trying to deny what happened; she’s just not sure how to name it. All she knows is that her closest cousin became her first real sexual connection, and nobody ever found out.
“It started in our parlour the day we watched Fifty Shades of Grey together. I don’t remember the exact year — it was probably 2016 or 2017. We were bored and figured we’d watch something random and wild. But the tension in that room? It was insane. Next thing I knew, we were kissing. Not soft, experimental kissing — I mean kissing like we’d been waiting years for it.
That afternoon unlocked something in both of us. From then on, every time we saw each other, we found ways to sneak off. It started with light touching, rewatching that same movie and acting out scenes. But it escalated fast. We started experimenting — hours of exploring what made us moan, what made us melt. There were no conversations, no planning — just raw, unfiltered desire.
She awakened my bisexuality. I didn’t even know what to call it at the time, but she showed me how deeply two women could connect. We tried different positions, played out fantasies, binge-watched sex scenes and recreated them. It was like we had created a secret world of our own. The wildest part? Nobody in our super strict family suspected a thing. We were the “close cousins” everyone praised. Always in each other’s rooms with the door shut. Always visiting, always giggling. If only they knew what we were really up to behind those doors.
But honestly, it never felt wrong. It felt like freedom. Messy, forbidden freedom, but freedom all the same. And I’ve never once felt guilty about it. We never had a “talk” about what we were doing. No boundaries, no “maybe we should stop.” It just kept happening for years. And then, one day, it didn’t. We never said anything. It just ended like a phase that dissolved quietly. But she left a mark on my body, in my memory and on my sexuality. I haven’t had a connection like that again.
We’re still close, though. Still best friends. Still calling each other ‘sisters.’ And sometimes I wonder if she remembers it the way I do or if she ever wants to talk about it. But I don’t ask.“
“We were teenagers. But it still feels weird thinking about it now” — *Jessy, 30
*Jessy didn’t go looking for anything. It happened slowly and over time. He shares how innocent late-night gists with his cousin turned into something neither of them could fully name.
“My cousin used to visit us in Lagos from Ibadan every school holiday. She was like the unofficial fifth sibling in our house. We’d gist late into the night, sleep in the same room, and even share wrappers on the floor during blackout nights. Nobody ever raised an eyebrow.
One night, while I was still in JSS3, everyone had fallen asleep, and it was just us whispering about kissing and body stuff. We dared each other to try kissing. And then we did. The next day, we didn’t mention what we had done the night before. But the next time she came, it happened again, a kiss here, a long hug there. We never removed our clothes. But between JSS3 and SS3, it became this thing we shared in secret.
She eventually stopped coming around when she started university, and we both moved on. But I still see her at family functions. We hug, laugh and avoid eye contact when alone.
Do I regret it? I don’t know. I no longer feel attracted to her. Never really did, if I’m honest. I think we were just bored, curious, and left alone too often. But I do think about it sometimes. And it always leaves me unsettled.”
“We only met during December holidays. But every time, something happened” — *Jide, 28
*Jide doesn’t think he was in love. But he knows something happened, and it kept happening. He shares how a yearly family tradition with his cousin turned into a secret routine that felt normal until it didn’t.
“She was my ‘December cousin’ — her family lived abroad, so every end of year, we’d all gather at our grandfather’s house in Ogun state. About six of us would sleep on the parlour floor like it was camp.
She and I were close in age, and from age 13, there was a weird tension between us. We’d sneak glances, hold hands too long, and laugh at inside jokes. One night, we kissed behind the curtains in one of the bedrooms. She initiated it and I didn’t stop her. It happened a couple of other times before we all returned to our homes, and it happened again the following December. And the next.
However, it never progressed beyond intense kisses and touching. She’d leave, and I’d spend the next 11 months trying not to overthink it. We never messaged each other because I didn’t get my first phone until I turned 17, and she didn’t have one either. It was as if we pressed play and paused once a year.
I haven’t seen her in four years now. Her family doesn’t visit anymore. And sometimes I wonder, if she came back, would we pick up where we left off? Or would we finally talk about what we were doing? I’ve heard people argue in favour of cousins dating and marrying in certain African cultures. To be honest, she doesn’t feel like family at all because we are barely around each other to establish that strong bond.
“I don’t think all incest is automatically bad” — *Edidiong, 23
*Edidiong isn’t saying incest is always okay. Perhaps society’s outrage needs more nuance. She shares how the real issue is consent, not bloodlines.
“First of all, I don’t think incest is a big deal — at least, not the way people often react to it. Anytime the conversation comes up, people rush to mention abuse, and I agree that abuse is wrong. But that’s a separate issue. Once abuse or grooming is involved, it’s no longer about incest — it’s just a crime, period.
What I’m advocating for is consensual relationships between adults. If two cousins grew up together and are only a few months apart in age, why is that anyone’s business?
People always throw in the “what if they have kids and the child comes out deformed?” argument. But what if they don’t want kids? What if they’re gay? Are we really going to base moral outrage on a hypothetical baby that might not even exist? Honestly, I think people need to interrogate their beef with incestuous relationships. Yes, grooming is evil and unacceptable. But if two adult twins fall in love and want to be together, is that the end of the world?
For me, the only real red flag is when there’s a parental or caregiving dynamic. If someone raised you — your mum, dad, an older uncle, or even a cousin who changed your diapers — that’s automatically off-limits. That’s family in the emotional and structural sense.
But cousins? Or that uncle you’re older than who barely knows your middle name? Honestly, that’s fair game.
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