Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Wunmi* (27) thought burying what her friend’s fiancé did would help her move on, but with the wedding fast approaching, she’s torn between speaking up to protect her friend and letting sleeping dogs lie.
This is Wunmi’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
Bola* and I have been friends for years. We met as roommates in uni, and even years after graduation, our relationship grew into a genuine friendship. She’s one of the kindest people I know—loyal, protective, and deeply caring. Early last year, she started dating Kola*.
From the start, Kola seemed nice. He was funny, generous, and always offered to buy us things whenever we hung out. He came across as the overly friendly type, but I didn’t think much of it. Looking back, I realise some of his jokes and flirtatious comments weren’t as harmless as I thought.
Anyone could tell Bola loved him deeply. She always gushed about him, even though she sometimes complained about the number of women around him. She insisted he wasn’t cheating and that they’re just drawn to him. I never saw any reason to doubt her or think too much about it since she seemed happy.
One evening in April, I was returning from my tailor’s place when it began to drizzle. I was heading toward the main road to find a vehicle when someone called my name. It was Kola. I was pleasantly surprised because I hadn’t realised he lived nearby. We exchanged a few words, and I jokingly asked him to lend me an umbrella since his house was close. He told me to come get it, and since his house was close, I followed him.
When we got to his apartment, I hesitated to go in, but he urged me to sit inside and wait out the rain. There were no chairs, so I sat at the edge of his bed, already feeling uneasy. Then, without warning, he lunged at me.
I fought back with everything I had, kicking and biting to get him off me. He tried to calm me down, but I kept screaming. Then someone knocked on the door, probably because of the noise, and that distraction saved me. While he was flustered, I pushed him off and ran for the door. I told him that if he didn’t let me out, I would scream even louder. He warned me not to tell Bola before finally opening the door. I ran out so fast I didn’t even take my shoes.
For days, I was numb and confused. I didn’t know whether to report to the police or even tell Bola. The thought of explaining everything over and over again exhausted me. I also had no evidence or witnesses to back my story, so I only told my sister. She was furious and suggested I tell Bola.
But I couldn’t. Bola cut people off for less and once dropped a mutual friend because she thought the girl lied about something minor. I’ve seen firsthand how she fiercely defends Kola. If I told her what happened, would she believe I ran into him by coincidence? Wouldn’t she think I intentionally went to ruin her relationship? As hard as it was, I couldn’t predict her reaction, so I kept it to myself.
I tried to quiet my guilt by hoping their relationship would eventually end. But they’re now engaged. The wedding is next year, and she keeps involving me in her preparations. Every time she talks about the wedding, my chest tightens.
I keep thinking of excuses not to attend, but I can’t shake the guilt of not protecting her from this man. She’s been there for me through hard times, even covering my half of the rent in school when I couldn’t afford it.
Still, I’m scared of what speaking up might cost me. It could mean losing her friendship or being seen as a liar trying to ruin her wedding. I’m also afraid that reliving the trauma might not be worth it.
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