On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
Bimi* (28) has spent the last few years navigating complicated relationships, from a long-term partnership that left behind a close friendship, to dating someone who hid a major part of his past and struggled to accept her best friend.
In this episode of On the Streets, she talks about her dating experiences and how they’ve changed her perspective on love.
What’s your relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single and free. I’ve reached a point where I know I can’t be with anyone who feels threatened by my friendships or my independence. I’ve compromised a lot in the past, and I’m not willing to settle anymore.
What led you to that place? Walk me through your dating history.
My first serious relationship started in secondary school and lasted into university. We ended things because distance became an issue when he moved abroad for school. After that, I didn’t pursue anything serious until 2018.
That year, I met Kola* at my faculty’s final-year dinner. We danced together and shared a ride home, and from there, we started talking constantly. My feelings for him grew quickly. I remember feeling sad that we hadn’t crossed paths earlier, but he was convinced we could make things work.
We got into a long-distance relationship shortly after school. He lived in another state, so we didn’t see each other often. And then COVID happened, which made things worse. Our communication was inconsistent. We could go days without talking, and whenever I complained, he always had an excuse. At the time, I didn’t understand what healthy communication in a relationship looked like, so I tolerated it.
One thing I’m grateful for from that relationship is that I met George*, who’s now my best friend. George was a close friend of Kola, and by 2019, he started helping him deliver things to me since we lived in the same city. Over time, George and I grew closer. We clicked easily because we have very similar personalities.
Hmm. How did Kola feel about your closeness with George?
He was surprisingly cool about it. He understood that it was purely platonic, and George was also in a relationship. At some point, we even formed a friend group. But that dynamic eventually ended the relationship.
Towards the end of 2020, George found out that Kola was seeing someone else where he lived. He told me because he felt I deserved to know. When I confronted Kola, he became extremely upset, not just about being exposed, but because George told me. Instead of taking responsibility, he insinuated that George was only eager to make the revelation because we had something romantic going on.
That was the end for me. When I broke up with him, he cut off both George and me. Ironically, that situation strengthened my friendship with George.
Did anything ever happen between you and George?
I developed a slight crush on him, but it faded within weeks. He had a girlfriend, and I was emotionally vulnerable at the time, so I knew not to read too much into it. I made a conscious decision to keep things platonic, and I’m glad I did. George has always had my back and that mattered more to me than anything romantic.
I see. Did you get into any relationships after that?
In 2023, I met Adam* through a WhatsApp crypto trading group. The group held a physical meet-and-greet in December, and I noticed him immediately. He lookedvery attractive. He walked up to me and joked about my stares, which was awkward but funny. We sat together, exchanged numbers, and started talking constantly after that.
He was thoughtful and very intentional. I liked how he went out of his way to make me feel special. We officially started dating in March 2024, and I was genuinely happy. I even posted him on my socials.
Sounds cute.
But the relationship started falling apart when I found out about his past. In July 2024, someone left a comment under one of my posts with Adam, implying that he was a criminal. I didn’t notice it for weeks because it was on Facebook, which I barely use. George eventually sent me a screenshot and told me to check it out.
At first, I thought it was just a hate comment and deleted it. Instead of accusing Adam outright, I asked him if there was anything about his past he hadn’t told me. He insisted there wasn’t.
But I started feeling uneasy because he was very secretive about his past and refused to introduce me to anyone who knew him personally. My friends encouraged me to dig deeper. Eventually, I reached out to the person who commented, and she sent me a link to an article showing that Adam had been arrested and imprisoned for fraud by his former workplace in 2017.
When I confronted him with the evidence, he broke down and admitted he’d spent over a year in prison. He claimed a coworker falsely accused him and he was eventually acquitted and released.
That’s a lot to process. How did you handle it?
It was overwhelming. I didn’t want to judge him solely by his past because he’d been good to me and hadn’t put me in danger. I even researched online, and most advice said not to condemn someone who had served their time. So I stayed.
But after that, the relationship changed. Adam became extremely insecure about George. I think he went through my phone and realised that George had encouraged me to investigate and consider ending things. From then on, he accused George of trying to sabotage our relationship and constantly questioned why I was so close to a male friend.
I made the mistake of explaining my history with George, hoping it would reassure him, but it only made things worse. Adam started monitoring my movements and picking fights regularly. I slowly checked out emotionally.
In January of this year, he encountered financial difficulties. He owed someone from our trading group who publicised it because he refused to pay back. Given his past and everything else that was happening, I took it as my sign to leave before things got messier.
How did he handle that?
Adam didn’t take it well. He accused me of abandoning him at his lowest and tried to guilt-trip me into staying. I gave it another month, but I eventually realised that his kindness wasn’t a good enough reason to stay. That relationship taught me that cheating isn’t the only thing that makes a relationship unhealthy.
Right. Did you meet anyone after that?
I did. In September, a friend introduced me to someone she thought I’d be compatible with. We texted for weeks and eventually went on a date that I thought went well. But afterward, he blocked me.
Later, I realised it likely happened because when he offered to take me home, I declined and mentioned I already had plans to meet George. That reaction told me everything I needed to know. I can’t be with someone who feels threatened by my platonic friendships.
Fair enough. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?
They’ve taught me not to settle. For a long time, I made excuses for people and ignored red flags. I’ve also learned to listen to my friends. They’ve always given me sound advice, even when I didn’t want to hear it.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
I like the idea of being in a relationship, but I’m not desperate. I know good people exist, and I’ll eventually meet someone who meets my standards. For now, I have my friends and family to keep me company.
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