Flirting is a delicate art, but some of you are out here drawing rubbish. If you’ve ever been blocked or aired like a uniform hastily washed on Monday morning, you’re probably guilty of one of these flirting crimes, and we know how to help you do better.
1. Calling them “big head” too early
Josh2funny, relax. You haven’t even secured a talking stage, and you’re already body-shaming their skull? Respect yourself.
What you should do:
It takes time to build the camaraderie for roasting each other playfully, there’s no need to rush. Take your time to develop that bond. Besides, if they’re the sensitive type, you’ve just shot your chances in the foot.
2. Typos and puzzling abbreviations
Imagine shooting your shot and missing because of a typo. Brethren, Grammarly is free.
Also, dropping random abbreviations can and will turn off the most receptive partner. *Wani’s, 27, shares an example of a message she got in her DMs: “Hello dear, what’s up with you? Was wondering if you’d like to grab drinks sometime. LMKWYD.” This long-winded abbreviation meant: “Let me know when you decide.”
What you should do:
Stick to the popular abbreviations to avoid confusing the potential love of your life.
3. Asking “When will you cook for me?”
You’ve barely exchanged two texts, and you’re already demanding domestic labour? Is this flirting or charity?
What you should do:
Download a food delivery app or cook your own meal like a normal person, so your crush has a chance of moving from WhatsApp to real life. Invite them out if you want to see them but asking questions that sound like hard labour doesn’t inspire passion.
4. Overusing “LOL” and “LMAO” instead of having a real conversation
Saying “LMAO” or “LOL” to everything is NOT flirting. Imagine if you were having a conversation in person and burst into hysterical laughter after every single sentence. It would be awkward and unnatural, right? The same principle applies online.
What you should do:
Learn to be a better conversationalist and ask questions that’ll actually help you get to know them better. Ask about their hobbies, their favourite movie or, their most listened-to playlist. Leave the laughter for the jokes.
5. Bringing up marriage too soon
You just said hello, and now you’re asking about bride price? I know the characters in the YouTube movies pull it off well but please, let’s get to know each other first.
What you should do:
There are better jokes to tell if you must flirt. Please ask about their hobbies or future goals before bringing up marriage.
6. Liking all their old pictures at once
A subtle like on a 2024 pic? Cute. Liking every photo they posted on Instagram in 2015? Now they think you’re about to kidnap them.
What you should do:
While it’s cute to let them know you’re prowling their social media, please let’s keep it demure. Anything more than two years ago? Leave it alone!
7. Oversharing your entire life’s story in one text
They asked “So, what’s something interesting about you?”, and you responded with “Well, in 2017, I lost my job, my ex left me, and now I’m healing.” Biko, relax.
What you should do:
Leave out the intimate details until a mutual ease has been established. It’s easy to trauma bond with people so it’s best to keep some secrets to yourself at that undecided talking stage.
8. Saying “I can’t believe someone like you is single”
They’ve been single and happy, minding their business, and here you come with an existential crisis. Why can’t you believe it? Do you know their life?
What you should do:
Compliment the parts of their personality that delight you and keep it moving. “Compliments” like that can come off as an attack on their self-confidence, which is the opposite of what your intentions are with them.
If you see yourself in any of these, it’s time for a rebrand. Flirting is about confidence, timing, and common sense — not strange abbreviations and unsolicited roasts. So go forth and flirt wisely before someone screenshots your DMs for their group chat’s entertainment.
Now, which one are you guilty of? Be honest.
