There’s a long-running joke on Nigerian social media that some men secretly enjoy dating mean women —the ones who keep them on their toes and stress them out enough just to keep things interesting. But when does that stop being playful and start looking like actual wickedness? We asked five Nigerian men what they really think about dating partners like this and if they’ve ever been on the receiving end. Here’s what they had to say.
“I don’t like mean women anymore” — Chibuzor*, 27
After spending three months constantly being in the wrong, Chibuzor learned that he didn’t really like “wicked women” after all.
“ I don’t go near self-proclaimed “wicked girls” again. I used to think it was hot when a babe showed me small pepper to spice things up, but I’ve outgrown it.
I dated one in 2022 for three months, and she nearly drove me mad. I said “sorry” every day in that relationship. She’d get angry over small things — like me not sounding excited enough to see her, or spending time with my older sister. When she got angry, she’d ignore me for days, while I begged her to respond to my messages.
One day, she got into another anger fit again and blocked me everywhere. Instead of begging, I used the escape route. I only move to nice women now, I’ve learned my lesson.”
“She used my emotions against me“ — Emmanuel*, 38
Emmanuel recounts how his abusive relationship with his ex has made him avoid similar women.
“ I dated one of these wicked types for six years, and constantly butted heads. I thought it was passion at first, but after five years, I saw the truth: the relationship was unhealthy and draining..
She’d ghost me for a week, and when I asked why, she’d say, ‘I don’t like when men are too relaxed.’ She knew I cared, but it felt like she was always yanking my emotional chain. When she wanted something, she’d be sweet. Other times, she’d insult me or compare me to other guys who wanted her.
I really wanted to try to make things work, but she wouldn’t compromise on anything. We split last year.
I’m seeing someone new now, and I haven’t felt this relaxed in years. I think we’re a better match in terms of personality. We rarely fight, and even when we disagree, she never raises her voice at me. Nice girls for the win, please.”
“They’re fun if you aren’t dating them” — Collins*, 29
Collin’s short-lived relationship during his service year made him swear off wicked babes for life.
“Babes like that are only fun if you’re not dating them. They’re entertaining in small doses, but once you enter, you’ll know pepper pass pepper.
I had a thing with one during NYSC. She had a man who did everything for her, but I was her side piece for four months. I didn’t even know I was the side until she stayed over one day and I stumbled on some texts with him.
When I confronted her, she wasn’t apologetic. She even and bragged about the things he did for her. I ended things immediately, but it sent me down a dark emotional path.
Since then, I’ve promised myself never to be with a person who makes me feel that way again. I’ve only dated one person since then, but we didn’t work out because she relocated.. She was one of the sweetest people I’d ever met. ”
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“Wickedness is not a cute personality trait” —Tobi*, 29
Tobi hasn’t dated a mean person yet, but recognises the red flags and avoids them.
“I don’t mind a woman who’s strict or assertive, but wicked? No. Wickedness isn’t a cute personality trait. That’s somebody who’ll treat you terribly and possibly traumatise you. I haven’t dated anyone like that, but I can recognise the signs. For instance, a major red flag is anyone who immediately resorts to name-calling during disagreements. I avoid them like mad.”
“I like when they’re wicked to everyone else but me” — Seun*, 22
Seun admits he has a soft spot for women with a mean streak, even though he’s been hurt in the past.
“I love women who have a mean streak. Not wicked to me, but the ones who are mean to everyone else.
I once dated a girl for three months who ignored people around me and only said hi to me. When I asked why after the first time, she said she didn’t want to be friends with my friends. I was shocked, but I liked it. It made me feel special.
She eventually showed me shege at the end. She said I gave her the ick because of a joke I posted on my WhatsApp status about fighting for food at a funeral. The next day, she blocked me everywhere. I still ran into her in school, but she acted like we were strangers.
It hurt, but I’d still do it again. It was a nice experience while it lasted.”
“I want to find a babe that’s nice like me” — Seyi*, 26
After constantly getting anxious when his ex reached out, Seyi only wants an emotionally open person now.
“I used to think wicked girls were hot because they’re usually the assertive type, but I think I was blinded by youth.
I dated a babe for a few months last year and omo, never again.
I liked this babe a lot, but it was as if there was nothing I could do to convince her I liked her. If I hugged a female friend, it could mean the silent treatment. If I missed her call and didnt respond in ten minutes, I knew I was getting a nasty text where she would rain insults on me. At first, I thought I was being a bad boyfriend and tried to keep up, but I started getting anxious when she reached out.
I felt so bad sometimes, I would be up all night, scared I had done something to annoy or upset her, which was why she wasn’t replying. I had o break up with her when I couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t take it well, she cursed me out and blocked me.
Now, guarded babes hold zero appeal for me. I want to find a babe that’s emotionally open and nice like me.”
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