Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
Tomi* (31), Aanu* (32), and Mide* (31) became close in university. Years later, their friendship was put to the test after they reunited at Tomi’s wedding, and Mide saw Aanu behave in ways she couldn’t accept.
When you’re done reading, you’ll get to decide: Did Mide fuck up or not?
This is Mide’s Dilemma as told to Betty:
Tomi*, Aanu* and I have been friends since our first year at university. Aanu is the oldest of our trio and naturally took on the “big sister” role. We’ve always seen her as kind, principled and easy-going. She’s also the most devout, and we’ve always looked up to her in that regard.
After we graduated in 2018, I moved to Lagos while Aanu and Tomi settled in Abuja* and Ibadan* respectively. We’ve kept in touch on social media, but we haven’t had the time to hang out again. However, in August 2024, Tomi announced she was getting married and invited us to Abuja for her wedding.
I really looked forward to reuniting after years apart, and I innocently assumed we’d spend most of our time catching up and reminiscing about old times. When she arrived, Aanu showed up with her younger cousin, Ayo*, who lived with her. From the jump, I felt uncomfortable with how Aanu treated the girl, especially in front of us. She snapped at her, kicked her if she stood too close and hurled insults at her whenever she stepped out of line.
At first, I wondered if Ayo had done something serious to deserve that treatment. But over the week we spent with Tomi and her family, I noticed Ayo grew visibly anxious whenever Aanu entered the room.
After a few days of observing from a distance, I called her aside and asked about her relationship with Aanu. That’s how I found out the extent of the maltreatment.
Beyond the insults, she beat her or starved her as punishment whenever she felt like it. I asked Ayo if she could move out or return home, but she said she couldn’t. Her parents could barely afford to keep her in school, and living with Aanu helped a lot. She said she was willing to endure anything until she graduated and found a job to support herself. I felt awful after that conversation.
Aanu is a devoted Christian. We’ve always spoken openly about our dislike for people who mistreat others. I struggled to reconcile that version of her with the one who was treating Ayo so badly. So, I asked Tomi for advice, and we decided to speak to Aanu.
What should have been an honest conversation between friends quickly turned into an argument. Aanu insisted that we didn’t know Ayo the way she did, and the girl needed a firm hand, or she’d become unruly. Tomi and I told her there’s a difference between discipline and abuse. We asked her to at least stop hitting the girl, but she said she wouldn’t “spare the rod and spoil the child.” The “child” was almost 20 at the time.
After that, things between Aanu and me grew tense. Everything exploded on the day of the traditional wedding. Aanu asked her cousin to bring her bag so she could get something from it. The strap slipped and dropped into a plate of soup as Ayo passed it to her, and Aanu lost it. She slapped her and threw the plate of hot soup at her. The entire scene was so embarrassing, and I watched Ayo shrink into herself. We grabbed napkins to clean her up while others tried to calm Aanu. That was the last straw for me.
Later that night, I told Aanu I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. If she could treat someone who shared her blood so poorly, what hope did the rest of us have?
She said I was acting condescending and holier-than-thou. She claimed that if I ever had to cater to someone, I’d understand her actions. Now, Tomi and our other friends are divided after I severed ties with Aanu. Some say it’s a family matter and I shouldn’t have involved myself. Others think it’s fine if I distance myself from behaviour I can’t support, especially when it comes to how she disciplines her cousin.
Our relationship has remained sour for months. I miss our closeness sometimes. But am I wrong for refusing to continue our friendship?
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