Cheat Code is a confessional series that explores the psychology behind cheating. In each episode, we ask someone who stepped out of their relationship to walk us through the why, the how, and the aftermath. 

Pearl* (26) didn’t set out to cheat on her boyfriend of nearly two years. But when trust eroded their relationship, resentment took over. What followed was a fling with the one person she never should have crossed the line with. 

Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet your boyfriend?

Tolu* and I attended the same secondary school but weren’t close. We didn’t reconnect until early 2024, when we ran into each other at a trade fair. We ended up talking for almost an hour before exchanging numbers.

Things moved fast after that. We started talking and flirting regularly, and about a month later, on Valentine’s Day, he surprised me with a beach getaway. We stayed overnight, and he told me he’d had a crush on me since secondary school and wanted something serious now. In that moment, my feelings deepened, and I agreed to date him.

Cute. How did the relationship go?

At first, it was great. I spent a lot of time at his place, which he shared with his housemate, Israel*, who was also his distant relative. 

What was your dynamic like with Israel? 

We were just cordial at first. Tolu used to complain a lot about his lifestyle and how wild he thought he was, so most of what I knew about him was shaped by that. Our interactions were minimal until April, when the three of us went out to a club together.

Tolu wasn’t in the mood to dance, so Israel and I ended up dancing together. That was when I realised he was a vibe. Still, we didn’t cross any lines. That only happened later, when Tolu and I started having problems.

What problems?

Early on, our communication began to break down. Whenever he upset me, he’d try to fix it with money instead of actually talking things through. I constantly had to push him to open up. It didn’t help that he’s an engineer and would sometimes be away for weeks at a time for work.

There was one moment that really hurt me. A close friend of mine was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and I was deeply shaken. When I called Tolu crying, he told me I was overreacting. That was when I started to see him as insensitive.

The final straw came in November 2024, when a friend forwarded me a picture Tolu had posted on X. It was a mirror selfie with another girl at his apartment, and he’d blocked me from seeing it. When I confronted him, he said she was a childhood friend visiting from out of town and insisted he’d only blocked me because he knew I’d overreact.

Did you believe him?

Not at all. When I called to point out the things that didn’t add up, he told me to drop the issue and ended the call so he could get back to work.

In that moment, I decided I was done. I went to his place to pick up my stuff while he was away.

Israel was home, so I explained everything to him. He said he didn’t believe Tolu had slept with the girl and advised me to calm down before making any big decisions. He was smoking and offered me some to help settle my nerves.

As I got high, I started to see Israel differently. The chemistry was sudden and intense. Without thinking it through, I joked about being curious what sex would feel like while high. Before I knew it, he was kissing my ear, then we were making out, and eventually we had really great sex. 

How did you feel afterward?

When I woke up the next morning, shame hit me hard. I left before he woke up. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. Part of me tried to justify it by telling myself that if my boyfriend was hiding things, then maybe we were even. That thinking dulled my anger toward Tolu, and I decided to stay in the relationship.

Was it a one-off thing?

No, even though I had promised myself it would be. After I left that morning, Israel texted to check on me. I acted casual and suggested we just stay friends. From there, we started exchanging snaps. Sometimes he’d send suggestive reels, clearly referencing what had happened. I mostly ignored them.

About a month later, he sent a snap from a liquor store. I joked about him getting something for me. He took it seriously, showing up at my door. One thing led to another, and we hooked up again.

What was happening with Tolu at the time?

I justified what I was doing because my relationship with Tolu already felt like it was falling apart. I’d gone through the social media of the girl from the selfie and noticed he was always in her comments. I had a strong feeling there was more to their “friendship,” but I couldn’t prove it.

I didn’t bring it up again because I knew he’d deny it and accuse me of overreacting. I also started suspecting that he might be cheating when he was away for work. The resentment and hurt kept building. By the second time I slept with Israel, I didn’t even feel guilty anymore.

After that, Israel and I started seeing each other more often, especially whenever Tolu was away.

Did you develop feelings for Israel?

No. It was purely sexual on both sides. We didn’t even need to talk much. Sex was the only thing he was good for, and outside of that, we weren’t compatible. In a twisted way, it worked for me.

Sleeping with Israel even made my relationship with Tolu feel easier. We fought less because I stopped pushing him. I had somewhere else to put my energy.

Why didn’t you just end things with Tolu?

Because it wasn’t all bad. Tolu and I did have good moments. I think the real problem was that I couldn’t move past my suspicions. I still loved him, and that made everything hurt more. Each time I cheated on him, I was empty and kept wishing things could go back to the early days of our relationship.

What disturbed me was that I never even considered cheating with a random person. The fact that it had to be with someone close to him made me realise how deliberate and cruel my choices had become.

Those conflicting emotions pushed me to confide in a friend in April 2025. Talking to her made me realise how bitter I’d become. I’d been stacking up Tolu’s offences without confronting him. I was hooked on what I had with Israel because it was a form of revenge.

That was when I decided I had to talk to him about everything. If he still couldn’t meet me halfway after that, then the only fair thing to do would be to let him go.

Yay!

We had a sit-down where I discussed everything I’d been bottling up, especially how uncomfortable his closeness with other women made me feel. It was an exhausting conversation, but for the first time, I saw that he was willing to try. We decided on a one-month probation. If things didn’t improve, we’d end it.

Did you also talk about your situation with Israel?

Of course not. The relationship was already fragile, and telling him would’ve destroyed whatever chance we had. Instead, I chose to end things completely with Israel. I told him I wanted to focus on fixing my relationship and asked him to step back.

I was scared he’d react badly and tell Tolu, but he didn’t. He respected my decision and didn’t take it personally. It helped that I wasn’t the only person he was sleeping with.

The only issue was that Tolu noticed my sudden change around Israel. I avoided their place for a while, and when he asked, I brushed it off. I was walking on eggshells for months until they eventually fell out in August 2025.

What happened between them?

They’d been clashing over rent, electricity bills, and a buildup of unresolved issues. When their rent expired, Tolu decided to move out. It felt like divine intervention for me.

Since then, our relationship has slowly improved. Tolu has become more empathetic, and I’ve learned to communicate better. I’m grateful we somehow made it through.

Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection. What would you say that experience taught you?

I learnt that silence is destructive. Keeping everything to myself didn’t confirm or disprove my suspicions; it just pushed me into making bad decisions. If I’d addressed my doubts head-on instead of acting on them quietly, a lot of pain could’ve been avoided.

I realised that once you step outside a relationship, you still have to live with the version of yourself that crossed that line. To date, I haven’t totally forgiven myself. I’m making it up by putting my best effort into this second phase of our relationship.

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