Lola*(25) thought Ada’s*(23) extroverted nature would rub off on her in the best ways. Instead, what happened was a friendship rife with jealousy, boyfriend drama and a final accusation that blew everything out of the water.
This is Lola’s story as told to Betty:
My face was a canvas of confusion when Ada accused my boyfriend of flirting with her at my 24th birthday party. It didn’t even make sense. He was hard at work the entire day, running up and down to capture photos and videos for me.
I told her she must have misunderstood something, but Ada doubled down. She called me, turned it into a shouting match, and started hurling insults that had nothing to do with the original claim she made.
I tried to reconcile my hurt with the good memories we shared. I wondered how she could have gone from being the girl I laughed and shared everything with to the one screaming at me on the phone.
***
Ada and I met shortly after I moved to Ghana for university. We stayed in an off-campus apartment with two other flatmates, but we weren’t close at first. Shortly after school started, I also started a side business.
During one of my boyfriend’s visits, he encouraged Ada to patronise my business. She never did, but we started getting very close.
Ada was very extroverted, and I felt she would help me come out of my shell and be more social. For a while, this was the case. We had so many fun times together. Nights spent clubbing, weekends trying out new restaurants and making new friends along the way. It was all smooth running until her boyfriend came into the picture.
Ada’s boyfriend, Dede*, was not my cup of tea. He was mean, spoke crassly to everyone and was emotionally abusive towards my friend. It didn’t take long to get irritated by their relationship. Their fights were loud. On many days, I’d hear them shouting at each other. He’d go as far as insulting her looks, talking to her like she was worthless. I had to watch it all play out from a distance because Ada always had an excuse ready whenever I told her to leave.
“He’ll change. It won’t happen again,” she’ll say over and over, almost as though she needed to convince herself. I felt sad, but I always respected her decision to stick with love.
Despite my dislike for Dede, the friendship with Ada continued to blossom. Well, until things started to fall apart. She started with mean jokes often made when we were together or out in public.
Once, we got into a fight after she made a distasteful joke about my hormonal acne. She knew how sensitive I was about it, yet she made the joke at the expense of my feelings.
Soon, I wanted to distance myself from her, but I thought it was unfair not to give her a chance to change. So I stayed on. I kept watering the friendship, even though it yielded no fruit.
Ada also had main character syndrome. She felt like other people, including me, were always looking to copy whatever she did. If she got braids and I also wanted braids, she would get upset and accuse me of trying to water down her individuality. It was annoying because even when I didn’t mean to copy or make her feel offended, she still tried to fight me.
I remember my mum even warned me about her. I’d been on a call once while Ada was in the background, laughing and making jokes. My mum stopped mid-conversation to ask who it was. When I explained, she told me to be careful of that girl. I brushed it off then, but later, when things got worse between us, those words haunted me. By 2022, the cracks in our friendship were crystal clear. That year, I organised a fancy dinner for my birthday. My boyfriend and some of our mutual friends were invited, and I was looking forward to an amazing time spent with my people. I’d deliberately left Dede out. I didn’t want to share my special moment with a person who made me uncomfortable. Yet, when Ada showed up, he was there by her side.
He didn’t even have the decency to show up in a proper outfit. He came in a tracksuit and slippers and wasn’t allowed into the venue. I had to intervene because it caused an embarrassing commotion at the entrance until he stormed off in anger. My mood was ruined for the rest of the night. Still, Ada was angry at me for not “forcing” the restaurant to let her boyfriend in. It didn’t matter that my birthday was ruined; I had to be the bigger person and let things slide. But our friendship didn’t stay the same after that event.
That same year, Dede crossed a line and started physically abusing Ada. Once, it got so bad that I had to beg my boyfriend to intervene. I told her to leave again, but she refused. So I chose to mind my business.
But that decision didn’t mean I was free from drama. Friends started telling me Ada was spreading lies about me — saying I thought I was better than everyone else because my relationship was “perfect”.
Meanwhile, the same Ada always had something to say about how a friend’s boyfriend moved to her. I wasn’t willing to entertain her drama anymore, so I decided to keep my distance.
Fast-forward to 2023. I invited Ada to my small birthday party. I didn’t have a big budget, so I kept it intimate and within the people who mattered. It was so small that I made my boyfriend act as the cameraman and videographer. And he did a stellar job. Even though I was super busy, I caught little moments here and there where he interacted with other guests for a compilation video.
After the party, Ada told people my boyfriend was flirting with her.
I was confused. That’s not him. It was completely out of character. When I reached out and asked him directly, he reminded me he’d been filming all day. Still, I didn’t want the situation to fester, so I tried to clear the air with Ada. I hoped we could have a mature conversation about whatever misunderstanding occurred, but instead, she started a fight. She called me names, compared our looks and insulted me and my boyfriend. It was too much for me, so I hung up.
That was the last time I spoke to Ada. She never returned to our apartment after that fight, and not long after, I heard she dropped out of uni. I also decided to move to another apartment and cut her off completely. It was one of the best decisions I ever made
But I didn’t count on how much the fallout would affect me.
I became more introverted, to the point where this year, I didn’t throw a party for my birthday. I was afraid someone else would use the opportunity to stir up some drama, which I’m not interested in. I would rather focus on other aspects of my life.
I know being closed off isn’t healthy, but I can only hope that trusting people will become easier as I age. But right now, I have no space for new friendships or learning to trust new people.
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