Kelechi* (25) and Joseph* (25) weren’t always best friends. They met in secondary school, drifted apart, and later reconnected at university. What started as a casual reconnection soon blossomed into a deep friendship, the kind where you feel like you’ve finally found your person.
But when a gaping silence grew between them, nothing felt the same again.
This is Kelechi’s story as told to Betty:
I was walking listlessly through the halls of my hostel in September 2022, thinking of when best to fetch water for a shower later that evening, when I saw a familiar figure. It was my supposed best friend, Joseph.
I stared at him in awe. I’d been trying to reach him for almost seven months after ASUU sent students home on strike. Text messages were ignored, and calls rang unanswered. At first, I thought something had happened because it was very unusual for him to disappear like that. Yet there he was, casually leaning beside a water tank, scrolling on the very phone I’d been trying to reach him on.
I didn’t want to believe it, so I walked closer to be sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. When Joseph saw me, he smiled like we’d only seen each other yesterday.
His casual “My guy, how far?” still rings clear in my head, asked as though nothing was wrong.
I wanted to lash out, yell, scream insults that pierce where it hurts, but I was numb.
Instead, I said a quick hello and walked away from him; memories of the good old days swirling in my head…
***
Joseph and I first met in secondary school, but we weren’t close. He joined my school in 2014 when we were both in SS1. He was in science class, I was in arts—two different worlds. When we graduated, I moved on to university, and a year later, he gained admission to the same school.
It felt good running into a familiar face in that jungle called a federal university. I still remember how my face lit up when I randomly saw Joseph from across the road on my way from class. He walked up to me, and we picked up from there.
We didn’t have many friends in school, so we naturally gravitated towards each other. We were practically inseparable.
During this time, I found out Joseph had accommodation issues and had to stay off campus, so I became his main emotional support. I’d wait for him after classes, walk him to the car park, then call to check in after he got home. During the day, we hung out, shared meals, and talked endlessly. After a few months, we called each other best friends.
Once, while downing a hot plate of jollof during our lunch break. Joseph joked that our closeness reminded him of Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods, two popular American socialites known for their friendship.
So K and J became our unofficial bestie title. I liked the idea of being someone’s “person” in that way; I thought it was cute. Of course, this isn’t to say our friendship was perfect. We had our issues. I’m terrible at online communication. I could go days without replying, but Joseph preferred an instantaneous back-and-forth. Sometimes, I’d post on my WhatsApp status without replying to him, and he’d get upset. I tried to explain, but he insisted that responding was the bare minimum, and I tried my best to keep up.
Another sore spot was external friendship, Joseph didn’t like the idea of introducing me to his other friends. I wasn’t against him having them, but we always talked about broadening our circles in uni. There was a certain subgroup of people we wanted to befriend, and because I’d always assumed he’d bring me along since he was more social. But that never happened; he always met them with other friends.
It rubbed me the wrong way, but I kept it to myself. I also had my own friends, and was always eager to introduce Joseph. In fact, one of those introductions grew into one of his closest friendships today.
***
In 2021, things took an unexpected turn, and I had to deal with accommodation issues.
Joseph graciously allowed me to squat with him until I found a solution.. Surprisingly, those weeks remain some of the best memories of our friendship that I have.
We spent a lot of time together, and it felt like the early days of our friendship again. Our bond deepened, and I was sure Joseph would remain my brother for life. But the following year proved me wrong.
In February 2022, ASUU went on strike again. After a month at home, I noticed Joseph hadn’t reached out to me. It wasn’t like him. I was the one who struggled with communication, so it was concerning that I hadn’t heard a peep from him.
One day, I sent a quick message: “Hey Joseph, how are you doing, and how’s the strike treating you?”
There was no response.
I figured he was busy and left another message for him a few days later—still, silence.
I called, and it rang out. I waited a few more days, but still didn’t get his response. I reached out to our mutual friends, but none of them had heard from him either.
The strike dragged on for five months, and Joseph never replied once. I noticed I didn’t see any of his social media updates either, and I thought something terrible had happened to my best friend.
So imagine my shock when I randomly ran into him in school that September. I told him how I’d spent the past months worried sick about him, but he simply brushed off my concern like it was nothing.
Maybe I wouldn’t be so hurt if he were apologetic, but he genuinely behaved as if the months of silence didn’t happen. “So when should we have lunch?” he asked casually.
Lunch? A week ago, I didn’t even know if he was alive, and he was asking when we’d grab lunch. If I hadn’t seen him that day, would he have responded to my messages?
I just mumbled a greeting and quietly walked back to my room. I hated how I felt, like I was unimportant and disposable to him.
The next day, Joseph came to my room to talk. I explained how much he hurt me and he only had a vague excuse. He thought I was upset with him about something. He was never clear about what, and he never explained why he ignored my calls and messages.
I wanted to move past it because I cherished our friendship. No one else knew me like Joseph did. But when I looked at him sitting on my bed like he usually did when he visited, I realised something was broken. I didn’t recognise this person anymore.
We remained distant after he left. We tried to reconnect when we could, but it wasn’t the same.
I mourned the death of our friendship for a long time.
It was difficult to let go of how warm and safe our brotherhood felt. Watching him move on like nothing happened made it worse.
***
Earlier this year, I finally confronted Joseph about neglecting our friendship. He admitted it, but also said something that cut deep. He said with how many friends had relocated, he thought about who he still had in Nigeria, and I didn’t come to mind.
Those words broke me.
It dawned on me that I’d been keeping our friendship alive alone. I’ve mostly gotten past everything now.. At the start of the year, I was still hurting. But slowly, I’ve accepted that our friendship has run its course.
I hope to find another brotherhood like the one we shared in the future.
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